.
..
.
Tom put the photos back and closed the box. He didn't look behind to see if will was awake, just got up and started wearing his clothes. He did it in one second, but there was a little trouble with buttoning, his hands were shaking as he tried to keep the emotions under control.
Will noticed the noise and turned around, seeing him about to leave the room.
- Tom?
- I'm going… - he looked hurt - you better go too.
- Hey, wait. Tom!
Will jumped the bed and put his pants and shoes. He didn't think much this time, was too confused to understand what was happening and too afraid that Tom would disappear on the other side of the door. He grabbed the rest of his things and stormed out.
Tom was on his way towards the train station to pick the bike. His friend walked a few steps behind, silent at first, but when the tension got too high he started talking.
- What is it Tom, talk to me.
- I'm going home. You too. That's all.
He looked at Tom's back. They were smaller than he remembered and stiff as he used to see in the trenches.
- Is that how it ends? - Tom didn't look - don't you dare walk away like that. You started this, you and I share the same blame.
He turned this time, with painful eyes.
- You're married, Sco. You have a wife and kids. Seems like the only thing you don't have is the decency to tell me! All this time… do you have any idea how stupid I feel?
- How…
- Actually, you weren't really trying to hide, were you? - he pressed his eyes for a moment - God, that makes me feel even more stupid.
He grabbed Tom's arm.
- Please, let me explain.
- You don't have to fucking explain anything! At least not to me.
- Look, it's not like that with me and Mary, we're...
Tom pushed his arm back. They were near the station and some people started to gaze their way.
- Save it for yourself.
He turned his cold back and will felt at loss. If he let Tom go now he might never hear of him again.
- Please listen to me, just once! - will shouted, echoing down the street and startling the passer byes.
His friend turned around shocked and pushed him to the nearest alley.
- Are you bloody insane? I swear, I feel like fucking killing you right now. - Tom said, regretting instantly. - what is it? What you think will make so much difference now?
- About me and Mary, we are not like you think we are. We didn't marry because we we wanted, it was just that…
Tom didn't look him in the eyes, he didn't want to hear all that.
- We were young and stupid… we made mistakes, okay? It's not like we can go back.
- So now you're old and wise? You'll say that you hate them and want me? - he said sarcastically. - A man really can change in one night.
- No, I love them. I love my two girls, they are everything to me. And Mary… I love her too, but not like a husband should... We've known each other since forever and it just felt normal that we should date and get married someday. There wasn't even a second opinion. When we realized we could choose, we could really live, it was too late. She was my anchor and I was hers, and we both couldn't go anywhere.
Tom didn't answer. Will seemed so inclined to leave just the day before, how could he have changed his mind so fast? He was always so rigid and straightforward, so why now? All that was painful and he didn't want to think, it only hurt even more.
It doesn't matter anymore, was impossible from the beginning. I love you Sco, but there's nothing we can do about it.
- What? Wasn't it you who said that didn't care? That never felt more right?
- I meant that! But nothing will change the fact that I won't be there for you! When you need someone to say "everything will be alright " or "I love you" or even "you look amazing this morning" -, because sometimes you just do - , I won't be there to say them! And you'll find someone who is, and you'll want them close. I can't even blame you because that's how things works…. Everyone needs this things at some point.
- Is that how it works for you?
- I'm different. - he murmured.
- Then you must think very little of me, saying I can't bear the pressure. Yes, I will feel all that, and it will hurt me and make me sad and desperate. But, you know what? I'll endure, because I'm not that weak and what I feel is not that superficial. And if it gets too painful for me to endure then I'll take my bloody things and go see you, not some random bastard to cover up. For Christ sake, we've been through everything in this war and you didn't fear shit, so why now?
- Because now I'd have to live with the pain.
A siren on the distance announced the embarking on the platforms and the few people on the streets started speeding up to the station. They looked at each other desperate for a little more time. Will hold him tight.
- Please, promise you'll read my letters. Even if you don't answer them. Just let me explain properly.
Tom didn't look him in the eye.
- Go. Or you'll miss the train.