Ch. 11 Confession
Earlier that day
Sydney
The HMAS Sydney has just returned from his first voyage with the new crew. The frigate was moored and Nikki has been busy to close down all equipment. She looked at the chief of the engine room. "Chief, stop all engines".
"Aye ma'am", he replied and he gave the orders to his men.
She wandered over the bridge and came the captain across.
"Well X, your first voyage as an executive officer", he remarked.
"Indeed", she admitted.
"I have to say, well done, you've formed a crew made up of all the newcomers. I think that the Sydney has again a good XO", he said.
"Thank you sir", she replied with a smile.
He lowered his voice, "Do you know that you have a nickname?"
"Uh?"
"The Black Cyclone", he said with a grin.
"No?!"
"Yep, due to the way you chase men to obtain results".
"Hmm, I can imagine worse nicknames", she mused.
"Indeed".
"By the way, sir, do you already know who's going to succeed you?", she asked.
He made a face, "No, of course not. I told you before, remember? "
"Uh-hu".
He motioned with his head in the direction of Navcom, "I'm going to have a nice chat with these blokes there. If they don't hurry up, then you're at once acting commander!", he grumbled.
He looked to the right,
"It looks like that Gunny wants to talk to you", he said and he wandered away with a grin on his face.
She turned her head towards the door and saw Pete. They walked to each other.
"Ma'am", he greeted her and motioned with his head to the outer bridge.
Both padded to there.
"Do you like a fried fish dish?", he whispered.
"I'm already starving", she replied raising one eyebrow.
"Well, if it fits for you, give me the opportunity to fish a couple of them tomorrow and then we can eat them at my flat", he said.
"Hmm , sounds great", Nikki replied with twinkling eyes.
"Oh, uh, bring some shampoo because I don't have one with the smell of lily of the valley", he said with a wink.
"Message understood, loud and clear!", she whispered back.
"Al right ma'am, I'll fix it!", he said loud and he turned to walk away.
Nikki went back to the bridge and continued her job.
During the late afternoon Nikki entered her flat. She took a quick supper in the officers' mess so that she wouldn't have to worry about finding food after the shops' closing time. She dropped her laundry near the washing machine, took a refreshing shower and put on a comfortable dress.
With a jar of coffee and a package of Tim Tam she plopped on the couch and turned on the TV. With a groan she stretched to grab the remote control and scrolled until the news. Uninterested she listened to the explanation of the Prime Minister Tony Abbott concerning an economical issue. With the next subject she straightened up immediately. It dealt with the decommissioning of the patrol boats. She saw how the last patrol boat, the Hammersley, entered the Cairns base. The pictures of the boat and the crew were posted and she recognised several of her former colleagues. A blonde commander gave an explanation to the journalist.
"So, this has to be the famous Maxine White", she mumbled.
"Oh my god!", she exclaimed as she saw how Kate appeared on the screen.
You've been crying or you're ill. Your eyes are puffy and red and you have drawn features. Did you lose weight?
While she listened to Kate's explanation she covered her mouth with her hand.
"No that's not possible! Kate sacked! Jeez, what happened over there? She's one of the best. For sure someone must have wanted her head!", she muttered.
The next scene was an overview of sailors in their whites followed by another interview.
"Hmm, this must be the famous Dutchy. Kate told me a lot about him, as a real friend. As I didn't know nothing about Mike I would have sworn she felt for him too. I can imagine!", she mumbled with a smile.
After the interview with Dutchy the journalist came back to the screen.
Dutchy remained employed. Sent to an operational region. She told me that he's good too, but why not she?
I'll call her! I can't leave her in the lurch.
Nikki stood up and padded to the table where her mobile was. She dialed Kate's number and waited.
After the call she put the mobile on the coffee table and stared at it.
Sorry Kate, I didn't want to hurt you, but you insisted so much that I had to tell you about my promotion.
Strange, I feel that she didn't tell me everything, but what? If I was with her I could get it out of her, but here, no. It doesn't work over the phone.
What's going on there for God's sake?
Why did she react so strangely when I asked her about Mike?
'I don't know'? You should know your partner, no? Did they reach rock bottom again? Hmm, it's not the first time! When did I discover her secret with Mike? The Samaru incident, yes, it was then…
Flashback Samaru Islands
…
The evacuation team was back on board. Mission accomplished because the SAS team was evacuated. Although! One of the last mortar shells injured our CO and Captain Jim Roth. Since then it was a mad house. Fortunately it calmed down again. Kate had passed me repeatedly the command of the ship as she made her way to the wardroom to see the state of the wounded Mike and Roth. She commanded the ship as she has been doing it for years, but you could see she was consuming slowly with anxiety. She had this look on her face. I understood. In a few words she told me that Jim was a good friend and that a relationship was possible.
Pete had taken over the watch and I was in our cabin busy with the daily administration when the door opened. Kate. She stumbled more inside than she walked. She closed the door and leaned against it with her eyes closed. She always did it when she wanted to escape something. She was biting her lip to suppress a sob but couldn't hide two tears that ran down her cheeks.
"Kate, you're ok?", I asked worried.
"Yeah, I'm fine", she replied after taking a deep breath and wiping her tears.
"Kate, you're sure? You know that you can talk to me huh?", I insisted.
She nodded, "Yes, I know Nik, but not now. I've to keep a cool head because we're in a war zone and I've to bring back 20 sailors, a SAS team and a valuable warship safely home", she said.
"Listen, why don't you come to my flat when we get moored? We could have a chat then", I said.
She looked at me silently and after a few seconds, which seemed to be minutes, she nodded, "Yep, good idea", she replied with a faint tired smile. It was like she was thinking to come out of her shell.
A few days later after we had moored our ship and after the wounded men were evacuated I was able to snatch a word from her before Commander Marshall caught her to chat. She would come to me that evening, so I had some time to do some shopping.
The doorbell rang at 07.00 pm. Right on time! Honestly I didn't expect anything else from her. When I opened the door I was surprised to see her still wearing her white uniform, her hat firmly planted on her head. Rules!
"Hey Kate! Come in, please", I greeted her.
"Thank you for the invitation" she replied as she passed me and she took off her hat and put down her handbag.
She walked through to the living room and looked around.
"You live nice here!", she said spontaneously.
"Thanks, please take a seat", I replied.
Apparently it was for her the signal to disconnect because she plopped on the couch, sighed and leaned exhausted against the back of it.
"I'm surprised to see that you're still in uniform", I said and I saw how red and puffy her eyes were.
"I didn't have the chance to refresh of to change me. I come directly from the hospital", Kate replied.
"Kate, make yourself comfortable. You're right at home here and if you want, you can have a shower", I offered her.
"Thank you, but it's not necessary", Kate replied.
"May I?", she asked as she pointed out her shoes.
"Sure! A drink?", I asked.
"White wine?", Kate replied as she was untying the laces of her white shoes. She removed them as well as her socks and put the latter in her shoes.
When I came back with two glasses of white wine I saw that she had undone her bun her hair hung loosely over her shoulders. I had the impression that she felt comfortable with me.
"Here you go", I said as I put the glass on the coffee table. "How are Mike and Jim doing?", I asked.
"Jim has already left and Mike's surgery is over, but the first 24 hours are still critical", Kate replied but the last part of her sentence ended in a sob and she covered her mouth with her hand.
I sat down next to her and enfolded her shoulders with my arm, "I thought you felt for Jim?"
"No, I thought I could, but I couldn't. I'm in love with Mike again", she said wiping tears on her cheeks.
"Again?!", I said baffled.
And it's you who sticks that much to the rules?
"Yes, again, but I don't know if he already knows", she mused after sipping her wine.
"So you knew each other before Hammersley?", I tried again.
Kate sighed and took another sip.
"Yes, we have known each other since ADFA. He was replacing an older lecturer who was sick. I fell head over heels in love with him. But I was a student and he a lieutenant, so impossible. But one day we met outside the base while jogging. We started talking and it became our meeting moment. One day he asked me out to dinner. Wonderful! A guy who asked me out for dinner! A dinner became two and then three and finally we went out to his apartment. Everything went smoothly. We talked a lot about our future careers and enjoyed ourselves", Kate said. She smile at this last sentence.
"For the first time I felt really happy, on cloud nine", she said happily.
Her face suddenly clouded over, "And one day he left. We had another lector and his flat was empty. No note, no email, nothing", she said and I could still feel the pain.
Kate looked at me, "Nik, pay attention to your facial expression. You look like someone who has just seen an UFO".
"Ah, uh, yes, I'm sorry, I… I'm baffled", I stammered.
That relation sounded like Mission Impossible. Shouldn't she know it now?
"You said that you were talking about your careers?", I repeated.
"Yes, we did. I dreamed of commanding a frigate and becoming chief of the Navy. And he also dreamed of commanding a frigate", Kate replied sadly.
"Maybe he felt that a relation wouldn't work if you both had such high expectations?", I replied.
Kate shrugged, "Indeed, I know it now, but not back then. I started to hate him. Can you imagine how I felt when I boarded the Hammersley and saw him? I was pissed off, really! He didn't want to hurt me by saying that a relationship wouldn't work if we had both such high aims. And by that he didn't hurt me, oh no!", she taunted a bit irritated.
"Uh-hu, I can imagine and I've felt it", I said remembering her nasty behaviour.
"Yeah, I wasn't the most pleasant person back then, I'm sorry!", Kate replied grabbing her glass to take another sip.
"You had to have your reasons!", I said.
"Enjoy your wine. In the meanwhile I'll see what I can put on the table. Lamb chops, ok?", I added as I stood up to walk to the kitchen.
"Uh-hu".
A minute later Kate stood behind me.
"Give me some plates. I want to do something", she said.
During the supper she continued.
"Little by little I fell in love again. I was extremely jealous of Ursula. She did everything to get his attention and I could have scratch her eyes out! I tried to start another relationship, with Jim, to forget my feelings for him, but in vain. A few days ago I was really worried about seeing Mike hurt. I realized that I still loved him. Jim also noticed it and ended our relationship that in fact had not started yet", she said .
"Then we both have the same problem. You with Mike and I with Josh", I said.
Kate rubbed her forehead, "Yeah, we'll have to do more than pay attention!", she said.
"I'll keep my mouth shut", I said to comfort her.
"I know and I'll do the same", Kate replied before taking a sip of wine.
"How are you both? Here can I ask you. On board it's too risky.", she said.
I shrugged, "More than fine, but we can't go out of our houses or we've to go to a place outside Cairns where no member of the base can see us".
"I'm afraid we also have the same fate", Kate replied.
After supper I suggested watching a DVD and she agreed. The question was to know what kind of movies she liked. She has always been so stern and private that I didn't know her tastes. I chose "The Hunt for Red October" . It seemed to please her and after the movie I discovered something new.
"May I see what you have as DVD's?", Kate asked.
"Sure, go ahead", I replied.
After a few minutes, "Your collection contains more romantic movies", Kate remarked.
"Uh, yes, that's true. I chose The Hunt for Red October because I thought it suited you the most? You also have a preference for spy novels, no?", I answered.
Kate smiled sadly, "I've liked the movie, but I also like romantic movies. You see people don't know me yet. Ok, it's my fault, it became a habit to build walls to protect myself", she said with a shrug.
"Well, then next time we'll watch a romantic one. Should I put a tissue box on the table then?", I asked to lighten the mood.
"Nope, I like them, but I'm not getting emotional by them", she replied.
Kate looked at her watch.
"It's already late and I think that I'll go home. Thanks for the evening. It was nice taking my mind off things", she said.
Kate stuck her socks in her handbag, put on her white shoes and tied them up.
"You know? I wish we could wear these shoes barefoot. I really hate wearing them with socks," and she shrugged, "but rules are rules!
I looked baffled at her for a moment.
I did not expect that from her. She still sticks to the rules and now I hear that! How can we be wrong about someone!
She put on her hat and looked at her image in the mirror with the hat and hair loosened.
"Not bad huh? Stupid rules! I also wished I could wear my hair loosened", she said with a grin.
Little by little I discovered another Kate McGregor, a Kate that I was going to like more and more.
End flashback
To be continued