So this wasn't ... like, planned from the start to have a sequel but I couldn't help playing in this universe some more, and I sort of figured this whole thing was inevitable.

THANK YOU Irritable-vowel and Floraone!

...

Killing me slow, out the window

I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

-Taylor Swift, Cruel Summer

Usagi leaned her head on her hand and sighed, stirring the straw in her soda and watching the bubbles rise to the top of the glass. The chatter of her friends around her at the table faded into the general din of the cafe as she drifted off into a daydream.

It was more of a memory, really. Of icy air and snow just starting to fall over the frozen city. Of cold noses and hot breath. Fingers numb but mouth hot against his, back cold against the brick of the alley.

She didn't remember exactly which enemy they were fighting at the time, just that it was winter and she'd just blasted some mindless monster back to hell, and he'd carried her off in a rush of adrenaline. His eyes were wide with panic and relief behind the mask, and her lips found his - tentative and then bruising - her hands in his hair, toppling his hat and his mask. His gloved hands roamed her body, ostensibly checking for injuries, but his murmurs of "do you hurt anywhere?", "can you move this?" were right against her mouth, her neck, her hair. She'd curled her leg around him, pulling his hips closer, proving her knees were just fine, her thighs weren't injured, her hands and fingers and lips and shoulders were all unharmed and aching for his touch. It was like this so many times.

And then it stopped.

Because she could never have these memories without the other one, the day she found out her reborn true love had accepted the romantic confession of a classmate - an accomplished, intelligent, normal woman who didn't wear pigtails or cry at math tests.

And of course a Remless attacked that day. All Usagi had wanted to do was curl into her bed and eat an entire box of chocolate while reading sad manga, but noooooooo, Sailor Moon had to show up and face the Dead Moon's half-lion, half-lion tamer, with sharp claws AND a leather whip. She was so off her game, the Remless knocked her backward off a tree branch in the middle of her speech.

She'd landed in warm, safe arms, against a tuxedo-clad chest and honestly she would've preferred hitting the concrete.

Luckily, the senshi were screaming attacks and Mercury's fog was covering the area and in the chaos she was able to scramble away from him in the heat of battle. Unluckily, just after Sailor Moon got her fatal attack in on the Remless, the monster had one final blow, striking straight at her chest with his claws before he peaced out of the mortal realm.

She supposed it would've been worse if the claws had actually ripped through her flesh. But only slightly worse. Because instead, the claws got Tuxedo Kamen's cape, as he wrapped a protective arm around her and pressed her close.

And this was usually the moment when she'd find herself spirited away to a private rooftop or alley, kissed with a desperation that would disappear as quickly as it came when reality hit. And then they'd both pretend it never happened - until it inevitably happened again.

This time, however, was different. He was with someone now. Trying to move on, as she had done at times with various short-lived dating spurts, but now it was Mamoru - cautious and serious and closed-off Mamoru - deciding to be someone's boyfriend and how could he?

"Thanks for your help," she managed, proud of how flat and cold her voice was. "I'm fine."

His mouth had been close, half-open and she'd felt the warm puffs of his breath on her cheek, but he wasn't pulling away and it made her so mad. She had turned, pursed her lips, and kissed the air next to his cheek in a mockery of what once was. "Bye, then." And she'd stood and ran off without waiting for a response.

They hadn't kissed again, not for a long, long time. It took her so long to stop feeling the hypocritical sting of betrayal lingering long after Mamoru and Saori had parted ways. How dare he try to move on? Was it too much to ask that he remain single and lonely, pining after Usagi forever just as she was apparently doomed to do the same for him?

She knew she was being unfair. The memories came with that same guilt.

Even happy memories were tinged with sadness. It'd been like that for two lifetimes.

You'd think she'd be used to it.

". . . Mamoru . . ." Ami's voice had been pleasant background to Usagi's thoughts, but shot through her like a bolt when she heard the name.

"Huh?" She looked up. "What was that again?"

Ami said, "I'm heading out now to go to Mamoru's place. He's looking over my research paper on pediatric cardiology."

It was good Mamoru and Ami were so close. It was wonderful they had such similar interests. That they could talk about smart things she couldn't understand. It was fine, Usagi told herself firmly. Fine, fine, fine.

"I was thinking that you'd want to come by later, maybe," Ami finished.

"Me?" Usagi said.

"It'd be nice to catch him up a bit on how you are doing," Ami said, gently. "After all, the last time he saw you, you were having a panic attack."

Usagi curled her shoulders inward, fighting a flush on her cheeks. She'd told her friends Mamoru had been all Dr. Chiba/caring platonic friend that night - calming her down and driving her home after he was satisfied she was emotionally okay. If her friends suspected otherwise, they hadn't outright said anything.

Usagi shrugged awkwardly. "He called to check on me a few times." Over the phone he'd been kind. Polite. Concerned. His familiar warm baritone had flooded her with longing, causing her to grip the phone and shut her eyes to burning tears. Even though there was no one around to overhear, they both carefully pretended there was nothing else to discuss, the distance pointed and carefully constructed. He'd clearly already begun piecing the wall back together, and Usagi had to do the same with the pieces of her heart.

"Mamoru cares about you," Ami said. "And he was - is- a member of our team and ought to be kept in the loop despite… things being quiet lately."

"Yeah, you should go by in person and thank him," Makoto said, patting Usagi firmly on the shoulder. "I'd bake you something to bring if I'd've known ahead of time," she mused.

"Anyway, I'm heading out now," Ami stood, shifting her messenger bag over her shoulder. "Hopefully I'll see you soon," she said pointedly to Usagi.

"Don't feel awkward," Minako said quietly, and Usagi turned to look into her best friend's very knowing blue eyes. "Last time you saw Mamoru, you had just ended a long-term, serious relationship. Hell, you turned down a proposal!"

"Yeah, I remember," Usagi said, sighing. She and Seiya had had an excruciating August. Breaking off a long term relationship was so much harder than carelessly ending her fleeting flings in the past. Seiya had insisted she keep the ring, pressing it into her palm.

"It wouldn't feel right to keep it," Usagi had insisted through hiccuping tears, and in pushing it back, laced hands with Seiya one last time. Their eyes met across their interlocked fingers.

"I can't be him," Seiya said, simply. Sadly.

Usagi was weeping harder than he was. She curled her hand back, empty of the ring she hadn't ever even worn. "You shouldn't have to be."

"And your relationship with Mamoru has always been… complicated," Minako was saying.

Usagi nodded. That was an understatement.

"So it's understandable you might feel, like… weird? About just stopping by his place. But don't. Okay?"

"Okay…" Usagi said, searching Minako's eyes a bit, before the taller blonde stood up, taking one last long sip of her soda.

"Well, I'm already fifteen minutes late for work," she said. She air-kissed Usagi's cheek. "Wish I could go with you."

"That's okay," Rei piped up from the far end of the table, looking at Usagi with intense violet eyes. "I'll go with her."

Heat shimmered like water on the pavement, cicadas screaming their last sonata from the trees. Store signs advertised autumn products 'coming soon', but the September air was still thick with summer.

Usagi pushed down her bangs, acutely aware of their unruliness, frizzing into the humidity. Next to her, Rei's hair shimmered smoothly down her back like an obsidian waterfall, her face delicately pale and seemingly unperturbed by the heat that was making Usagi's skin shimmer in sweat.

"Rei," the words were out there before Usagi had really thought about what she was saying, "why didn't you and Mamoru ever get back together after it was clear that he and I weren't ever going to … weren't meant to be?" She tried to keep her voice light, almost dismissive. It was only due to years of practice that she succeeded.

"Why do you think?" she snapped, offended by the very question.

"I mean, I know you'd never do that to me but…"

"And neither would he," Rei said, firmly. "Plus, it was pretty obvious that-"

"That what?" Usagi prompted curiously when Rei cut herself off.

Instead of answering, she just sighed deeply. "This whole thing is a shame," she murmured, "that's all."

"What do you mean?" Usagi said, utterly confused and a bit unnerved. But Rei didn't answer and soon enough they were being buzzed into the refreshingly air-conditioned lobby.

Ami answered the door, soft smile and kind, kind eyes for Usagi. Usagi bent to take off her shoes, pretending not to see Ami and Rei share a meaningful look over her head, pretending not to breathe in the cool, clean scent of Mamoru's place - central air, citrus soap, fresh cut flowers - and beneath it all like a hint of cinnamon in hot chocolate - him.

Mamoru was seated on the floor by the coffee table, a sheaf of papers spread out before him and a pencil in his graceful fingers. He looked up as the door closed behind them, black fringe falling across his forehead, electric blue eyes behind wire-rim glasses.

He was so beautiful. How had she forgotten how beautiful he was? Even without the searing memories of the last time she was here, he took her breath away.

For a moment their eyes met and Usagi's heart stuttered in her chest. Then he smiled through her, greeting them with gracious, polite language.

"Ami mentioned you were stopping by, Usa. Wonderful as always to see you, too, Rei."

Usagi's eyes searched his but he turned his gaze back to the paper in front of him, making a little mark on the sentence he was reading. Her presence hadn't even broken his concentration. Numb, she sank onto the sofa next to Rei.

Mamoru made a quick comment to Ami about a citation in her work, and soon those two were deep in discussion using words Usagi didn't bother to try to follow. Rei joined in a bit as topics shifted to medical school and jobs and stress, and Usagi had nothing to add because she was still part-time at Seibu department store and lived at home. Marrying Seiya would've changed everything, she certainly wouldn't be here on Mamoru Chiba's sofa, awkwardly watching him ignore her while she spun her hair around her fingers in nervous boredom.

Then again, marrying Seiya meant she wouldn't be here, on Mamoru Chiba's sofa, listening to his voice and watching him spin the pencil through those tapered fingers, being part of his world - this world - even an insignificant one.

God, she was the very dictionary definition of pathetic.

"Are you okay?" Ami's question made Usagi realize she'd actually groaned out loud when throwing her head into her hands.

"Yeah," she mumbled into her palms.

"Probably bored," Rei said, and Ami flushed, apologizing for monopolizing the time.

"Don't be sorry, you are the reason we are here, anyway," Usagi said. Was there bitterness in her voice? She didn't think so, even as Mamoru's eyes -finally- looked her way.

"How are you doing, Usa?" he asked, and the question was warm and genuine and no more intimate than a doctor at a follow-up appointment.

"I'm okay," she told her hands. "Adjusting to single life. No more panic attacks. Just..." Just pining for you and feeling guilty for breaking someone else's heart over the most doomed love in the galaxy, angry at being unable to move on and remembering our night together every damn minute of every damn day because I will never not crave your lips on mine… "I dunno. Life."

She thought she felt his eyes on her, but when she finally lifted her gaze, he'd already looked away.

—-

The hot bath water had done wonders to loosen the tense muscles in her shoulders but hadn't done much for the weight on her heart. Usagi padded into her room, shaking her hair from the bun she'd had it up in. Luna looked up from the bed with luminous, feline eyes and Usagi made herself smile brightly.

"Usagi," the cat said, almost hesitantly, "will you talk to me?"

"About what?" She slipped on her softest, most comfortable tank top (comfort where she could find it, after all) and started running a brush through her hair.

"I was just thinking… you … when you were with Seiya we all thought…"

Usagi met Luna's eyes in the mirror, but didn't speak. Luna seemed to search for words.

"We all thought the complications with Mamoru would be over. That you were finally… moving on."

Usagi put the brush on her dresser and ran her finger over the bristles, hating the burning in her throat. "I thought so too," she whispered. "Or, at least, I wanted to."

"Perhaps…" Luna looked out the open window, into the starless, orange-tinted Tokyo night. "Perhaps we were wrong all those years ago. I assumed you two didn't care for each other, but clearly you've been hurting and-"

"We're bad together," Usagi interrupted. "I didn't need you to tell me that."

Sure, he cared about her. Liked her, even. Not enough to challenge fate, not enough to selfishly grab her and claim her and declare he didn't fucking CARE that they were star-crossed, that they'd just have to kick fate in the ass the same way they had fought off everyone else from Beryl to Galaxia. It was only tortured glances and stolen kisses and disappearing to America for a year.

Just one desperate night, heaven and hell, all she ever wanted and all she could never have. And then today looking at her like she was nobody. Or, like she was everybody else.

The sob bubbled up from her throat even as she pressed her hand to her mouth to keep it in. Luna jumped soundlessly off the bed and rubbed her body on Usagi's legs until her charge picked her up and cuddled her, pressing her face into Luna's soft fur.

For a few long, cathartic moments they stayed like that. Then Usagi sat on the bed, curling her long legs into a crossed position and resting her head in her hands. Her room was hot and humid but a gentle, fragrant breeze came over her balcony. Luna hesitated at the edge of her bed.

"I think I'll just go to sleep now," Usagi said softly. "Let me know if Shingo comes home."

Usagi's parents were out of town and Shingo was out with friends; sometimes he made last train and sometimes he didn't. Usagi was grateful for the house to herself, especially when she'd wanted to do nothing more than wallow.

Sensing her need for space, Luna nuzzled Usagi's cheek before saying she was going out to roam, and lept from the balcony onto the tree, onto the lawn, and out into the night, mirroring the motions her pigtailed super hero charge had done countless times throughout the years.

It was barely a moment after Luna left that Tuxedo Kamen appeared in her window. Usagi sat up, looking at him with shocked eyes as he stood from the crouch which he'd landed on her balcony and swung long legs over the windowsill.

Usagi's mouth dropped open slightly, eyes searching and breath catching in her throat. "Mamo-"

He ripped off the mask and hat, throwing them aside, and looked at her with panicked, desperate eyes. "Usako…"

She found her face cupped in his gloved hands, his nose barely brushing hers, mouth working as he searched for words he couldn't find. Usagi slowly raised her hands, brushing her fingertips along the back of his gloves, eyes soft and concerned.

"I…" he managed, still searching her eyes with an intensity that made her shudder. "I can't…" His fingers pressed into her scalp and she lifted her chin just slightly, and his lips crushed to hers.

She instantly responded, slipping her hands back into his hair, gently maneuvering his head in order to deepen the kiss. The mattress dipped as he shifted his knee onto the bed, pulling them closer together.

"I can't do this anymore," his voice broke, forehead pressed to hers.

Usagi's heart dropped, in confusion, in worry, in hope. "What?" she whispered.

"I can't, I just…" His hands dropped to her sides, his head to her shoulder. Soft hair brushed against her bare skin, and in a rush of air Tuxedo Kamen was gone and Mamoru was in her arms, in a t-shirt and jeans, sneakers still on his feet and bare hands now pressed against her back.

She felt a warm dampness between his face and her shoulder and realized they were tears. His hold on her was so tight she could barely breathe, but who cared, and what was breath anyway because she was surrounded by his scent and his warmth and taste.

Shifting his head back up to hers, he pressed his mouth against hers again, hands moving along the thin fabric of her tank top, slipping up beneath to brush her skin, his chest against her breasts. As she felt herself being lowered to her bed, his weight settling on her and his mouth everywhere and hands moving to her bare thighs and cotton underwear, she sent up a silent prayer that Shingo missed the last train, that Luna was out for the night, that no one come and ruin this. That she could enjoy Mamoru's lapse in judgement just this much longer, please, oh please…

She twisted her hands into his hair, clutching his shirt, locking her thighs around him as if she could keep him there forever.

"I can't," he was saying, between kisses, "I just can't… anymore…"

It'd been months. He'd barely acknowledged her that afternoon.

"Looking at you was like staring into the sun," he mumbled, as if reading her mind.

Tears pricked at her eyes as she kissed the salt from his cheeks. "But you said…"

Pulling back to look at her, he searched her eyes, his expression open and vulnerable and scared, so very, very scared.

"You said you… you didn't even like me…" It seemed ridiculous now, after all they'd been through together - the years and the battles and the deep understanding they shared. But awkward teenage disaster Usagi remembered the arrogant, perfectionist upperclassman who was all too willing to let her go.

"I never said that," his voice a harsh, insistent whisper.

The tears threatened to spill from her eyes.

And then he broke their most honored unspoken, sacred rule.

"Usako, I have always loved you."

Love. That wasn't allowed. Friendship, caring, even lust - that could be excused, pushed aside, surely the world wouldn't end because her tongue ended up in his mouth after a few battles — but love. Love was what destroyed them before. Loving her was what the dreams had warned him about.

Love was doom.

Her hiccup was half sob, hand over her mouth, looking at him in amazement, awe, confusion, fear. Giant, hot tear drops slid down her cheek, only to be brushed away by his gentle fingers.

His eyes were solemn, his expression subdued, as if giving this momentous moment the gravity it deserved. His body was still warm, still pressed against hers.

"You know how I feel about you," she whispered. "You've always known, haven't you?"

There was no getting over this. No moving on. It was burn alive in this love or freeze to death without it.

Usagi knew what she would choose. What she would always choose.

And now, with his mouth hot against hers, desperate hands clutching at her body, shaking with the aftermath of so utterly and completely breaking… he'd made his choice, too.

The only question was…

What now?

There was enough of a chill in the air that Usagi could pull out her cute jean jacket that morning, but not enough that she needed to forgo the mini-skirt. Autumn was meant to be an ending, but this year it felt like a beginning.

The steps to Rei's shrine had never been more intimidating, but Mamoru was waiting for her at the bottom with a warmth in his eyes she'd never get over. She smiled, just for him, and took his hand as they walked up together.

It hadn't been a misty, moonlit night in the forests of Elysion, it hadn't been borne of desperation and impending doom. But it had been just as impulsive, just as inevitable, just as right beneath the buzzing fluorescent lights of the ward office.

And right now no immediate changes had yet occurred, but they would, and soon, and Usagi hadn't felt any oppressive danger and Mamoru's nightmares had stopped.

So it was together that they entered the shrine, where six pairs of eyes - four human and two feline - looked at them intensely, curiously, warily.

"Usagi, what's going on?" Minako asked, eyes searching hers with that too-intuitive look.

Usagi swallowed against the dry in her throat and prepared herself for a long afternoon. Mamoru squeezed her hand and she finally spoke, touching the thin gold band on her finger as she did.

"We're married."

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

-Taylor Swift, Lover