Chapter 10 - Guess Who's Back
Pulling the arrow back on his bow, using the edge of his mouth as an anchor point, he aimed to nowhere in particular. Once he was ready, he releases the arrow to some unknown target in the distance, and then repeats. Again and then again. One arrow after the other, slowly catching onto a rhythm. He tries not to think, he just pull, aims and releases, letting his brain rest for just a moment.
Alec is standing on the Institute roof, a little too close to the edge, as below him, new-yorkers and tourists go about their day, push and pull their way through the busy streets. He could only barely hear the sound of distant honking, people yelling and music playing from several different locations, each a different genre, mixing together in a jumble.
He had stormed off from Magnus' apartment feeling pissed. It wasn't anyone's fault, not his and definitely not Magnus', which just made him even more frustrated. He couldn't blame him for being scared, for pushing him away, if anything, this was probably even more difficult for him.
Magnus was the one who lost everything, he was the one without memories, he was the one who was brainwashed by Asmodeus and taken to hell against his will. And yet... Alec also lost something. He lost Magnus.
He couldn't help but feel a small resentment towards him, as if he should really be trying harder, because Alec was just being nice to him, taking care of him, he wasn't threatening him or doing anything remotely scary that should push him away.
"That bad, huh?" A familiar voice spoke behind him. If Alec was surprised or startled, it didn't show. He did not turn to look, did not stop releasing his arrows into the sky. Pull, aim and release.
"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked, reaching back to grab another arrow from his quiver. The last one. Shit.
Izzy walked closer to him, and stood leaning forward on the ledge. She took him in for a moment, trying to assess his state as quick as she could, "Usually you wait until it's dark at least." She told him, as he released his final arrow.
Alec lowered his bow, took a deep breath and finally turned his gaze to his sister, "I got so caught up in getting him out of Edom, that I just never stopped to think about what will happen once we get him back." He explained, wiping drops of sweat off his forehead with his sleeve.
"Oh no Alec, what happened?" Izzy asked, watching her brother as he sighed and rubbed his face in frustration. He jumped down off the step he was standing on, and sat down, setting his bow and quiver down beside him.
"It's bad Izzy… I don't know what Asmodeus planted in his mind, but whatever it is, it's really bad." The archer spoke, the pain very evident in his words. Izzy placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and waited patiently for him to continue. "He's really scared of me Izzy, even though I'm really trying to be careful and gentle with him."
Alec continued to by telling his sister about Magnus' panic attack the night before, and their argument in the morning. Which led him there, to the roof, shooting arrows in broad daylight.
"Do you want me to tell you what I really think or what you want to hear?" Izzy asked once Alec was done. He looked at her for a moment, knowing very well that it would be ridiculous to have her tell him what he wanted to hear, if it was not genuine, there really was no point and it definitely didn't make any sense to lie to him just so he could feel better and keep avoiding what he did not want to hear.
But at that moment it was very tempting, he hated being wrong or being told that his feelings and anger were not 100% justified. The only reason he told her to begin with, was because he needed to let out steam, he needed to tell someone he trusted and get it off his chest before he exploded.
But he sighed and prepared himself mentally for the hard cold truth, "Tell me what you really think." he finally said, even though it wasn't really what he wanted to hear.
Izzy listened patiently as he was ranting, taking into consideration both sides. He had already told her about the deal with Asmodeus, she had seen the way Magnus had been both in Alicante and in Edom, she knew the whole background story, and Alec trusted her more than anyone at the moment, she has always been the easiest to talk to about these kind of stuff, so it just made sense to share with her, he knew she would know what to advise, how to react to him accordingly.
Izzy gave a small sigh, leaned forward and reached out for his hand which was hanging in the air, as his forearms rested against his knees. She placed her hand on his and smiled softly at him, taking a moment to consider her words before she spoke.
"Look, there is no easy way to say it, and I can't lie to you and try make things seem better than they are, because the truth is, this is a difficult situation for both of you, and I definitely don't have all the answers," she said in a caring and gentle tone, "I know that to you, he's the same Magnus, you still feel the same love. I know that it's hard not to hope and build up expectations that things will go back to the way they were, especially now that Asmodeus is gone, but he can't remember what you can, in his mind, not only were you never in love, you used him and caused him pain. And even though he knows it's not real, I imagine that he can still feel it as if it were real. He probably has a huge mess in his mind and everything must be so confusing and difficult to cope with. And if that's not enough, he's also literally been to hell and back. You need to give him some time to process it all, and hovering over him will only make him more frustrated and reluctant."
She gave Alec a moment to take in all that she had said, and it all did make a lot of sense. He was so blinded by his feelings and what he needed, that he had barely taken the time to see things from his perspective. "I know, you're right." he agreed, "But I can't just stay away, I'm afraid that if I give him too much time or space, he'll think I don't care or he'll just move on and forget about me, about us completely."
"You can be there for him, you just have to be more understanding and gentle about it." Izzy said, "do it at his pace, even if that means going back to square one."
Alec sighed, he knew he couldn't argue with that, but he was terrified, he could feel Magnus slipping away through his fingers. He was about to reply when his phone began to ring.
"Jace, what's going on?" He answered his parabatai, remembering that he had gone out looking for Jonathan with Clary. Yet another thing he had forgotten in this whole saga.
"The Los Angeles Institute, it was attacked!" Jace told him frantically, his voice filled with terror.
Magnus watched Alec storm off and out of his apartment, slamming the door behind him. He flinched when he heard the door close with a loud bang, that echoed through his apartment. He remained in his spot in the kitchen, rooted to his seat, and tried to make some sense of everything that had just transpired.
He couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped his lips, at the feeling of finally, finally being alone. No Asmodeus, no Alec and no Lillith. No Edom. Just himself and his coffee, in his own apartment, no annoying disturbances by unwanted and overbearing guests.
Looking down at the french toast on the plate in front of him, he shrugged his shoulders and picked up the fork and knife, taking a small bite. "Hmm... " not bad. so the Shadowhunter can cook.
Magnus picked up the plate and his mug of coffee, and walked out to his balcony, finally able to start his day the way he wanted to - alone and silent. He indulged in the soft heat of the winter morning sun, as he looked out at the Brooklyn view.
For the first time in days, he felt relaxed, a bit more like himself, and now all he wanted was to make that feeling last. He wanted to leave all of the terrible things that have happened behind, and move on with his life.
The decision to get back to normal and the thought of having his life back on track, lifted his spirits even more. Once he finished his coffee and french toast, he took a nice long bubble bath and then got dressed.
After that, he made his way over to his apothecary, which was still in quite a disarray, since he had moved out and then back in again. So he packed up in a large box all that was not his, assuming it belonged to lorenzo, and set it aside for him.
When he was done with that, he went over his inventory of all the different ingredients and supplies he had and needed, and rearranged them all on the shelves in correct order, pulling out many of his things out of the boxes he assumed Lorenzo had packed for him.
Once everything was cleaned and arranged properly, he made a list of all his clients and all the overdue potions and spells they had requested and began to prepare them. As he was working, he called his clients and set dates and times for them to pick up their purchases.
"Oh Magnus, it was so lovely to finally see you again." Aliana, one of his fairy clients, had told him later that day when she came over to pick up the potion he had made her. "I can't even remember the last time I saw you."
"Yes, it has definitely been a while." he agreed with her as he walked her out.
"We barely get to see you anymore, ever since you started spending your time with the Nephilim." She continued, as they stood by the doorway, "Trust me my dear, Shadowhunter ain't a good look on you."
Magnus smiled at her politely, but did not reply. He had managed to go the whole day without speaking of the shadowhunter, and he rather liked it and wanted to keep it that way. So he hoped she would not dig any further on the matter.
"Remember all those wonderful parties you used to host?" she asked him, luckily changing the subject.
Magnus' mind was a mess, there were many things he could not remember, and was not sure anymore what was real and what was not. But he could definitely remember the parties, and how much fun they had been. How much fun he used to have.
"Well, spread the word!" he told her decisively, "tonight at the Pandemonium, I will be Hosting a party, for old times sake." the more he thought about it, the more he just knew it was exactly what he wanted and needed to clear and clean his mind.
"Yes, he's back!" Aliana announced in excitement.
"Yes." He agreed, "I am." and in that moment, he truly felt like himself again.
By the end of the day, it had felt like a whole week or two had passed since his argument with Magnus, and the conversation with Izzy on the roof of the Institute. After Jace called him with the terrible news, they had spoken with his father and Max, Jonathan had kept them alive so they could pass on his message to Clary.
He wasn't going to stop until she saw the last of the shadow world destroyed, he wanted her to suffer, he wanted everyone to suffer. So Clary had made the brave decision to portal to Toronto and face him once and for all, to put an end to it before it got worse, because she was, after all, the only one who could stop him. He couldn't believe it, it had not yet felt real, it was all finally over.
It was nearing ten pm (although it felt much later) when Alec was sitting with Izzy in his office, filling out the long and never ending reports, although it was extremely difficult to focus, with his thoughts constantly finding their way to Magnus, and how wrong it felt being away from him at a time when he wanted to be with him more than ever.
Izzy came in to check on him and see if he wanted to finish the conversation from earlier. "Thanks, I think I just need time to process it all, now that everything has calmed down." He told her, keeping to himself his strong desire to stop everything and go to him, "but I think I will take your advice and give him some space."
"Good, I really do think it's for the best." she said, just as her phone buzzed, she turned her attention to it, noticing some messages she had missed, during the mess they had been dealing with.
Alec went back to filling out his reports, but turned his attention back to her, when her expression turned to a concerned one. "What it is it?" he asked her, she looked up at him but did not reply, it seemed she was contemplating whether to tell him or not. "Tell me." he told her firmly.
"You know how I have some contacts in the downworld?" she finally spoke.
"Yes…" Alec said in a weary voice, not liking at all where this was going.
"Well, they always keep me posted when something interesting is going on," she told him, taking a deep breath, "and apparently Magnus is throwing a party at the Pandemonium." of course Izzy was updated on everything in the downworld, and all the cool parties they were throwing.
Alec immediately stood and grabbed his jacket, turning to make his way out of the office, again blinded by his worries and feelings. But Izzy stood just as quickly and grabbed his arm, giving him a piercing, warning look..
"Alec, where do you think you're going?" she asked firmly, trying to hold her ground against his strength.
"He shouldn't be throwing a party now." Alec decided, "It's clearly a cry for help."
"Says who?" Alec opened his mouth to reply, but found that he did not know what to say, so he just said nothing, trying to release himself from her grip, but she held on.
"No Alec, he clearly needs this, and you need to respect his wishes." she insisted, "let him have his time."
"You've been to the Pandemonium parties, you know what they're like," Alec said.
"Yeah, so?"
"Izz, I… He's vulnerable right now, I just… I need to make sure he's OK." Alec finally managed to get out of her grip, put on his jacket and walk to the door.
He didn't want to tell her that the thought of Magnus surrounded by half naked dancing bodies, scared him more than fighting demons. The warlock had always had many admirers (and who could blame them?), and Alec had always trusted him, because they loved each other and were not interested in anyone else, but apparently, that was no longer the case.
"Alec, please don't." Izzy pleaded, walking after him.
"Isabelle, I need to go to Magnus." Alec insisted.
"At least calm down first, you can't go see him like this" Izzy continued to plead with him, "You're just going to make it worse."
But her words fell on deaf ears, Alec was insistent on what he had decided to do, the consequences be damned. Luckily, Jace and Clary had showed up just as he opened the door, "Hey, what's going on?" Jace asked, picking up on the mood.
"Alec wants to go find Magnus at the Pandemonium." Izzy told them, Jace winced. He did not know the whole story, but he put together the bits and pieces he did know, and could figure just with half the information, that his Parabatai was walking blindly.
"Oh, we're going to a party?" Clary asked excitedly, clearly oblivious to the whole situation, "aren't you gonna change first?" she pointed to Alec's outfit, he just rolled his eyes and tried to push past them.
"We're not going to a party, I'm going alone." He insisted, but Jace stopped him.
"That's actually not a bad idea," he told him, "We could all use a good party to let off some steam."