Yes. Yes, I Do
(August 31, 2017)
3: Always Something
Seeing the Shack parking lot so empty on what ordinarily would have been a busy business day felt distinctly odd—only Helen Wheels and the Stanleymobile in the employees' section, with Soos's and Melody's cars around back. Wendy parked the Green Machine close to the gift-shop entrance, switched off the engine, and for a couple of seconds just sat there behind the wheel.
"Some birthday," Dipper muttered.
"Well," Wendy said, getting out of her Dart and pocketing her keys, "I halfway expected it would be a surprise party. With maybe a judge here. A happy little Mabel trick, you know."
As he closed the passenger door, Dipper said, "I don't think they'd shut down City Hall just to play a prank on us. The whole town would have to be in on something like that."
They went in through the gift shop door, heard voices from the dining room, and checked there. Soos, at the head of the table, looked up and said, "Aw, dudes, I'm so sorry. This is like majorly not so good."
Melody, the most placid person Dipper knew, didn't say anything but looked utterly miserable as she held Soos's hand.
That was bad enough, but when Dipper saw Mabel sitting slumped with her head down on the table, he felt more upset than ever.
Stan, sitting next to Mabel with an untouched mug of coffee in front of him, shook his head. "Here's the skinny," he said. "There are four judges, total, in town. But every da—dang one of them is takin' a long break 'cause of this being Labor Day weekend. I thought—ah, screw it. Guys, I dunno. Maybe you could call your minister, Wendy."
"That's a good idea," Wendy said, sitting at the table. "Mabes, come on, don't take it so hard. We can deal with this, somehow."
"It's just not fair!" Mabel moaned into the table. "We wanted this to be the greatest day ever. And now everything's terrible forever."
Tripper, lying on the floor beside Mabel's chair, looked up at her and whined.
Dipper didn't sit but walked to the door and looked out. The perfect summer day outside didn't cheer him up. Billy and Little Soos were playing out back, tossing a soccer ball back and forth. Little Soos missed and laughing at the top of his lungs, went chasing it across the lawn, accidentally kicking it as he tried to catch up and grab it. Well—anyhow, at least those two weren't unhappy. They were the exceptions.
"Hi," he heard Wendy say from behind him. "Dr. Gaspell, this is Wendy Corduroy. Fine, thanks. I hate to call you on such short notice . . .."
Dipper took out his own phone and called his mom. "We heard," she said before he could even greet her. "We're so sorry."
"Thanks," he said. "This has kind of thrown Wendy and me, Mom. We're up at the Shack now with Grunkle Stan, trying to come up with an alternative."
"What's your plan?" she asked.
She thinks I'm always the one to come up with a plan! Sorry, Mom. "I don't know yet," Dipper confessed. "Maybe Wendy's minister will agree to do the service. She's talking to him now. The church is about four miles west of town—"
"Thanks, anyway," he heard Wendy say from behind him. "We'll be in touch after you get home again. Bye."
"Hang on just a second," Dipper said. He turned and asked Wendy, "What did he say?"
She gave him a sad smile and shook her head. "Dr. Gaspell can't do it, Dip. He and his wife are up in Seattle for a conference of the AUM that runs through Saturday morning, and I can't ask him to come all the way back. Sorry."
Grunting, Dipper said to his mom, "Sorry, that's out. I'll get back to you if we can figure anything out."
Stan asked Wendy, "UAM? What's one of them?"
"AUM," she corrected. "Association of Unaffiliated Ministries, I think. A conference for nondenominational clergy or some deal."
"Huh," Stan said. "Kinda a denomination for the nondenominational."
"Look," Mabel said, pushing herself up from the table and taking a deep breath. "One thing we can do—we can have a birthday party. I mean, it won't be the same, I know that, but—you know, it's a big birthday, and maybe it'll cheer you both up a little bit. Is that just—am I being selfish Mabel? Is that okay?"
Wendy smiled and looked at Dipper.
He forced a smile. "You're not being selfish. OK. Sure. Let's have a birthday party."
"We'll get right on it," Mabel said. "I'll call Mom and Dad."
"We can use the parlor," Soos said. "I'll run out and score some refreshments and all."
Grunkle Stan looked at his watch and then took out his phone. "OK, sounds like something we can do. I'll call Ford and we'll start a phone tree to send out the invites. Let's shoot for noon. Then I'll see about working something else out, maybe get you two hitched tomorrow. For Wanda's peace of mind if nothin' else, we gotta get it taken care of before you go off for college. Sorry for the delay, but we'll think of something."
"Thanks, Stan," Wendy said. She got up and came over to take Dipper's hand. "You're way tense, Dip. Come on, remember none of this is your fault. Let's go for a walk, OK? Calm down a little?"
"I guess," he said. "Wen, I'm so sorry—"
She put a finger against his lips. "Not. Your. Fault. Come on."
She led him out onto the side lawn. He could hear Billy and Little Soos still laughing out behind the house. "It would have been such a great day to get married," he said. "Warm but not too hot, sunny, one of those days just like the best ones I remember from when I was twelve. I'm so—"
"Don't apologize," Wendy said, hugging him. "It'll be all right. You'll see. Somehow it'll work out."
They walked down the Mystery Trail, slowly, silently. Wendy telepathically told him, Cheer up a little, dude. Even if we have to wait until tomorrow or some deal, it won't change anything between us.
—Yeah, I know that. I guess it's just me being me. You know, I make plans, I think I've got it all handled, and then something like this blows it all up. I'm trying not to make a big scene or anything.
Don't worry about it. Hey, what about this? Maybe we can scare up Jeff out here and see if we could go through, I don't know, a Gnome marriage ceremony or some deal.
—I think that involves the couple fighting each other until one of them's knocked unconscious.
Oh. Didn't know that. OK, so that's out.
—Well, maybe we should just look on the bright side. Married or not married, we have each other.
That's enough for me, Dip! Enough for you?
He stopped, took both her hands in his, pulled her close, and answered her without words.
They walked a lot farther than they'd planned—so far that Wendy suddenly asked, "Hey, what time is it?"
Dipper took out his phone to check. It was later than he'd supposed, he saw. "Uh—we'd better head straight back if Stan can really throw a party together by noon," he said. "Wow. We've walked almost all the way to Moon Trap Pond."
They hurried, power-walking though not quite running, and when they reached the edge of the lawn, Wendy pointed and said, "Now, this is kinda what I expected."
The parking lot was pretty much full. Dipper recognized some of the vehicles, but not all—he saw Blubs' patrol car, Manly Dan's truck, Pacifica's red sports car, a few other familiar ones.
As they crossed the lawn, Stan came to meet them on the museum porch. "About time," he growled. "We started to think you two musta jumped into the Bottomless Pit. First of all, Dipper, you forgot something important. Second, I gotta tell you, this was my idea, and I set it up, so don't jump Mabel on it. Third—let me remind you of what you forgot." Grinning widely, he held up a framed certificate.
"Oh, dude!" Wendy said. "Shame on you!"
Dipper blinked at the blue-sealed certificate with fancy embossed lettering.
Be it Known, under the Authority of the State of Oregon, County of Roadkill, and Municipality of Gravity Falls: That, having satisfied the requirements as established in law, STANLEY FILBRICK PINES is hereby appointed JUSTICE OF THE PEACE with all the rights and powers of the office within the appropriate District, County, and Municipality.
"You set this up?" Dipper asked.
"Want to take a swing at me? You insist, I'll give you a chance—but later," Stan said with a grin. "Right now, come in. Let's get you two married. Then you can have your birthday party and reception. And after that, you still want to do it, let's fight it out!"
"I'm—not mad," Dipper said. "This was kind of a dirty trick, but—"
"But we'd love to have you perform the ceremony," Wendy said. "Enough standing around and talking! Let's do it!"
And they walked into the Mystery Shack and felt as if the whole town had somehow impossibly crowded inside.
To be continued