Nakietra

I glance around as the stories start. My uncle and his family are near Axial's grave. My aunt is distressed and my cousins are bored I can tell. She died too young for them to have many stories about. I clench my hand around my arm. I killed their daughter so why am I here?

I look at my grandmamma. She's always been so faithful to her husband. She always sits with him first, talking to him and remising old memories with him in our old tongue. The white men had their language and we always had ours to keep us together as a family. I watched her stray away from him and stop at other graves, old ones that no one was near. She was the last of her generation, but she never let them be forgotten. If I could see the names of the people, I would know who they were based on what she's told me throughout the years. This yard of shrines was our favorite stop since neither of us we considered fit to do any work but sewing.

Happy and sad music were played depending on what some people wanted. Stories were told to the younger children, some people laughed while other's cried (mostly at the newer shrines) and food was always passed out to anyone who looked like they needed it.

I looked to where I knew Hiro's was. I made sure to seek his out while we were setting up. I want to honor him properly. No one said that the stories or words for the dead needed to be spoken out loud. You only needed to be close to the shrine. I wish I could touch the stone with his name carved into it and tell him everything. The only thing stopping me was Ira. She hated me. She was a good person, I won't argue or say anything bad about that. Her only flaw was she couldn't stand me. I was too much for her. I took away Hiro's time with her and I always came first. She hinted to me that I should die, once she told me outright. I refused to go see her again from thereon. When she tried to find me, I always disappeared to the ruins where Toya lived.

My feet tapped to the happier tones. I remember playing these on stage. We didn't know many songs, but everyone took turns that could and all of us played the same tune a different way. I always went faster with the one playing now and people would dance with it. Even my grandmamma bounced to the music from her seat and clapped her hands too. She would turn her head and whisper something to my grandpapa's shrine. I never knew him, he died when my father was younger.

My fingers tapped on my legs and I closed my eyes. I could feel the holes under my fingers almost. I missed my flute with its keys and holes. It was old, ancient even. The metal didn't dent or rust and was tinted slightly yellow. I always kept sparkling. The baker's wife has taken it now and keeps tripping over the notes. I ignore them and let myself believe for a moment that this is still my home and that everything that's happened already, never happened.

The night was fully onset. I know because that's when the music stopped. I opened my eyes and looked up at the stage to watch the ceremony. My family was always in charge of it. Vece takes his stance on the edge and old box and reads from our history. It's all written down in there, how we came from our Devine in chains and then came here. Every uprising and useless white man war is recorded in there and the book is only taken out during this day and during Solar Eclipses.

I see Ira and I tune him out. I took away her love. I imagine Kurogane dying and I need to clench my teeth not to start crying. She's showing the baker's wife how to move her fingers more easily and instructing her on this piece. I dig my nails into my elbows. She's playing the flute while Ira will be singing. I was always the one who sang the rites.

I walk out to Hiro's shrine. I see his things have already been put out by Ira. This was to honor him and start the stories. To remember him I guess. I see a drawing of him, that I drew, in the center. It's held down on one corner by his bettered wedding bracelet Ira's family, the opposite corner with his army helmet, his necklace (the twin of mine) and a worthless knife of his. There were a lot of other worthless possessions of his. Vece probably put them in there, thinking they must have been special. I smirk. Hiro wasn't one for nice things like these. His sword is leaning against the stone. I balance on the balls of my feet and run my hand over it. I remember weaving the cords around the scabbard, I remember learning to fight with this sword over and over again. I take my hand away and stand up.

I put a soft hand on his chiseled out name at the top. Everything pours into my mind. I can see our trips to the lake, our eventful homecoming from our journey across the worlds, I can see every time he came home and ever picture he helped me draw. I swallow hard and close my eyes as Ira starts to sing. In my head, I talked to my brother. I won't have time when she's done. Each line is painful and the flute is just as mournful as when Hiro would play it with me.

On the other side of time, there is a city of wind

Did you make it to the city Hiro? I hope so. You don't have to wait for me. I'll find my way even if they burry me in the snow.

Come on, Take me with you

I'll be there soon. Tell mamma and papa that I'm coming. Don't wait for me, wait for Ira. She misses you. Can you hear the pain in her voice like I can?

Make the white flower's dream come true

I smiled sadly. I was always your Black Rabbit remember? I guess I could be your white flower too if you wanted, but what fun would that be? Ira was always your flower though. She was always a good person.

Take my hand with your sweet fingers

Your fingers were always rough with scrapes and always stiff when you held my hands. You always saved me though, and not just physically. I'm glad you're my brother.

Come on, I want to be guided down the long road to your side

Be Ira's guide. I'll die too far away for you. It would be quiet an adventure if you got lost chasing me though. Let's not try it though. I don't think I can handle another adventure after all this.

An unending song in the early afternoon

I wish I was the one singing this for you right now I wish I had been there for your burning. Tears streamed down my face again. I love you brother…I'm sorry I could save you…

The two awaken and become one

We can't be one, we're too different. I'm fine with being by myself. No matter what, I was always alone in some way because no one could understand my pain. Ira deserves you just as much as you deserve you. You deserve to be happy, unburdened by me.

Knowing the meaning of happiness for the first time

Untrue. My few years alive have been better than others. Every moment with you and Toya made my life a little brighter and a little more memorable. Even now with this man named Kurogane. I love him. He knows I'm sick, but he doesn't treat me with pity. He treats me the same as always. That's all I've ever wanted I guess.

Take me with you

I'll stay alive as long as I can, because I promised you that much. In the end, don't chose me. You only have one shot. I can be lost forever because of everything I've done. I don't want you to be lost with me. I've never been scared of being lost, you know that.

An unending song in the early afternoon

I miss the songs mother used to sing when she made medicine. I remember the tunes still, but not the words. Sometimes I do, but usually not .When I come to the city, I'll have to sit down in front of her so she can reteach me like when I was little.

The two awaken and become one

You can show me to swim again and also how to run really fast. I've been getting sloppy since you've been gone. Think about it, in death I won't have to be careful of my health. I'll only have to be happy as long as I make it home.

Knowing the meaning of happiness for the first time

Even though I miss you, I don't want to leave this life. I put a hand over my mouth to stop my sobs. I found someone who's made me want to stay. I hate that I have to leave him eventually. Your death taught me how painful it is to love someone and then lose them. I don't want him to suffer because of me but I can't let him go.

Take me with you

I know I'm already living on borrowed time, but maybe that's a sign that I can beat this. Maybe I can be the first person to beat this because I have this knife. Maybe it wasn't an accident. Maybe Tomoyo was supposed to give it to me so that I could survive.

The other side of unseen dreams

Or maybe it's just like all my other childish dreams. There's no cure anymore, and I'm not ready to sell someone else's eternity to Marina just to live. It's bad enough so owns me now. I know it won't continue into my death, but the idea is still sickening.

Come. On the two of us can take that long road

Is the journey actually long? I wish you could talk to me and tell me. I wonder who lead you away. Was mamma? I miss her. I met her in another world. They were so alike it hurt.

To the city of wind

I bet it is just like all the stories we heard from the book. You'll tell me all about it on though when I get there I bet. Your journey will defiantly be shorter than mine, I can guarantee that.

I look around. Everyone is crying. I was always crying too. I see my grandmamma even crying for once where she's sitting between my parents' shrines. One of her wrinkled hands is resting on top of each. She always used to say to me my mother was like the daughter she never had. She never explained it to me except through the fact she never liked my aunt. That's why my father got the bracelet to give to my mother instead of my uncle, the older brother.

My aunt is the loudest, just like every year. She loves to show how sad she is about her lost daughter. I never understood it. Everyone here has lost someone. After all these years, does it really matter if you are still grieving this much while other's have lost half their families recently? I see my cousins look away as they shed a few tears. How can they not feel sad when they see their mother acting like that?

My uncle is sitting against my grandpapa's shrine. I look away as I see him start to cry as Ira calms down for the next song. Fai is walking around, examining the older graves. It's not disrespectful, but most people stay still during this part of the night. Syaoran and Sakura move to join my grandmamma while Kurogane comes next to me. He doesn't say anything as he looks at the shrine. He takes my hand as I bow my head to Hiro.

Kiss me sweet

I'm sleeping in silence

All alone

In ice and snow

In my dream

I'm calling your name

This is repeated six times and each time it hurts more.

Hiro, my heart doesn't feel like its sleeping or it's a block of ice. It feels alive with feelings for the man behind me, and it beats with the pain of knowing that I won't be with him much longer. What do you think of him? He's like in some ways, not exactly though. He acts like you in public, when we aren't alone.

I sold my soul to Marina to save our home…this place isn't home anymore though. Our people are selling their family out, our own uncle is handing them over to Benji to be killed. I wish I hadn't wasted my soul, but I promised you and that would have still made me do it again knowing what I know now. I wish I hadn't wasted my time trying to be separate from my group. They are my friends now, most of them at least.

Do you remember little Sakura? You stopped Toya from killing himself in the fire that she died in. There's a Sakura here with me. She's a princess in another land and she's all grown up. I hate hurting her emotionally with how I am. She's so sensitive and younger than me by three years. Ironically, her Toya is king and our Toya is the to-be king once Benji is dead. I only wish his sister was still here.

I smile to myself.

This place doesn't feel like home without you. Everyone is cruel to each other and nobody likes me still. I can't believe our aunt. She insults my name. I'm not dead yet, but she doesn't know that. I see why grandmamma never liked her. They insult me every time I ask about myself. There's no shrine for me because there's no body. The insults hurt so much. This place is corrupt. What happened to the teachings that told us insulting the dead was wrong? Useless, sickly, pitiful, special treatment, a bringer of destruction and death. When they talk about you though, I feel pride. They call you courageous, brave, generous, helpful, happy, and strong. They always mention your strength. You were always so much stronger than I could ever be.

You always used to try to do everything with that strength. When Wizard Kin tried to rule with the hammer, you wanted to go out on your own and leave me behind because the journey would dangerous you said. Even when we traveled, you tried to save everyone that needed it and make them lead a good life. That always made me proud to be your sister. I only wish…that you could be proud of me. I haven't done much in my life. I'm a good fighter, which has saved me many times, but I haven't done much in the way of helping others. I always used to draw when you were helping our people, what good was I? I don't know why I'm surprised at the insults. I wasn't much of anything back then or even now.

I'm such a burden on my group. I kept getting hurt, or I forget to take my medicine, or I push myself when I know I shouldn't. I keep putting everything on my shoulders just like you did. My shoulders aren't as strong as yours though, and the weight always brings me to my knees. Even though I've opened up to my group and let them help me more, I feel like I'm the one who always brings them down. It will only be easier without me here.

I breathe deeply, my breath broken and choppy with sobs.

Ira is so sad without you. I wonder what would happen if she knew I was here, disguised as this girl I made up. She blames me for your death, and she should. I did nothing but run and hide and that caused everyone else to die. You always stood up to Benji when he pushed me around or teased me with his dead animals. Maybe that's why he tried to frame you and then killed you when you refused to take the blame. No one here believed the lies that Benji told. They think he killed the king, or that the king died naturally. We know the truth though, I just can't SAY the truth to them.

It's funny…no one here thinks I could fight. Benji said you and I killed our King, but they keep telling me that I was always too weak to do anything. It makes me kind of mad, but it more so makes me sad. They respected and loved you so much and then I'm the one who lived in the end. More cruel twists of fate. Like when mother and the queen were killed, or father was killed in battle.

I'm keeping myself hidden here if you haven't guessed. Grandmamma is completely blind now and can't use her hands very much. She knows it's me though through her sight. She told Toya and he found me. It's nice to know I still have one friend in this place, but it hurts knowing that I have to leave him forever soon with him staying here and knowing I'm still alive and suffering.

I don't think I'll miss it here after I've seen how heartless our people are. I know no one likes me, except Toya. This place is a broken home compared to the home from when I was little. Ira is still singing, can you hear her? Her voice is beautiful and hurtful at the same time. She really misses you…make sure you wait for her.

"What are you doing?" Ira asks venomously. I keep my head low and pull back my hand. I can't speak with this sorrow. She'll know it's me.

"We're honoring the dead," Kurogane answers for me. I can't look at her.

"Neither of you know any of them, so it doesn't matter. It's insulting," She says with tears in her voice. I see her kneel on the ground and run her hand over the tombstone. I dig my nails into my arm. I need to say something to her.

"He…reminds me…of my brother," I manage with a few cracks. She looks up at me, her gaze a little softer than her voice.

"But he isn't, so leave," She says with a huge crack in her voice. Her eyes are so painful and sad. I take my hand away from Kurogane's and turn to my parents' shrines. My grandmamma was sitting on her stool with Syaoran and Sakura sitting in front of her as she told stories.

"Emika was like the daughter I never had. My sons were always so much like their father that is was always a little lonely for me in our home. I used to be a healer before my hands and eyes died, but Emmy took over long before that. She was a good girl and great healer, even better than me. When her daughter was born, she noticed the sickness right away and treated her. It was amazing, and that is why I think she has lived so long. Eighteen years almost now while our babies still die before five," She tells in a wavery voice. I take a seat next to my mother's shine and lean my shoulder against it. I remember how much I hated that medicine when I was little. She used to have to mix it into a vanilla and cinnamon drink that she made.

"How was your granddaughter sick?" Sakura asks even though she knows the answer.

"We call it The Shutting Light. Babies are born, and then they die within their first year, drowning in their own blood. Death is unavoidable for them, but in my granddaughter's case, it was postponed for almost eighteen years now. She's lived long past her time, maybe because her life was so happy. She was granted so many things that many others didn't have," Grandmamma says sadly. I watch her look up to the sky for a moment and then look at me. I curl up my legs and hide my face.

"What did she have?" Syaoran asks. Kurogane takes a seat next to my father's shrine, but didn't touch it.

"Well, she had a father who died so she would live. She had an excellent mother who healed her right away, who taught her as much as she could to a child. Her brother treated her better than his wife, teaching everything he knew from drawing to riding horses, from climbing to sword fighting. And then she had a friend, one who treated her like nothing was ever wrong with her. Everyone here treated her like trash, useless and unfit for anything. Toya always treated her like a good friend. He played games with her even though he and Hiro were too old for them by that time, and he even would pick her up and throw in the lake I hear from the kids she used to watch. She had a good life, filled with friends and family who really loved her. She still does I see. Friends who worry for her and make sure she isn't alone anymore," She says as a few tears stream from her eyes. I cry too. I knew I was lucky to have Hiro and Toya in my life. I was lucky mother and brother taught me what I needed to know, but it never stuck I guess.

"Toya?" Sakura asks breathlessly.

"Yes, he was a rich, foreign boy. The King called his father in to help Tia, his sickly wife," Grandmamma says and smiles, "he mostly took care of my granddaughter though, which The King approved of. Emika was always much more helpful to his wife than the doctor. I don't think the man ever did anything for her or Nakia, but he at least tried to understand what was happening to her and tried to fix it." She says with a sad smile. I sigh and relish hearing my name pronounced like it should be; Na-e-a. I missed hearing my name like it should be said. I always say it the wrong way for people to actually say it and not mess it up.

Vece approaches and I look up. He takes a stance in front of my father's grave. He looks remorseful for once. He picks up a band of metal from the shrine. I know what it says, "Death in Battle" in the old language. He rubs his fingers over a cloak of fraying red. My grandmamma made him that when he was a boy. There were other scattered tools and trinkets that he played with, but nothing struck me as memorable.

"Vece, do you have a story about your brother?" Grandmamma asks him softly. He looks at her for a minute and then stares back at the shrine.

"No," he answers and leaves to his Axial's grave to his family. My eyes follow his strong stance. I never liked my uncle very much, but I can't say he's a bad leader. He tries, but his blood family is more important than out people. My eyes catch Lola. She's pressing her head against the stone and her fingers are gripping the bracelet she had given him. His necklace is untouched. I wish I had that necklace.

"Excuse my son. When it comes to emotions, he does not talk. The boys are still close after so long," Grandmamma says, her blind eyes watching her son.

"Isn't his brother dead though?" Kurogane asks. She looks to him and smiles.

"He is, but like all of us, he is here. I see him now. He follows his brother and stand by him. Many souls are leaving since no one remembers them anymore, but those that are remembered are still here to listen to the mourning. They enjoy the stories and music," She says. Kurogane looks to me with a crazy look. I shake my head at him.

"During these three days, the spirits make the journey from the City of the Wind to dance, sing, and listen to their loved ones who still remember. Few can see them, and even fewer can hear them speak still. It's said that in the old city, everyone used to be able to hear and see the spirits," I explains. He nodded his head. There are a few moments of silence.

"They come to see their families most of all. Parents love to see their children grow, watch them as they thrive and speak. I couldn't always see them like I can now. When my eyes started to die, I saw them as shadows. Now, I can see them as clear as day. They like to hang around their own families, but once in a while they wander away to see their friends. It isn't hard to see where loyalties lay after their deaths. I see it even now with my husband and my son and my daughter. They are all separate, but also together," She says and looks to me, "I see your mother looking over your shoulder, I see your brother you from his place by his wife. She doesn't see or feel him. You don't either, but you believe child that you do not belong here anymore. You will always be a part of us through your blood. Do not forget that when I come to lead you away." I shudder.

"Little mouse, little mouse, come out and play," I hear Benji say loudly. The music cuts off and people breathe lightly. No one moves or speaks. I can't move, I'm in plain sight of the entrance.

"Syaoran, Sakura, hide," I hush quietly to them. They're still out of view. He knows I'm here at least. I can't run. I look to Kurogane. He shakes his head at me. I bite my lip. He won't leave me. I wish he would.

"There you are little mouse. Are you going to run again, or are we going to play for once? I'm tired of running in case you cared. If you run, I can always bring you back," He asks. I look to him. He's still dressed like before. Does anyone here know I'm his "mouse"? I doubt it. My hands shake and ice flushes through me. I need to think about what to do. Kurogane puts a hand on his sword and I shake his head at him. There're too many people and this is sacred land to us. No one can die here. It would be disrespectful.

"Where are the rest?" Benji asks as I get to my feet. I stand silent. His smile dampens a little. "Come out, come out," He starts and then roughly grabbed the closest person near him. I breath in sharply; It's Ira. "Before I kill her," He finishes and holds her up high by her hair. He held her by the hair and made her next as exposed as possible. A guard came up from behind him and points his blade to her throat. She can't die.

"Don't," I whisper, my voice not able to be any louder because of my fear. He smiles brightly and tilts his head again at me. Kurogane rises up next to me, Fai came forward from the crowd with Mokona in his arms, and Syaoran and Sakura stand up behind me.

"Good. Now get them," He says and tosses Ira against Hiro's shrine. Everything spills off and I watch my drawing float on the air. Guards come out from the darkness with ropes and chains. Nero is shielding his mind from me for the first time in a long time, but I guess it's because he knows how much pain I would be in from all this. I'm glad. I can't have him dying over me.

I don't resist and neither do the others. My legs are wrapped in chains as well as my arms. The others are bound similarly along with their weapons being thrown on the ground. Two cages were rattled into the light, and soon the guards were pushing us toward them. I heard the sounds of snarling and a flash of grey crash into Benjamin.

No…

He's unaffected of course. He swings his hammer and slams it into the wall the surrounds the shrine yard. I clench my teeth together as tears fall through. It's Nero. I shout to Nero through my mind but he's not responding. Benji throws him into one of the cages and I bite back my cries.

"Oh, little mousey is upset that I hurt her pet. I wish I was sorry," He says and laughs loudly. I look to the ground as the tears dripped off my checks and onto the ground. I didn't get a chance to look back up. Something hard and fast crashed over the back of my head and sent me into unconsciousness.