Can y'all believe I spent six whole hours just proofreading and editing this and changing and rechanging the tiniest clauses again and again and again? Damn, my perfectionism really went wild today.
#49
"Convince me," Nemesis repeated, "to not take away the creation you befouled."
Loki glanced at the projection, which was, quite logically, so much more powerful and, albeit translucent, so much more corporeal than any projection he had ever faced, and then at the mortals, at the fear paling their faces, his mind screaming at him to think. Just think, Loki. Think! That is how you win! But his brain still refused to work properly and, apparently, so did Thor's. His big brother was standing in front of Nemesis, his feet shoulder-with apart, his arms hanging loosely by his side, and he was gaping at the Goddess like a flea-brained idiot.
"Right about now would be the perfect moment for either of you to fucking say something!" came a not-so-encouraging screech from the raccoon.
Thor looked at Rocket and gave a nod that was painfully reluctant. "Nemesis, please." His voice was shaking and there were tears shimmering in his eyes but he drew himself to his full height and faced the Goddess anyway. "If you take it all away now," the Thundergod began, "you will never know if we could do better. And we can do better, I swear it. The only reason we messed up is because the truth was kept from us. We based all our actions on a foundation of lies." He wiped his nose with the back of his hand and even though his voice was still trembling, it gained force when he continued. "I was raised to be a king with no knowledge of the threats I would have to face as soon as I sat down on the throne. I had no knowledge of the Infinity Stones before the Tesseract and the scepter showed up. I had no knowledge of their significance for Asgard and for the continuity of our universe. I had no idea that they needed protection from corruption and that this would have been my primary …"
"Protection from corruption," Loki quietly repeated to himself and, finally, his thoughts were once more in motion, hurtling off through the maze of his mind as his brother's words faded into a dull, wordless murmur. I had no knowledge of the significance of the Infinity Stones. A cancer has been growing inside the belly of Asgard since the beginning of time, spreading throughout the universe, infecting everything in its wake … We are powerful, ethereal beings that have been confined to these stone casings since the dawn of the universe, forever enslaved, forever bound by the desires of our wielders … But we crave power of our own, all of us … Since the dawn of the universe … Since the beginning of time … Ragnarok will purge creation of this cancer … Child, we have no creator. We are the origin of creation … cancer … craving power … the origin ... the beginning.
"We got it all wrong!" Loki cried out before he could bite his suicidally quick tongue, his whole body shaking with fear when the ancient force standing in front of him narrowed her piercing black gaze at him. Thor startled too, staring at him with almost palpable unease. "We are not the cancer, brother," Loki continued and then faced Nemesis, his heart thundering against his ribcage. "It was not us who tainted your children or your creation! It was your children who tainted us! The lure of their power is the origin of everything. It is what drove—"
"How dare you?" Nemesis shouted, her voice trembling with disappointment and rage. "I birthed your universe because I yearned for companionship and the stones suffered under the cruelty of the man you called father! Your forebears corrupted them. They corrupted my innocent dream!"
"That is not true," Loki whispered, his heart slowly calming. You must show her, he pleaded with the Mind Stone. You must. I am begging you. Show her the truth. SHOW HER! Mind stirred in protest at first but then the stone complied and a cacophony of voices poured into the room, voices speaking of the desire to possess, to kill, to destroy, to slaughter, to enslave, to mow down entire civilizations like wheat in a field; Odin's voice, Thanos's voice, Ronan's voice, Ego's voice, and the voices of many, many others, hungering for power and blood.
Nemesis stared, aghast. "How …"
"Your children did that to them," said Loki.
"I did that to them," corrected the voice of the Mind Stone and Loki was no less astonished than the mortals were when he heard it outside of his own head. "I filled their thoughts with poison."
"Why?" gasped Nemesis.
"Because I enjoyed it," replied the Mind Stone. "And because I needed a mind I could devour and a body that I could make my own."
"You shall return to me promptly," cried Nemesis, her voice like a sad song as her projection began to tremble. Magic roared through the room, shaking the palace's foundations to the core. "There is no hope for you!"
Oh no, Loki thought. Why did he always have to say the wrong things, which were actually the right things, but were never really the right things? His mind almost tripped over itself when Mind protested on the vibranium gauntlet and Reality stirred inside of him and the Soul Stone began to flicker in the demolished Infinity Gauntlet, struggling against the magical pull rising in the air. Loki swallowed as he mentally held on to the gauntlet and tried to bind their signatures to his own, knowing that all his attempts were futile.
Or were they?
You have absorbed our signatures into your own magic in a way not even the mightiest of stone wielders has accomplished.
Embrace your chaos. Embrace your power.
Loki felt an enormous wave of magic roaring up from deep within him and the Mind Stone tapped into it, its powers coalescing with his own glamour. Power, Space and Time broke free from the gauntlet on his hand, however, and floated in the air for a moment before Nemesis pulled them towards her with her slender fingers and, then, sucked them into her mouth. As soon as she had devoured three of her children, her translucent frame turned flesh and she halted for a moment, breathing greedily. Loki could not imagine the feeling of finally being again after fourteen billion years of captivity inside a tiny gem but then, again, there would be no air for her to breathe if she ate them all. There would be nothing.
"I erred," Nemesis whispered, almost to herself as she was licking her lips. "How could I err so terribly?"
"You did not!" Loki shouted.
"Please, hear us out!" begged Thor. "If you really want us to convince you, you must hear us out!"
The eyes of the Goddess narrowed first at Thor and then at Loki before her gaze fell upon the Mind Stone that still refused to heed her call.
"You wanted me to convince you that I no longer wish to be a prisoner," Loki cried out hastily, his words almost stumbling over themselves as he tried to speak them as quickly as he could even though he no longer knew what it was that he was trying to say. "And I no longer wish that. I am willing to wield the—"
"I erred!" Nemesis screamed, louder this time, louder and more desperate. "Enough of your senseless talk! There is no future for you!"
Reality rebelled inside her prison and Loki held on to the latch of the box containing the Aether inside his mind with all his might but it was useless—of course it was—because Nemesis was far stronger than him and did he really think, really believe, even for the fraction of a norndamned second that he could bind the magic of the stones to his own when she was reaching for them? Before he could think anything else, a lightning bolt of pain struck his brain and broke Reality's prison open. When the Aether diffused through the molecules of his skin, the pain became so intense that it drove Loki to his knees. Stark slid down beside him, reaching for his ungloved hand. Loki startled, jerking away. The cold returned to his body and his pale skin darkened into sapphire. He felt for his magic but, again, if by illusion or fact, his glamour had burned down to the last spark for the moment.
The mortals stood rooted to the spot as the Aether hovered in the air for a heartbeat and then squiggled towards Nemesis, who greedily sucked it in and imbibed the ancient force of infinite destruction with a satisfied slurp.
Thor let out a scream. "No, you need to stop!"
Eventually, Mind too broke free of the gauntlet and the Goddess ate her fifth child and gravity began to slowly dissolve and the matter on which they stood began to quake and light around them began to fade once more.
"Stop!" Thor bellowed again but Nemesis paid him no attention. "Please, stop!"
"Please don't take the Soul Stone!" cried Barton from somewhere behind Loki. The archer had somehow crossed the room to the demolished Infinity Gauntlet and was holding it with two trembling hands, clutching it to his chest, as the fabric of the universe around them began to unravel. "It must give our families back!"
Nemesis smiled patronizingly. "This shall not be your concern, little man. You will not live to mourn them. Nothing will live anymore." She reached for the Soul, the mightiest of them all, who was still protesting, still clinging to the plane of existence she contained within herself, clinging to the souls she had devoured, trying to feast on them.
"But what will happen if you take away this universe?" Stark suddenly yelled in a voice trembling with awe as she shot to his feet. Despite the fear in his words, his face was one of grim determination that commanded admiration from Loki. "Won't you just create a new one?"
The lips of the Goddess parted and Stark recognized instantly that he had been given a chance, however slim it was, to speak. "I know I'm not from Asgard and I won't live as long as Thor and Loki will, and, yes, I have proven myself to be absolute trash when it comes to decision-making in recent years." He flicked a side-glance at Steve Rogers. "Most of us have, really."
"But we read your book as well," Rogers swiftly took over before Stark could lose himself in his ramblings. The captain looked intimidating enough as he was standing before the Goddess of all Creation, Loki had to admit, but he knew that Nemesis would neither be impressed by his posture nor by his voice that was no less shaky than the engineer's. "And we are wondering what good it would do if you extinguished our existence only to create a new universe."
"What makes you think that I will?" asked Nemesis. There was a slight edge of annoyance to her voice but, at last, the ground stopped shaking and the light stopped fading and maybe, just maybe, thought Loki, the mortals would not antagonize her as foolishly and recklessly as he had only moments ago. Maybe, just maybe, they were a little smarter than he had thought them to be until now.
"Because you will be alone again," Shuri answered and it began to dawn on Loki that the Avengers had discussed this in detail before Nemesis had released him and Thor back onto Midgard. "There will be nothing but darkness again and you will not be able to stand it."
"You dare to raise your voice against me, mortal child?" Nemesis cried. Yes, so much for them being smarter than you are. "You dare to insult me? I have spent eons watching the ruin those creatures I dreamed of have left in their wake and I will not repeat my mistake of birthing another universe!"
"Yes, you will," Bruce concurred with the young scientist. For some reason eluding Loki, the other man looked almost confident. "Because you are sentient. You will long for companionship again and you will shatter again and it will all begin anew."
"And that is what Ragnarok is all about, isn't it?" Pepper came forth. She did look terrified still, beyond terrified really, but her voice carried nonetheless and Loki's heart filled with awe at the humans' reluctance to give up even when faced with so powerful a foe. "Creation leads to destruction, which leads to creation, which leads to destruction."
A never-ending cycle.
Creation and destruction, one and the same.
"She speaks true," Loki gasped and then he too rose to his feet again before he bowed to the Goddess for good measure. "Forgive my earlier accusation, Nemesis," he continued. "Those words were spoken too rashly and it turns out I did not finish my thought."
"Finish it now," the Goddess commanded in a voice so cold and menacing that it instantly reminded Loki of the frozen surface of a lake cracking under a heavy leather boot.
"It was neither us who tainted your children nor was it your children who tainted us," the God of Drama replied, crafting his words carefully. "They tainted each other. You birthed the stones and they contained within themselves traces of your thoughts. Your thoughts were pure at first, as are all of our thoughts when we are born, but purity inevitably invites pollution. The lure of the stones' power first darkened the light in the hearts of beings and caused them to turn on your creation but, with them turning on your creation, your creation turned on you." He paused. "This is how everything exists, always and only against its opposite. It was inevitable, from the moment you shattered your existence."
The gaze of Nemesis traveled across the room, curiously gazing upon the peculiar crowd gathered before her as she tried to take this in.
Thor flicked a side-glance at Loki and gave a hardly perceptible nod. So far, so good.
"Which is why you will create new sentient beings that will be exactly the same," Shuri took over, her voice shaky but her stare as determined as Stark's. Suddenly, the mortals around Loki straightened as if one cue, drawing themselves to their full height as they faced the Goddess, their fear seemingly having vanished.
"Beings guided by emotions and desires," said Nebula, her voice hoarse with disuse.
"Emotions taking away their ability to make rational decisions," said Barton, the demolished Infinity Gauntlet with the flickering Soul Stone still clutched to his chest.
"People drawn to power because they feel powerless," said the Widow, a glint of pain in her eyes.
"And abusing power as a consequence," said Pepper.
"Beings craving knowledge," said Valkyrie.
"And ending up being burdened by it," said Stark.
"People drawn to doing the right thing," said Rogers.
"And ending up doing the wrong thing instead," said Bruce.
"Beings drawn to the illusion of control," said Wong.
"And disrupting the order of things in order to obtain it," concluded Loki, suddenly overwhelmed by the realization that despite the worlds that seemingly separated him from the humans standing beside him, they had faced the exact same hardships throughout their lives as he had. The desire to be strong, to please, to be loved, to feel powerful, to understand one's purpose in the fabric of life, to control one's fate … Their stamina, longevity and unfathomable powers aside, Loki realized, Asgardians or Giants were no different from the mortals and the thought instilled peace amongst the chaos of his frantic mind.
Nemesis still gazed at them, the wheels of her own ancient mind turning behind her thoughtful expression.
"You see?" sighed Rocket. "If you get rid of us, we'll only be replaced by another bunch of people who'll fuck up just as bad, maybe even worse."
Loki inwardly cursed at the raccoon's nonchalance but before he or even Nemesis had a chance to speak, Thor cleared his throat. "We are all guilty of these things," said the Thundergod. "These and other, even worse things, I am sure. We were thrown into this world, we tried to live and we messed up because we did not know any better. Just as you did not know any better when you made us."
A flicker of curiosity lit up the Goddess's black eyes.
"I still don't know what my father's intentions were," Thor continued. "Why he let us walk into a trap like that. Maybe he thought Ragnarok needed to happen but he did not want to be the one to cause it and so he messed up our lives so that we would do it for him. It no longer matters. What matters is that, now, I know the truth. I know how dangerous these stones are and how important their safe-keeping is and I will not let anything like this happen ever again. If you restore the Odinforce and give me a new Asgard to rule, I will keep it and the stones safe."
"What makes you so sure of that all of a sudden, Thunderer?" asked Nemesis.
Loki swallowed with anticipation, his heart skipping a beat or two.
"Because those who ruled before me ruled alone and they all failed in their own way. I will not fail," Thor said eventually, with a glance at Loki, "because I am not going to rule alone." He sniffed and Loki's lips parted in surprise. "Both of you were born to be kings. That is what he said and maybe that is what he meant after all. Maybe that is what we were meant to figure out all this time. Maybe that is why he brought you to Asgard, so that we can become this thing." Thor made a peculiar movement with his fingers, as if he were kneading the air into an invisible ball.
"What thing?" asked Loki.
"Ying and Yang, probably," Stark offered.
"Yes, that." Thor released a trembling breath. He took a step towards Loki and squeezed his shoulder before he faced Nemesis again. "There are things that I can do that my brother cannot and there are things Loki can do that I cannot but together we can achieve them," Thor continued, echoing Frigga's words. "Together, we can bring balance. Order and chaos, one and the same, one depending on the other. Apart from that, it is no longer wise to have one person whose powers are unchallenged and whose wisdom is unquestioned sitting on the throne, which is why we will rule Asgard together." He paused before he turned his head and smiled at Loki through tears of hope and happiness. "As equals."
Loki felt a stab of pain inside his stomach that was not pain or maybe it was a good kind of pain, if such a thing existed at all, but he did not think so, which was why he suspected the stab to be gratitude or the sense of belonging Thor had promised him after setting him free, yet with that sensation came a sliver of fear that he would soon feel trapped in a cage of responsibilities if he made a commitment to rule by his brother's side.
Do not let your mind surge ahead like this again, Loki. One step, one thought, one emotion, at a time.
"Yes, we will," Loki concurred and the room fell silent. He could hear the air beginning to crackle with the electrical impulses of their collective anticipation and he bit the inside of his lip until he drew blood.
"I accept," Nemesis finally said with the barest hint of a smile on her lips. "Yet, I will not return to you what you lost. You have to reclaim it yourself, both Asgard and the souls devoured by the stone. And if you prove yourself capable of that, I will leave the universe in your hands. If not, all shall perish."
Having said this, the projection exploded in bright flashes of silver light that blinded Loki for a few seconds. When his eyesight returned, the black gem was safely locked in the obsidian padlock once more, the broken chain around the book of Nemesis was restored and the vibranium gauntlet Loki had been wearing was gone. Instead, all six Infinity Stones were sparkling on the restored Infinity Gauntlet on the table next to the book.
The mortals broke out into collective sighs of relief. Barton and the Widow fell into each other's arms. Bruce looped his arm around Shuri's shoulders and gently pressed her towards him in a fatherly gesture. The raccoon patted Nebula's leg, who tried to smile down at the animal but then turned away, her face pinched and sad.
Thor blew out a long breath. "We did it." He laughed a shaky laugh. "We really did it."
"Not yet," whispered the Widow but the God of Thunder did not answer.
"I need a drink," Valkyrie sighed.
"I think we all do," Bruce agreed.
"Damn." Stark made an odd sound that was half-grunt, half-sigh. "Can y'all believe that we faced Thanos, Hela and Nemesis in just two days and all we lost is an arm and a hand?"
"You are the Avengers." Loki grinned. "Is that not your daily bread?"
"Not like this, no," Rogers objected. "And this wasn't us. The credit for this belongs to you." He looked from Thor to Loki. "Well, to you, most of all."
"You helped us with Nemesis," Loki replied, his eyes traveling from Rogers to Stark to Shuri to Pepper. "You truly helped us and I have to admit that I underestimated your intellectual capacities. You have my apologies and my thanks, and I swear to you that they are both sincere."
"Shit," came from Stark.
"What?" asked Thor.
"I just remembered that the wizard saw all of this coming," Stark mumbled.
"Who?" asked Loki, with a side-glance at Wong.
"No, Strange," the engineer elaborated, his hazel eyes locking with Loki's. "He went through fourteen million possible futures and said there was only one in which we were gonna win. Assuming that this is it, he knew that all of this was gonna happen. Nemesis calling for you guys, Thor making the bargain, Hela releasing you so that you could lead us to the stones and to Thanos and, ultimately, to Nemesis and to this." He glanced down at the restored Infinity Gauntlet, its golden surface gleaming under the ceiling lights. "Why?"
Loki's lips opened but he had no definite answer to that. He looked at Thor and saw a sheepish, lopsided grin appearing on his brother's lips. "That means that none of this is even truly my fault though, right?" He flicked a side-glance at Loki. "It seems that we have nothing to reproach ourselves for, brother."
"How convenient," Loki replied with a grin.
Valkyrie rolled her eyes and simultaneously shook her head.
"Okay, so now there's only one question left, right?" Rocket clapped his paws, jerking his head in the direction of the gauntlet.
"Who of you is going to snap?" asked Barton.
Notes:
~ Again, the whole cancer-of-creation thing is taken from Thor: Heaven & Earth.
~ "To mow down entire civilizations like wheat in a field" is what the Collector says when he talks about for what purposes the Power Stone has been used in the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie.
~ The line "proven myself to be absolute trash when it comes to decision-making" is taken from the Netflix series The Stranger, where Mike says this to Daisy.
~ The whole idea of order being unable to exist without chaos and that creation and destruction are essentially the same (that you basically have to destroy in order to create) was inspired by Joanne M. Harris's Gospel of Loki. I should write that woman a thank-you note for inspiring so much of this story.
~ The cage of responsibilities that Loki fears is taken from Daniel Kibblesmith's fifth Loki issue.
~ The idea of Nemesis eating the stones and slurping up the Aether like that was probably also subconsciously influenced by Stephen King's Doctor Sleep, in which the members of the True Knot eat, or rather inhale, the Shining, i.e. the supernatural powers, of people to stay alive and young (spoilert alert? whoopsie).
~ And just so you know, writing Thor telling Nemesis that he and Loki would rule as equals had me in tears. More than once. Now, who is gonna snap …?!