I am going to put a trigger warning here because it is going to be an intense read in all sorts of ways. Just so you know. More notes in the end. "Enjoy!" Or rather: Please, don't hate me.

#43

Loki was trying to swallow the sour taste of the scorning words Hela had spoken about his Jotun lineage and those he had spoken to reach deeply into the venomous depths of her mind in their father's deep voice when Thor made his move. The scene unfolded in front of Loki's eyes in that peculiar taking-only-a-fraction-of-a-second-but-feeling-like-an-eternity manner that was particular to moments of great significance. Moments with the potential to change everything; to decide over life and death, heroism and villainy, damnation and salvation, and everything in between. You are a dramatic little person, Frigga had once whispered against his forehead before brushing a soft kiss onto his skin and now that he had absorbed traces of her magic into his, he could hear her as if she was right beside him. Not everything has to be as dramatic as you make it out to be.

Not everything, no, but this moment surely deserves all the dramatization in the Nine Realms, thought Loki as he watched his sweet, simple, stubborn oaf of a brother unleash Nemesis's power against the Goddess of Death as if vanquishing Hela on the battlefield was what they needed to do in order to win. As if vanquishing her could actually kill her in her own Realm. As if they did not have a plan that relied on everything but physical confrontation and raw violence.

Yet, physical confrontation and raw violence were the God of Thunder's combat style and so the stone's pitch-black energy shot out from his brother's fingers with a ferocious crackle, tossing Loki's plan out of the window as the following things happened all at once: Loki heard himself utter a cry of protest that went unheard by Thor even though Tony Stark, who had assisted Thor only moments ago, jumped out of harm's way. Valkyrie broke free of the horseshoe around her neck with a growl. The Reality Stone screeched inside Loki's skull nails-on-a-chalkboard style, clawing at the latch of its magical prison as it tried to take possession of his mind.

Not now, Loki thought, his head threatening to explode with the frantic search for a way to stop Thor.

Then, the full force of the seventh Infinity Stone crashed into Hela's body and the Goddess of Death let out a bone-chilling howl that was articulating both pain and anger in equal parts before she staggered backwards, grabbing her chest, and then sank to her knees.

Thor was swaying a little when he advanced towards her, ready to deal her another blow even though the force of the stone had singed his hand as well. It was not burned nearly as badly as Stark's but burned it was nonetheless and, suddenly, Loki caught himself reaching for the magic of the Mind Stone with no awareness of how he had arrived at this decision.

"You cannot kill me within these walls," Hela panted, her voice transforming into a breathless chuckle. "This stone will not save your friends, Mighty Thor. I will have my prize, come what may."

"She is right, brother," Loki said, his voice transforming back into his own as his father's guise slid off his skin like a magical cloak. He concentrated on Thor's mind, feeling for the energetic manifestation of his thoughts and his emotions, and sensed his brother's anger. Now, anger is always useful, is it not? Raw, unbridled anger was what Mind loved to feast on the most. By Odin's Raven, Loki knew that well-bred and carefully groomed anger would corrupt even the strongest person into weakness. "You possess what you came here to reclaim," said Loki. "Now, you must honor the bargain."

Thor turned around to face his younger brother. "Be quiet!"

"No, you are the one that needs to be quiet," Loki whispered.

"You're a norndamned liar!" Thor screamed at him, startling both Valkyrie and Stark, who uttered guarded murmurs of panicked confusion and glanced at each other for support. "You promised me you were going to live! You promised me that we could save you! All of you!" Thor howled and his eyes shone brilliantly in the same treacherous blue that had haunted Loki's thoughts every waking and sleeping minute he had spent in the dungeons, obtrusively reminding him of his spectacularly unsightly fall from grace.

Hela heaved her damaged body to her feet and watched them attentively, her breath still coming in sharp, hard gasps.

"Is that part of—" Stark began to whisper to Valkyrie and Loki prayed to whoever cared to listen that she would not reply. She did not. She silenced the self-proclaimed genius by giving him a violent shove.

"But you lied!" Thor howled and there was so much pain in the exclamation that Loki's stomach gave a violent lurch. "Again! You made me believe I could save you even though you knew you were going to die!"

"Please," said Loki softly. "You knew too that this was going to happen. You knew I left behind a great many messes on Midgard and that I needed to clean them up before I return here," he continued, pulling the words right out of his brother's memory of his first visit to Niflheim. "I did clean them up." He flicked a side-glance at Stark and, suddenly, his stomach gave another violent lurch—a much more violent lurch, in fact. He suppressed the urge to gag. "And now, it is time."

"You always end up lying to me!" Thor continued, his voice vibrating with rage, so much rage. His bright blue eyes became even brighter and bluer and lightning began to crackle around his hair, his face, his armor. "You always end up hurting me and this has to stop!"

Next to them, Stark groaned and made a move to spring forward but Valkyrie yanked him back.

"Do you really think I am falling for this?" Hela asked, the strength returning to her voice. "You cannot fool me twice, Jotunscum. He will not do it. You all belong to—"

Thor whirled around and released another blast of Seiðr at his sister, who crumbled back to her feet with another howl of pain. Tears spilled out of his eyes when he turned back to face Loki. "They were right, all of them. You cannot be trusted. You will always hurt me. You will always disappear on me and rip my heart right out of my chest!"

"I know," Loki whispered, tears clawing at his throat. His brother's words were quite possibly the truest lie that had ever arisen from the scheming abyss that was his mind.

"I have to make you stop hurting me, so I finally have a chance to heal," Thor continued, his teeth clenched. He raised his hand, burned by the magic he had wielded, and leveled the weapon at Loki. "I hate you for turning out that way! I hate you for turning from my best friend into the person that always hurts me, always disappoints me, always lies to me! I hate you for making me having to do this!"

Hela gasped. Stark did too. Valkyrie bit her lip.

"Goodbye, Thor," Loki whispered. He closed his eyes, waiting for the impact of the stone's ancient force of infinite destruction, and when it came crashing into his chest, pure black energy sizzling with ice blue lightning, his vision blurred instantly. He heard himself cry out in pain as if through a veil and sank to his knees. This was again so much worse than he had anticipated. The pain was again near unbearable. He again felt a sweeping sense of panic rise up inside of him when his thoughts slipped away from him but this time he would not be subdued. This time, he was strong, determined and well nourished. This time, he would wield the stones instead of succumbing to their power.

As soon as the Mind Stone released Thor from its spell, his brother sprang forward with a howl and swept Loki's body into his arms.

Loki blinked and glanced up, seeing both Thor and Tony Stark there, bent over him, but both of their faces were a blur. He strained to connect to the ancient magic but all the energy seemed to be streaming out of him and then he coughed and, ultimately, his vision went dark. Again.

Thor's lips gaped open in horror when he watched his brother die for the fourth time, when he felt his own body succumb to pain and rage and helplessness for the fourth time as Loki's body grew limp beneath his fingers. He let out a ferocious scream as he cradled Loki's Jotun body to his chest. His head was throbbing violently, his hand was itching and his chest tightened again. He wanted to remember how this had happened but his memory failed him. He wanted to speak but words failed him. He wanted to breathe but his lungs failed him. He wanted to cry but tears failed him too.

"The bargain is fulfilled," announced Valkyrie, her voice cracking.

"Seems that it is," Hela panted with the greatest of efforts as she scrambled to her feet once more. "You and your friends go free," she said to Thor, "I hereby release you from your torment. But Loki's soul," she continued with a ferocious smile appearing on her lips as she slowly walked up towards them under tremendous pain, "is mine as promised."

"No," said Valkyrie as she stepped forth, blocking her way. "It is mine."

Hela's eyes narrowed. "Excuse me?"

"I am a Valkyrie," she explained, complying with the only instruction that the Trickster had given her before they had traveled to the Realm of the Dead. "I choose the warriors who may live and take them to the Hall of the Slain, and I decide that you lost all claims to his soul when he sacrificed himself. He died an honorable death and his soul belongs in Valhalla."

"What," Thor stammered. Tony placed his Iron Man hand on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. "No …"

"No," Hela spat. "You cannot do that."

"I can and I will," Valkyrie said and she would have sounded more determined if her voice had not been so teary. "Face it, Hela. You lost and I am going to take Loki with me. I am going to take all of them with me, in fact."

And before Thor could think, let alone say anything else, Valkyrie retrieved the Space Stone that Loki had thrust into her hands for safekeeping as a sign of his goodwill when he had returned from Norway a few hours, which certainly felt like days, earlier. The Thundergod felt a soothing blanket of magic wrap itself around his body as a blue light teleported them away from this nornforsaken wasteland of ice while Hela's furious cries faded into nothing.

Time slowed down around him. His body became weightless. His thoughts stopped for a while.

And then, suddenly, they were back in Shuri's laboratory and the blinding light from the ceiling sliced Thor's eyeballs in half as soon as he opened his eyes and he was kneeling on the floor, clutching his brother to his chest, and Steve was lying unconscious with his arm chopped off and the arm was not there with them and Tony was removing his helmet and vomiting onto the floor and Valkyrie was crying and the Avengers came rushing towards them, firing alarmed questions in rapid succession.

"What the hell?!" Rocket screamed in a high-pitched voice that was very unlike him.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Natasha cried out. "Steve!"

"What did Hela do to you?" Bruce asked, his face a mask of fear.

"Get the healing potion! Quick!" Shuri yelled at no one in particular.

Thor heard them speak but the entire situation was so surreal that he could almost feel his brain liquefy with the effort to process everything. He was still trying to remember what had happened in the time span between him feeling the raw energy of Nemesis's ancient power shooting out of his fingers to fry Hela into oblivion once and for all and Loki crumbling to the ground in front of him. He could not. He knew in the bottom of his heart that he had killed him as promised but the details remained a mystery to him.

"Thor," said Bruce.

The Thundergod looked up, the face of his former friends blurred by his tears. "We reclaimed the stone," he whispered. "At a price." Thor drew a shaking breath and glanced down at Loki's lifeless frame. "I fulfilled the bargain. Just as you wanted."

Bruce looked absolutely horrified. "We never wanted," the scientist began but his words did not matter to Thor. All that mattered was that Loki was lying dead in his arms. Again.

"Are they really dead?" whispered Nebula.

"No," said Shuri, who was bent over Steve's body, just as Wong was rushing towards her with a cup filled with the potion.

Thor could not even remember that they had brought it to Wakanda with them but that did not matter either because it would not work. Not on his brother. "Loki is," Thor cried out. "I killed him!"

"No, you didn't," Valkyrie replied but tears were streaming down her face too. "He isn't dead."

Next to Thor, Steve began to cough. Of course, the heroic soldier gets to live while my brother ...

"Loki is not breathing," whispered Tony and he too looked genuinely horrified. Pepper had come up to him with an expression of pure terror and desperation stamped across her face but she did not seem to dare to touch him. Rocket, Nebula, Bruce, Natasha, Clint and Okoye were standing in a circle around them, collectively frozen in shock, and even Clint looked horrified despite his earlier words.

"He is not dead!" Valkyrie shouted. "This was his plan. You guys do realize that this was a scam, right? He said Thor was going to kill him in a reality created by the Reality Stone and that is what he did. Hela fell for it and that is all … that is what …" Her voice broke.

Her pain was almost too much for Thor to bear. "If it was a scam, then why are you crying?" Thor yelled at her just as Wong approached them with the healing potion.

"Because," Valkyrie sniveled and then she broke for the first time since Thor had met her on Sakaar a little over two months earlier. "Because he can't be … he can't be dead … If he were, it would break you and I don't … I can't live through this again. I can't bear to see you … Hela keeps taking away the people that mean something to me and I am…" A violent sob tore through her chest. "I can't …"

"Hey," Thor breathed, lifted one arm and pulled her into it, holding her tight over Loki's body while Wong was hovering over them with the healing potion Loki had brewed with so much pride earlier that day—or whenever. It did not matter anymore. Nothing seemed to matter anymore. He cradled Valkyrie to his chest and she cried and he cried and everyone else just stared.

Well, everyone except for Steve, who was slowly opening his eyes, murmuring in confusion and pain.

Time seemed to slow down again. Rather, it seemed to stop entirely. Thor was holding Valkyrie, her body vibrating with sobs against his chest, and that was all there was. He had won but all was lost.

"He can't be dead," Valkyrie sobbed. Thor could not even begin to understand why she was taking this so hard but all the adrenaline had streamed out of her after they had left Hela's kingdom and the traumatic memories she had undoubtedly suppressed and drowned in Sakaarian booze were now breaking free, unraveling the very fabric of her existence.

"Just think about it," whispered Shuri, aghast, "if he created a reality where he died, that means he is actually dead in that reality. And how could he possibly reverse any kind of spell if he is dead?"

Thor heard his own cry of pain from a million miles away.

"But then what," Steve gasped and Thor wanted to feel sorry for him because he had been badly wounded and his nanotech-sealed shoulder looked horrifyingly painful but he could not. All he could think was that it must be some kind of morbid joke played by the Norns that Steve—a mortal; enhanced yes, but still a mortal—had made it out of Niflheim alive when Loki—a giant and an Aesir—had not. This was not right. This was not—

"What did he … even try to … accomplish?" Steve continued in a weak voice.

Thor's lips opened to answer but no words came. Instead, he heard his brother's words echoing through his skull. I need to prepare … You are in no condition to save anything right now, brother. Just trust me to do it this time …We had better not disappoint her, don't you think? … Do not thank me just yet … The time for sentimentalities will come soon enough but it is not now.

Had Loki known? Was that what he had tried to accomplish? Was that what Frigga had told him to accomplish? Thor gasped for air but his throat was far too dry and his chest was far too tight and air was a long time in the coming and the room was so eerily silent that everything continued to feel surreal and nightmarish.

"Not to be the ass who points that out," Rocket remarked into the crushing silence, "but if he is actually dead, the stones in the pocket dimensions are out of our reach forever."

There were a few murmurs but nobody genuinely said anything to this because they all seemed to agree silently that nothing had meaning anymore.

Until, after an unbearably long time that did not even feel like actual time passing at all, Thor felt Loki's body stir. Thor cautiously whispered his brother's name, afraid that he was only imagining the life that seemed to be filling his brother's lungs once more.

"Well, I knew someone was going to point this out," Loki whispered and his eyelids fluttered open, "but I would never have expected it to be you."

The room exploded into relieved laughter and incredulous gasps.

Valkyrie choked on a sob.

"Dude, what the fuck?" Rocket screamed.

"I thought it was going to be the S.H.I.E.L.D. faction," Loki continued softly. "Well, erstwhile S.H.I.E.L.D."

Words and thoughts were still failing Thor, so he just held Loki tighter than he ever held anything in his life as everyone else around them was recovering from the shock and the strain of the past hours.

"Careful," Loki reprimanded him and then struggled free and to his feet. "You might break me."

"What the hell was that?" Tony screamed at last. "How did you … I mean, why …"

"That was the plan, wasn't it?" Loki answered quietly. "I had to make it real. It was important that you fall for it too. Otherwise, she would have never released Thor from that foolish bargain."

"But how?" asked Tony. "How did you do it?"

"A sorcerer never reveals his tricks," Loki replied.

"How's that for a reveal? If you ever play this trick on me ever again," Thor finally shouted, tears of gratitude streaming down his face as he rose from the floor and punched Loki's arm again and again and again, "I will kill you personally to make sure it is real."

"Deal," Loki replied before he glanced at Tony. "I have to say, though, it was quite a pleasant surprise to see you weep for me, Mr. Stark."

"Don't Mr. Stark me," Tony replied with a teary smile. His stretched out his hand and it hovered indecisively in the air for a few heartbeats but then he pulled Loki into a hug, murmuring his thanks. Loki startled and Thor halfway expected him to push Tony away but he did not. He looped his right arm around the other man and clumsily patted the iron armor on Tony's back while he searched for Thor's gaze, his eyes mirroring nothing but genuine confusion.

"That's what you get for mingling with mortals: Emotions, tears and drama," Thor joked and all the pressure lifted off his chest when it began to sink in that they had succeeded. That he was free. That they had all seven stones in their possession. That they could now call Nemesis and reverse the Snap. That everything was finally going to turn out just fine.

"Let's not forget that you brought all the drama here though," said Shuri but it was endearing rather than hostile.

Loki pushed Tony away and smiled at the young scientist. "Loki, God of Drama. I might just go by this title from now on."

Author's Note:

~ Alriiiiight, folks. What do you think now? I mean, I am quite proud of this chapter, to be honest, because it is the first that I have written and edited in less than twelve hours and, oh boy, it had everything from angst to PTSD to a Frostiron hug in the end. It was also one of those that gave me a tight chest and half an anxiety attack while writing it (such as the one where Loki remembers in the cabin) because I was so emotionally invested in every character's pain. Those, who were on Twitter last night, remember me tweeting that I was in the mood for wild berry gin and writing a major character death. Well, I had the gin and wrote the death. Kinda. I guess what I am saying is, you can blame it on the booze.
~ But in all honesty, Loki mind-controlling Thor has been the most emotionally challenging to write because that is how Loki has seen himself for the longest time and I think it speaks of unspeakable strength and growth that he could utilize his own misery in such a way.
~ The "sweet, simple, stubborn oaf of a brother" is a reference to Agent of Asgard, where Loki calls his brother "sweet, simple Thor" and for whatever reason, this line is staying with me and I have to use it every now and again.
~The "you're a dramatic little person" is said lovingly by a father to his daughter in the movie "When Hitler stole the pink rabbit", which I watched the day before yesterday, and the line made me think of Loki immediately and I wanted to use it. And then the whole God of Drama thing came to my mind, nicely framing this.
~ Now, after that shock. Get ready for Nemesis to make her appearance and could it be that she had an influence on Thor too? Stay tuned. See you soon xxx

PS: Please remember to leave reviews. I crave attention as much as Loki does :)