Chapter 13: Despair

It's been a week since we arrived at the farm and a lot has happened.

Carl was better after a few days of rest and was able to walk around as long as he was careful. He and Eren barely left each other's sides.

Daryl had gone out searching for Sophia alone and came back beaten and battered. He had taken one of Hershel's horses and something spooked it and the horse threw Daryl from its back and down into a deep ravine. One of his bolts got lodged in his side, went through and through. The stupid idiot pulled it out. He could have caused more damage, but it did save his life from being eaten by a walker.

Carol had come onto my husband. She tried to be secretive about it, but both Daryl and I could see her intentions. I had to have a long conversation with her explaining why my husband gave her that flower. It wasn't because he liked her romantically, he gave it to her to ease her mind off Sophia. Carol has been on my nerves lately, especially when we found out Sophia was in the Greens barn.

She had been turned into a walker and it hit both Carol and Daryl hard. Carol blamed me for not doing anything. Daryl had distanced himself from the group... From me... From our son. I knew he was upset. He would be back soon enough, he just needed time.

My wound was healing nicely. It was still pretty tender, but the scabs stopped tearing and bleeding. I didn't need to have it wrapped up anymore. Now, whenever I wore a tank top, you could plainly see the nasty looking bite from under the tanks strap.

Right now, I am currently taking the stitches out of both T-Dogs arm and Carl's gunshot wound, both healing up very nicely as well.

"There. Now all that's left is keeping it clean until it's fully healed. Both of you." I smiled.

T-Dog smiled at me and walked back towards his tent to lay down. Carl looked up at me and smiled. I turned over to Lori who smiled shamefully at me as I gazed over the cut on her forehead.

"I'm sorry. No one would go to town to check up on them, so I went myself." Lori looked down at her hands.

I looked around before whispering. "Are you crazy though? What about your baby? You could have hurt it." She smiled sadly and held onto her stomach. She had told me yesterday that she was pregnant and had asked for my help.

"Do you think Rick will be happy?" She questioned.

I shake my head. "I have no idea. If this world wasn't like this, I bet he would be, but I honestly don't know. But I'm here. I'll make sure you both survive, Lori, so tell him."

She hugged me. "Thank you."

I pulled back and took out a disinfectant wipe from my bag. "Now let's clean you up."

"Let me get this straight. You saved this boy, Randal, and want me to perform surgery on his leg, only to kill him after?" I question.

Rick nods. "It isn't decided if he will die yet."

I frown. "Rick, his people tried to find out where we were, then tried to kill you. Do you really believe that the people in our group, besides probably me, Dale and the kids, want him alive?"

Shane grunts. "She has a point, Rick. For once, we actually agree."

"For the last time, I'm a guy, Shane!" I growl angrily.

"Knock it off, both of you." Rick orders as he rubs his face tiredly. "We will vote on it as a group."

"Well vote soon. I'm not doing the surgery until he is, for sure, not going to be killed. I will not waste the supplies. I'll wrap it so he doesn't bleed to death, but that's it." I announce softly.

Rick nods. He turned to Shane and sighed. "Get everyone to meet in the house. Hershel and his family too. They are part of this group now."

Shane nodded and rushed off. I sighed and headed towards where I knew Daryl would be.

He was sitting outside our tent on a log, cleaning a few arrows.

"Daryl." His body froze up and quickly relaxed once he turned and saw me. I smiled softly at him and gestured towards Hershel's house. "Group gatherin- oof!"

I stumble as his body collides with mine and holds me tightly. " 'm sorry." He mumbles into my hair.

I smile and bring my arms up around him. "I know. You were upset and needed space. I understand."

He pulled back and placed a hand on the side of my face, cupping my cheek lightly. "Still no excuse to ignore you. Is Eren upset?"

I shake my head and kiss his rough palm. "To be honest, he's been so busy with Carl he hasn't really noticed anything." Daryl nodded slowly and sighed in relief.

"Good." He dropped his hand to my waist and pulled me close to his side as he started walking towards the house.

"You know, I think when Carl and Eren are old enough, I believe they will be together like we are. Wouldn't that be adorable?" I chuckle.

Daryl grumbled to himself for a second. "Ain't no one touching meh son like I touch you, 'specially that sheriff's boy." He spoke confidently, voice thick and gruff.

I roll my eyes and grin mischievously. "Oh, we'll see."

I stare out after Dale as he walked towards the front door. "Well I'm not going to just sit here and watch while you kill an innocent boy. I'll be outside."

I move to go after him, and Rick stops me. "Just... Let him be alone for a while. Let him cool off."

I agree sadly and walk to stand on the deck. I watch Dale walk off into a pasture and watch as he sits on a log for a while. About an hour later I notice someone stumbling towards him.

I scream and rush forward as the body tackled Dale to the ground. I hear people coming out of the house behind me and I'm already yards ahead. Dales screams reach my ears and I kick the body off him once I'm close enough. I stomp on the walker's head repeatedly until Daryl pulled me away.

I rush to Dales side and my eyes survey the damage. My hands hover over his stomach. It was torn into, intestines exposed. "Oh god, Dale. Ther-there's no way I can..." He smiles at me painfully and takes one of my hands shakily. He understands what this meant for him. He nods towards Rick and I close my eyes.

Rick looks at his gun in distaste before nodding, agreeing to do what no one could.

I can hear Andrea and Amy's sobs in the background but it's all faint as I open my eyes and watch my husband take the gun from Rick.

"I'll do it." He grips it tightly and points it at Dales head. Dale smiles once and I look away. I grip Dales hand tightly.

"Sorry, brother." And the gun went off, echoing out into the night air, hand going limp in my own.

Things were in chaos after Dales death. We decided that Randal, who we found out was part of a group that would take women and children from other groups, rape them, then kill them in front of the ones that care about them before killing them too, was to be dropped off miles away for a chance to survive. But Rick and Shane had brought him back, and they were both in rough shape. They must have gotten into a fight. Now Randal was locked back up and chained in the barn.

I was just coming out of the bathroom when Shane stumbled into the hall. I was alone at the moment and Shane looked frantic and his nose was busted and slowly bleeding. I didn't like the guy, but he looked like he needed help.

"Shane? What's wrong?" What did I miss? His eyes locked with mine and I swear I saw him smirk for a second before it was gone.

"It's Randal! He broke loose! We have to go find him! Follow me."

I frown. This sounded odd. "Shouldn't we tell Rick?"

He nodded. "I already did. He, Daryl, and Glenn are ready to go search and he told me to get you."

I followed him out and stood next to Daryl as Rick handed me a knife and a handgun. "Shane, Avery, and I will search this way while Daryl and Glenn head that way. He is a threat while he is loose. He could bring his group back here."

We nodded, I kissed Daryl, and we set out, leaving the rest of the group in the house for safety.

It was nearly dark now and we had been walking for hours. I walked behind Shane and Rick, keeping my distance as I listened to them speak.

We came to a meadow and they began to slow down.

"So, this is where you planned to do it..." Rick spoke, nodding to himself as we came to a stop. What?

"It's as good a place as any." Shane smiles.

Rick turned to fully face him and growled "You just don't have the balls to call it as it is. Murder." What!?

They both start to walk, circling one another, me staying off to the side, eyeing Shane and keeping a firm hold of my knife and gun.

"Do you really think you can walk back onto that farm? Without me, Avery, or Randal?"

"Now you shut up!" Shane snarled.

But Rick kept going, edging him on. "And buy whatever bull shit story you cook up?"

Shane frowned. "No. You see, it ain't no story. I saw that prisoner gun you down, take your knife, brutally stab that thing," he gestured towards me, "and I charged him, snapped his neck." He shook his head. "It ain't going to be easy, but Lori and Carl, they'll get over you. And no one will miss the he-she." Wrong. So very wrong. I glare daggers and glance at Rick to see his reaction. His face is set, sad and accepting of his best friend's betrayal.

Shane raises his gun and points it towards Rick.

"Why?" Rick asks, not doing anything to protect himself, even with a gun pointed at him. He didn't have his knife out, or his gun up and ready. "Why now? I thought we worked this all out?"

No answer.

"To screw my wife and take my family? Is that what you want?!" Rick snarls out, desperate to understand. I was shocked. Shane was a lot more unstable than I thought.

"I know you Shane, you won't be able to live with this."

"You don't know what I can live with, what I live with. You don't think I can?" He puts his gun back into his pants and spreads his arms out wide. "Come on Rick! Raise your gun and take a shot! Do it!"

Rick stops and shakes his head, stopping and taking a step back. "No. No, I won't."

Shane stops as well. "Come on Rick, you're not even going to fight for them? I'm a better father than you! Come on!" Silence. Shane lowers his arms and grins. "I'm a better man than you."

Rick shuffles sideways and they circle again.

"You got a vulnerable wife and a weak boy. You can't take care of them." Shane grabs raises his gun again. "Pick up you gun."

Rick defiantly stands his ground. "You're going to have to kill an unarmed man."

My eyes widened. Is he crazy?

"Rick!" I hiss, raising my gun, hands shaking. What do I do?

Rick slowly raises his arms up, never taking his eyes off Shane. "Watch my hand." He slowly reaches for his gun, unclips it from its holster and flips it around, holding it out towards Shane, handle first.

"Rick!" My eyes widen. What do I do!?

They slowly start moving towards each other, Shane's gun at the ready.

"Now listen Shane, there is still a way back from this." No there isn't! "Nothing happened here. We can lay down our guns and walk back to the farm... Together... Back to Lori... and back to Carl." Shane licks his bloody lips. "We can put this all behind us."

Within feet of each other, Shane takes one hand from his gun and grips onto the one in Ricks outstretched hand. That's when Rick strikes. It happens so fast. The next second Rick drew his knife from his hip and the blade is embedded deep into Shane's chest, and Shane's gun goes off, grazing my cheek.

They are both dragged to the ground and I stand in shock, arms dropping down at my sides.

"Damn you for making me do this, Shane! Damn you!" Rick cried angrily and Shane choked on blood, trying to get air into his lungs, staring up at Rick in shock.

"You did this to us, not me! You!" Ricks angry grip turns soft as he gently touches Shane's face, as if trying to sooth him from his pain in his final seconds. He really does care about Shane, but he was a threat to us all.

I move forward and place a hand on Ricks shoulder as Shane's body stills. "Rick. Come on, Rick. He's gone. We have to head back, they'll be worried. We will tell them everything. They'll understand. Shane's been... Off lately." I pull Rick back and help him to his feet.

Covered in Shane's blood and crying over the loss of his best friend, he stands to his feet and turned away from me only to freeze.

"Carl..."

I spin around quickly to see Carl walking towards us with his dads Sheriff hat on top of his head, a gun in hand. Tears are running down his face and as we approach , he raises it.

Rick raises his hands. "Wait, Carl. It isn't what it looks like."

I move closer cautiously and turn my head back as I hear a groan. Shane. My eyes widen. How did he turn!? He wasn't bit?! Carl's gun goes off and Shane's corpse drops to the ground, gunshot to the head.

Rick and I stare at the body in shock before Carl is in his father's arms hugging him and crying.

I sigh and look off towards the horizon. My eyes widen. There, about a hundred to two hundred yards away, were hundreds of walkers, heading towards us, towards the farm.

"Rick!"