Title: Not Time to Die

Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. They belong to J.K. Rowling. I am writing this story for fun and not profit.

Pairings: Snarry (Harry/Severus)

Content Notes: Cheating warning

Rating: T

Word Count: 1268

Summary: Severus finds out that Harry has cheated on him again.

Author's Notes: This fic was inspired by Billie Eilish's song "No Time to Die". Don't worry I did not simply cut and paste song lyrics. The meaning of the song is embedded in the story. Feel free to listen to the song while reading as it does reflect the tone of the story. Also, this is my first fanfic in over 10 years AND my first Snarry story. I feel like my writing style is a little rusty, but I look forward to blowing the cobwebs off and developing my skills once again. :)

Severus gripped the tumbler tightly in his hand and stared into the flames of the fire. Breathing deeply, he swallowed roughly and brought the glass up to his dry lips. Downing the liquid in one gulp, he winced as the whisky burned its way down to his stomach. He sneered at the reminder that he was able to feel something after all. The numb feeling didn't appear to be all-consuming. Snape rubbed his chest painfully. The feeling only seemed to be centered there.

He looked briefly down at the glass before a flash of anger swept through him and he threw the glass into the blazing fire. A momentary flash of pleasure rippled through him as he heard the glass shatter in the fireplace. Just as quickly as the emotion appeared it disappeared only to be replaced by pure desolation. Groaning, he leaned his head back and let the images flash through his mind.

Long red hair and messy black hair pressed together against the side of a building. Soft giggles, lips caressing, and low moans as the kisses began to deepen.

"Harry," Ginny sighed. Harry pushed her hands up above her head and held them there as he continued to explore her neck with his mouth. Ginny's body arched up to make contact with Harry's. He pushed his body against her as he began to roll his hips into her.

"uuuuu….Harry," she managed to get out as her breathing became erratic. "What about Severus? We can't do this to him again."

Harry pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes with a slight smile. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him. Are you going to say anything?"

Ginny worried her lip for a moment before looking up at him with a troubled expression. She slightly shook her head no. Harry grinned and restarted his exploration with more force.

Severus opened his eyes and grimaced. How did he find himself here again? Harry had promised him that this wouldn't happen again. It had been pure coincidence that he had happened to be leaving Draco's flat after dropping off some Pepperup Potion for the man's sick children. Severus had seen Harry and Ginny coming down the street holding hands and had managed to blend into the shadows. His time as a spy had come back to aid him. The scene that unfolded after that had ripped his heart to pieces. He had been unable to leave until the couple moved up the stairs towards Ginny's flat. Severus' eyes flickered down to the golden band on his left hand. He felt physically ill, almost unable to keep down the large quantity of whisky he'd managed to consume in the last few hours.

Marriage to Harry had, for all intents and purposes, been fairly good-except for Harry's inability to stay faithful. Next month would have been their 10 year anniversary. A sneer flitted across Severus' face as he realized that he was just reaping what he had sown. The debt that Severus owed from his time as a Death Eater was being paid in full in the pain he was feeling now. He should have known that he would never be able to be happy in life to feel joy when he'd only ever brought pain.

Snape scowled as his thoughts became more maudlin. Was he foolish to love him? Did everyone else know that Severus had fallen for the lies? Was it obvious to everyone else that Harry was unable to remain faithful? Did they pity him and glance at each other in sympathy because he was blind to Harry's true nature?

Severus breathed out deeply and sat up. He glanced at his bags waiting for him by the front door. His whole world fit into those two bags. Resolutely, he nodded his head and gave himself the courage to do what he knew he must. Wordlessly, he summoned a piece of parchment and quill. He stared in contemplation for a moment as he gathered his thoughts. Then leaning over the paper, he started to write.

Harry stepped through the doorway and let the door slam behind him. He unwrapped the scarf from around his neck.

"Severus, I'm home! Sorry, I'm late. I had to stop by the Weasleys to drop off some forms. Of course, Molly wouldn't let me leave without feeding me." Harry toed off his shoes and threw his cloak and scarf on the back of the nearby chair.

Walking over, he stood before the fire letting it warm his bones. His arm against the mantle, Harry stared into the flames listening to the pops and crackles. He closed his eyes and felt a pang of guilt wash over him. Why was he so weak? He should never have followed Ginny back to her flat.

Opening his eyes, he turned around looking for any sign of Severus. It wasn't like him not to at least acknowledge when Harry returned home. His eyes fell on a piece of parchment on the table a flash of gold catching his attention. Compelled forward, Harry picked up the gold band. His index finger rubbed the band and a sick feeling settled in the pit of his stomach. Reading the letter wasn't necessary for Harry to know what this meant. Severus would never have left his band laying around by accident. Bracing himself by taking a deep breath, he picked up the parchment.

My dear Harry,

What is that old saying, "Fool me once, fool me twice"? You have meant more to me than I am able to fully express. You were once my everything and I viewed our life as perfect-a blessing I did not deserve. However, recent events have changed my idealistic views. You are no longer my paradise, my future. You are my death. In all respects, you are killing me. I know you are not doing it on purpose, Harry. It is your nature. We cannot fight our nature. I am not meant to be yours, and you are not meant to be mine. So that is why I must leave you. Metaphorically speaking, I have decided that I have no time to "die" for you. I have no time to mourn for what we had and what could have been. I am choosing life and that life must be away from you. For many years I put you first, but at this time, I must choose me. Please do not look for me. You will not find me. Please just remember that I love you and I will-always.

Severus

Harry let the parchment fall from his fingers as the tears streamed down his face. Merlin, he was a selfish sod. Severus was right. He had always put Harry first, and Harry had let him. He'd let everyone put him first. In some ways, Harry felt like he was owed the right to do what he wanted to take what he wanted. He'd killed Voldemort and had sacrificed so much. Why shouldn't he be allowed to give in to his baser instincts when he wanted to? Harry felt nauseated when he realized that in doing so, he'd hurt the one person he actually loved. And he'd done it more than once.

But Severus was also wrong. Harry could change his nature. He lifted the golden wedding band up and wordlessly conjured a chain to put the band on. Placing it over his head, he held it against his chest making a silent pledge to prove to Severus that he could put someone else first for a change. That his nature was not fixed. Grabbing his cloak and scarf, he went to search for the one person who'd ever truly made him happy. He only hoped it wasn't too late.