Chapter 18 - Out Of All Memories

Okay, Magnus could definitely get used to this.

It was way better than any alarm clock he had ever had. Granted, it was still much earlier than he would have normally woken up, but it was also a much more pleasurable way to wake up than normal.

"Magnus?" a soft warm voice whispered in his ear, as wandering hands roamed his half naked body, "Magnus, are you awake?" still somewhere in between - not yet completely aware of anything happening outside his sleepy mind, Magnus kept his eyes shut and just hummed softly.

At first he thought he was dreaming, it took him a short moment to register what was going on, but once he realised that the heat he was feeling along the whole back side of his body was very much real, he leaned into it further. He couldn't stop the soft moans that escaped his lips when he felt wet soft kisses along his neck and jaw, given to him by that oh so addictive mouth he just couldn't get enough of.

As he trailed kisses back down Magnus' neck and then his shoulder, Alec caressed up and down his waist and hip, every so often squeezing his flesh.

"Good morning gorgeous." Alec whispered against his skin, and he rolled his hips against Magnus' ass.

"Morning…" Magnus breathed out, groaning when he felt how hard Alec was against him, and tilting his head to give Alec better access to his neck, his eyes remaining closed. "Don't you need to get to the institute?"

"I still have an hour." Alec replied after kissing behind his ear, then stuck his fingers under the waistband of Magnus' silk pyjama pants, "May I?"

"Oh, yes." Magnus pushed back against Alec, then lifted his hip to help him remove his pants and boxers. He kicked them off the bed, then reached back behind him to start removing Alec's boxers, but the angle was too awkward and he only managed to push down one side over his hip.

Alec chuckled at his failed attempt, then removed his own boxers and threw them off the bed, before reaching into the night stand for the bottle of lube.

"God, I just can't get enough of you." Alec said between kisses and bites on Magnus' shoulder, as he slowly buried his finger inside of him, beginning to stretch him out.

"Good, because I also can't seem to get enough." Magnus said between breaths and moans, rocking his hips onto Alec's finger, matching his thrusts.

Alec added a second finger and then a third, enjoying the feel of Magnus loosening around him. Magnus' breathing was heavy from the pleasure, as he continued to roll his hips back onto Alec's fingers.

Magnus cried out loud when Alec's thrusts became harder and faster, hitting his spot dead on. He reached back to grab hold of Alec's hard cock and tugged on it, "I want you, I'm ready." he almost pleaded.

Alec removed his fingers out of Magnus' ass and place his hand on his hip, then lined his cock up with his hole after lubing it up, then slowly began pushing in, letting out a sigh of relief, overwhelmed by the immense bliss of being wrapped in Magnus' tight heat.

When he was all the way in, Alec mustered all the self control he had, and paused his movements to let Magnus adjust, then he wrapped Magnus up in his arms, pressing his chest to Magnus' back. "You okay?" he asked softly in his ear.

"Yeah." Magnus whispered, moaning loudly when Alec gave a few shallow thrusts, as he sucked on the skin of Magnus' neck, "Fuck you're big."

Alec chuckled against his skin, then bit on it gently before he pulled out and gave his first proper thrust, both of them moaning from the friction, "God, I love that dick of yours." Magnus breathed out, his voice raspy from desire. He was soon crying out in pleasure when Alec slammed into him hard, hitting his prostate.

"And my dick loves that tight ass of yours." Alec replied, his hand grabbing Magnus' jaw and twisting his head around to give him a wet and sloppy kiss on the lips.

Magnus held onto Alec's arms that were crossed over his chest, as Alec began to thrust into him in a steady rhythm, starting off slow and steady, gradually picking up the pace and becoming for frantic. They were both clutching onto each other, desperate for skin contact, trying to get as close as possible.

The sound of skin slapping against skin, and their loud moans and grunts filled the quiet room as they both rolled their hips against each other.

Magnus pulled away from Alec, pushed him onto his back and then climbed on top of him, sinking onto his cock in one swift move. Alec groaned loudly and grabbed his hips, helping him hop up and down, and every so often thrusting his own hips up into Magnus.

Alec then sat up and wrapped his arms around Magnus' back, one hand holding onto his side, and the other one at the nape of his neck. Magnus clutched at Alec's shoulders and buried his face at the base of his neck, as he continued to roll his hips, back and forth, up and down.

Magnus was losing any coherent thought, chanting out Alec's name over and over, as his cock hit his prostate again and again, both of them nearing their release. "Al- Alex- ander," Magnus stuttered out, clawing at Alec's skin, "I'm- I'm go-gonna…" he couldn't even finish his sentence, as he was too consumed by the mind-boggling pleasure, breathing heavy and panting out.

"Cum for me, my love." Alec urged him, between heavy breaths, moaning as Magnus pulled at his hair. Magnus pulled back slightly to press his forehead against Alec's capturing his lips in open mouth kisses in between moans. "Yes, my beautiful warlock, cum for me."

A thousand little electrical sparks spread all over his body, as Magnus cried out, his toes curling when he erupted between their bodies, covering them both in his cum. A few thrusts after, Alec joined him, and came deep in his body.

Magnus dropped his forehead on to Alec's shoulder as he tried to calm his breathing, his whole body still tingling, as a light tremor ran through him. Alec collapses back onto the bed and wrapped him in his arms, pulling him close.

"Not bad, Shadowhunter." Magnus said, after he managed to regain some brain cells, then kiss Alec's shoulder.

"Not bad?" Alec asked, poking Magnus' sides, causing him to jump and yelp in surprise, "says the guy who was just screaming my name like a prayer."

"I was kind of loud, wasn't I?" Magnus chuckled as he leaned over Alec, looking down at him.

"You were so loud!" Alec replied, causing Magnus to blush and bury his face in the crook of Alec's neck. "But I love it, and I love it that I'm the one that makes you loud." Alec pressed a kiss to his temple, then pulled his head up so he could kiss his lips.

"Okay, so maybe you were a little better than not bad." Magnus continued teasing Alec, then turned his head to kiss his cheek.

"You may not remember, but you once told me that I am the best sex you ever had," Alec told him matter of factly, "better than any woman or man you've been with before me."

Magnus squinted his eyes, watching him suspiciously, then laughed out loud, "don't you dare start using this situation to your advantage," he warned, as Alec laughed, "You can't just make things up, just because I can't remember."

"Okay, so maybe it wasn't exactly in those words…" Alec conceded, "but it was definitely implied."

"Maybe I meant that your the best Shadowhunter I've been with." Magnus suggested innocently with a cheeky grin, and Alec raised his eyebrow at him.

"I'm the only shadowhunter you've been with." Alec muttered.

"Oh shit, is that what I told you?" Magnus winced jokingly as he spoke, "well, I guess you would have found out eventually."

"Oh, shut up." Alec began tickling him, causing Magnus to roll over in laughter.

"Okay okay, I give up, just please stop." Magnus pleaded in between laughs, "I hate being tickled!"

"Really? Are you sure?" Alec asked in mock disbelief, watching Magnus suspiciously, "because you once told me you loved it."

"I did no such thing."

"Of course you did, you used to beg me to tickle you." Alec said, keeping his tone as serious as he could, "I never got it, but hey, we all have our weird ticks."

Magnus poked him on the side and pouted at him, "Stop teasing me." he said in a cute whiny tone.

"Okay, okay." Alec surrendered, pulling Magnus close to him, "come here you adorable warlock." Magnus rolled onto his side and lay his head on Alec's shoulder.

"Stupid shadowhunter." Magnus muttered jokingly.

Alec laughed then sighed lightly, as they both fell into a comfortable silence.

"My mum asked to have dinner with us tonight," Alec said after a few moments. "So I was thinking we can meet her at her shop and go from there."

"Okay, I like that idea."

"I should get ready." Alec said another moment later, after peaking at the clock on the bedside table.

Magnus whined in protest when Alec made to get up off the bed, he pulled at his arm and pouted, "no, stay with me." he asked with the most sweet voice he could muster.

Alec looked down at him and laughed, "don't do that to me." he pleaded, "You know I can't resist you, and I really do have to show my face at the institute."

"Fiiiine." Magnus conceded and let go of Alec, who leaned down and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips before disappearing into the bathroom.

Magnus looked down at himself, still covered in sweat and cum, he was about to click his fingers to clean himself, when he heard the shower turn on. He smirked to himself before running into the bathroom to join Alec.

Alec held his boyfriend's hand as they walked into his mother's shop, the bell above the door ringing, "Mum!" Alec called out, when they didn't see her, "Mum, we're here!" they looked around but didn't see her, "She's probably in the back office, let me go get her." Alec let go of Magnus' hand and walked to the back of the shop, as Magnus started to look around, noticing that some of the items looked familiar to him.

Magnus heard faint voices behind him, as he examined the shop around him, beginning to feel a wave of recognition come over him, sort of like with the lock, he could feel the energy in the air, but this time it was also slowly seeping into him, causing his head to hurt and making him feel dizzy.

"That's what I came here to talk about." he heard Alec speak from behind him, his voice echoing in the room, so he spun around to see Alec and his Mum smiling.

"Did you say something?" Magnus asked, feeling his breath getting stuck in his throat, he was also trying hard not to sway and keep himself up right as the dizziness got stronger.

"Nothing, Magnus are you okay?" Alec asked looking concerned, taking a step towards him.

"I've been feeling a little bit overwhelmed, and to be honest, I need a break." Alec's voice echoed again, as Magnus' head pulsed causing him to grunt in pain. Alec rushed to his side and held onto him.

"Magnus, are you okay? What happened?" Alec asked, scanning Magnus for any injuries with his eyes and hands.

"That's a wonderful idea…" he could hear his own voice echo around him, "ahh where do you want to go? Hawaii? Jamaica? I've never been on a plane before, but let's avoid coach cuz-"

At first they were grainy and fuzzy, he could barely make out what he was seeing, but as the images transformed themselves from large chunky pixels into a million tiny pixels that came together, he could see it - as if it was happening right in front of him.

It felt like he was watching a movie, a glimpse into someone else's life, but as they dived deeper into him, he began to feel more and more a part of them.

Magnus clutched his head and fell to his knees as images started to swarm him head, he could feel them merging into his brain, becoming clearer and clearer until they were part of him once more, suddenly consuming him with the feelings and sensations that accompanied them.

"No Magnus, I need a break from us."

And just like that, all the pain and fear came washing over him like a tidal wave he couldn't control, pulling him under as he lost all awareness to everything going on. He could no longer see the real Alec beside him, or hear him calling out to him with worry. He couldn't feel Alec's hand on him, as he fell to his knees with him.

"Is this about last night? Because I'm going to quit drinking."

"This isn't about your drinking, it's about what you said, that without your magic you could never be happy."

A rush of feelings, good and bad, enveloped him almost causing him to faint from the sensory overload. He could feel the immense love he had for Alec, wash over his entire being with warmth and comfort, but just as quickly, he felt it shatter along with his heart, as he heard Alec's words demolish his entire world.

And just like that, all at once, everything came crashing to an abrupt halt, as he became aware of his surroundings again, this time with the addition of his new-old memory. He looked up at Alec, and jumped back, pushing him away, wiping his wet cheeks. He couldn't remember when he began to cry.

"Magnus? What happened, are you okay?" Alec rushed back to his side, and Magnus looked at him again with the most painful and heart-shattering look in his eyes.

"You said there was no fixing it." Magnus said, his voice weak and broken, feeling like he had just re-lived the whole break up.

"What?" Alec asked, dreading the answer, feeling the fear seep into him.

"You broke up with me." Magnus stated, "and you said that I lost the spark inside of me that you fell in love with." with every word, Magnus felt the ach and anger throb and bubble stronger.

"Magnus, you already knew what happened, I told you." Alec said, panic in his voice, "Did you just remember the break up? Is that what happened?"

"Yes, I remembered."

"Shit." Alec muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Seriously? Out of everything you could have remembered?" he didn't mean for his words to sound accusatory, but he couldn't stop the bitterness and pain that filled him, "Why that memory?"

Magnus backed away from him again and stood up, "You're actually mad at me? You are the one that broke up with me."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get angry." Alec sighed heavily, wiping his face with his hand, as he also stood up, "It's just frustrating that out of everything, that is what you remembered. That's the last thing I want you to remember."

"You say that as if I chose to remember it." Magnus spat back, unable to prevent the venom in his voice, "believe me when I tell you, no one would want to remember that pain, I just realised how much of a blessing it actually was to forget it."

"You say that as if I hurt you on purpose, I didn't want to break up with you!" Alec yelled back, frustrated.

"But what you said… those words they- they really stung." Magnus choked out, hating how winded up they both were, feeling like there is no good way out of it. "You didn't have to say all of those things."

Alec was so caught up in his own pain and anger, that he ignored the need to hug Magnus and comfort him, make his pain go away. Instead he just snapped back, "I didn't mean any of it, I said what needed to be said, so you would accept the break-up. I needed it to be over, you know that, you know why I broke up with you."

"Yes, so I could get my magic back," Magnus spoke, the words burning in his stomach, pushing themselves out of his mouth, out of his control, "my magic, that I lost for you."

Alec looked at him in disbelief, opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to figure out what to say, but his brain was short-circuiting. He took a deep breath and shook his head, trying to calm himself down so he doesn't say something he will regret, "I never asked you to do that, that was your decision."

Fuck, what an idiot. Alec internally cursed himself. Wishing he had been able to suppress his anger, and express how much more he loved Magnus for what he had done, how much he appreciated it and cherish the beautiful gesture. Instead, he allowed the anger and frustration to engulf him.

Magnus pursed his lips and nodded slowly, and Alec could see the impact of his words in his eyes. Magnus swallowed hard, his adam's apple bobbed, then he cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the lump that grew there, "Okay." was the only thing he managed to say, there was not much he could say to that.

Maryse, who had been standing off to the side, trying to give them their space and privacy, came forward and tried to save the situation, "boys, please don't fight about this, you're both hurt." she said softly, looking between them, "but you love each other, and you will work past this."

They both looked at her, but said nothing. "Look, how about we go out for dinner like we planned, enjoy our evening?" she suggested when they stayed silent.

"I lost my appetite." Magnus said weakly, trying to regain himself, "I think I'm going to go back to my apartment." he looked lost, feeling detached and out of place, needing to just get away. He looked up at Alec who was looking back at him, feeling just as lost and just as hurt, "I think it's best if you stay at the institute tonight."

Alec took a deep breath and nodded slowly, "Fine." was the only thing he managed to say, and even just that one word came out as a snap, he hated himself for the way he was reacting and the way he could see it was hurting Magnus, but he couldn't control or stop himself.

"Fine." Magnus replied, his voice sounding jaded and sad.

Alec and Maryse watched as he left the shop, Alec winced when the door shut closed behind him.

They both stood silent for a long moment, mother and son, trying to digest and comprehend what had just happened.

"Shit, I should go talk to him." Alec finally said, "I can't let him leave like that."

"I think you both need time to cool off," Maryse told him, "maybe I can go talk to him, he might be more open to listen to me right now."

"Yeah, okay." Alec said, then sighed heavily, "I should get back to the institute, sorry about all this and for ruining dinner."

"It's okay, I know your both hurting." Maryse stepped closer to her son as she spoke and embraced him in her arms, hugging him close.

Magnus was feeling numb.

He had already gone through every emotion humanly possible, from anger to pain and even a bit of happiness, because although the memory hurt and was filled with agony, he also felt optimistic that the whole thing meant he could get the rest of his memories back. And not just that, part of remembering the breakup and how difficult it was, was also remembering how inlove he had been in that moment. He might not remember everything they had been through, but he could remember how it felt in that moment, how it felt to lose the love of his life.

The love of his life.

But after all those emotions had consumed him and boiled over, he just felt numb.

He was sitting on the floor in the lounge, leaning against the couch with a glass of whiskey in his hand, but he couldn't bring himself to actually drink it, so the glass remained full. Remembering the brek-up and the suffering that came along with it, had emptied him completely, making him feel sick.

He couldn't remember exactly what he meant, but it had something to do with his drinking, and somehow it just felt wrong, he felt guilty and stupid, and couldn't ignore the worry and dread that grew in the pit of his stomach. He just felt everything, all at once, and it was becoming too much.

A knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts, and he couldn't stop the sudden hope that overtook him.

But it wasn't Akec at the door, it was Maryse who immediately pulled him into her arms for a hug, and he just found himself melting into her, only just realising how much he needed it.

"He really loves you, so much," she told him, her voice gentle and caring, not only for her son, but for him as well, "you know that, right?"

Magnus pulled back slightly and nodded, "Yeah, I know." he said weakly, "but it just hurts."

"I know, but you will work through this," she assured him, "You always do."

"You know, I can't remember your reaction to our relationship, but from what I can remember of you, I would never have guessed that you would be okay with this, with us," Magnus told her after the thought suddenly popped into his head, of how strange it was that she was just so accepting and encouraging of them.

"You're right, I was quite upset at first," she told him, "But I grew to accept it, especially when I saw how much you love and care for my boy."

Magnus nodded and wiped his eyes, "I do." he said weakly, "But I'm just so scared that he won't ever love me the same, because no matter how much he says he does, I can't help but think that once he realises I'm no longer the Magnus he used to love, that I may never be again…" Magnus' voice trailed off, he couldn't bring himself to finish his train of thought.

"Alec will love you no matter what, none of us have even seen him as happy as he is with you," Maryse said as she pulled out a ring from her pocket and showed it to Magnus.

"Is the Lightwood family ring supposed to mean something to me?" Magnus asked, looking at her confused.

"It would have," Maryse replied, "If he had given it to you when he planned to."

Magnus reached out and took the ring from her hand, inspecting it, "He was going to propose?" he asked, stunned.

Maryse nodded and smiled at him, "Yes, he was." she said, "he loves you that much."

"Then why didn't he propose?"

"I don't know the whole story, but apparently it was the wrong timing, and then he made that deal with Asmodeus." Maryse explained, "but that doesn't matter, it doesn't change his love for you, if anything it only makes it stronger."

Magnus nodded and looked down at the ring, "can I keep it?" he asked after a moment of silence.

She gave him a knowing smile and nodded, "Of course."

"But I think we still need some time to cool off separately," he told her, "I will go to him tomorrow."

Maryse nodded and hugged him once again, "Have a good night Magnus." she told him and turned to leave.

"Maryse?" he called after her, then spoke again when she turned back around, "Thank you."