Life As A Fox

Chapter 46

NSW-The Forsaken Author of the Lost Story (see my bio for explanation)

Warning! Character dea- na, just some bad language, I was pulling your leg. ^-^

Naruto walked silently into the house. It felt weird to be here, to be back in the real world; it was full of colors and objects - a stark contrast to the hospital. Hinata followed him in carrying Hime. She walked past him planning to put Hime into the crib; while Naruto simply turned and glanced at the wall. It was unnerving to see so many pictures of him, being happy and smiling.

He couldn't remember the reason for smiling, it was like a lost art to him. He never smiled anymore because he didn't have a reason to do so. Yes, he had tried and he was still trying to become happy once more - to fix this pain that radiated deeply inside of him. But it was almost impossible. Gomeg had told him that it would become easier, that it would lessen over time, but to him it was like swallowing a knife: it was slowly cutting him deeper and deeper as it went further inside of him.

He sighed as he padded over to his pillow. The house was silent, empty, an aching echo of sound vibrated around him. Matching how he felt on the inside, aching and silent, but everything around him echoing. He also felt thin, stretched, like butter spread upon too much bread. But he somehow managed to wake up each day, managed to push through his pain and do the required exercise he was supposed to, he ate food, but it tasted like ash in his mouth.

He did all of this in hope for getting better, to be happy, but it was a small hope - that someday his pain would be gone. That he would forget his students, forget about them and what had happened, then he would have no reason for this pain. Sometimes, though, he felt like running away, running away from it all, to drown his body in only the mechanics of running. Hoping he could tear it apart and yet just keep on going.

Naruto collapsed onto his pillow; winding himself tightly into a little ball he closed his eyes and thank-fully drifted off into dreamless sleep. Dreamless - until the point he heard the high pitched screams. Instantly a scene flashed before his eyes: in slow motion he watched as Gin was ripped into bloody shreds before his eyes, falling into the snow soundlessly.

But Hinata's voice cut through the vision, and he was soothed for a second - at least awoken from the nightmare had calmed him. He looked over, light leaked through the crack of the door. Naruto watched as Hinata's shadowed form cooed softly to Hime and put her back to sleep.

Naruto sighed softly and curled in on himself once more, trying to draw comfort from himself, but failing to do so. The next morning he awoke to the smell of bacon and eggs being cooked. He walked softly towards the kitchen then waited patiently next to his food bowl, whereas Akamaru was busy shoveling in his own blend of special Inuzaka kibbles.

Kiba turned to him and said "morning" Naruto nodded as Kiba placed some bacon and eggs into his bowl. Hinata also added a two pieces of newly buttered toast. Naruto nodded in thanks, then began to eat. He over a short period had managed to grace some weight back onto his thin frame but his skin still hung and bones still poked through his fur.

Naruto pushed aside the eggs, he always had hated the things. He randomly looked back to check his scar that he would always bear from that horrid night. It was ragged and ugly - but not as bad as it was. He knew that when his fur grew back in, it would be less ugly and more presentable. 'It doesn't matter, I deserve to bear this scar, it will remind me of that failure that I had done, and that I should never do again.'

Naruto stared bitterly at the rest of his food, finding no ability to stomach it, he pushed it towards Akamaru who greedily polished it off for him. Naruto walked back to his pillow and silently curled up once more.

Around lunch time Hinata called for him, he entered and looked down to his silver eating chalice and began to eat once more. Kiba had went to town to gather some diapers. Naruto ate the food not tasting it. Once he had got to the bottom and looked at his reflection he felt a stirring.

It was a sudden attack on his senses, anger rose up inside of him, lashing out. Rage tore through him - sudden and unexpected. Before he could comprehend what he was doing, he had reached out with his jaws and latched onto the bowl. He then shook it as if it were prey, and threw it randomly across the room. It clanged loudly against the wall then fell clattering sharply to the floor.

A silence descended over the household, which was broken by the piercing scream of a young child. Hinata snatched Hime up quickly and comforted her. She then looked to Naruto, her eyebrow arched in the wordless question of 'Why?' Naruto sighed and said "I don't know...I just..." then he trailed off and walked away.

Shikamaru, Neji, Kiba, and Lee stood in a circle talking over cold drinks. The night was cool and the sun just setting. They all stood in Neji and Ten-ten's new back yard, a house and property given to them as a gift from Ten-ten's father. Ten-ten and the girls where laughing with each other over nearby the table that held all the food and drinks.

Hime was at a daycare for the evening, a small break for both young parents. Kiba however happened to look up and around, wondering where Naruto was. He glanced over and found Naruto sitting in the shadow of a tree nearby the fence; barely visible, he almost blended into the scenery. Kiba let out a loud sigh and stirred his drink absent mindedly.

Lee noticed this "What's wrong"? Kiba leveled Lee with a glance "What do you think? it's Naruto" At the mention of his name all of their smiles disappeared. "Has he gotten better?" Neji asked Kiba shrugged "I don't know...he eats, he sleeps, he does his required exercise takes his medication...but that's it. He won't talk to you unless you talk to him first, and even if he does answer it's always a 'yes' 'no' or a random gesture."

Kiba said frustrated, he scratched his head above his ear. Neji stirred his drink "I guess that can be a problem" Kiba sighed "I just don't know how long this is going to take, I mean, Kami, it was terrible what happened. I know he's not going to get over it right away, but this is just...scary, seeing him like this, it's not him, it's nothing like him."

Ino had walked over and had over heard the conversation "maybe he just needs a little kind incentive to open up, you know talk about things" Kiba snorted "Hinata has tried" Ino smiled "people don't like to open up to people that are close, they feel it might hurt them, so they like to lie or cover up the fact they are hurting, let me try, my mom is a psychologist you know."

Kiba huffed "Well...see what you can do." Ino smiled and sauntered over to Naruto. "Hey, watcha doing?" she asked him. Naruto seemed to snap out of a daze "Huh?" he said looking to her. "Why aren't you out enjoying the food and conversation, Sakura has ton's of funny stories of what kids have said and done in the hospital."

Naruto stared vacantly at her 'Shit, I forgot he hates hospitals.' she thought to herself. "I mean, are you sure you don't want some of the wonderful food that Ten-ten's mother has made?" Naruto sighed "Not really..." he said staring at the ground. Ino sighed "Fine then." She said getting up. Naruto kept staring at the ground, ignoring her.

Ino felt a spark of anger. She hated seeing him like this, she hated watching him act in such a way. She hated seeing the way Hinata and Kiba tried to comfort him but still he pushed them aside or ignored them, as if he didn't care. This angered her to no end, and now she just had enough. She just wanted Naruto, to be Naruto once more.

This was the train of thinking that made her utter the next words. "You know Naruto, we are trying, we have tried so many times. We have tip-toed around trying not to bring up the past and what happened, but it gets hard doing this. It hurts not only yourself but others around you who care for you - is this what you want? To be all alone over here having everyone else basically throwing you a never ending pity party?"

She stood up. Naruto looked to her bewildered as her anger took hold of her again and spurred her into a longer rant. "The Naruto I know, would not just sit around and mope all the time. The Naruto I know would get back up on his feet and press forward once more! But YOU you just lay there like a dog kicked by his master too afraid and too defeated to do anything,just rolling over and giving up without a fight."

Ino opened her mouth to say more, but her tongue was silenced by a growl, like a knife being pulled form its sheath. "You SHUT UP." he said, his anger crackling about him. "You know nothing, you pathetic human!" he said, making Ino fall backwards in fear. Naruto stalked forward, his body posture both commanding and frightful.

Naruto spoke, his voice grating. "You know nothing of the pain I have went through and still endure to this very second. You claim to understand, that you can make things better. That you could help heal this pain I feel." he laughed cruelly. "But you can't. You are just another fool, thinking that you get through anything in this life by just simply belief in yourself and others!" he snapped.

He growled baring down into her eyes. "You must learn that the world is cruel and cold, and will take everything you hold dear and smash it into pieces in front of your very eyes, and leave you with nothing. Then the world will laugh as you slowly become consumed with pain and hatred." He stood there for a few seconds, then Ino spoke, her voice quivering "Sakura was right...you are not Naruto."

Naruto turned from her and looked out into the rays of the dying sun "You are right, I am not Naruto, I am a wolf-demon who has lost his pack, and the only things that I held dear in this world." Naruto then disappeared, leaving them all speechless.

Hinata rushed about the house "What are we going to do? We have to find him! That stupid bitch Ino! Why did she have to go and screw everything up!" Hinata threw a small towel against the wall. She groaned at the unsatisfying sound it made. She beat at the air. She was furious, sad and scared at the same time.

Kiba began to calm her and stop her from breaking anything of value. She then collapsed into his strong arms, breathing his scent. He hushed her and assured her; telling her that Naruto just needed some more time alone, and he would be back by morning.

Naruto stood in front of It. The grave of his one student that was allowed the decency of burial. He stood for who-knows-how-long, the wind tugged at his fur playfully, as the silence of the graveyard pressed about him. She had been buried beside his own grave. He did not know why, since he didn't actually know her full name, but it comforted him somewhat knowing that technically her was beside her even in death.

But he cursed the gods for the thousandth time, even though that she was there, buried and locked away securely in a place where no more harm would be fall her. He knew his other students had gained no such security. He had finally come to terms that he needed to get away from this village and find them, and give them the closure that all of them needed.

He gave one last nod to her, then he turned away from her stalking off into the darkness that fell in around him.

Hinata woke with a start as she practically jumped out of bed. Taking only three strides to the living room she bounded silently to look at Naruto's pillow hoping to see a familiar creme colored figure...but to no avail. She sighed disappointingly, the pillow lay bare. She fell against the wall sadly. Kiba came out "He's not back is he?" Hinata shook her head.

Kiba grabbed his coat "Let's go" he said. Hinata got Hime ready so that she could drop her off at the day care. Once she had done that, they then went off first visiting Iruka's place, then stopping by the normal places where he would normally go. Then going and visiting each one of their friends, getting more and more desperate as they went.

Finally, they had exhausted themselves and their resources. So they went to Kakashi, hoping he had light to cast upon this dark situation. Kakashi was instantly worried. "Don't freak out just yet, we have one more place to go, well...I must go. Stay home and I will be with you shortly." He said, comforting them. Hinata and Kiba did so.

Mammoth sat in his office, when a figure opened the door unannounced. Kakashi, the seventh Hokage of the the village hidden in the leaves, walked up to him. Kakashi leveled him with his one eye. "Have you seen Fluffy?" he asked. Mammoth shook his head "No, why?" Kakashi all but collapsed into a chair, and cradled his head.

Kakashi spoke "I fear that he has left the village. I don't know why...unless you've given him a mission?" Mammoth stared at him. Then Mammoth spoke "Yes...Kakashi, I gave a depressed demon-wolf a long-term mission to help get his mind off of things...NO, YOU IDIOT! WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU THINK SUCH A THING?" he ended up yelling at the Hokage.

Kakashi was silent. "Sorry" Mammoth nodded "No...I should be, it's just...what should we do?" Kakashi looked away "I don't know, what can we do?" Mammoth spoke "If there is one thing I know about wolves is they, like the domesticated dog, will come back when he decides. That is the only thing we can hope for."

Kakashi nodded "I know, but I still feel useless. I feel like I should have done more." Mammoth shrugged "Maybe what we did was too much, maybe it was too little - who knows what goes on in that mind of his? The only thing I know is that we have to trust him and believe that he will find himself again. It is a journey only he can take and a journey, I know, only he can accomplish." Kakashi sighed. "I hope so, Mammoth, I hope so."

Given unto you my fair readers by:

The Forsaken Author of the Lost Story.

NSW