#8

Loki could almost feel his brain crackle as he strained his powers of concentration but no solution or possible explanation came to him, and no words could express the frustration that he felt in the face of this intellectual murkiness following Hela's dark magical torture. It was not as bad as it had been when Thanos had finally released him from endless torment to retrieve the Tesseract from Midgard and the portal had spit him out in the middle of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s research facility, his mind entirely blank for a few terrifying moments, but it was still excruciating. His intelligence was his only weapon—well, not his only weapon but definitely his sharpest—and having it smothered yet again was almost unbearable.

He remembered the first time all too well. His thoughts arrowed back to The Other's inhuman voice, which had greeted his first dazed moment of consciousness after he'd drifted through space unconsciously for God knows how long after letting go of Thor's hand. Hello, Asgardian.

I'm not Asgardian. I'm an outcast.

An outcast, you say? Well, then, rejoice, for you have had the privilege of being saved by the Great Titan. This is his sanctuary.

Loki felt the mental manhole cover he'd slid over these painful memories shift, as if something on the bottom of the well was rising up and pushing against it from the other side. No, not now, please. He feared what would happen to his sanity if he looked into that well again; dreaded the endless abyss of madness he would have to stare into if he did not keep the cover closed. Think about something else, Loki.

But Thanos had edged his way into Loki's brain. If you fail to bring me the Tesseract, I will squeeze your worthless life out of your body with my bare hands until there is nothing left inside of you … You may think this is suffering. No, it is salvation. The universal scales tip toward balance because of your sacrifice.

Loki buried his head in his hands and drew in sharp breaths as the cells in his body recalled the pains of the titan's torture with a sudden intensity. No, this was all wrong. He should not be here. He should be dead. He had finally paid his debt. Thor should have stayed away. Thor, that's good. Think about Thor and the inexplicable ways in which he has changed. He seemed both softer than before and somehow hardened, which was an impossible combination. And Hela had somehow lifted the spell that neither Odin's death nor Asgard's extinction had been able to lift. She'd taken away his Asgardian appearance, robbing him of the only shield he had ever possessed against his inner demons. And in the end, she'd still let him go. Why? And why did Thor want him back?

Holy shit, you're a Frost Giant. And maybe, just maybe, Frost Giants are not that smart.

And this maledict, unbearable heat, crushing him down. Loki was sure his body would not be able to take any of this for another minute, let alone an entire month. He might as well turn back immediately. He let out a breath. The dark part snickered. You have endured so much worse, Loki. Are you seriously going to acknowledge yourself beaten now, just because your Asgardian form is gone? That would only prove them right, all of those damned souls who thought you less because of it. You cannot let them win. You cannot let Thor see.

No, you are right, I cannot let him see.

"You need sustenance," Thor's voice came back to him. "Take these."

Reluctantly, Loki opened his eyes. Thor had changed into Midgardian attire, a large bag by his side. He was handing him two bottles of water as well as a handful of what Loki guessed were food items in a brown and yellow wrapping. He unscrewed the water bottle and drank; unaware of how thirsty he had been until the liquid streamed down his parched throat. He emptied both bottles and for the moment, his skin stopped pricking and his thoughts stopped spinning.

"Thank you," he said softly to this alien version of his brother that finally swam into clear focus. Thor's hair was growing back after whoever was responsible for preparing the fighters for the contest of Champions on Sakaar had cut it and it was falling into his forehead in single wisps. But his hair was not the most significant alteration to his physical form since Loki had last seen him. "How did you get your eye back?"

"I got it from a space rabbit who said he was a raccoon," Thor replied. "And he stole it from some other guy when he was locked up in prison."

"Space rabbit," Loki repeated quietly, marveling at just how much his brother had changed in such a brief period of time. "And the axe?"

"After Thanos blew up our ship with the power stone, I traveled to Nivadellir to have it forged by Etri."

"It's Nidavellir, brother," Loki corrected him, slightly irritated. "How come you still not know this?"

Thor shot him a glance that perfectly articulated his fallacious conviction that Loki was only trying to tease him. "It's Nivadellir," he insisted.

"It's not." A flimsy laugh escaped Loki's lips. "It's Nidavellir. From old Norse Nið, meaning 'wane of the moon', and vellir, meaning 'fields'. It's the land of the dark fields, not the land of the field's dark."

"If you say so," Thor replied, ready to brush over the explanation. Loki realized with a curious mixture of exasperation and gratitude that at least a few things about Thor had not changed. He needed to have things his way and he was entirely incapable of admitting to be in the wrong, even concerning a banality such as this.

"Now eat one of these," Thor ordered, took one of the food items, tore open the wrapping with his teeth and peeled half of it away, revealing a brown bar with a smooth-looking surface.

"What is that, exactly?" Loki relented.

"It's an energy bar."

"An energy bar?" Loki echoed.

"Yeah. They call them that because, apparently, there is a lot of energy in them," Thor explained, thrusting the food into his hand. "Like sugar and other ingredients that give your body a lot of energy really fast. Try it. It's good."

"I don't even know who you are anymore," Loki mumbled but still he took a hesitant bite and chewed carefully. He had been wrong. His Asgardian appearance had never been his only shield against his inner demons. Thor was another one and he was right there. He had saved him countless times and he had just done it again. The question is why exactly.

"I could have said the same thing to you countless times, you know," Thor countered.

"Fair enough," Loki acknowledged after swallowing the first sticky bite. "This is awful."

"We can eat something else later," Thor offered. "Midgardian food is actually pretty awesome."

Loki could only stare as the realization that he had actually agreed to spend a month with his brother was slowly sinking in. And it was not only that. Thor had come prepared. He had brought clothes, food supplies and water. He had planned this out. But why? Why?

"I cannot believe any of this is happening," Loki breathed out but after the thought had time to settle, it almost appealed to him. It meant no more drainage and no more pain for a while. Thor had somehow come to an arrangement with Hela in order to liberate him, which meant that he must have become both stronger and smarter, maybe even strong enough to protect him against Thanos should the titan chose to attack again. And if Thor wasn't, Loki would simply go back to the pain a bit sooner. It was as though he had been granted a vacation from Hel with absolutely nothing to gain and nothing to lose and that was the most comforting thought that had ever crossed his mind. For the first time in years, he suddenly felt miraculously and unfamiliarly at peace.

He savored the feeling for a moment before he asked, "So, where are we?"

"Don't you recognize this place?" Thor asked back, motioning his head toward the edge of the forest and whatever lay beyond.

Loki cast his brother a suspicious glance but, refreshed by the water, took a few steps out of the shade anyway. He stepped onto green a grassland that was stretching out until it was curbed by several rock formations that were looming on the horizon, silhouetted against a deep blue sea. His brain needed a moment to give significance to the scenery in front of him but when it finally did, it felt like another punch to the gut.

"Norway?" Loki yelled. "Are you actually serious?"

"I thought it would—"

"And you have the audacity to tell me that I am the worst brother?" Loki cut him off. "What are you trying to accomplish by dragging me back to where Odin met his doom?"

Thor held up his hands in defense. "I'm going to be perfectly honest with you; I didn't really think any of this through."

"Planning things out was never your strong suit," Loki heard himself reply and felt the dark part stir at the weakest sign of emotional attachment to his brother, be it anger, disappointment or affection. When Thor smiled, he added, "But I am expecting an explanation anyway."

"Okay, first of all, I didn't mean it when I said that you were 'the worst brother'," Thor told him. "It was sort of a joke to keep you calm and stop you from panicking, which might not have worked out the way I intended it to, I give you that."

Loki stared at the outlandish version of Thor as the familiar mixture of confusion, fear, discomfort and hatred began to boil in his chest. Oh please, we were over this. I do not want to hate him anymore. Just go away.

"As for the rest, I don't know where to start, actually," Thor admitted. His gaze dropped. "My life has never been the same after father died and Hela suddenly appeared. Everything went so fast, I never had the time to adjust to any of it, and I suppose that is more or less how you felt when you discovered that you were Laufey's and not Odin's son." Loki drew in a breath to interrupt that preposterous comparison but Thor silenced him with his hand. "Although, I acknowledge that learning you are a Frost Giant by birth is worse than having to find out you have a sister that is the actual heir to a throne you do not even want at that point anymore anyway."

Loki rewarded his efforts with the hint of a smile although his brother's continuous use of the term 'Frost Giant' and the disdain inherent in that label made his stomach coil.

"That doesn't change the fact that he lied to both of us though. It also doesn't change the fact that I am not yet over his death. You are not gonna understand, but I miss him. Despite everything that happened, I loved him." Loki winced but either Thor did not notice or he did not care. "And I figured that if there was one place that might bring us closer together or give us some closure, it would be the place of our ancestors. That's what he said when he died. That we should remember this place because it was home. Maybe there's something more to this than we actually had time to think about."

Can you believe him, Loki? How can he do that to you? "Well, your ancestors," was all Loki said in response.

"My ancestors, if you insist," Thor relented, looking thoughtfully into the distance when he continued. "Although legend has it that all advanced beings that dwell in the Nine Realms originally came from here."

"Is that so?"

"Why do you think Laufey tried to invade this exact place two-thousand years ago? It must have been significant to him in some way," Thor suggested.

He had said 'Laufey' but Loki's mind replaced the name with 'your father' and it almost ate him alive that Thor was talking about the former Jotun king so casually after not wasting a single word on Loki's lineage for almost a decade. It also ate him alive that Thor had the luxury of having a father who had loved him to mourn while he himself had stabbed his biological father through the heart and was more or less responsible for the death of both of his adoptive parents. Monster, monster, monster. Cursed, cursed, cursed.

No, Loki, Odin is the monster. He treated you like garbage for a millennium but was still bold enough to claim that he loved you shortly before he died.

"Loki?"

And Thor is not much better, is he? He knows you're a monster. He just said as much. He doesn't even trust you because of your heritage. Can't you feel it? Don't you see how he looks at you?

Loki shook off the voice with the greatest of efforts. "Do you really think I am going to have an epiphany of some sort?"

Thor gave a shrug. "Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I'm gonna have one. You just never know, do you?"

Loki snorted in response to his brother's excruciating credulity. It was Thor's greatest flaw and Loki was sure that it would bring about his downfall one day. "So, what are we going to do?" Loki mocked him. "Go for a walk along the coast?"

Thor did not disappoint Loki's surmise when he replied with, "Yeah, why not?"

Author's Note:
- The 'Nidavellir' exchange results from Chris Hemsworth's mispronunciation of the name in Infinity War and even though I'm convinced Thor knows how to pronounce it correctly, I couldn't resist. I just thought it might be a funny interlude.
- And yes, Thor can actually be quite a gullible dumbass sometimes but I love him for it.