Authors Notes* Hoss is a beautiful, loveable character. Where would Bonanza be without him? This being said my analytical mind that likes to tear things apart couldn't help but be bothered by the idea of a baron who came from little and grew into riches not pushing each one of his sons to represent themselves in the best light possible. He taught his boys the meaning of an honest days labor but also how to dress up and present themselves in social settings, which is a large part of running an enterprise. What might have happened then that he would not have pushed Hoss in this manner? Hoss hints throughout the series that he had a rough childhood because of his size and that kids can be mean, (No doubt a reflection of Dan Blockers actual childhood). So my analytical mind said, what if? Could this really have been enough to not follow in his elder brothers footsteps and keep him from getting the most out of his education?
An in-depth look on bullying and the psychological effects it could have on a child.
Warning Readers Discretion* This fic contains the abuse and death of children. In regards to the death scenes it's important to note that they are not a major character.
Disclaimer* I do not own these characters. All rights and property belong solely to NBC.
Ugly
That's enough! You're done crying. You're embarrassing me and you're embarrassing yourself, acting no better than a two year old. You've been walking around here moping for weeks now and I'm sick of it. You're ma's dead and she ain't ever coming back. No amount of sulking or feeling sorry for yourself is going to change that. It's time you start acting like a man. I swear by God, if I see one more tear come out of you, I'll give you a reason to cry. Now, get your butt up and get back to work.
Chapter
Greener Pastures
"One, two." The small hand skipped the piece across the board landing on the other side, then pulled two opposing pieces off and set them aside.
"You can't jump over the fire Little Joe." The larger boy set his pieces back on the board and put Little Joe's piece back in place. "Stay on the black." The curly haired tot scrunched his features, scrutinizing the board. The serenity of the night was broken by hooves thundering into the yard. Hoss whose back was to the door looked behind him at the sound. He looked back at the tot before him whose body had gone rigid and eyes widened. The tot clamped his ears as in anticipation of the tragedy to come. Their old man who had been crunching numbers at his desk was instantly on high alert. He stood and pulled open the top drawer of his desk and drew the pistol concealed within. The little one ran to his Pa and held him tight burying his face in his father's trousers. "Hoss, get your brother." The older boy gently pulled his sibling away from his father. Little Joe turned to Hoss, who lifted him up allowing his head to be buried in the gape of his neck. He carried him to the corner of the room and did his best to make the two of them as small as possible. A moment later the footsteps stampede up to the door. His father was ready for whatever was to come through.
"Pa! Pa!" The call preceded the man. It was Adam. What in the devil's gate is going on here?
He burst through the door eyes gleaming with excitement. "What is it Adam? Are you okay?" His father asked stepping forward concerned. Adam stopped at the site of the pistol which was still in his father's grasp. Was he going to shoot me? He looked at his trembling brother in the corner clinging to his middle. At that moment the young man understood. His shoulders fell forward. Oh how could he be so stupid? How could he have forgotten?
"I'm sorry Little Joe. I didn't mean..." At that his father turned from concern to furious, realizing that no emergency existed.
"What's all this gallivanting?" His father's voice boomed, placing the pistol back in its place. His pa could be scary when he was mad. "Come trolloping into the yard like you're on fire. Scaring your brother half to death."
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."
"Darn right, you weren't thinking. Come racing in here after I told you specifically no more of that, unless it was an emergency. This better be an emergency. What is it? What do you have to explain for yourself?" Adam held his tongue. He wasn't used to such harsh words from his pa. "Come on, speak boy."
"I got accepted."
"You what?"
"Harvard, Pa. I got accepted." He solemnly drew up the letter in hand. This wasn't how he envisioned the moment would go. Ben softened.
"Oh son. I knew you could do it." At this, Adam allowed himself a smile. Just like that all was right with the world. "I'm so proud of you. Come here. Give me a hug." Adam smirked as his father embraced him. It was weird for his father to be hugging him at his age but this was a momentous occasion. He guessed it was okay. Hoss saunters over still holding Little Joe.
"Congratulations big brother." He offered humbly. Little Joe lifted his head to look at him. Expecting more praise from the tyke, the boy instead buried his head again in Hoss's neck.
"Awe, Little Joe. I said, I was sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that." He crumpled his brother's hair, to which Joe jerked his elbow pushing him away and kept his face buried.
"He'll be alright." Hoss allayed. "Anyways, congratulations. I'm real proud of you, big brother."
"Thanks."
"This calls for a celebration." His pa announced boisterously. "I think a party is in order. We'll invite the whole town. Hopsing, Hopsing get in here."
~.~
"There is nee-"
"Nei."
"Nei-ther happ-ee-ness nor mis-u-ry in this world; there is only the comp…com-par…compar…" The children chortled.
"Comparison."
"Comparison of one state with a-nother, nothing more." He wiped the sweat from his brow. "He who has felt the dee-pest greif is best able to ex-pe-ree-ance su-preme happ-ee-ness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may u-priss-i-ate the en-joy-ments of living."
"That's good Hoss thank you very much." He sauntered back to his seat among a whole slew of judgmental eyes.
"What do you think Dante meant by these words?" Ms. Harper asked as she stood. "Anybody?" The book was the Count of Monte Cristo. Perhaps a bit above the level of understanding to the children of miners and cowhands. At the class's silence, she turned to her trusted source at the back. "Adam perhaps you could give us some insight. What do you think he meant?" The young man stood reluctantly to speak.
"He's basically saying that you can't really appreciate what you've got unless you've experienced not having it. One can't truly know the value of their own fortune unless they've too experienced poverty. Likewise, if one has been brought so low in life, to the point where he begged for death, than when lifted out of that despair, only then could he truly appreciate what it is to live."
"Very good Adam." The praise could be respected more if he wasn't chosen to give the explanation right after his brother suffered such humiliation. He hated when she did that. It didn't make him feel good to be compared to him, to overshadow him.
~.~
"You're going to be missed around here Adam." The bigger kids played outside, while Adam hung out inside helping Ms. Harper keep an eye on the younger ones as they traced the alphabet on the handheld chalkboards on the desk before them. They stood near the window partly facing the students, partly each other. She was an older woman at least to Adam. He suspected she was somewhere in her early fifties. Too young of a face to support a full head of white hair which she always kept up off her neck. "You were a true blessing to have around. The way you helped teach the younger ones. You really have a way with children."
"Little Joe might have other things to say about it."
"Oh, that's just brother stuff. I'm sure he'll miss you when you're gone."
"I'm not so sure."
"Well, I'll miss you. I don't know how I'm going to get along without you."
"Ms. Harper. You're an excellent teacher. I'm sure you'll get along just fine without me."
"How is Little Joe?"
"Being a little rascal as always. Treating me like I'm the scum of the earth. He hasn't said a word to me since last night."
"He's having a hard time with this."
"Yeah, I guess he is."
"Oh I'm sure of it. With his ma's death and all."
"Well she was all our ma's."
"Oh, I thought."
"Never mind."
"Well that didn't happen all that long ago. What not even a year ago?"
"A little over."
"Has it been that long? My how time flies. Well, still not long enough for a little boy to finish grieving."
"Yes, it's hit him pretty hard. They were awfully close."
"Then his pa left."
"Yeah, he didn't take that too well, but they've been getting along well since he's been back. By looking at them now, you'd never be able to tell that they'd ever spent a day apart."
"and now you're leaving."
"Yes."
"You think he'll be okay?" She wanted Adam to feel guilty about going off to college. Once he realized her sly tactic, he refuted.
"He'll bounce back. He always does. He's a Cartwright. That's one thing about being a Cartwright. We always bounce back. Besides I'll be back before they know it. Then things will pick up right where they left off."
"Are you sure this is what you want to do?"
"It's been a dream of mine for as far back as I can remember. To go back to the place I was born. To see it. To engulf myself in it. To really live it. Besides when I come back I'll be better for my family. I'll be smarter. Smart enough to help my pa out in ways I never could before. Business ventures and shareholdings. I might even be able to build them a larger home. Give each one their own rooms."
"So you've settled on architecture?"
"As a minor. Engineering as a major. I think that would be the responsible choice."
"Oh, Adam. Always the responsible one. Doing what's best for the family."
"Well, they might have to pick up some of the slack while I'm gone."
"How so?"
"Somebodies got to take over my share of the workload. Pa will probably be depending on Hoss a lot more."
"He's a good kid. Strong back. I'm sure he could lift a house if he had to."
~.~
Hoss sat beneath the window sill, in what little shade the schoolhouse provided, staring out at the courtyard, listening with bitter resentment to his teacher lionize his older brother. He was always the favorite. To everyone, all the time. Hoss was just Adam's dumb younger brother.
"Who are you taking to the party?" The two girls talked from just around the corner. They were probably at the schoolhouse steps.
"I'm spending the whole night with Adam. I've got to give him something to remember me by."
"I think a lot of girls might have the same idea, Amanda. I mean he's only the most handsome boy in school."
"How about you?"
"Ah, I'm not going." Sally answered sullenly.
"You're not going? Why not?"
"Why not? There's no one to go with."
"Well how about Dave? Dave's already going with Leta.
"Well if I'm spending the night with Adam, maybe you could spend the night with Hoss."
"Ewe."
The chubby young boy knocked the back of his head against the wall. Not to mention ugly. He was Adam's dumb and ugly little brother. The girls didn't know he could hear them. Oh he didn't mean to listen in. It really wasn't his fault. He was here first. He tried not to let what the girls said affect him. I mean he already knew he was ugly. It wasn't like this was new information to him. He hated school.
"Hoss!" Dave and Malvet approached from the other side. Kyle, Travis and Clay in tow.
Amanda and Sally peeked their heads around looking at first surprised to see Hoss was there, then Sally looked guilty while Amanda looked annoyed, like it was Hoss's fault he was there to overhear them. With her look accusing him of eaves dropping. "Hey Hoss. Dave here says he could take you in a fight." Both boys were older than Hoss and bigger. I offered him a dollar if he wins. What do you say? You think he can beat you?" Hoss looked at the other boy then lowered his head. "I tell you what. If you can beat him, I'll give you a sixpence."
"Ah, what you offering him anything for anyways? His pa's rich. Don't you know a sixpence don't mean nothing to him?"
"What does it matter anyways? He ain't gonna win." Dave averred.
"He ain't even gonna fightcha. He's too much of a coward for that." Malvet enounced
"He'll fight. He'll fight if I make him fight." Dave exclaimed with confidence.
"I'll wager on that." Kyle said.
"Hoss." The call came from where the girls stood. Adam was pushing past them and approaching the group of boys. "Hoss. Miss Harper wants to see you inside." Adam put himself between the boys and his younger brother allowing his brother to get up and walk away. Adam stood there until his brother was a safe distance, eyeing the boys, staring them down, daring them to make a move. They didn't.
~.~
"Du-ring the purrrr-"
"Perusal."
"Perusal of this letter, which informed Va-len…."
"Valentine." Adam closed the book down frustrated. Hoss has been standing before his older brother practicing his reading in the warmth of their scanty home. Many nights Hoss stood before Adam just like this, as Adam did his best to help Hoss in his schooling. Adam wanted to give his middle brother as best of a shot as he could before leaving him on his own. As their time together was coming to a close however tensions were mounting. "Hoss, its Valentine. His name has been said through the entirety of the book. Have you not been paying attention?"
"I don't care about the stupid book."
"Well, you've got to care."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not going to be here for you much longer."
"Yeah, I know." He scoffed bitterly. "You've only reminded us of that every thirty seconds since you got the letter."
"So you know, I'm not going to be here to carry you through anymore."
"Oh don't worry your pretty little head."
"I do worry about you. You're my brother. It's my job to worry."
"Well, now you're leaving, so it's not going to be your job anymore."
"I'm not gone yet and I'm going to do all I can until then."
"I still don't see why."
"because, it's important."
"It's just a book."
"It's not just a book. It's everything. Look, I can understand if it was just one thing. We could focus on this one thing and help build you up; but it's not just one thing. It's everything. It's reading, its writing, its arithmetic; it's all of it. You struggle with all of it. It's like your mind isn't there. You're going to have to do this on your own. You've got to start taking education more seriously."
"I hate school."
"You should be so lucky. Not everyone has the opportunities that we have. You know, many boys don't even get to go to school."
"Maybe they're the lucky ones." His brother slammed the book on the end table at his side, in a controlled temper.
"What an ignorant thing to say." There was hurt in the budding teen's eyes. His own brother calling him ignorant. "Hoss, the ones that don't go to school are going to have a much harder time at life. They are going to struggle. Scrape to get by. They will always be dependent on someone else to support them. Living out a life of servitude. They might even turn to a life of crime to support themselves. Is that how you want to live? Hoss, having an education can take you anywhere you want to go. If you want to be anyone in life you've got to take your education seriously."
"What about pa?" Adam shrugged.
"What about pa?"
"Well he didn't finish school. He joined the Navy."
"First of all, he did finish school."
"Well, he didn't go to college."
"No he didn't and you could see even he struggles sometimes. Why do you think he asks me for help so often?"
"I hate school."
"I get it. I get that it may not be fun…"
"No, you don't get it Adam. School ain't the same for me as it is for you." Adam leaned back in his chair.
"Is this about the other kids?"
"Aw, just forget about it. You don't get it."
"You don't think I ever got picked on?"
"Oh, what did you ever get picked on for?"
"For being too smart. For always having my head in a book."
"Oh shut up!"
"I'm serious. People called me names too."
"It's better to be too smart than to be too stupid."
"You're not stupid. You just don't try hard enough."
"It's hard, Adam. I've got these kids calling me names all day long. You don't hear the kind of things they say. You're not always there." He went sullen. "I guess you're not going to be there ever again, are you?"
"Listen, you can't let those boys get to you. Kids are always going to be mean. They like to find things that are different about people and exploit them and they'll keep on doing it until you stand up for yourself."
"Why does everyone think that just because I'm big, I want to fight? Why can't they just leave me alone?"
"Look, I don't like fighting either, but sometimes you have to defend yourself."
"This isn't sometimes Adam. This is all the time." Adam leaned forward in his chair and opened his mouth to speak. As he did the handle turned to the bedroom and the door creaked open. Hoss turned his face before his Pa could see him. He was fighting tears. He wiped his face and took a breath and turned back as his father entered shutting the door behind him.
"Is Little Joe finally asleep?" Adam asked. "You were in there quite a while."
"He's still awake." Adam raised his brow curious. "He's having a hard time falling asleep." His father looked like he was having a hard time too.
"With as much trouble as that scoundrel has been the last couple of days it's a wonder he has any energy left at all."
"He's having a difficult time with the idea of you leaving." Adam pursed his lips.
"You think I should go talk to him?"
"I can't make you Adam. All I can say is, right now, I don't think it's me he needs."
"A, 'yes' would have worked just fine." The room they shared was just off of the dining room. At that Adam pushed himself off the chair and went in.
"How are you doing Hoss?" His father asked when Adam left the room.
"Oh, I'm alright Pa."
"Did you finish up that book?"
"We finished it up in school today. Adam was just recapping some areas for me."
"I heard you two arguing out here. What was that about?
"Ah just brother stuff."
"It was awfully distracting, while I was trying to put your brother to sleep."
"I'm sorry Pa. You think that's why he's still awake?"
"It sure didn't help, but I don't think that was all of it. I think all things happen for a reason. Your little brother really needs to hear from Adam right now." He gave a half-hearted smile. "What about you? How are you getting along in all this?"
"I'll be alright."
"I do believe you should be washing up and getting ready for bed. It is way past the hour."
"Don't you think we should give my brothers a few more minutes? You know, to reconcile." Ben knew what his middle son was up to. He nodded.
"I suppose you're right. You know, I think there might be a few donuts left over in the kitchen. What do you say we go grab us a few?" The boy's grin was from ear to ear.
"With milk?"
"Is there any other way?"
~.~
The soft glow of the lamp on the nightstand by his brother's petite form lit the way.
"Leave me alone." His brother didn't turn to look at him as he tiptoed in, but somehow knew it was he and not his towering father. Though these words stung with disdain. Adam knew the boy didn't mean them. He was just acting out his emotions which he seemed to wear on the cuff of his sleeve.
"Joe, talk to me." He knelt next to the bed. "It's me. What's bothering you?"
"I hate you."
"Surely you don't mean that, Little Joe. You know, you shouldn't say things you don't mean."
"I do, I do mean it. I hate you. I don't care if you never come back." There was emphasis on the word never.
"Joe. I know you're hurt, but you shouldn't talk like that."
"It's true. You don't care about us. Why should we care about you?"
"Little Joe. I care deeply for you. I care about all of you."
"No you don't. You're a liar." Little Joe look at me. He refused to turn over. Adam went to the other side of the bed and pulled his face up, so he had no choice but to look at him.
"I love you so much, I hurt when you hurt. Do you understand that? I'm hurting right now, because you're hurting."
"It doesn't look to me like you're hurting."
"I am."
"Then why aren't you crying like me?"
"It's just harder for me to cry, that's all. I don't cry like other people, but that doesn't mean I don't hurt like them. It may not look like it but your pain is tearing me up inside."
"I don't believe you."
"It's true."
"Well, if it were true than why are you leaving us? People who love each other don't leave."
"Do you believe that pa loves you?" He continued at Joe's stubborn silence. "He left to make himself better, but he came back. That's what I'm doing. I'm leaving to make myself better, but I'll be back, just like he came back; and when I come back, I'll be better and stronger and smarter and wiser."
"What's wiser?" He interrupted.
"Well, it's like smarter."
"You'll be smarter and smarter? It doesn't make sense." He turned over, facing his back to him again. Adam took a deep breath to center himself.
"I'm doing this for the family."
"No you're not. That's just stupid."
"I know you don't understand."
"Why do people leave? Why do people always have to leave?" With the death of their mother the wound was still fresh in the boy's heart. Their pa leaving soon after to 'find himself' left a mark on the family. Adam wasn't sure if his pa really understood the impact his absence had. Adam found himself taking over the responsibility of running the ranch and even had to step into the role of father figure to his two younger siblings. A role he accepted with love and pride; but even he could admit to himself that it took a toll. At times he felt the burden was too much and often thought he was failing, miserably. As much as he claimed this was 'for the family', he felt like a hypocrite. Spewing the same line his father did to explain his absence. He too needed this time away, for himself. To find himself. To discover himself and revisit his roots. The place where he spent so much of his early childhood. Now, the memories so distant. Most have faded away. Only a few of his most cherished memories clung on. He had lived a lifetime since they've left their New England home. His mother had died giving birth to him. He never knew her except through the stories his father had told him. She seemed like a lovely woman. One that he'd wished he could have gotten to know, but if he had perhaps they'd never know Inger, or Marie. He'd never know Hoss or Little Joe. What he'd been forced to give up to balance out what he'd gained. He couldn't imagine a life without his two brothers and the women who took him in and treated him like he was their own. No matter how much he pushed them away. They loved him in spite of himself. They were lovely women too, in grace and compassion, but so was his mother. He needed for himself, to go back and to reclaim the memories he had lost and to learn about where it was that she had come from, where it was that he had come from.
"I know it's hard to understand at your age. I wish I knew how to explain it to you."
"If you loved us you'd stay here. That's what families do. They stick together." Those words cut deep, though they didn't change his heart.
"Joe. I'll be back. I promise and when I come back we'll do all the things we used to do. We'll fish and hike and I'll even teach you how to tame a horse."
~.~
The following day the young boys helped Hopsing in strewing the decorations. Seeing it all come together and being able to participate seemed to lighten Joe's mood, though he still kept his distance from Adam.
The night was a long one. People from all over town came by to see Adam off. Hearty handshakes and slaps on the back greeted him. Then the men went off to converse and drink with each other and talk up Ben's ear. The young bachelorettes crowded around Adam, each vying for his attention. Each one doing their best to outshine the others.
"So, am I to expect Little Joe next year?" Ms. Harper cornered Ben as he stepped away to refreshen his drink.
"I'm not sure yet. He's still has a lot of anxiety. With Marie's death being so fresh and now Adam's leaving. I might end up keeping him out another year until he can adjust."
As Hopsing turned the corner to enter the kitchen, he was shocked by the two figures within. The servant continued on with his work. "Why you two in here? Why you no out enjoying pawdy."
"Ah, who wants to hang out with a bunch of stuffy shirts anyways?"
"I see you enjoy Hopsing fwied chicken." Referencing the plate of chicken bones piled high in Hoss's hand.
"Golly, yessum. It was mighty good."
"You eat all dat?"
"No. Little Joe ate some too."
The tyke giggled. "I had one. Hoss almost bit might hand when I tried to get another."
"I gave you another one, you little rapscallion. You said you didn't want it." Little Joe giggled again.
"Numba 3 son, not like cooking?"
"No sir, it was delicious. I'm all filled up, is all."
"Numba 3 son, too skinny. Need moe meat on bones, like numba 2 son. Numbah 3 son, blow away in wind."
"I don't see how anyone can get a bite to eat with this big galoot eating everything in sight."
"Oh come here you little rascal." Hoss pulled his baby brother in and rubbed his knuckles into his hair."
"Ah! Get away from me, you big galoot." He screamed and wiggled out of his hold. Hoss jumped from the table wrapping his big arms around the boy and pinned him to the floor. He dug his fingers into the tender flesh of his abdomen. The boy wriggled and giggled trying to get away.
"Almost time foe Numba 3 son, go to bed." Hoss stopped and laid down on his brother using his body for a pillow.
"How about we just sleep right here?" He made fake snoring noises. "Get off of me!" Little Joe pushed and wiggled and giggled again.
"Hopsing no joke. Little boy bedtime." Hoss climbed off him and jumped back on the countertop.
"Ah. Not yet. Can't I hang out with Hoss a little while longer?"
"No. Boy no awg-ue. Boy get washed up."
"Ah, it's not fair that he gets to stay up."
"Numba two son olda. When Numba 3 son olda, numba 3 son stay up too."
"It's not fair." Hoss watched his little brother saunter through the kitchen doorway with Hopsing's hand on his back. He thought about the happenings taking place outside. Any other kid his age would be ecstatic to join in, but then he wasn't any other kid. The big boy jumped back down.
"It's okay, Hopsing. I'll get him washed up." His cook stepped back confused as Hoss stepped between them.
"Numba 2 not go join pawdy?"
"Na, I'm feeling kind of tired myself. I think I'll join Little Joe." His little brother burst with excitement.
"Boys no play. Get wight to bed."
"Yes sir, Mr. Hopsing. Right to bed."
~.~
The boy's laid in the dark stillness of the room they shared. The tumultuous sounds creeping through the walls. Adam's bed remained unoccupied. He was going to have to get use to that for a while. His bed was going to be unoccupied for years to come. He wondered if his brother would ever return. Oh he said he would, but Hoss had his doubts. When it came to his older brother he wasn't sure where his loyalties lay. There was a time he was so sure Adam would never leave them, especially when their father had. Since his father's return it seems all Adam wants to do is get away. He says he loves the family, but there was something out there calling to him. He wasn't sure what it was, but its hold on his elder brother was strong. He prayed it was not so strong that he wouldn't come back. One things for sure, he was going to miss him. As if reading his thoughts his little brothers voice cracked through the darkness.
"Do you think Adam is ever going to come back?" His voice was fragile and innocent and broken.
"He said he was, didn't he?"
"Some people don't, you know. Some people leave and they never come back. Look at Mr. Reagan's son." Mr. Reagan, their lead foreman, had a son Adams age. Adam and he had been friends for years. Carl Reagan had an adventurous spirit and longed for greener pastures. He'd left over a year ago in fact a bit before Marie's passing and hadn't returned. It wasn't college he was bound for. Just adventure. His son's absence left a hole in the heart of their aging foreman. One Little Joe could relate to.
"Oh Little Joe. I know you're sad. You still miss mom, don't you?" He sniffled in reply. His brother had been crying. He wondered for how long. He hadn't even noticed. He was so lost in his own wanderings that he hadn't noticed the broken boy in the other bed. Hoss got out of his and crawled in next to Little Joe, pulling him into an embrace. Joe melted in. After a pause the tot spoke again.
"You'll never leave me, will ya?" Hoss looked down at the curls of the boy.
"I'm sorry to say this Little Brother, you're stuck with me. We're going to be old men sitting in rockers together." He expected to hear his brothers giggle, but instead the little boy pulled at his night shirt and shoved his curls against his chest. They lay in the dark in embrace. A few minutes more, his brothers breathing changed and his grip relaxed, indicating he was fast asleep. Hoss continued to hold him and let his mind wander again until he too gave into the heavy pull of unconsciousness.
~.~
The boys spent the day at Rock Lake. Hoss's favorite fishing spot. Adam wanted one last hoorah with his brothers before he'd be leaving the next day. He didn't want to leave things with Joe on such bad terms. He also felt like he needed some time away with Hoss. Outside of the ears of their pa.
Joe was lost in his wanderings. Waste deep in the cool waters of the lake looking down at the fish that swam between his legs. The boy had the notion that he would outsmart Hoss. That he'd pull more fish out of the water by catching them with his bare hands, though he has yet to perfect his technique. Hoss had his line in the water humored by Joe's futile attempts. Adam sat next to Hoss, watching their brother play. Now was as good a time as he was ever going to get to have that talk with Hoss that he'd been meaning on having.
"Hoss, since I'm going to be gone a while, Pa is going to lean on you a lot more. That means your work load is going to get heavier."
"Oh, I don't mind about that."
"He's also going to need you to take care of Little Joe once in a while."
"That's no problem. Little Joe and me are best friends."
"Little Joe and I, and yes, I know you two are very close. Hoss, sometimes it won't be enough to be his best friend. Pa is going to need some help, like I said. That means that sometimes you're going to have to get tough on him too. I know you're not used to that."
"Awe shucks Adam."
"I'm serious Hoss. That little boy is wayward. He's liable to take off the ground if you let him. He needs constant supervision. You know as well as I do that, that kid and trouble are close companions and that's a friend he doesn't need to have." He smirked knowing exactly what his older brother was talking about. "I need you to promise me one more thing."
"Sure, Adam. What is it?"
"Get out some. Take care of yourself." The teen frowned
"What are you talking about?"
"It's sweet that you say Little Joe's your best friend, but you need to get out more. Make some real friends. You need to be hanging out with kids your own age. Friends at school. You can't get so caught up with life here that you forget that there's a life out there."
"I don't need to, Adam. I've got everything I need right here."
"Hoss, it's not healthy. You need to get out more. There's life beyond the trees and hills. Life beyond this little fishing hole. You're going to miss out on it. You can't turn your back on it."
"There's nothing wrong with this life. Just because you want to leave it, doesn't mean I do." Adam pursed his lips. His bull headed brother wasn't hearing a word he was saying. He let it be. He knew it was a long shot anyways.
~.~
Adam slipped out of the room closing the door carefully behind him. He was headed for the kitchen for a glass of milk that would hopefully help him sleep, when he saw his pa at the desk, working by the glow of the lantern.
"What's the matter, Pa? Can't sleep?" Ben closed the book on his desk.
"I was just thinking."
"What about?" Adam changed direction and headed to his pa.
"You. This college thing. Your brothers. You know with you gone it's going to be a lot different around here."
"Pa, I'm only going to be gone a few years. I'll come back."
"I know, I know. It's just that sometimes I think that you are the back bone of this house. Not me. Your brothers have come to rely on you. Sometimes I'm afraid, they need you more than me."
"Pa, you know that's not true. They need you like they need their own breath." He ignored this approbation.
"I've come to rely on you too. Perhaps more than a father should of his son. Now with you gone. I just don't know where that puts the rest of us."
"You know Hoss is a good kid. He's willing to step up and fill my shoes."
"Did he tell you that?"
"He as much as told me so. He just needs you to challenge him. You know I had a lot more responsibility at his age. I think he could do the work you set him to. He's more than capable. I mean he struggles a bit with the financial part of it, but he could do the rest."
"It's the finances I'm most worried about."
"You worried about money?"
"I shouldn't have said that. That's not fair to you."
"Pa, you don't have to hide with me. We've always been honest with each other. What is it?"
"It's college. I'm real proud you got accepted, but I worry sometimes if I'm going to be able to handle the financial responsibility."
"You're worried you can't pay for it?"
"It's not fair, I know."
"I'll get a job while I'm out there."
"That's too much work. You need to focus on your studies."
"It'd be no different than now."
"It'd be a lot different."
"I can handle it."
"No. I'll find a way."
"Pa. You need the money here, to care for Hoss and Little Joe and to run the ranch.
"I've worked too hard for too many years to be able to provide for my boys. I'm not backing down now. Not when it really matters. You are going to college. We will find a way. We'll have to make a few cuts around here, but we can do this."
"Pa…"
"You are going to school and you're not getting a job either."
"Thanks Pa."
"What brought you out here?"
"I don't know. Maybe, I was thinking about my brothers too."
"They'll be fine. They'll get along."
"I hope so Pa. I hope I'm doing the right thing."
"Little Joe's resilient. He's been through a lot and he always seems to come out on top."
"Yeah, that little kids a fighter."
"What else is bothering you?"
"I know what Little Joe's struggles are."
"Knowing is half the battle." Adam chortled then turned serious again.
"Pa, I think there might be something going on with Hoss too."
"What are you thinking?" He struggled with telling his father, wondering if Hoss would feel betrayed if he did.
"I'm not sure Pa." He said instead.
"What makes you think there's anything wrong with him at all?"
"I don't know." He just wanted his pa to discover the problem on his own. If his pa could just keep an eye out for him, he might see. "It just doesn't seem like he's acting himself."
"I'm sure he's going to miss having you around just as much as the rest of us." He deflated and lowered his head. They've got a whole summer to rest. Maybe the problem would reveal itself before Hoss would be set back to school.
"Yeah, I guess that's what it is."
~.~
The departure was bittersweet. Adam stood at the stage, luggage on top, dressed in his Sunday finest. "You be good for Pa." Little Joe squeezed him tight.
"You said you'd come back. Remember?"
"I will Joe. I will."
"You promised."
"I did promise and that is not a promise I intend on breaking."
He looked up. "You won't forget us?"
"How could I ever forget a little rapscallion like you?" He ruffled his curls.
"Bye big brother."
"Bye Hoss. Be good for Pa."
"Ah, you don't have to worry about me."
His father gave a hearty hug. Adam boarded the stage. The men watched as Adam rode away leaving a trail of dust in his wake.
Authors Note* I think it's fun to pull from characters from the show when a character might fit. In this case I pulled a Bonanza created character from The Fugitive 2x20. In that episode Will Reagan a former ranch lead asks the Cartwright's to track down his son whose been missing for several years. The son is mentioned to have been Adam's friend growing up.
With that being said, Dan Tolliver is a ranch lead that I believe many writer's like to use because, let's face it, he's more memorable. He had a bigger impact. He was said to have worked for the Cartwright's for many years but he doesn't feature until season 8 episode 2, in A Time to Step Down.
When Will Reagan comes into the picture several years before this, he was said to have also worked for the Cartwright's for some time and is already retired. Since I was going so far back into their past, I thought it would be fun to use him instead of Dan and in doing so could exploit the estranged relationship he had with his son. I think it's key to mention that Carl Reagan will not be featured in this story other than by name alone but I will be using this estrangement.
A person is shaped by not one experience or relationship in their lives but by many. We are going to see Will play his part (however small) into shaping the person Hoss becomes.
Disclaimer* Again all Bonanza characters belong solely to NBC.