Chapter 5
They said that the person who lost it all, has a great ability to find happiness in the smallest wonders. They also said that every person gets their own cross to carry through life-stronger the person, bigger the cross.
What a load of crap, Hermione thought while breathing in chill December air. She was walking through the gloomy gardens, dead and almost ugly in this time of the year, listening to the dogs barking and horses neighing in the barns, down by the big pond. She never went that far in the estate. She hated frogs and slugs around the pond and knew that Malfoy was spending most of his free time feeding or riding horses. On the thought of the mentioned young man she got even more irritated, even though she caught herself not loathing him enough. He was, after that night, if not nice, than definitely at least more civil to her. He even took her to St. Mungo's though she assumed it was only to keep the facade of young couple in love, but it was somehow comforting to her. He was by her side the whole time until she asked him, whispering aggressively, to stay in the hallway until she was done. And she hated her life in which Malfoy had the role of support. She was now obliged to go on an exams every single month, up until she got pregnant, and then there would be more following. Hermione didn't know how much time would Malfoy give her before losing patience and breeding her with his spawn, but she hoped it wouldn't be soon.
It isn't that bad really, she comforted herself thinking about him respecting his part of the deal and teaching her, along with Russian language, wandless magic. They would practice every single day, at first one hour of reading those weird letters, than one hour of wandless magic. He never asked her what she wanted to do with it which she was thankful for, even though he would occasionally give her some calculating look, as if trying to figure out what would she do with magic.
"Vingardium Leviosa." Hermione said clearly, pointing her finger on a little piece of branch with a few dead leaves lying near her feet. Nothing happened.
"Son of a bitch.'' She mumbled, annoyed, looking at the branch as if it killed everything she ever loved.
"That's not very nice language for such a nice lady." Hermione heard amused murmur behind her and turned casually, only to see Narcissa looking at her with almost kind look. She was used to the woman now. It's been a whole month since she was forcefully married and she actually liked the presence of the woman, now that she didn't see any ill intention in her behavior. The woman's aura was very regal and powerful, she had that Black aristocracy and grace within her so no one could stay unaffected. Also, she didn't speak much but she was very clever, which reminded Hermione of Malfoy. She had to admit that he had his own thing which attracted people, just like his mother, only he used it in wicked and wrong ways. But Narcissa was something else. She was a cunning mystery and Hermione knew that she needed to look up on her if she were to survive.
"I see you're still keeping your Muggle look around you." It wasn't said with malice, it was a simple statement.
Hermione looked down on her woolen, knee length, pale blue dress and black boots.
"I find it much more comfortable than robes."
"But aren't you cold?"
"Maybe a little, but I will go back inside now."
"I had a different thought. If you're not busy, you can go and take lunch to Draco, he is down there on the pastures with horses." Hermione saw badly hidden cunning in Narcissa's eyes and knew that the woman was up to something.
"Why me?"
"Well, why not? He's your husband, you have to live with him for the rest of your lives. You can as well make him some company.'' Not if I have any say in it, Hermione thought bitterly.
"Fine." Hermione sighed and went to the kitchen to take lunch. Ellie, the house elf, packed it in a box and gave it to her a little confused with Hermione's actions, but Hermione just shrugged, not wanting to elaborate why was she taking her husband's lunch.
She walked slowly, feeling somehow awkward, like she was intruding on his safe haven. After all it was only his place, where he went to relax. She, in fact, noticed changes in his behavior after spending time in there. He would become more laid back, of not more pleasant to be around, without that many slurs and offensive words directed at Hermione's heritage. And she was set to ruin it all now with her presence.
He was feeding one beautiful black horse when she spotted him, the sleeves of his black blouse rolled to his elbows, his pale skin in stark contrast with fabric. She could clearly see his profile and used the opportunity to just watch him while he was in his most natural state. His face was devoid of any bad emotion and his calmness radiated off him calming even herself. He didn't hear her, but when the horse got upset with her presence he saw her standing on the entrance. He didn't have a clue what she wanted but for some reason he felt glad to see her, as if she was his good friend. He frowned on his own stupidity and Hermione noticed it, feeling even more out of place.
"Can you come out? I brought you some lunch." she cleared her throat and said it carefully, looking at him like he was a tiger ready to rip her apart, limb by limb. He didn't like her that way. He didn't like scared Granger.
"Alright. Let's go to that tree over there." He turned to her and showed her the spot, the place which would be perfect to have a picnic in spring. It was under one big willow tree, which was depressingly dead without leaves now, near the pond, but not too close. He didn't show any sign of confusion on her presence and her awkwardness dissipated a little.
"Did you talk to my mother?" He asked after a few moments of silence, right when they came close to the willow.
"Yes, she actually sent me here." She answered, holding the basket with lunch and looking around her with slight unease. Where to put it, when the ground was wet and cold?
"I figured. She thinks I'm too lonely." Malfoy snorted cynically, but without usual malice. When he caught a glimpse of her standing there stupidly and holding the basket, he cast some spells and there was invisible blanket under them. He sat down and she did the same, not really conscious of her predicament. He was actually sharing with her personal stuff?
"Well, are you?" She asked quietly, not sure if he even heard her. Just when the words left her mouth she prayed he didn't.
He looked at her strangely then, while trying to find comfortable position for a plate with some meat and vegetables. Hermione saw usual emptiness in his look, only it was more pronounced and she felt even pity. Really, pitying a dictator?
"I don't have time for that." he said sharply, trying to cover up his insecurity with manly bark.
"Fine then, I ought to go now." She barked back, annoyed with his immaturity, and stood up to leave.
"No, wait, ah, you can, um, wait until I'm finished so you could bring the remains back." he stuttered and she saw a sudden change on his face. He didn't find her irritating and privy. He actually looked like he desperately wanted her to stay. And she felt a pang of sympathy. It looked like she wasn't the only one alone and lost. She pitied her enemy. Stupid, stupid girl.
They sat in silence while he ate and she was just starting to get bored when he attempted to talk again.
It was just a pathetic try to break the tension, he started to question her how did she find books on wandless magic he provided her, did she finally learn levitating spell and was she practicing reading of foreign language; just like some professor would question his student. She answered every question with a few simple words, but when she started to talk about the book she couldn't stop. It was a first thing she read in God knows how long and she missed books so much.
"... But it doesn't really explain how to make connection with your brain, you know? Magic should be something natural but it just won't come to me and I have some blockage whenever I try!" She finished her passionate speech with wild gesticulating, totally forgetting who was she talking to.
It was an early evening, around five p.m. and she didn't even notice in their heated discussion that they were heading back to the mansion.
"But I repeated it million times! Just think of your wand! Just remember the feeling of the magic surging through your body!" Malfoy answered, looking slightly annoyed but it was actually amusement dancing in the corner of his lips.
"Well I can't! I can't just imagine the feeling, Malfoy!" She looked like she was slightly distressed because it was probably the first time for her not to learn something quickly.
"Okay, stop right here." He ordered her with a hint of laughter in his voice and it sounded weird, it sounded as if he was years younger. She stopped short and he circled her, stood close behind her, so close that his nose touched her anomaly of hair. It was horrible, sharp and wild mass of wool and he hated it. It was so... untamed.
She felt him close and felt a little uncomfortable, unwanted picture of their first night coming back to her. She was so scared then. Now, not so much.
He took her hand in his and pointed it to the white peacock feather on the ground. And she finally felt it, and she missed it so fucking much she wanted to weep with joy. It was magic, cursing through his body and running through her veins, she felt the tingling, thought about a fuse burning through her and exploding on the tip of her finger. And the feather flew up to her. She smiled, really smiled with pleasure for a first time in so long, and then she heard a whisper near her neck,
"Now you remember."
She turned to him and saw his face, calm and illuminated with moonlight and it made her instinct to despise him weaken. She had always believed, that a person's personality could effect how much people found them repulsive. If someone was ugly on the inside, she would see them as the ugliest person in the world. Now, with her hatred for Malfoy slightly wavered by the odd calm that had settled between them, she accepted that he was a rather striking wizard. His face was perfect, like someone made him from marble. Every little line on his face screamed for attention in its own beauty and she forgot, just for a second, that there was the most dangerous and evil man in the world standing close to her. He was just a man to her then. Not some idea of a monstrosity which wanted to torture her, not an idea of unknown and untouchable husband. He was there, sharing his magic with her and looking at her with pleasant satisfaction and she had to blink a couple of times to go back to reality.
"Be careful nephew, you'll get infected." Someone cooed behind them and Hermione felt goosebumps all over her body. She despised that voice more than anything in the world.
"Auntie, that's my wife, be nice." Malfoy turned around, turning Hermione with him and still holding her close, probably feeling her tremble with fury.
Bellatrix stood there in awful black dress and with sinister smile on that gaunt face, looking exactly like Hermione imagined evil witches in fairytales.
"But don't forget honey, that's Mudblood. She should be more like a pet, not wife. Did he teach you how to speak, girl? Or you're still using screams to communicate, like you did before?" Hermione felt every single pore in her body begging to get a hold on this bitch and strangle her. But she trained herself well. She felt her lips turning into a cold smile, very similar to Malfoy's. Even though she felt that she was shaking, she smiled down on the woman, remembering Narcissa's tone and simply said,
"I don't talk to Draco's servants." Bellatrix looked like someone slapped her.
"You little Mudblood bitch!" She screamed and drew her wand, but Draco was faster. Hermione heard one quiet "Expelliarmus" and the wand flew to him.
"Auntie, do calm down. Let's talk business. What happened in Bristol? Who killed Rogers?" Bellatrix refused to talk in front of Hermione, so Malfoy sent her away. She walked with head held high, casting one disgusted glance at Lestrange and feeling elated with her own bravery. Vengeance will be mine, Hermione repeated to herself.
That night, she heard a knock when she was already in bed, trying to get comfortable and get at least some sleep.
"Who is it?" she jumped up in bed and yelled, unnerved, praying that Malfoy's protective spells were in place and Bellatrix wouldn't kill her. But on the door stood, not her supposed murderer, but her husband, looking devastatingly in need for some sleep. He was still in his uniform and it looked like he was back from some trip. Probably Bristol, Hermione thought to herself.
He just went in and without a single word went to the bathroom. Hermione listened, puzzled beyond comprehension, the water running in the bath and tried to understand why did he have to shower right there.
He came out minutes later, wearing simple grey sweatpants and baggy grey T-shirt. Hermione was looking in her sworn enemy from childhood, sleepy in his pajamas.
"What are you doing?" she managed to rasp out when he climbed on the bed and began to fluff the pillow on his side.
"I'm going to sleep in here." He said as if it was the most normal thing he did every night.
"Why?!" she almost shouted, hating her own confusion.
"Because I said so!" He yelled back, but without any malice, only with slight fear of rejection painted on his face, and he tried to hide it. She rolled her eyes.
"Fine!" she tossed herself back in her cocoon of linen, annoyed with the nerve to take away her privacy of sleeping.
Moments later, when they got quiet and he probably thought she was asleep, she felt an arm snaking up on her and hugging her close to him.
It should have bothered her. She should have felt repulsed and disgusted with the man who managed to make her life living hell hugging her. But she didn't.
She turned to him, looking at him puzzled, and he opened his eyes, the beauty of the greys luring her to be closer.
"Just go to sleep, Granger." And they slept.
"If you could get away from here, would you try to contact some of my friends?"
"What?" Kate looked at her scared, manically turning around them to see if anybody was near. But they were alone in the gardens.
"Just do me a favor. If you hear that Neville or Luna is alive, let me know. Try to get some information, you're free to go to Diagon Alley, right?"
"I don't know Hermione, it's too dangerous, everyone's watching us closely and-"
"Just try?"
"Okay, I will."