Special thanks to Riku Kingdom Hearts for your collaboration on this chapter! I couldn't have done it without you!

—

The pounding in Axel's chest was so heavy and relentless that it could have burst open. He and Saïx were mowing down Heartless by the handful, watching with dismay as more spawned in their place. Finally, they'd managed to cut a path to the two boys swinging their skateboards and knocking out the creatures one by one. Axel reached out and grabbed them both by the shirts, dragging them backward and away from the horde where they doubled over, completely winded and apologizing profusely.

"We're sorry, mister! We were just—!"

"It's alright! Just get out of here before you get hurt!"

Axel let Saïx continue to plow through the creatures while he shooed the reluctant boys away. "Don't worry, we can handle this. Roxas will be fine. Now go!"

"Lea, watch yourself!"

Axel turned around just in time to see a new creature materialize from thin air — a giant lizard with big, round eyes and a long, sickening tongue. Before he could react, it swiped at him with its massive tail, knocking him to the ground with a heavy thud.

"Axel!" Roxas cried, still pinned to the tree by a collection of smaller Heartless surrounding him.

Saïx swept through and took them out with one swift blow before dashing over to Axel's side. "Are you alright?"

Axel made it to his feet, rubbing his sore hip and shaking his head. "I'm fine. Man, this guy isn't messing around!"

The two launched a series of attacks on the powerful creature, whittling it down bit by bit. Progress was slow, as the monster repeatedly cloaked itself, catching them off-guard by lashing its enormous tongue at them from behind the veil of invisibility. Axel had more than a few nasty bruises and a split lip, but every time he heard the sound of a frightened Roxas crying out behind him, he felt a new surge of energy coursing through his veins. He couldn't explain the impulse, but if Roxas were to be hurt by this creature, there could be no telling just what he might do. He was fueled by pure adrenaline and a fiercely protective instinct that he had only ever reserved for one other person in his life. Gritting his teeth with determination, Axel took a breath and prepared to activate his limit break when Saïx threw an arm out to stop him.

"Protect Roxas!"

He'd no sooner finished his command than he rushed to the center of the field, standing in wait for the monster to show itself once more.

"What? Isa—!"

Saïx's arms were raised high above his head. He was chanting something inaudible and began to levitate. Axel's eyes sprang open wide when he realized what the man was doing, and he sprinted after him as quickly as he could run.

"Isa, don't!" he shouted in desperation. "It's not worth it! We can beat him without—!"

"Moon, shine down!"

"Damn it, Isa!"

Axel's pleas fell on deaf ears as Saïx was already several feet in the air, siphoning energy from the moon and allowing himself to be overtaken by his berserk powers. In seconds, and with a chilling roar, the transformation was complete, and Saïx slammed into the ground with his claymore, laying heavy damage on the newly-reappeared creature. Rippling shockwaves bloomed from the point of impact, decimating the smaller Heartless still lurking about and nearly hitting Axel and Roxas in the process.

For awhile, Axel just stood back stunned while Saïx pummeled the lizard creature by himself. He knew that the man was powerful when he fought in his berserk state, and he knew that utilizing the special power would be quite effective and end this lengthy battle more quickly, but he also knew that sooner or later, he'd have to beat the berserk out of him. Saïx never resented a single blow, but Axel had long since grown weary of clearing out waves of Heartless, only to then have to turn on his own friend just to deactivate the troublesome ability. It was hard enough that Roxas was put through this harrowing ordeal, being attacked by heartless, witnessing Saïx's transformation into a terrifying beast — Axel didn't want the boy to have to see that after all was said and done. What sort of example would that set? What sort of psychological damage would be done?

He'd become distracted, standing there gaping at Saïx, and he didn't see that Roxas was about to be swarmed by yet another group of monsters. Saïx moved to intercept, rearing back and slicing through their middles in one long swing of his claymore. As he completed the attack, he accidentally swiped Axel in the arm, hard enough to tear through his coat and cut into his skin. Axel hissed and stumbled backward, quickly clasping a hand over the profusely bleeding wound as he watched Saïx deliver the final blow on the lizard creature. With one last cry of defeat, the monster disappeared into a puff of darkness and the clearing was quiet and still once more.

With all the Heartless gone, Axel breathed a sigh of relief, shaking off the aches and pains and staggering over to the tree where he found Saïx hunched over with his back turned. "Whew… that was a close call."

Saïx didn't respond, and Axel couldn't see Roxas at all. He took cautious steps toward them, calling out as he came closer. "Isa? Are you okay?"

Saïx was knelt on the ground, holding Roxas tightly like an infant, still locked in his berserk state. In an instant, Axel felt the color drain from his face, his mind filled with dread as he reached for his comrades. "Isa…"

Saïx emitted a low, haunting growl, his arms closing more tightly around the boy. Roxas was alive, trembling in the man's protective grasp. His face was buried at Saïx's neck as he blubbered into his coat, apparently unharmed, but terrified. Axel slowed his pace, coming around to the front of them with his hands clearly visible and kneeling down to where he could see his friend's face. He caught a glimpse of Saïx's menacing eyes, glowing brightly from behind the shadow of his hood. He was seething, his fangs threateningly bared, practically challenging the man to approach.

Careful not to startle him, Axel offered a hand. "Isa, it's me."

Saïx did not respond, only further tightening his grip. Axel could hear Roxas whimpering, could see him shiver as he cowered beneath Saïx's chin. It was quite clear that Saïx had no intention to harm the child — he held Roxas in what could only have been described as an embrace, consoling him, shielding him from danger that had long gone. Axel could only pray that the man wasn't squeezing him too hard and that he hadn't scared him even more.

"Isa, listen to me. I know you recognize my voice," he moved in, reaching for the boy. "Roxas is okay. You can let him go now."

Saïx scooted away, practically folding himself around Roxas' tiny body. "Stay back…"

"No one is going to hurt him, Isa. The Heartless are gone. He's safe."

Saïx only stared at him in silence with no change to his beastly demeanor. Axel heaved a sigh, considering his options. He couldn't fight the berserk out of him now — not while he had Roxas in his arms. He'd only managed to talk the man down a handful of times, and he'd sustained injuries on many of those occasions. He was reminded of the sting in his arm, now throbbing and leaking blood all down his coat. There wasn't much time. Taking a chance, he summoned a corridor of darkness, casting its shape around the three of them.

"Come on, let's go home."

The portal fully activated and they were transported back to the Grey Area. He watched Saïx carefully for any glimmers of consciousness. He hadn't budged, but his musculature seemed to relax and his expression softened very slightly the moment they were safe in the castle and the corridor closed behind them.

"See? We're home. It's okay."

Xigbar rushed over from the sofa where he'd been lounging. "Saïx? What the hell happened?"

Axel was still trying to coax him out of the berserk, or at least convince him to let go of Roxas. "Roxas got attacked by some Heartless."

"Is he hurt?"

"I don't know. He won't let him go."

Xigbar squatted down to speak to Saïx directly. "Saïx, buddy, you can drop the berserk thing. Everything's fine."

"Get away!" Saïx warned him loudly, recoiling from his outstretched hand.

"Isa," Axel now spoke sternly, rapidly losing his patience with the man. "I'm not afraid of you. I need you to come out of this and let Roxas go."

He extended his hand once more, beckoning Saïx out of his monstrous state. Saïx was staring intently at it, seeming to be deep in concentration. Axel lit up at the sight — it was working.

"Hey," he whispered. "Follow my voice. Come back to me, Isa."

The whole room froze, waiting to see what Saïx would do. Finally, he lifted his arm, very gradually reaching forward until his fingers clasped around Axel's. The connection had been made, and Axel gave him a gentle squeeze, lowering his hood and brushing the hair from his face. Without another word, he leaned in and locked eyes with him, forcing him to look back. Through the solid, glowing yellow of his irises, Axel knew that Saïx could see him now. He'd been recognized. After another tense moment, Saïx's rigid torso collapsed with a shuddering sigh as the berserk released him at last.

His grasp on Axel's hand tightened and his body began to shiver violently. "L-Lea…"

"It's okay, Isa," Axel crawled forward and threw his arms around him. "It's okay."

"Roxas…"

"Roxas is going to be fine. We're gonna get Vexen back here and he'll check him over okay?"

Axel pulled away and Saïx took a long look at him. His eyes immediately fell to his injury, widening with alarm at the sight. "You're hurt…"

Axel shook his head. "The Heartless got me. I'll be okay. Let's go."

He lifted Saïx to his feet and they slowly traipsed out of the room with Roxas in tow. Saïx never said a word along their trek to the lab, and was equally silent during his subsequent examination by a predictably annoyed Vexen. He averted his eyes as the scientist stitched up the gash on Axel's arm. He shook his head at every badgering question about his medical history, the scrapes and bruises sustained in the attack, and the presence of any lingering symptoms. He refused all additional treatments and all but ignored the man's instructions for the little he accepted. When all three were medically cleared, they left the lab together. The moment they'd crossed the threshold, he stopped to lean into the wall. Axel could plainly see that he was quite pale, and beads of sweat began to trickle down his face, but he resisted the temptation to press him further.

"Lea, I'm going back to my room," he announced in a strained voice. "Take Roxas for awhile."

The last thing Axel wanted to do was leave the man alone in his condition. He'd seen this too many times. But although he longed to protest, he was unwilling to argue in front of Roxas. He sighed, nodding reluctantly. "Alright. Get some rest, okay?"

Saïx didn't answer but with a solemn nod of his own. Without a second thought, and likely out of habit, Axel closed in to press a kiss onto his forehead, to which Saïx flinched, backing away just like he did at the bistro table. The rejection stung just as hard as it had then, leaving Axel to wonder what was happening to him. Saïx was a private man, but had always insisted that he wasn't ashamed of being together. He was reserved, but still affectionate in his own way. Even on his worst days, he never refused a kiss when they were alone.

They parted ways and Axel watched him limp down the hall until he disappeared around the corner. "Roxas," he asked, turning to his young companion. "Are you alright?"

The boy kept his head down, silent as he ever was. In all the drama with Saïx, Axel had forgotten that the poor kid survived an attack by a horde of monsters. It was lucky that he wasn't hurt, but obviously he'd been disturbed by the encounter. Axel studied his face, noting the downcast eyes and the tense brow. He supposed Roxas had been traumatized. Perhaps he was angry and resentful of his unwitting parents for losing track of him. Maybe that's why he wouldn't speak. Axel didn't blame him. Deep down, he felt as though he'd been traumatized, too. He still couldn't get the sound of Roxas screaming in terror out of his head.

"Roxas…" he whispered with a shaking voice. "I'm so sorry. I should have kept an eye on you. I'm sorry I let you get lost."

There was no change to Roxas' expression. He was still as a statue with his arms glued to his sides as Axel pulled him in for a hug — one that he needed far more than Roxas did. The revelation was slowly sinking in that they'd almost lost him. He'd turned his back for just a second and the boy was gone. That was all it took, and Axel found himself shaken by the enormity of what had happened, what could have happened. He tightened his grasp, willing that the embrace would be enough. If it meant that Roxas would not be harmed, he vowed to himself that he'd never let go.

"Saïx is sick and he needs me," he ruffled the boy's hair with a slightly weary smile. "But don't worry. He's gonna be okay."

He took Roxas by the hand and led him down the long hallway toward the staircase. It was easy to forget that the child was a Nobody for how human he acted. Perhaps worrying about the welfare of his comrades was something Roxas was too young to comprehend. Perhaps he wasn't capable of resenting his caretakers for lapsing in their responsibilities and inadvertently endangering him with their brief moment of neglect. Maybe those were emotions he would never experience. That he'd never remember. That would never fool him. Part of Axel wished for him to be spared such torment, but another larger part wished that he could have those experiences. The parts that were beautiful, and the parts that hurt. As burdensome as emotions could often be, Axel longed for the day when the Organization would reach their goal, and Roxas would be granted the heart — the humanity — that he deserved.

"Hey, Demyx," Axel burst through the door without knocking. "Sorry for the short notice, but I need you to keep an eye on Roxas for awhile."

Demyx, who had been plucking at his sitar, shot him an annoyed look. "Can't you guys do it at night like normal people?"

"This is serious! Just a couple of hours and I'll be back with an update," Axel begged him. "I promise."

Upon closer inspection, Demyx noticed that Axel's coat was covered in dried blood, and was torn at the sleeve. The sight of a fresh, newly-sutured wound set his mind running with questions. "Whoa, what happened to you?"

"Please, Demyx."

Roxas stepped through the doorway, looking dirty and a bit shaken. Saïx wasn't with them. The possibilities were endless. Demyx sighed and kept his curiosity to himself. Whatever happened, whatever Axel needed, clearly the situation was serious. "Alright," he relented. "Leave Roxas to me. Go do your thing."

Axel's body visibly slouched with relief. "Thanks, man. I owe you one."

"This one's on the house."

The door closed and Demyx was alone with Roxas once more. He couldn't read the kid's face, but could tell that if he had thoughts, they were likely racing a mile a minute.

"Roxas, can you talk enough yet to spill the juicy gossip? What happened today?"

The boy was silent, staring at the floor with his usual blank expression. After a few seconds, he began to shake, prompting Demyx to forfeit the questioning and reach for his shoulder.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Roxas' next expression was one Demyx had never seen on him. His eyes were wide with fear and his trembling only amplified the longer he sat there. If Demyx didn't know any better, he'd say he was about to cry. "Aw, hey, come here, buddy," he tugged at Roxas' sleeve until he'd scooted close enough for an embrace. "Whatever it was, you're alright now."

It could have been as small as a stumble onto the pavement or a startling encounter with an insect or animal. Everything was new to Roxas' innocent eyes, and Demyx could only imagine how unsettling the world could look to him. How frightening the unknown could be. It was almost heartbreaking to see what was such a bright-eyed and curious child suddenly looking so fearful. Demyx could only hope that Roxas felt safe beside him, under his blankets and in his arms. To hold him closely was, after all, the only comfort he could provide. He'd hold him all night if he had to, just as if he was a real baby, shushing and rocking him until the shivering had ceased.

"You poor thing," he whispered. "Don't you worry. You're safe here."

They stayed huddled closely under the covers until Demyx was certain the kid had fallen asleep. He glanced at the clock — not even supper time yet. He toyed with the idea of taking a nap himself, but couldn't risk letting Roxas wake up alone. He considered playing his sitar some more, hoping the music might have a calming effect on him. After such an eventful day, he deserved to have pleasant dreams.

Much to his dismay, the door opened and two of his comrades greeted him loudly. "Knock-knock!"

"Shh—!" he hissed, gesturing to the child lying next to him.

Xigbar and Luxord smiled widely as they peered at the sleeping boy on the bed. "Aww, are we interrupting?"

Demyx waved the two inside, whispering as loudly as he could reasonably get away with. "Just don't wake him up."

The bed was hardly big enough for two people, let alone four, but his companions joined in, sitting at the foot of the bed and grinning at the cuddling pair at the other end.

"It's a good thing he's sleeping," Xigbar remarked quietly. "After what he went through today, he needs it."

"You know what happened?" Demyx asked with growing urgency in his voice. "Spill, dude!"

Xigbar took his time recounting the tale, being careful not to miss a detail, and perhaps adding a few more outrageous ones of his own. He was animated and suspenseful as he described the sight of Axel staggering through a dark corridor, covered in blood and barely alive. He claimed to have witnessed Saïx hunched over in his beastly berserk form, clutching Roxas so tightly that his skin had turned blue. Demyx figured he was exaggerating well before he'd reached the part about the army of giant Heartless, but the very idea of a child as defenseless as Roxas encountering those creatures was enough to send a shiver down the back of his neck.

"My gosh… A Heartless attack, and he doesn't have a scratch on him?"

"Probably got Saïx to thank for that," Xigbar shrugged. "Mama Bear was pissed."

"Yikes," Demyx winced. "Probably scared the crap out of the little guy."

"Ah, I wouldn't worry about him. It's not like he's gonna remember any of it."

Demyx raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Well, do you remember your first week as a Nobody?"

Demyx stroked his chin, thinking to himself. He had a few vague memories of his initiation, looking up at the Superior with wide and apprehensive eyes. Following Luxord around like a shadow. It was like trying to remember a dream. The clearest image he could recall was a persistent sense of fear. Perhaps it was more like trying to remember a nightmare instead.

"I guess I don't," he scratched his head. "Not really."

Xigbar nodded with a knowing look. "Yeah, some of the research suggests that we perceive things differently in our first week. Like you're seeing it sort of through your Somebody's eyes, but not really, ya know? It's kinda creepy," he shuddered. "Once the fog clears after that first week is when you start forming memories. It's not an exact science or anything, but it's not like we have much study to go on anyway."

When Roxas began to stir, they all froze, worried that they'd woke him up. To their relief, he only rolled over and went back to sleep. Demyx, smiling, tucked the covers more tightly around him until he was perfectly snug, swaddling him neatly so that he'd feel secure without his embrace. A part of him almost wanted to feel sad that the boy might not remember his first week. Demyx truly enjoyed his company and could tell that Roxas enjoyed the time they spent together too. In losing all the memories he made this week, would Roxas then lose their friendship as well? He put the thought from his mind. He and Luxord were still good friends, as well as Xigbar. Lexaeus and Xaldin were still close, even if they never wore it as proudly as the others. Saïx and Axel were still together. Perhaps there was nothing to worry about after all.

"Xigbar," he asked. "Did Saïx always do that berserk thing?"

"Nope," Xigbar answered. "Not when he was human."

"So becoming a Nobody is what did it?"

The man hesitated more with every question. "Not exactly…"

Demyx raised an eyebrow in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Xigbar was still quite reluctant, taking the time to tug at some stray hairs that hadn't made it into his ponytail. It was obvious he was stalling, but visibly uncomfortable with Demyx's curious stare burrowing into him. "It's not really my story to tell… but it started with that mark on his face."

"Where did he get it from?"

Xigbar cringed. "It's kind of a gross story."

"Come on, tell us!"

He shook his head. "It's really heavy, man."

"We can take it," Demyx insisted, leaning in to fully engage in the story he so desperately wanted to hear. Even Luxord had an intrigued and expectant look on his face. Seeing that there would be no backing out of it now, Xigbar relented.

"Alright, alright," he sighed heavily, his face pulling into a subtle grimace. "It was an accident. Back when we were all apprentices, one of the experiments backfired. Blew up in his face, so to speak…" He shrugged sadly. "It was gruesome. But he seemed to be okay and we were just thanking our lucky stars that we hadn't lost him… Then, that first berserk happened."

His listeners eyes were glued to him, wide open and unblinking as they took in every word he said. Knowing that they wouldn't let him stop there, he continued, looking more and more uncomfortable the longer he went on. "It was after we'd lost our hearts. Vexen was trying to feed him. Like, a ham sandwich or eggs and bacon or something… something harmless, ya know? Anyway, Vexen didn't know he was a vegetarian. Apparently, little Saïx attacked him, tore up the kitchen, and broke Axel's wrist in the process. Poor kid got in the way…"

Demyx's jaw dropped. "That's… really sad."

Xigbar wrapped up the story, sounding piteous as he finished. "Saïx was pretty broken up about it. Wouldn't come out of his room for a week after that. From then on, he was like a ticking time bomb. You never knew when he was gonna explode. He mellowed out after awhile, though. I guess Lexaeus really rubbed off on him."

"Lexaeus?"

Xigbar nodded. "Lexaeus and Xaldin were their caretakers."

"No way…!"

"Yeah, those two were rotten little monsters, so they needed some of that tough love to settle them down," he answered. "But they weren't bad kids. They'd just been through a lot, is all."

Demyx scratched his head nervously. He'd never spoken much to numbers III and V, and Lexaeus in particular was a no-nonsense man of few words. Ever the strong, silent stoic, he often stood in a corner, wearing a stern glare that could pierce through to one's bones. Demyx could only imagine what the man was thinking when he found himself locked under his stony gaze. It made perfect sense that Saïx had picked up on his behavior, but the revelation left Demyx wondering what he was like before he'd become a Nobody. Was he always so cold? So uptight? So serious?

"Xiggy," Demyx's pitch had risen slightly with nerves, knowing it was a bold question he was asking. "Will you tell me about yours?"

Xigbar seemed to freeze entirely, slowly bringing his fingertips to his own face. He traced the outlines of the scar on his jaw, staring into the distance at nothing in particular, apparently deep in thought. It was an innocent question, having come from a place of curiosity, but Demyx immediately knew he'd said the wrong thing — Xigbar's expression had sharpened considerably until he looked rather troubled.

After a long and uncomfortable silence, Xigbar erupted into a strained laugh. "Eh, you don't want to hear that story," he scoffed. "It's lame."

The air in the room changed. The atmosphere was awkward and unsettling. Their bodies were tense and their thoughts were racing. Demyx had known Xigbar for many years, but had never seen him react that way to anything. Xigbar was always so carefree and laid-back that Demyx figured the guy feared nothing. But whatever traumatic experience he was reliving in that moment must have truly disturbed him to remember.

"I'm really sorry I asked, Xiggy. My stupid mouth… I didn't mean to upset you."

Xigbar slid off the bed, turning to at least flash Demyx a weak smile. "I don't know what you're talking about. I just have to get back to work. Orders from the top and all that," he reached out to playfully ruffle Demyx's hair. "I'll see you later, okay?"

He left the room in silence, leaving Demyx and Luxord alone on the bed, watching Roxas sleep. Demyx remembered how afraid the poor kid looked when he first came in, and wondered to himself if Roxas would wind up traumatized as well. He hadn't been maimed, and likely was never in any real danger with Axel and Saïx protecting him, but clearly the experience had left its mark on Roxas. A scar that no one could see. Would he be stuck with painful memories of today that he wished he could forget? Would he seize up in fear whenever the event was mentioned? The idea brought a sort of sadness to Demyx, if it could really be called that. Maybe it wasn't real sadness, but sometimes it felt strong enough to fool him, and he knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth.

His thoughts were graciously interrupted by Luxord's hand reaching out and gently closing around his arm. "If it makes you feel any better," he said with a low, warm tone in his voice. "He doesn't discuss it with me either. I hope that you won't ruminate on this."

Demyx couldn't really find a response for him. He was out of words, and his voice seemed not to work for the moment. He met Luxord's gaze, finding genuine affection in his face. The man's eyes wrinkled slightly at the edges when Demyx looked at him. There was a soft gleam to his smile. That expression alone was enough to settle the musician's nerves, if only slightly. At the sight of his relaxing posture, Luxord gave him a supportive squeeze on the shoulder.

"We've all got our demons, but I assure you that Xigbar handles his masterfully. You needn't worry on his behalf." He followed Demyx's eyes until his gaze fell on the sleeping Roxas. "Roxas may well develop some demons of his own, but he's quite resilient. It will take more than a few Heartless to impair him."

He was right. Roxas was a keyblade wielder. A late bloomer, perhaps, but he had a warrior's blood. Even though he was little more than a frightened puppy at the moment, Demyx knew that this kid would achieve true greatness. For himself and his comrades, for the Organization, maybe for the known universe. History would be made, stories would be told, and all would revere the name 'Roxas' for generations to come.

"I'm going to make sure of that," Demyx proudly declared with an air of grandeur. "You hear that, Roxas? I'm gonna make you the toughest keyblade wielder the world's ever seen. Next time, those Heartless are gonna wish they never messed with you."

The vomiting began almost the moment Axel crossed the threshold. For the better part of an hour, he sat together with Saïx on the bathroom floor while the poor man almost entirely emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. It had been a long time coming, and was probably for the best, but Axel could not help but pity his friend for his affliction. Although Saïx did not complain, his discomfort was communicated plainly through the look in his weary eyes. These episodes had all but become routine, sometimes occurring as frequently as thrice per week, other times with months between bouts. Almost long enough to forget he even had such a condition. He controlled his symptoms with a strict diet and natural remedies, but all the ginger tea in the world could not prevent days like this.

As was always his duty, Axel held back his hair, rubbed his back, brought him water, and mopped the sweat off of his face, but for Saïx, just his presence was enough. Never once did he show repulsion, no matter how severe an attack it was. He never overstepped his boundaries, offering no unsolicited suggestions to treat the symptoms, much to Saïx's relief. And, accepting that he could do little else, Axel talked to him. Saïx quite liked to listen to him senselessly babbling in his frantic efforts to provide comfort that he didn't need. The man's attempts to read Shakespeare to him were downright humorous. But in every instance, the sound of his voice was perfectly soothing, almost enough to halt the spasms in their tracks.

"That's good," Axel whispered, dragging a towel across his forehead. "Take a break now."

"I'm sorry, Lea…"

"Hey, you know this doesn't bother me."

"That's not what I meant…"

Saïx withheld himself for a moment, mulling over his thoughts, catching his breath. "I should have said something," he muttered. "I wouldn't have berserked if it weren't for…"

He vomited again before he could finish. Axel became lost in his own thoughts, his own guilt, as he sat and watched his friend succumb to another bout. He supposed he had to share some of the blame for what had happened. He'd noticed the changes in Saïx's mood and behavior. He saw how the man winced when he thought no one was looking, how he walked with his back slightly bent, keeping his hood up to hide his pale, sweating face. Part of him knew that Saïx was in pain, but he didn't press him hard enough to share his concerns. He didn't insist that they go back, or even that the man should sit and rest. All of his focus was on Roxas, and after several hours of quietly enduring the discomfort, Saïx had rightfully snapped.

"Roxas…" he breathed, leaning his head on the toilet seat. "I put him in danger…"

"Roxas is fine. You protected him."

"My resolve had been weakened… I wanted the battle to be over, I wanted the pain to stop. I lost control…"

Axel was insistent. "It's okay. Nobody got hurt. Everything is fine."

Saïx raised his head to take a long look at Axel's arm. Slowly, his expression changed, looking as if he had a burning question to ask. But, he was overtaken by another vomiting spell before he could speak. It was a particularly strong episode, one with little pause between each spasm. Axel listened carefully for the gasps of breath he struggled to take, watching his face turn a bright shade of red. He was about to intervene when Saïx reached out and tightly grasped his wrist. The man looked up with watering eyes, and to Axel's shock he flashed a weary but reassuring smile, as if seeking to comfort his companion instead of the other way around.

"Don't look so worried," he spoke with a surprising warmth in his tone. "I've waited all day for this."

"Sorry," Axel murmured. "I just hate that I can't do anything."

"Sing the song."

Axel never had to ask to which song the man was referring. It was oftentimes the only song he ever wanted to hear, and probably the only song where Axel had memorized every lyric. He sang 'Fly Me to the Moon' over and over, letting the soaring melody carry them both away as it echoed off the tiles around them. He repeated the song until his voice began to feel hoarse, just in time for Saïx's vomiting to finally let up. He was leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed, resting, and only spoke again when Axel had finished his last refrain.

"You have such a beautiful voice…"

Axel grinned bashfully, feeling his own cheeks flush slightly. "All done?"

"With my luck," Saïx chuckled softly. "I'll make it all the way to bed before it starts again."

Axel helped Saïx to his feet so that he could clean up before they made their way out of the bathroom. Once they were in bed, lying next to each other, they took several peaceful minutes to just enjoy the silence. There was no Roxas to occupy their time and their minds. No Roxas to run them ragged and stress them out. Axel felt a little guilty for entertaining such thoughts. Roxas was a joy to have around — one of the sweetest kids he'd met. He was a little helpless, but it wasn't his fault, and besides that, he was improving. How could Axel let himself think that he needed time away from him? What sort of caretaker — what sort of parent — did that make him?

"Hey," he said, delicately sweeping a lock of hair behind Saïx's ear. "I know Roxas is a handful and he takes it all out of you. If you need time off, I can take care of him."

Saïx looked up, clearly having some troubling thoughts of his own. Perhaps the same thoughts Axel had. Maybe even that same sense of guilt. But he didn't say a word.

"I want to help you, Isa. You don't have to hide this from me."

Saïx reached out to take Axel's hand into his own. "You do help," he whispered. "Thank you for pulling me out…"

Smiling, Axel gently kissed his forehead. To his delight and his relief, Saïx did not flinch this time. "Don't mention it. I'll always be there to bring you back."

Saïx shook his head, almost looking amused. "It's risky, talking me down from it. I don't know why you keep putting yourself in danger like that…"

Axel shrugged. "Because I love you."

In hindsight, it was a little too nonchalant for such a confession. Axel figured he should have put more feeling into the words. Spoken more tenderly, or with more conviction. But the meaning was not lost on Saïx. The man paused at the declaration, raising an eyebrow at him. "I thought we weren't saying that anymore."

"Why not? It's true."

"We don't have hearts."

"We don't need them," Axel stated proudly. "Don't you still love me?"

Saïx pursed his lips at first, pausing long enough for Axel to worry. He remembered the man speaking of changes, feeling as though things were different, but being unable to explain just how. Just like he was then, Axel was ready to panic. But Saïx caught it just in time, smiling warmly with only his eyes. "Of course I do."

They stayed in bed for a long while after that, listening to each other breathe. Saïx was so still, his body so relaxed that Axel was certain he'd fallen asleep. He'd more than earned his reputation as a stoic. His composure was so practiced, so flawless, that it seemed like nothing could break him. Only Axel knew what lay beneath the mask. He didn't handle stress nearly as well as he made it look. Under his icy disposition was where he buried it all away. He internalized that distress until it turned on him, attacking his own body in the process. Axel often wondered if the berserk was a desperate, last-ditch attempt to relieve the overwhelming pressure. To let out some air before he exploded. Or, he thought, maybe the berserk was the explosion. He supposed he'd never know. Saïx refused to discuss it, with him and with anyone else.

If nothing else, Axel hoped that Roxas wouldn't pick up on such behavior — bottling up one's emotions until they inevitably burst. Not that any of the emotions were real, but the effect was the same. He figured he ought not to worry, as Roxas seemed to be pretty emotionally open, as any child would be. He put those thoughts from his mind for the moment when he heard Saïx speaking to him.

"Roxas must learn to fight."

Axel's eyes sprang open wide. "What?"

"He was lucky this time. Next time, he may not be."

Axel couldn't help but protest the notion. "It's so early, Isa…"

"It is, but he is especially vulnerable. He's small and he's weak. He must be able to defend himself… in case we are not there."

Axel had to admit that Saïx wasn't wrong. The Heartless attack had opened his eyes to just how helpless Roxas truly was. Even in the face of mortal danger, the boy's latent abilities, his weapon, none of it had manifested to protect him. He didn't summon a keyblade. He didn't know how. He sat and cowered while the other boys swung at the creatures with the only weapons they had. The Nobody of the great keyblade hero. Frozen, waiting to be either rescued or killed. Conceding defeat on the matter, Axel nodded his approval. Roxas would need to be taught at least the basics of self-defense. Axel had already failed to protect the boy once, and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if Roxas were to be lost in a subsequent lapse.

A sudden knock at the door drew Axel out of his contemplation. Before Saïx could respond, the door opened and Xigbar entered, with no apparent respect for the concept of privacy. "Axel, Saïx! Glad I found ya," he greeted them cheerfully, then focused on Saïx. "You feeling better?"

"I'll be fine," Saïx grumbled. "What do you want, Xigbar?"

"Well, Xemnas has called an impromptu meeting. It's something to do with CO. Are you up for that?"

Axel's curiosity was piqued by that point. An urgent meeting about Castle Oblivion? What could have happened there? He turned to Saïx, just as eager to hear his response as Xigbar was. The man's face hadn't shifted in the slightest, and to their dismay, didn't speak at all.

Axel answered on his behalf, certain that Saïx was too weak to endure a meeting anyway. "You stay. I'll go to the meeting."

"Lea—"

"Stay," he insisted. "Rest."

Axel held him down when he tried to rise out of bed, and his feeble attempts to resist were all the evidence he needed to agree that he lacked the strength to work for the rest of the day. He sighed, glaring at Axel. "Pay attention this time. I don't want a single detail missed."

"I'll relay every word as soon as I get back," Axel smirked. "Got it memorized?"

In his own way, Saïx smirked back. "Get out of here."

Xigbar shot a thumbs-up and took off down the hall. Axel gave Saïx a parting kiss and rose from the bed. He slipped his boots back on and was heading toward the door when Saïx called out to him.

"Lea, wait."

When he turned, his old friend was wearing a very peculiar expression. It was familiar, but many years had passed since Axel had last seen it. There was a prideful sort of feeling to being the only person Saïx would ever allow to see his vulnerability, to knowing that he wouldn't show that face to anyone else. In those most intimate moments, when the two were alone, Saïx would look at him and only him in that way. There was depth in those moments, a connection so powerful that no one could break it. And in those very moments, Saïx looked more human than ever.

"One more time."

Axel lost count of the number of times he actually sang the song. Just as he was coming to the last refrain, his voice tired and raspy, he saw Saïx's eyelids fall as he drifted away. It had been so long since he had last seen the man looking so content. He paused, captivated by the glow of the moonbeams on his face and hesitant to move for fear of jostling him awake. Memories began to overtake him, and Axel gladly indulged in the fantasy. For the moment, the two of them were human again. They could still feel. They still had hearts. They were boys, curious and ambitious. Teenagers without a care in the world. Eating ice cream together, getting into trouble, tossing frisbees in the square. Gazing at the sky. Making promises. And, for all they knew, the Organization was just a bad dream.

Let me first apologize that this took so long. I know I left you on a cliffhanger before, and I'm glad you've stuck around to read the exciting conclusion. I'd like to announce that I will need to step away from this story for a little while. I am not going to abandon it, but I wanted to share that this story, although I love it so dearly, is the one where I get the most writer's block. I loved the concept I had - Daddy Axel, Mommy Saix, Bambi Roxas - but it just takes me longer to come up with material for this piece. I just wanted to make sure my readers were warned that updates for this story would be quite slow.

I have, in the meantime, been pouring all of my energy into On the Mend: Isa's Awakening, and Nobody is Heartless. Those stories are my pride and joy, and since they're getting pretty intense, I've spent a lot of time writing them lately. I hope you'll check them out while I take a hiatus from Birth of Roxas.

We have a discord! Follow this link to a place where we discuss fan fiction, share fan art, revel in our favorite ships, and pledge our undying allegiance to the everlasting darkness that is Kingdom Hearts! discord. gg /ffy5E8G

Much love from me,

Ostelan