Ch 5. Alone

The next day Nikki woke up bit by bit. She kept her eyes closed and touched the fabric on which she was lying on her belly. She listened to the sounds of the environment and sniffed the air.

Hmm, this is absolutely not the Perth, it's too quiet and this smells like my own bedroom.

She slowly turned on her back groaning.

"Ooh what's that? Just bells ringing in my head", she grumbled.

How did I get here? I don't remember going back to my flat.

She felt herself.

Uh? Still completely dressed?

She sat on the edge of her bed moaning.

Bloody headache! How did I get here?

She looked at her feet.

I've still my socks on?! Usually it's the first thing I take off when I come back home.

She took off her socks, got up slowly, ent to the window and opened it. The sun caressed her face. She took a deep breath and inhaled the wet smell of the sea in the bay of Sydney. From out of her window she could see the tops of the roofs of the opera house in the distance and a big part of the bay.

Shower!

She turned while unbuttoning her shirt and her glance fell on her white shoes. They stood neatly next to each other at the end of her bed. Her navy handbag next to it and a small piece of paper laid down on the shoes.

Nikki grabbed it.

Dear Nikki,

I took you home yesterday because after the drinks in the senior sailors' mess you weren't able anymore to reach your home in an acceptable state.

Mind that John Howard is a teetotaller! So behave yourself! GRIN!

Martin

"Oh Martin thanks but you're a bastard!", she said shaking slowly her head.

She held her shirt in front of her before throwing it in the laundry bin and looked smiling at the shoulder boards.

Who would have thought that? I'll call mum and dad to tell them.

Nikki pulled out her trousers, grabbed some underwear and padded to the bathroom to take a refreshing shower.

Fifteen minutes later she left the bathroom and padded back to the bedroom to choose a light summer dress that she slipped on. Next she grabbed the tube of aspirin and walked to the kitchen.

She dropped a tablet in a glass of water and waited.

When did I get drunk again? It happened to me only a few times. The first it was for my promotion to sub-lieutenant. The second one was after the farewell drink with the Hammersley guys and this time around.

She swallowed the glass in two gulps and she opened the fridge.

"Shit! Empty! Of course, you've been away for two months and normally you should have done the grocery shopping yesterday afternoon, but something else happened", she mumbled.

"Ok, breakfast outside on a terrace in the sun! And this afternoon, doing nothing on Bondai Beach", she said determined.

That afternoon she padded to the beach in a sun dress and on flip flops. She found a quiet spot and after a refreshing dive in the water she lay down to read, but she started thinking about the call with her parents that morning. They were on the cloud nine when they learned that their daughter would become the executive officer of a powerful frigate.

It makes me happy to hear that they're happy too. It's a gift to still have your parents. Kate doesn't have it. I can't bear the thought of loosing them. I would miss them. Although Kate acts as if it doesn't affect her, I know better than anyone that it's wrong. It was on the old Hammersley…

…Mike knew when it was Kate's birthday and during breakfast he had congratulated her. In her typical style she had thanked him for his wishes and it seemed that she wasn't interested. Ok, some people don't like birthdays but they are rare. Maybe she was one of them. After supper, Mike, Kate and I, we were invited to the sailors' mess without giving a reason. Mike lingered so much in the corridor that Kate had to enter first. The mess was not lit and I could tell when I heard the growling in her voice that she was irritated. All of a sudden someone switched on the lights and we saw that the entire crew was crammed into that tiny room. In middle of it stood a big cake with written on chocolate 'Happy birthday X'.

She cleared her throat and she made a joke, I don't know what anymore, to hide something. When I looked at her eyes I knew that she wasn't uninterested at all. She was blinking and her eyes were moist.

We all had a piece of cake and we chatted a while, but then I left. I got up early that morning and I wanted to catch some extra sleep, so I went to our cabin. I was lying in my rack reading a book when she came in too. Then her attitude surprised me. She leaned against the door for a while, eyes closed. I said nothing, neither did she.

I kept one eye on her while reading my book. Kate took off her overall, grabbed her nightwear and padded to the bathroom. A few minutes later she came back dressed in her old yellow T-shirt and pale blue shorts.

She mumbled "good night" and she crawled in the rack below me. I replied with a more joyous "good night". For some reason I stared at our desk and my eyes fell on the two birthday cards received from my parents and an uncle two months ago. I realised all of a sudden there were no cards for Kate! Did she keep them at home to avoid bringing them on board?

I heard a faint sniff under me, so I bent over the edge to look downwards. She sat back again on the edge of her rack holding a crumbled old photo.

"Something wrong?", I asked what Kate grumbled, "leave me alone!".

That was for me the signal to do something. I swayed my legs over the edge and I went down to sit next to her on her rack. I noticed for the first time tears on her cheeks.

"Kate, there's something going on in you, isn't it? What's up? The door is closed, nobody can hear us", I said softly.

She looked at me with watery eyes.

"Who's that on the photo?", I asked because that could be a starter for a chat.

Slowly she handed me the photo.

I accepted it and saw a middle-aged man with a moustache. He was wearing a high-next jumper and a tweed jacket.

"That's my dad", she said faintly.

I had to be careful with what I was going to say. "Is he ok?", I asked. The answer could go in all directions.

"I don't know. I was nine when I saw him for the last time", she said bluntly.

"Pardon?!", I blurted out. I was baffled.

"Yes, nine. Since then I have neither heard nor seen him", she said staring at the desk as new tears flowed down.

"How come?" I asked. I still didn't dare to wrap my arm around her shoulders. So very private she was.

The story that I was going to hear was awful. I had never heard such a one before.

"I was born in England, you've probably noticed that the way I'm talking. Mum was a party animal but dad was a hard worker. It was thanks to him that we had a good life in England. There was enough money, but the mood was awful. They fought almost every day. I'm still wondering how these two had found each other one day. He was nice to me, but I had the impression that mum considered me as a burden. One day she said to me 'Katherine, just take what you need and not these bloody toys because we're leaving'. 'Why and to where?', I asked her but she snapped at me that I had to keep my mouth shut and that I had to do what she had said. We left and almost two days later we stood on Australian soil. A stranger picked us up and mum seemed to know that man well because they kissed. We moved in into his flat but he barely noticed me, except to scold or slap me. Three years later she left him. The promising relationship turned out not to be as promising. I think I was 13 back then. We ended up in another flat, smaller, older and rather grubby. It was also at the other end of the city and that meant again another school for me", Kate told sadly.

It struck me and I couldn't help it if a few tears rolled down my cheeks too. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and she didn't protest .

"She found a job in a factory and at the end of the day she was tired. More and more she let me do the household chores which I had to manage with my school work. Two years later she was fired and she couldn't find a job anymore or she didn't want to find one because I saw a lot of unknown men in our flat. She ordered me to have a job after school, cleaning corporate offices, desks, lavatory. Following the tax department I was the only with an income. I wondered why and I wondered too why she bought other clothes. She started wearing more and more sexy things. When I came home earlier one evening I knew why. She met men. She became a damn hooker!", Kate said and I could feel the anger and disappointment in her.

"She was angry at me that I discovered it and she ordered me to stay in my room. During the day she slept or did nothing and I? I had to go to school, do the household chores and clean those bloody corporate offices! It was a fairly impossible task to manage it together, but I did. Meanwhile I tried to write to dad, but I never had an answer", Kate said as she reached for the box of tissues.

She blew her nose and continued.

"Weeks after weeks, months after months the same scenario. I hated that bitch", she said embittered.

"Did these men do something to you?", I dared to ask.

She shook her head, "Thank god no!", Kate whispered.

"One day I saw a poster about the Navy in the city and I thought that this was my chance to escape. I finished my school and I had a degree. Luckily for me that I was one of the best of my class. The same day I walked into the recruitment office and I enlisted. I kept quiet and on the famous day I slipped away without saying anything. I thought that it was over, but it wasn't. The past years have had an impact on me. I've become private, closed to others and the colleagues noticed that too. I had no friends and I was a hard worker because I wanted to achieve something, getting out of the misery! It got me that stupid nickname of Princess Perfect. Finally I came out as the best of my year and I've got an engraved sword as a present. I really wished that I could exchange that stupid thing for a few friends!", she said staring at the wall of our cabin.

I gave her a hug and I still see her in front of the classroom when she gave us a navigation training. Wow what a bitch she was. Now I know that I was wrong, terribly wrong!

Kate continued, "Tonight, when I saw the cake and when I felt all these warm feelings, people who loves me then I realised once more what I missed. I wished that I could tell this to my father, but I know nothing about him!", she said and the last sentence sounded desperately.

I still had my arm around her and I hugged her again. "Kate, you've to know that you have a friend, me! You can tell me everything! You don't have to be ashamed of anything!", I said.

She looked at me with wet eyes, "Thank you", she replied faintly. "But, promise me not to tell anyone about this! Please!", she begged.

"I promise, don't be afraid", I replied.

"Thank you. I'm going to sleep, all of a sudden I'm dog-tired", she said softly as she put the photo in her purse. Kate sat down again on her rack, lifted her legs and wrapped the sheet over her shoulder. "Good night", she mumbled.

I climbed into my rack and stared at the ceiling. A few minutes later I heard her regular breathing that told me that she was asleep. But I wasn't! It took me at least one hour to catch some sleep as well. I couldn't stop thinking about that sad story and now I saw her in a different light. Her arrogance and strictness were nothing more than a shield to protect herself! Behind that there was a girl that longed to be loved….

To be continued