Well, we have finally caught up to what I have on AO3. Now it's just a matter of me working on the current chapter. That shouldn't take too long, hopefully.

Chapter 5

It's a Process

Tadashi was in one of those moods. He'd been grounded for a week for getting into a fight, and his aunt was about at wit's end with him. He would be at the dojo right now, but his sensei decided that if he was there, he was sitting everything out. He didn't know what he was supposed to do though. He'd give anything to stop being angry, but he couldn't.

Currently the ten year old was seated in his room, bored out of his mind and trying not to dwell on the last fight he'd been in. He had a split lip and a bruise forming on his shoulder from the contact with the ground, but the other guy had come out worse. All it had taken was a comment about his family, and Tadashi's anger had spiked. Again.

He could hear his aunt downstairs, on the phone with someone. Tadashi simply stared out his window, rolling his desk chair back and forth. He hadn't quite been paying attention to much of anything, aware that he had been suspended from school again for fighting. His aunt had been furious, and a distant part of him wondered if Cass was going to send him off somewhere to deal with him.

He glanced over when he heard his door click open, and his aunt came in bearing two cups. She paused when he saw him, and he could already tell what was on her mind. He'd been sitting in the dark now for hours, with only the window showing any light. It probably didn't look good, but Tadashi was beyond caring.

"Tadashi? I brought up some tea. Mind if I sit with you?"

Tadashi felt his tongue suddenly glued to the roof of his mouth and he couldn't speak. Instead, a sound in between a grunt and a hum was what came out, and Cass seemed to relax a bit before starting toward his desk. Wait, was she nervous of him? Scared?

He swallowed as she set a cup down next to him on the desk before she took a seat on his bed. It was a mess, heck, his whole room was a mess, but it made the empty room seem less lonely. He pulled his knees up to his chest, not touching the tea as his aunt seemed to consider her words carefully.

"I'm taking you to see someone tomorrow." Tadashi's eyes widened and he curled around his knees more. "I think I should have done it sooner, but I didn't know if it'd make this worse or not. I just, I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore Tadashi."

Tadashi found the outside of his window a much better place to look at, and he swallowed against the lump in his throat. Was he supposed to say something? He wasn't sure, and he could hear the hurt in his aunt's voice.

"Look, Tadashi, remember that promise we made months ago? That we were Hamadas and we could do this?" Tadashi remembered it. It seemed so long ago, and he shivered a bit before he was able to stop it. "Well, that promise only works if we both try. I have been. I don't know what I can do for you if you don't meet me in the middle though."

"You're not mom or dad." The words were whispered, and he bit his lip. However, once started, the words just kept coming, and it seemed like it was trying to stop a tsunami. "You're not. And it's my fault. Kaasan and tousan would be here now if it weren't for me. Hiro-" His voice caught, and he swallowed against the sudden lump in his throat.

"It's not your fault kiddo." There was a tremor in her voice, and Tadashi turned to look at her. "You didn't do anything. None of this is-"

"Of course it's my fault! Dad wouldn't have been distracted. Mom wouldn't have yelled. It's my fault!" He buried his face in his knees and tried to swallow past the sudden disgust that was twisting in his gut. His aunt couldn't understand. She didn't know. Tadashi had never said what happened that day in the car, and he couldn't look at himself without shame and disgust warring within him. That and anger. So much anger.

He felt something touch his shoulder and he flinched, but the touch never receded. Instead, he felt himself drawn into a hug that he didn't want to have, but was frozen and couldn't pull away if he wanted to. When the hug loosened, he raised his face to see his aunt looking at him carefully. "Tadashi, we're going to the therapist, okay? The doctor is really good with grief counseling, and if he doesn't work out, we can find another, okay?"

Tadashi didn't think it was okay, but his aunt looked so hopeful that he nodded anyway. He never liked hurting her, after all, and that was all he was doing. That was about all it seemed he was able to do anymore.

Tadashi had a plan. The plan was devious, it was probably going to use every ounce of cunning he had. It would probably require multiple uses of his puppy eyes.

Too bad he was older than nine and couldn't really use them as effectively as he used to.

Nevertheless, he was seated in the café, reading through notes he'd taken earlier that day and working on his homework, cursing the fact that he'd just been assigned a report. And waiting. Aunt Cass was busy with customers, and he wasn't about to interrupt her while she was with customers. Not with something like this.

He rehearsed just what he wanted to say, going over and over in his head. He hadn't even worked on his assignment much, instead staring at the book in front of him and tapping his pencil on its surface. Instead, the question that had been on his mind all day ran through his head, and he barely paid attention when someone refilled his drink to nod.

The crowd eventually thinned as the afternoon went on, and Tadashi was glad it wasn't beat poetry night, knowing his aunt kept the café open later on those nights. His knee jiggled as he watched some of the last of the customers filter out. When the last person was out the door, Tadashi sighed and stood, gathering his books and bag and took it upstairs. He might as well help out since he couldn't concentrate on his homework.

Volunteering to clean up the front area at least kept him from pacing as he waited. He wiped down tables, put the chairs up, and swept and mopped the dining area as his aunt and the other workers closed up the back area. By the time he was done, Cass had already locked the door behind the girl leaving before she turned her attention to her nephew.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving. Want to help me whip some dinner up real fast?"

Tadashi smiled. "Yeah, sure Aunt Cass."

The two made their way up to the kitchen, Tadashi still working out what he wanted to say to his aunt as she went about gathering up the ingredients for dinner. Apparently they were having tacos tonight, and she got the ground beef out while he went about chopping up onions to add to the browning meat.

They worked in silence for a moment or two, Tadashi focused on his task and glad that he had something to do with his hands, before Cass decided to speak up. "So, you've been off in space today. Want to talk about it?"

Tadashi winced mentally. He recalled when he was younger that she always started off conversations like that when she knew something was bothering him. Especially when he was still grieving the loss of his family. "I, um, I was thinking…"

"Must be pretty serious if you've been spacing out during your homework." Cass gave him a light smile and stirred the beef in the pan before adding in the onion Tadashi had already chopped. "So, what about?"

"Did you ever want another kid after you adopted me?" Nope, that didn't sound awkward coming out. He glanced over to his aunt for a moment as she stirred the beef before her.

"Well, I hadn't thought of it. I mean, I had my hands pretty full when you were younger and really angry at everything."

"But you would do it again if someone needed it, right?" Tadashi bit his lip, finishing up with the onion before he went to work on cutting up the lettuce.

Aunt Cass sighed as she turned down the heat for the food to let it simmer in some spices she had just added. ""Okay Tadashi, what's going on?" She turned to look at him with her arms crossed.

"I… have a friend." Tadashi finished with the lettuce and set the knife aside, knowing that whatever they needed next could wait. His aunt, on the other hand, could not. Not with the questions she had. He put the lettuce into a bowl before he turned to look at his aunt, brushing his hands off. "He's, um, he's an orphan, and has been in the foster system for seven years. Apparently no one wants him, and I was wondering if, well…"

"Oh, sweetie." Cass abandoned her stern look in exchange for giving her nephew a tight hug, nearly crushing with it, but Tadashi never minded. "It's about that time of year again, isn't it?"

Tadashi was about to ask what time of year, before reason caught up with him and he winced. Way to forget about your parents, bonehead, he berated himself silently. It was hard to forget about his brother, but his parents were another story. He had a feeling that she wasn't meaning his parents though and instead referring to his Hiro. "Yeah, it is, but that's not the reason, really."

"All right then." Cass busied herself around the kitchen, sparing her nephew a look every now and then as she went about it like a cooking maniac. Or someone that knew their way around the kitchen as well as he did around his workspace in his room. "Lay it on me."

And he did. Tadashi explained about Hiro's life, the fact that he'd gone from foster home to foster home, the fights the younger boy had been in. Tadashi had tried to explain it as best he could, and he could see that Cass was thinking as she moved around the kitchen. He rubbed the back of his neck as she worked; knowing that he probably came off as he usually did in these situations.

She had finished up with dinner and set it on the table after a pause in the conversation, taking a seat. Tadashi joined her, feeling nervous as he picked at his food. "So, um…"

"You want me to tell you what I think." At Tadashi's nod, Cass sighed. "Well, I know you have a protective streak a mile wide."

"Yeah, I know but-"

"Tadashi, let me finish." She folded her hands as Tadashi shifted nervously. "You have a protective streak, and that's not a bad thing, but are you sure about this? I mean, this might be all because he has Hiro's name and everything and I don't want you to get hurt because of it."

"How would I get hurt?" Tadashi looked confused at his aunt.

"Well, for one thing, I don't think you've ever stopped blaming yourself for Hiro's death, or that of your parents." Cass gave him a knowing look. "You also get too wrapped up in helping other people."

Tadashi opened his mouth to protest when Cass dropped the final nail.

"I just don't want to see you get so in over your head that you suffer for it."

That caused Tadashi's mouth to snap shut, a guilty feeling building in his chest. He swallowed, looking down to the taco that he was loosely holding in his hand. He knew she was right, and he knew that his tendency to go overboard was well-documented considering the fights he used to get into in school, but he knew this was different. Much more so than he probably thought his aunt realized.

"Tadashi?"

"I know all that." Biting his lip, he looked back to his aunt. "I do. I just… I don't know. I feel like I need to help him out. Yeah, I know it makes me sound like I'm eleven again and getting into fights all the time, but…" Cass studied her nephew for a while, her brows furrowed as he fidgeted. Yeah, no, this wasn't awkward at all. He could already tell that she had a lot of reservations about this, heck, even he did to some degree, but he recognized that it needed to be done.

He opened his mouth to speak again, but Cass held up a hand. "You really feel this strongly about it, huh?" At Tadashi's nod, she shook her head, a smile playing across her features. "You kiddo have too much of your father in you. He always wanted to help people too."

Tadashi blinked, thinking. He heard some of the stories about his father from his aunt, but she tended to talk about the things that he used to do for Tadashi back when Thomas and Mae were still alive. She didn't mention often the things that she knew about his father from growing up with him. "He did?"

Cass laughed lightly. "Oh yeah. He had to pick the smallest kid in class and protect them from the bullies. Never got in fights though. He had a way of talking circles around them instead." She then speared him with a look. "Which was something I had hoped you had taken more after."

Tadashi looked suitably embarrassed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I um, I never thought about that to be honest."

Cass shook her head, looking bemused. "Darn right you didn't, mister. Anyway," she sighed and bit her lip, "if you really want to help, and this isn't some hidden guilt, then I can see what I can do. No guarantees."

Tadashi gave her a slight smile. "Thanks Aunt Cass."

"Don't thank me yet. Remember, I can always be denied, and the last time I was related to you. It's a whole lot different when you're not related." She then shook her finger at him, a teasing smile on his face. "Now eat up. You still need to finish that homework you have, mister."

Tadashi groaned.

"So, what kind of stupid thing did you do now, Tadashi?"

Tadashi looked over to Ethel, who was sitting next to him in government class and giving him a look that suggested that she was onto him. It was right before class was about to start, and there was some quiet time between the bell and the teacher entering. Well, it would be quiet, if three-quarters of the class weren't talking to each other. Tadashi had been in the minority, but looked up from his phone when Ethel addressed him. "I didn't do anything stupid, you know."

Ethel rolled her eyes. "Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Remind me again who it was that had pulled you away from doing an all-nighter with that computer you just had to rebuild for Jamie in tenth grade?"

"One, his computer died on him and I was the only one he knew that had enough know-how to actually work on it, and two, I still haven't done anything stupid." Tadashi crossed his arms, his phone forgotten on his desk as he looked at Ethel. "Besides, it wasn't stupid to rebuild that computer."

"Except when you had an exam due in the morning that you couldn't have made up since Mr. Hernandez is a complete asshole about his students not being ready." A loud pop accentuated her words, and Ethel cocked her eyebrow in challenge. "Besides, I know you, Tadashi Hamada. You might not be broadcasting it all over the school, but you still did something."

Tadashi groaned. Aunt Cass had said not to mention anything to anyone since she wasn't sure that she'd be able to even get the paperwork through, and unlike last time with him, there could be someone in the wings waiting for approval to adopt Hiro. His aunt had taken the reasonable route in the whole scenario, knowing that everything that was being done was for a kid, yes, but realizing that they weren't the only ones that could help. Still, that didn't help the fact that his best friend could read him like an open book.

"Fine, fine." He ran a hand through his hair, missing the fact that he wasn't wearing his favorite cap as always when he was at school. "But this goes no further than you and me, okay?"

A pop was his only answer as Ethel studied him carefully, and Tadashi could only take that as she wouldn't say a word. Ethel always worked like that. "I may or may not have asked my aunt if there was a way we could adopt Hiro," he mumbled under his breath.

"Oh. My. God. Seriously." Okay, so maybe she could read into his statement a lot more than Tadashi liked. "You have taken this to obsession levels, you know that, right?"

"I have not!" Tadashi scowled, not liking the implication that Ethel was stating. "I just can't sit by if there's some way I can help."

"Whatever Hamada. Just don't expect for me to bail you out again." She popped her gum in a note of finality just as the teacher walked into the room. Tadashi didn't have a chance to say anything more, instead busying himself with the work that was being put out.

She didn't broach the topic again, leaving Tadashi to go to her own classes that she didn't share with the fifteen year old as he made his way to his. Tadashi worried about what was on her mind about the subject, but he didn't get a chance to ask until lunch, to which she just gave a noncommittal hum and buried her nose in her notes. Hiro on the other hand simply looked confused, and Tadashi wasn't about to say anything when he didn't want to get the kid's hopes up.

It wasn't until later, when he was gathering his things to get home, that his locker door shut unexpectedly on him and Ethel was standing there, blowing a bubble and popping it. She didn't give him a chance to say anything, instead grabbing his wrist and dragging him through the halls to where Hiro's locker was.

Hiro merely looked up, blinking as he spotted the two seniors standing in front of him as he shut his own locker slowly. "Um, anything going on or something…?"

"We're going out."

The statement was blunt, and Tadashi stared at Ethel.

"Well, congratulations. I didn't even think you'd be wanting to date or anything."

Tadashi groaned as Ethel punched Hiro lightly in the arm. "Not that kind of going out. We are going out to do something. The three of us."

"Wait, I just got off being grounded. I can't go anywhere unless my family says I can." Hiro's eyebrows were up to his hairline, and Tadashi palmed his face. Oh, this was going over well.

Ethel rolled her eyes in response. "Of course you can't. That's why you're going to call them. If they want to talk to me, it's no prob. But we are going to get out of our respective houses, and we are going to actually have an afternoon together."

Tadashi wasn't sure what Ethel had in mind, and neither did Hiro. What neither of them expected was for her to drag the two of them down to a gaming center, complete with games and-

"A batting cage. Ethel, I haven't swung a bat in years. You know that."

"Then it'll be good practice." Ethel rolled her eyes, and then directed her eyes at Hiro. "Unless you don't want to go batting, which in that case, we can find some other game to go for. Pretty sure if you wanted to try your luck at racing games, I could play you."

"Fine, you're on!" Tadashi only looked heavenward as he knew, knew that Hiro didn't know how many quarters Ethel had wasted on racing games just to get her speed fix. That, combined with her bike with no breaks (and Tadashi had tried installing some on her bike once with disastrous effect) as well as a car that had too many speeding tickets stuck in her glove box, and he was certain Hiro was going to be creamed.

Ethel had been nice, letting Hiro win the first two games to lull him into a false sense of security, before proceeding to cream him with the next three. Then it was Tadashi's turn, and he lost to her handily. She then let Hiro have a turn racing against Tadashi, and she passed by Tadashi with a whispered, "Get to know him first. Nice kid, but know what you're getting yourself into."

Tadashi turned to look at her, surprised, but Ethel turned her attention to the game instead. Hiro was already inserting coins into the machine, completely oblivious to what had been stated. Tadashi shifted a bit before he inserted his own coins, which had Ethel nodding before she excused herself to grab something to drink.

"So, you ready to be creamed Tadashi?" Hiro turned his attention to the older boy, cocky smile in place as he chose his vehicle.

Tadashi shrugged as he selected his own. "Not a chance, Hiro. I've actually had some driving lessons."

Hiro rolled his eyes. "Oh, I'm so intimidated. Who's the genius again?"

Tadashi chuckled and shook his head as he selected manual. "Well, genius or not, experience does help here."

"Which is why you're gonna be creamed Hamada." Hiro selected manual for himself and let his hand settle over the stick shift.

They were soon distracted by the start of the race, Hiro having a bit of a rough time by bumping into some cars while Tadashi maneuvered his way through the other vehicles. Soon Tadashi was more focused on the game at hand, grinning himself as he relaxed a bit more.

He however blinked as he saw Hiro edge in front of him before he looked over at the younger boy. Hiro had a blasé expression on his face as he went through the track, and Tadashi suddenly found himself having to return his attention to the game. It turned into a good thing, as Tadashi had to avoid a collision with another car before he sped off to catch up with the younger boy.

It wasn't until the end of the race, with Hiro winning comfortably, that Tadashi frowned. "Okay, how did you learn to drive like that?"

"Oh, that? I um, I've played racing games before like this." Hiro shrugged before he looked over. "Besides, it's safer than the real thing, right? You get into a crash, no one's hurt in a game. Well, except maybe pride."

Tadashi found that comment odd, but shrugged it off. "That's true."

"What about you? You drive like a granny or something." Hiro snickered.

Tadashi rolled his eyes. "I do not. I just don't like crashing."

"Which is why you're the nerd and I'm not." Hiro got up and stretched. "Well, I don't know about you, but while I like racing games, I could really do for something a bit more like a fighting game."

Tadashi and Hiro ended up making their way to several games, and Tadashi was trounced in three of the four. The last one they had played had probably been a fluke, especially since Hiro seemed to be having trouble with the controls. The two left the last game, Hiro grumbling under his breath about taking it apart to fix the problem.

Tadashi listened, quite familiar with the terms Hiro was using to describe what he planned to do with the console. When the younger boy slouched as he walked, Tadashi had a sudden idea. "So, you want to check out the batting cages?"

Hiro side-eyed the older teen. "Is that a not-so-subtle hint that you want to try them out?"

Tadashi nodded a bit, looking a bit bashful. "Well, seems like so far all I've done today is lose spectacularly to you and Ethel, so a round there might be a nice finish."

Hiro frowned, looking thoughtful. "So, what are we doing here anyway? Kinda seems weird that Ethel just takes us out like this, you know?"

Tadashi blinked and looked around for the Korean girl. Ethel seemed to be busy on one of the bike simulators, so he turned his attention back to Hiro. "I think it's just a chance to hang out. Usually we're both sitting at the lunch table talking over schoolwork or walking to and from school."

"This doesn't happen to be about whatever it is that's had you distracted all day, does it?" At Tadashi's incredulous expression, Hiro shrugged. "Not saying there's anything wrong, just you've been looking at me like there's something on your mind."

"A bit, yeah…" Tadashi rubbed the back of his neck. "It's just something I thought of recently, and it's nothing bad, I just need to wait and see on it."

"Anything you can tell me about or..?" Hiro cocked an eyebrow at him and Tadashi nearly palmed his face. Of course Hiro would pick up on it. It'd be hard for the kid not to pick up on it.

Regardless, Tadashi shook his head. "Um, no, it's just something my aunt's considering. I'm not worried about it, since it'll either happen or it won't."

"If you're sure." Hiro gave him another look, and Tadashi simply shrugged.