A/N: Thanks for reviewing! Bananaslug, hopefully my updating every day helps with the cliffhangers! Thank you - I'm so glad that's spot on!

I see no soul in the mirror, only see signs of demise getting nearer

Rose was looking at her with a pensive expression. Rey felt better having told someone the truth at last, to give Ben proper due for his part in defeating the Emperor, rather than remain hated across the galaxy. She fought the urge to tell everyone, both sides, what Ben had done for them. And for her. But she wasn't prepared yet to accept how it would change the way she was viewed, particularly if it led to her lineage coming out.

People saw her as a beacon of hope, she had been told in every briefing, on every mission, through every interaction with the common folk of the galaxy. To take that away from them, even now that there had been a victory and hope was restored, was not something she could do. It had been difficult enough to come to terms with the fact that the legendary Luke Skywalker was an isolationist old man, grappling with his own monumental failure. The stories told about him now praised his facing off with the entire First Order, unaware of this truth about himself. People needed stories of hope. She understood that need comprehensively and was prepared to sacrifice her own desires in the face of it. Even as it had steadily worn her down and made her long for an escape.

"I think we'd better talk to Poe. And Finn," Rose said quietly.

"Why?"

"We're your friends, Rey. You shouldn't have had to bear this on your own. Why don't you stay here and I'll go get them. If that's okay?"

Rose paused in the doorway, giving Rey a chance to say no. Or to escape while she was gone. The thought was tempting, but she didn't think she would ever get over this if she fled. A nice retiring life was appealing on some level – being a fugitive from the New Republic was not. She'd been hiding her whole life from her past and she didn't want to spend her future the same way. If they didn't understand, if they wanted her to leave when they found out the truth – well, that wouldn't be unexpected. Then she could leave and be satisfied in the knowledge that no one would come looking for her.

Rey headed to the communal area of the Falcon and sat down, trying to make herself comfortable but unable to keep from fidgeting. She was going to tell them everything – about Ben, about herself, about the Emperor. Even if it meant losing her only friends… Her heart clenched at the thought and she stood up abruptly, stopping herself before she could race to the cockpit. Rose would probably keep her secret if she fled, but there was no path forward that guaranteed she wouldn't be alone. She ached with emptiness.

For weeks, she had been hiding the truth about everything and, more importantly, her own feelings about the events of the last year. She was so tired of hiding, of denying herself everything. That was the way it had always been, ignoring her own needs and fixating on the hope that her parents would return for her. That she had been loved and this separation was necessary. That it wouldn't go on forever and someday she would be reunited with them.

But they were dead. She had always known that, deep down. Buried it as soon as she realized it must be the case because she would have given up on everything otherwise. There would be no reason to get up in the morning, to work her fingers to the bone all day, to beg for scraps from a cruel master. Without the hope that her parents would return, there would be nothing for her. So she had clung to that with a single-minded focus for fifteen years.

She couldn't do that anymore. She couldn't go back to that naïve hope that someday she would be important, cared for, loved. Not now, when she knew what those things were actually like. The reality of having friends and being a hero of the New Republic made her meager dreams of heroic adventures pale in comparison. She couldn't go back to living in isolation, imagining when she had not been alone. Even the memories would be too hard to bear. That was why she had to leave Tatooine and why she was a fool to think she could ever have stayed there.

But Coruscant was cold comfort. Yes, her friends surrounded her and she could easily see the effect her actions had on the galaxy – all the good she was able to do by being here. But it wasn't enough. It never would be. She knew what it felt like to be loved by another person so deeply that he would give his life to save hers. To feel his emotions and know he felt hers, but never judged her for them. That someone had finally – finally! – understood the pain and the loneliness that she had suppressed her entire life. She knew his past and had seen a vision of his future. But for what? So that the most evil person in the galaxy could drain his life from him and that he would give the rest to her, the granddaughter of the real monster?

She swallowed in revulsion at the idea that, in a way, the Emperor had won. The First Order was still out there, the Final Order not completely eradicated. The selfishness of people living in the Republic kept the practice of slavery alive and well, and evil was still very much a part of life. Why had the Force done this? It felt more unbalanced than ever, and what could she do about it? She couldn't change it by herself. The delegations and negotiations would never change things for the regular people living in the galaxy. Children like she had been, left behind to scrape by.

Anger brought her to her feet again and she paced intensely, hands clenched. These well-to-do diplomats had never known deprivation or hunger – what incentive did they have to make a difference in how their people lived? None at all. Even most of the Resistance was in the same boat. She could count on Rose to support the idea slowly forming in her mind, and maybe Finn because he had been taken from his family. But the others were so concerned with governance that they ignored the people being governed.

A growl interrupted her and she whirled around to find Chewie standing in the doorway. Her dour expression broke into a grin and she ran over to embrace him.

"You're back! I wasn't sure you would be," she admitted as she fought her tears. The Wookiee patted her head comfortingly but didn't offer her any explanation of what he had been doing. He had left before she returned from Tatooine and no one had been really sure where he was going. Of course, not many of her friends could understand him, so had relied on Threepio to translate. That had to get lonely for him, she was sure.

"I am frustrated here," she responded to his unasked question as she stepped back to look up at him. "I don't know that I'm making any real difference for the people who grew up like I did. Who are still growing up like I did. I want to help them."

He sat down so their eyes were level and waited expectantly, giving a soft hum to prod her on.

"I was thinking… Maybe I could take in children. I'd need to live somewhere bigger than my quarters here, obviously. I suppose it could be Force-sensitive children, but so many children are, I think. I could help them understand their powers at least, even if I don't know what kind of teacher I would be.

"I've been helping Finn with the Force. He seems to be learning quite a lot. Surely teaching children would be easier? I want to help them," she added, firmly. "So that they don't have to struggle with parents who don't understand and may fear them."

Chewie made a sympathetic noise as he nodded, clearly aware of her motivation for that part.

Rey gave him a sad smile as she thought of how Ben's life – and her own – might have been different with such a place to go to. "Yes, I know. I wouldn't insist they leave their parents, either, so maybe I would have do some more traveling." The idea, once it occurred to her, was much more tempting than she had anticipated and she grinned. To visit other planets AND help children like her? That felt like a dream.

Chewie expressed his support for her plan and she hugged him again impulsively, which he accepted with equanimity. In the last year, she had never really let herself think about what would happen when the war was over. Of what she was going to do. It felt like she was at an impasse with Ben and she wouldn't dwell on how one of them would have to switch sides for her to get what she really wanted. But maybe… maybe this would be a good thing to want.

She sank down next to Chewie, considering. She would still be alone, though. The children might come to love her, but it wouldn't be the same as knowing her. Understanding her flaws and accepting them. She would still have to be play-acting at being the hero, just in a way that was more comfortable for her.

"I wish Ben were here," she finally admitted, not daring to look at Chewie.

The Wookiee was silent for a long moment before making a gently questioning noise.

She took a deep breath to steady her nerves. "He wasn't killed by the Emperor. I was dead and he healed me, giving up his life-force. Then he disappeared. But he isn't a ghost like Luke or Master Leia. He's just gone, I think." She paused, considering. "Though I had a vision of him, as a child, and he seemed to be able to see me. But I've looked through those Jedi texts and I can't find anything about it!"

Her distress caused Chewie to pat her shoulder and get to his feet, telling her he would return shortly. She watched him go and sighed, not daring to think he might know more about this than she did and might be able to help – more than those dusty books anyway. Soon her friends would come back and she would have to explain what had really been happening for the last year. And then… then she would leave to start actually helping the galaxy.