A/N: I apologize for this…I saw that picture from the episode "Head to Toe" and all I could think about was Harm…putting something out there…and then I felt a need to put this out there… ;P
Putting it Out There
It's been sitting there for the last five minutes, just lying there, like a snake in the grass, ready to strike. From the corner of my eye, I watch for any signs of movement, any signs that it is about to peak its head above its nest and make itself known.
I know it wants me to notice it, to put myself in its path…but I won't.
Harm can look at me all he wants; he can try to get me to check out the file in his lap, try to make me acknowledge the great elephant in the room, but I will not break.
Harm doesn't know who he's dealing with.
And I know exactly who I'm dealing with…
An adolescent boy. An adolescent boy in a thirty-nine-year-old fighter pilot/lawyer's body. An adolescent boy in a thirty-nine-year-old fighter pilot/lawyer's body who just happens to have his dick out of his pants, letting it sun itself between the pages of our case file.
He's just trying to mess with me, but he's going to fail. Meanwhile, I wonder how long it will be before he finally cracks and starts waving it at me.
When Harm and I started dating just after Christmas, I discovered his romantic side. He sent me flowers after our first date, called me from his car after he'd walked me to my door just to tell me I was beautiful, and then he invited me to lunch the next day. This behavior lasted well beyond that first week; it actually still continues today, and I have to admit he's been a wonderful boyfriend. I honestly didn't know he had it in him—not the wonderful boyfriend part, of course-the romantic part.
After he and I finally made love for the first time, I discovered there was even more to this six-foot-four wonder of a man…
He has the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old. Oh, he still makes clever, adult jokes, is still quick with the witty comebacks, but he's also quick with the penis jokes. I guess I should be glad he isn't telling fart jokes; Harriet tells me there are twin boys that live next door to them who are constantly talking about farts and other bodily functions. She's afraid they are already corrupting little AJ, because even though the little boy hasn't started speaking in kind, he laughs uproariously every time those boys come around. It's really only a matter of time before my sweet little godson goes to the dark side.
Anyway, it's obvious Harm is very proud of this most important appendage, and he also finds it a great source of both general and physical humor.
Okay, Harm is never crude with it (though it is a fine line), and honestly, I've always thought that male genitalia look faintly ridiculous, so I really can't help but laugh…which only encourages him.
But today, I'm not going to give him the satisfaction…it's my turn to mess with him.
I barely stop myself from snickering as I sit down beside him and do my best to ignore the trouser snake currently hiding in the file that I really would like to read. Oh well, he'll crack soon; he'll have to do something to make it impossible to ignore his most magnificent member.
And it really is magnificent…
Yes, I know I have said that male genitalia look faintly ridiculous…I mean…look at it! No, don't look at it, at least not this one…this one is mine, but…think about it…it just dangles there, flopping around…and there are so many names for it! Wanger. Schlong. Cock. Dick. Member. Manhood. Rod. Joystick. Pecker. Knob. Willy. Tool. Meat. Johnson. Prick. Weenie. One-eyed snake. Shaft. Peter. Sausage. Skin flute. Thingy. Tube steak…okay, that one's my favorite, because, well, I like steak, and Harm's is…well, let's just say that rather than being ridiculous, it's fabulous. It's big. Really big. The biggest I've…um, yeah, Harm is well-endowed. And what he does with it…Oh. My. God. No wonder Jordan felt the need to brag that night at McMurphy's. I'm sure she was well satisfied, and if the poor woman weren't dead, I would totally want to gloat to her that now I get to ride this stallion. She'd know exactly what she was missing. But, very tragically, she is dead, so I won't brag. Now, if Rene were here…
I don't realize right away that a smile has formed on my face until Harm bumps my shoulder with his. "Something amusing you, marine?" he asks, then looks pointedly down at his sweetener. That's another name for penis; I read it once in a book of Victorian erotica. Now they had some interesting euphemisms for the male member.
"Nah, Harm…I was just thinking that we're going to kick some major tail with this case on Monday. Sturgis doesn't have a chance!" I say, which is true, though, obviously that isn't what has given me this grin.
Harm and I discuss some of the finer points of the case for a few more minutes, and I have to admit I'm impressed. Harm hasn't broken yet. His penis is still innocently tucked into the crease of the file, he hasn't told me there's a snake on the loose, and he has been speaking calmly about the case of the UA petty officer. Unfortunately, there is something I really do need to see and his wank (another name!) is covering half of it. I think for a moment about what I should do, and finally I just reach over and push it to the side, see what I need to see, and then let it go back to its original position. I see it twitch a bit, but Harm doesn't say or do anything about the fact that I've just touched his penis.
A little while later, I'm thinking that I should up the ante here. We're at a stalemate, and either I do something to match his offering or I let him tell me some story about how his "snake" can do tricks if I pet it. Ha, if I had a nickel for every time somebody told me that…well, I'd have about twenty-five cents, and each one of those shiny silver coins would have Harm's name on them.
What a joker…
I'm starting to get that stupid grin on my face again, so I think of something that is seriously unfunny. Hemorrhoids. Yeah…nothing funny about them…
And suddenly I'm giggling. Apparently, I also have the sense of humor of a twelve-year-old boy.
"You see something funny there, Mac?" Harm asks knowingly.
I think quickly. "Yeah…I was…um…" Well, I guess I'm not thinking too quickly…
"Little AJ!" I suddenly shout. Harm jumps. "Yeah, he said something…funny…the other day…yeah…what was that…" Harm looks at me oddly, then looks down at his lap. My eyes do not follow. Because if they do, I'll giggle again. I'm getting a bit worried that Harm will win this contest of wills…or willies…And now here I am, snickering again.
I think Harm is a bad influence on me…
Okay, okay…I need to think of something…oh yes…
Without Harm noticing, because he's too busy noticing his own anatomy, I unbutton my shirt a little bit. My bra's clasp is in the front, so it's easy to surreptitiously unhook it. Harm still isn't looking at me; actually, it looks like he's actually reading the file, because he just lifted his penis and turned the page. I carefully untuck a breast, and just let it sit there while the nipple hardens in the cool air of Harm's apartment.
I asked Harm once why he keeps this place so cold…this was after he and I had first made love, and he told me it was because the cold made my nipples stand up. I smacked him on the chest and he laughed…until I asked him if he was worried about shrinkage. He was not amused, but I certainly was.
Harm is currently busy highlighting an area of text on the new page. He can't avoid writing on his shaft, and I think to myself that he can keep that highlighter. I have plenty. I don't need that particular penis painter back. While Harm is concentrating on decorating himself and our case file, I subtly shift positions. Harm doesn't notice, but it's only a matter of time…
Ah, yes…he's capping the highlighter. Now he tosses it aside, and…yes…he turns toward me. 3-2-1…
"Jesus, Mac!"
"Yes, Harm?" I say calmly with a serene smile on my face.
"Your, uh, tit…uh…boob…breast…"
"What about it?"
"It's, uh, well it's…"
"Yes?"
He motions toward my chest. "It's out!"
"Hmmm, I think there's a snake on the loose too," I say, before I dissolve into a fit of giggles. Harm suddenly tosses the file and grabs me. I find myself straddling him, and I can feel him harden underneath me.
Hours later, Harm and I lie in bed together. We've made love three times, and I'm struck by something else about Harm. He's fun. Sex with Harm is passionate, fiery, fulfilling…but it's also just plain fun. He makes it that way. I've never laughed so much during sex, (although I did have a dream once that I had sex with Webb…that was pretty funny) and it's been a gift to discover that Harm loves so joyfully. He still has an intenseness about him, the same intenseness he brings to JAG and flying, but now that he's let go with me, there's joy and laughter there too. Sometimes our lovemaking is pure intensity…I mean, the first time, I actually cried afterwards. (So did he, but he'll never admit it.) But other times, it's all about showing each other how happy we are together.
And we are happy.
So happy.
In fact, I've really never been happier. I love this man so much.
We haven't said those words to each other yet, and I'm not sure we're ready to, but…Harm's pulling me close again. I wonder if he wants another go-round, but I see his eyes are fluttering shut. I raise myself on my elbow. Time to say goodnight…
"Harm?"
"Yes, sweetheart?" Oh, he just melts my heart when he calls me that.
"Um…" Goodnight. Say goodnight.
"Sarah?" Harm's voice is low and cloaked in velvet.
"I love you." What? Goodnight. That's all you were supposed to say, MacKenzie. Oh my god, I've ruined everything…
"Oh, Mac…"
Here it comes…
"I love you too."
Huh? I'm starting to tear up.
A moment later, Harm rolls over on top of me. Tenderly, he brushes my tears away and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Don't cry, Mac. I love you." He kisses me. "I love you so much." His lips find mine again. "I. Love. You." Each word is punctuated with more kisses and finally our lips meet in a long, loving caress. It doesn't take long before the kiss heats up, and I know that Harm is no longer tired.
And neither is his John Thomas (Ha! More dick slang!)
I raise my eyes to Harm's, and his stormy eyes are full of love and arousal. His erection presses against me intimately, and I lift my head to capture his lips again. "Harm, I think the mouse is out of the house…"
Harm looks confused for a moment, but then his eyes light up in understanding. "Yes, it is…we're gonna need a good mouser…know where I could get a good puss—"
"Harm!" And suddenly we're laughing again, loving joyfully together.
End