Chapter 16 - Every Version of You

Magnus opened his eyes slowly, trying to adjust them to the light in the room. He turned his head towards a soft voice that spoke to him, "Hey," Alec said, smiling with relief.

Magnus looked at him for a moment and blinked his eyes a few times, then leaned in to Alec's touch when he caressed his cheek. "Who are you?" the warlock asked in a low voice, confused.

Alec furrowed his brows and eyed him suspiciously, observing the look in Magnus' eyes intently and then began to shake his head. "Nope. no. You're not doing that, don't you dare." the archer told him, retracting his hand from Magnus' cheek to point at him, "it's not even funny."

Magnus couldn't help but laugh, but Alec did not look amused, as he gave the other man a scowl. "Oh come on, it was a little funny." Magnus insisted and moaned in protest when Alec stood and took a step back, then gave him the best puppy face he could muster.

"Don't you dare give me that face!" Alec warned him, pointing his finger again, trying to fight the smile that was threatening to overtake his face, even though he already knew he did not stand a chance.

"Oh, you know you want to." Magnus teased him with a cheeky smile and laughed out loud, then reached out for his hand and pulled him closer. Alec immediately softened, smiling at his warlock, and forgot that he tried to trick him, because it's been too long since he's heard that laugh.

"God, I've missed that laugh." Alec breathed out, allowing Magnus to pull him closer. He sat back down and stroked the hair on the side of Magnuis' head, but then got serious again, and when he spoke, his voice remained soft. "But seriously, you can't keep doing this to me."

"What?" Magnus closed his eyes, enjoying his shadowhunter's touch.

"Getting sick, erasing your memory, stupid things like that." Alec tried to sound stern, even though he was melting inside and overcome with relief, "I can't see you like this again."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you." Magnus said, opening his eyes and turning to lay on his side, facing Alec. "I just wanted to fix things."

"And, do you… I mean, did it work?" Alec was now rubbing his hands nervously.

"Did what work?"

"Wait, you don't remember doing it?"

"Remember doing what?"

"Magnus!"

"Yes."

"Stop trying to fool me, answer me seriously." Alec definitely did not seem amused, he may not ever be able to truly be mad at Magnus, but Magnus was frustrating him, and he was nervous of the answer and wasn't sure anymore which Magnus he was talking to.

Because he was calm and relaxed, even flirtatious at the moment, but he couldn't allow himself to forget that he has to be careful how he acts around him, that he could explode at any moment.

"I did answer you." Magnus smiled mischievously, "I said yes."

Alec rolled his eyes and sighed, "Yes what?" he asked impatiently.

"Yes, it worked, and yes, I remember doing it." Magnus sat up and patted the bed next to him, Alec stood and sat by his bent feet.

"And do you remember anything about us?" Alec asked nervously, and Magnus smiled, placing his palm gently on his shadowhunters cheek.

"Only the one memory of you giving me the Omamori charm," he said gently, "but without the feeling of hate and pain, caused by the fake memories, I feel like it's enough for now."

"Are you sure?" Alec sounded hesitant, "Because I don't know if I could handle it, if you flipped on me again."

Magnus smiled at him and moved closer, all the while caressing his cheek softly. "I know it was terrible for you, and I'm sorry you had to go through it." he told him, "and unfortunately, I can't make any promises, because I have no idea what could happen, but I promise you that I'm going to do whatever I can for it to not happen again."

"Are you sure?" Alec was hesitant. Magnus smiled, and instead of replying, he pulled his shadowhunter into a warm and gentle and soft kiss. "God, I've missed you." Alec breathed out, leaning their foreheads together.

"Alexander?"

"Yeah?"

"Take me home."

"Oh no you don't!" Cat almost shrieked when she saw Magnus out of bed, as Alec helped him get dressed. Magnus instinctively tried to cover himself up and Cat just laughed, "Oh, honey, that's quite pointless, I've already seen it all." she told him amused.

He gave her a questioning look, as if trying to remember, but then once he recalled what she was talking about he smiled and nodded in nostalgia, as Alec gave them both a strange look, clearly out of the loop. "I don't even wanna know." He said, after a moment's thought, and waved his hand at Magnus when he opened his mouth, probably to begin his explanation.

Alec then turned to Catarina, "I was just about to take him home." he told her, as Magnus continued to get dressed, still looking quite amused.

"Fine, but you have to keep a close eye on him," Cat warned him, a stricked look in her eyes, "make sure he's okay and doesn't do anymore stupid things."

"Don't worry, I will make sure he stays out of trouble." Alec assures her.

"That means watch his own actions, because he seems to be the trouble." Cat said with a smile and they both laughed.

"I'm right here, you know." Magnus said, annoyed and looking displeased.

Cat turned to him with a serious look and crossed her arms, "I love and care for you dearly," she began to tell him, "but you, my stupid friend, need to stop messing with you memories."

"I know, I went a little overboard."

"Overboard? Magnus, you erased your memories of Alec, then Asmodeus planted those fake one, after that Zacharia pulled a memory out of your subconscious, and now this." Cat spoke with a serious tone, but still managed to remain compassionate. "That is a lot of strain to put on your mind in such a short time, you can't put any more strain on yourself, or it will cause irreversible damage."

"But I still need to get my memories back." Magnus insisted. "I can't just give up on that." he looked desperately between Cat and Alec, who came closer to him and draped his arm over his shoulder.

"You don't really have a choice, not right now anyway." Cat told him, as she placed her hand under his chin gently, "If you try in any way to get your memories back, with spells, potions or any other kind of magic - I'm afraid you might not survive the next time."

"What if they come back naturally?" Magnus asked, sounding worried, even scared. Not only because he could seriously hurt himself, but also because he was afraid he would never get his memories of Alec back. "Brother Zacharia said that they could be triggered by places or people."

"Honestly? I'm not sure."

Magnus walked out of the bathroom wearing just a towel around his waist, his hair was wet from the shower and was dripping and sliding onto his shoulders, down his chest and back.

Alec, who was sitting on the bed, couldn't help but watch him as he moved towards his walk-in closet. Alec got up from where he was sitting on the bed and followed him, he stopped at the entrance of the walk-in closet and leaned on the door way.

Magnus was pulling out a pair of boxers from one of the draws, when he noticed him looking, he blushed slightly and smiled shyly. "Have I ever told you how god damn sexy you are?" Alec asked him, taking a few steps towards him.

"Probably," Magnus replied, "but I can't really remember." they both laughed and as Magnus was about to pull on his boxers, Alec walked over and stopped him.

"Oh no you don't." he said, as he grabbed his warlock by the waist and pulled him closer. "I can't let you do that." he added before kissing him along his jawline and then down his neck, slowly and softly, all the while caressing his sides with his hands.

"You also taste so good." Alec whispered between kisses, as Magnus moaned quietly and shivered under the touch of his hands and lips, his boxers long forgotten. Then their lips met in a soft and tender kiss, and magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's neck, allowing Allec to circle him around the waist with his arms.

"Wait, Alec… don't- don't you think… I mean… " Magnus said between kisses, "I- I'm worried."

"What? why?" Alec asked, pulling away slightly, keeping their lips too close to think properly, "There are no fake memories in our way anymore.".

"I know, it's not that. I'm worried that if we rush into anything, that it will ruin this." Magnus told him, and Alec couldn't help but smile and laugh lightly. "What's so funny?" Magnus dropped his hands and took a step back.

But Alec followed him and held his grip on him, "It's just, we've already had a similar conversation."

"Oh, well I can't remember." Magnus said, turning his face away from Alec, feeling frustrated.

"What happened?" Alec asked, noticing the change in his boyfriend's expression, trying to catch his eye again.

"I just hate that there are all these things that I can't remember."

"I know, I'm sorry." Alec placed his hands on Magnus' cheeks, trying to get him to turn to him again.

"It's not your fault." Magnus sighed, finally looking back into Alec's eyes. "Have we already… had sex?"

"Oh yeah." Alec lowered his hands as he spoke, caressing magnus' sides and hips, then he slowly removed the towel from around his waist, looked Magnus up and down with desire. Magnus watched as he did so, then pulled him into a passionate kiss.

Alec's hands roamed down Magnus' back, slowly making their way to his ass cheeks and then settled for a moment beneath them, before tugging them upwards. Magnus jumped up with the pull and wraps his legs around Alec's waist and his hands around his neck. They both chuckled lightly against each others lips, then they parted just enough to share a soft gaze before diving back in.

Alec takes a few steps forward and pushes Magnus' back up against the nearest wall. Their lips move together in perfect rhythm, pushing, pulling, rubbing with so much sense of familiarity, as if they were created solely for that purpose. Lips tugging, opening and parting, allowing tongues to dance together in thirst.

Using the wall and their legs for support, so their hands could be free to explore, rediscover skin and muscles, and the warmth radiating beneath their fingertips, growing and intensifying from the friction of body-heat. Caressing, grabbing and clutching wherever they could, any part that was within reach, both giving and taking generously.

Just as suddenly as it began, they both pulled back, as if some magnetic force had taken over. They stared into each other with dilated pupils, each mirroring the others need and want and desperate longing to consume. Both panting, lungs burning, breathing in their woven breaths.

"Bed?" Alec asked.

"Bed." Magnus replied.

They tighten their holds on each other and Alec pulls them away from the wall carefully. Their lips meet in clumsy kisses as they stumble on the way out of the walk-in closet and into the bedroom.

Alec gently sets Magnus on the edge of the bed, leaning over him with his hands pressed into the mattress on either side of Magnus' thighs, their lips never more than a centimeter apart.

"You okay?" Alec asked gently, looking into Magnus' eyes, needing to see for himself that they are not pushing it, that he isn't pushing him.

Magnus nods, just once, and takes a deep breath, "Yeah, I'm fine." he says, hating the way his voice trembled and sounded anything but fine. Not because he doesn't want it, but because he feels like he has to live up to expectations, which he himself has set. It was as if he was competing against a different version of himself - one that could remember all that he and Alec shared, one that could feel their love and not just unexplainable feelings that have yet to meet their full potential.

Magnus is now but a fragment of what he used to be, cracked at the edges and scraped all over, and who is to say if the damage can be reversed and fixed. And even if it can be repaired, it probably won't be without scars. And who in their right mind can really love all of his broken parts?

A small cry escaped his lips, barely audible, when he realises that he is bound to lose. The fight against himself and Alec.

"Relax." Alec breaths out with a small smile, and the look in his eyes of pure joy and love, shove away the ill thoughts and close them off behind a steel gate, locked up in chains.

For now.

Alecs arm wraps around Magnus' back and grabs onto his hip, their lips pressed together, as he helps him scoot further into the bed. Magnus' head hits the pillow as his back lays flat on the mattress, Alec hovering over him his arms bracketing Magnus' head.

Magnus' fingers nervously play with the hem of Alec's shirt, clearly over thinking and second guessing himself. So Alec comes to his rescue and straightens his back, sitting on his heels as he pulls his shirt up and over his head.

Magnus leans on his elbows and watches in awe as Alec discards his shirt and tosses it to the floor. Then, before he can even register what he is doing, he sits up and traces Alec's chest and abs with his fingers, and the look of disbelief doesn't escape by Alec. he looks up at his shadowhunter with a look that resembles one of a child, asking for permission to eat some candy.

Is this really all mine? I can have this? Alec can sea the questions in his warlocks eyes, too scary to be asked out loud, and he finds himself falling in love with him all over again, all of him - Memories or not.

"I'm here, I'm yours and I'm not going anywhere." He replied to the unspoken questions, because he knows that Magnus needs that reassurance, he knows he needs to hear it.

Alec takes his time exploring, after so long of being deprived of Magnus' body, he reacquainted with his touch - mapping out all of his favorite parts of caramel skin, and the ones he knows Magnus enjoys the most.

He relishes the taste on his lips and on his tongue, the sounds of gasps and moans, the uncontrollable tremor and shivers, and savors it all, every beat - feeling no rush.

They both pant and heave and groan.

Four hands roam, clutch and claw at skin and sheets.

Toes curl and spines arch.

Their bodies move and come together with so much ease, fit together like they always had.

"Has it already been that good?" Magnus asked, his voice low and shy, as they lay tangled in each other under the sheets.

Alec turns his head to look at Magnus, who is laying his head on his chest, and smiles "It's always been good. But somehow it still get better every time." he tells his warlock, and Magnus, who had already been flushed with red cheeks, turned a shade darker.

Magnus buries his face in Alec's shoulder, then kisses him there before looking back up at his shadowhunter, "I wish I could remember…" he says, his voice honest and filled with regret.

Alec strokes a few strands of Magnus' hair and sweeps them off his forehead, then kisses the revealed skin, "We'll just have to make more memories." he tells him, making sure to look him in the eyes as he did so, "Besides, I believe we can find a way to get your memories back. You'll be back to your old self soon enough."

Alec gives him a chaste kiss on the lips, then settles back down on the pillow, closes his eyes and hugs Magnus closer to him, a content smile spread across his lips. But Magnus remains apprehensive, unable to rid the concern rooted in the pit of his stomach, "And what if I'm not?"

"Not what?" Alec asks, his eyes still closed, lips still smiling.

"Back to my old self? What if I never remember?"

Alec opens his eyes and turns his whole body and attention to the man in his arms, he caresses his cheeks softly and looks deep into his beautiful brown eyes. He holds his gaze for a moment, making sure Magnus is completely with him at that moment.

"Oh, Magnus." he says softly, "I will love you no matter what."

"But I'm so broken." Magnus insists, praying his voice does not break, "You remember me a certain way that I cannot, and I'm not sure I will ever be that version of me again."

"It doesn't matter, I don't care." Alec also insists, never breaking contact, "Yes I loved that version of you, but I love this one no less, and I will love any other version of you that you can come up with."