After climbing down I was even more in awe of the enclosed clearing up close. Everything was so untouched like no one has ever been here, like I was the first one to step here.
I walked over and used my hands to cup some water so I could get a drink. The cool feeling down my throat after the strenuous day was heaven. It also tasted as good as it looked. After drinking my fill I took a moment to gaze into the lake. It was so clear I could see the colorful fish swimming in between the plants and it took my breath away. I know I haven't ever felt like this and I don't really know how to name it. There's a lightness in my chest and I could feel my lips stretching in an unfamiliar way. I imagine I'm happy.
It's an odd moment. I spent so much of my admittedly short life filled with hatred and violence that seeing this place so untouched by humanity made me both happy and sad. I could feel my smile waning. Did I deserve this?
There was so much I could have done, people I could have saved from him, if I had only killed him sooner. Was it even right to kill? I know I didn't do it for all the people who were killed and would be killed. I did it for myself.
Because I knew if I stayed any longer I would end up just like him. But in killing him did I still end up on the same path as him? I wanted to be free of him, I thought if he was gone I would be different, feel different but I'm still just as tangled as I was.
I know who I don't want to be but I have no idea who I want to be. The previous feelings faded away. I let them go. I may not know who I'll be as I grow up but I know with certainty that I will never let myself turn into my father.
I leaned back on the grass. It was almost tall enough to cover my face and took a moment to breath, I'm not ready to face my past yet. I just need to accept that it was in the past, that it was over and I had a chance to prove to myself that I was worth it.
After regaining my calm I stood back up dusting grass flakes off my pants and back. I took a look around trying to decide what I was going to do first. Well, whatever it was I needed an easier way in and out. While the entrance may be perfect for a secret hideaway it would still be a pain to have to climb. Literally, my muscles were still aching. So first on the list was building a ladder.
Over the next few days I laid the foundation for my new home. The ladder was rather easy -if a little tedious to drag and maneuver the supplies I needed- just a bunch of logs tied with a rope to two tall thick sticks that would support my child size weight. I had one coming into the clearing and I wanted one in the cave entrance but it would make it obvious that an entrance was there. So I still had to climb up and back out but it was good exercise and so therefore good for me, or so I keep telling myself to make the near misses and bleeding fingers and knees more bearable.
I had very cautiously venture back to Gray Terminal for some supplies. I really didn't want to deal with Ace and Blondie and I was careful to not be caught. I was pretty sure it was unlikely that I'd be found out for my past before I got here but I didn't want to take any chances.
I wander around during the night and even slipped back in the city, which I found out was named edge town. I had this urge to gather stuff, and by gather I meant steal. I avoided the homes and instead broke into stores I was sure was unoccupied. I avoided causing destruction by lock picking which took a lot of trial and error to learn. When I did manage to find my way in I usually only took one or two things I didn't want security around the city to be increased.
After a few weeks of this I actually had a small hut to sleep in. It wasn't nearly all I planned to build but it was a start. It was more than I thought I'd have.
After all the success I've had I wanted to try to find a more difficult target to steal from, but for that I needed to venture into High Town. It was more daring than I usually was but even with all my plans for the cove, which was my name for the enclosed clearing I was living in, I was still rather bored.
No one but Ace and Blondie knew that I was the one that the bounty was for and since it hadn't been updated with my face on the posters I determine it was safe to say neither talked. So with that thought, I figured I would challenge myself.
I spent a few days getting a sense of the back alleys and familiarizing myself with a few paths to take if I got caught and needed to lose guards. After that I set out to find the perfect target. I still didn't feel comfortable stealing from people's homes, mostly because I didn't want to ruin someone's feelings of safety in their homes.
I always went at night, a kid that obviously didn't have money would have been very suspicious in such a high class place. It was slow going but I felt a sense of excitement and nervousness as I sneaked around in the dark avoiding the few people I've seen.
It was nice to allow myself to feel, I always had to stomp down all my feelings so I wouldn't anger my father. I felt like I was trying to discover something I should have a long time ago. It made me feel rather empty and off centered but I didn't let it stop me from wanting to experience all the emotions I was never permitted to have.
The store I eventually decided on was a jewelry store. The building was near an easy path to escape and had a small enough gap between the buildings that I could climb up the side to reach the rooftop. From there I could slip down the chimney, that I already made sure I could fit in.
It was a bit of a tight fit and I knew I would only be able to use this kind of entrance for a few more years. The sneezing from the soot was also unpleasant as was getting it all over me.
When I crawled out of the chimney like some sort of horror show I found myself in the store that was almost too dark to see. The next few minutes were spent allowing my eyes to adjust to the darkness. When I could see my surroundings enough that I didn't trip and crash into the display cases I looked around for something I could take without trashing the place.
The idea that no one would know why their wares were disappearing nor how satisfied a part of me I didn't know existed. Something about causing people confusion and frustration appealed to me. I may have had a late start but I was determined to find out who I was without my father around. What I liked and hated what made me frustrated and what brought me joy.
Since the pieces in front would be really obvious if they went missing I went to the back to try and find something that wouldn't be missing immediately. I wandered around looking for the perfect item to procure.
As I was investigating a glass case without any doors I found something in the back. It was a ring. A rather bulky and ugly one at that but it had a good size jewel and I thought it was unlikely anyone would notice it was missing for a while. It was too dark to see any colors but since this was in a store for the upper class I figured it wasn't fake.
After that I picked up a few more things and decided to head back to the cove. The trip back up the chimney was unpleasant but I managed it ok even if I did get even more filthy with black soot.
When I was back safely on the street I felt my body relax from tension I didn't even know I had, and when I climbed over the wall back into Gray Terminal I could feel my heart beating and I thought I was smiling. I raised my hand to my face and yes I could feel my lips pulling into a small but definitely there smile.
There was a sense of accomplishment and a feeling of relief. Even though I made it all the way here and I've been living just fine there was a part of me that feared I wouldn't be able to do this. I spent my entire life with my father and no matter how disgusting a human being he was he still at least kept me alive and although I hated it I worried I wouldn't make it without him. But with tonight's achievement those feelings were swept aside and that made it even more special.
I took a moment to enjoy the pleasant emotions and then started to make my way out of Gray Terminal. As I passed through a section with people sleeping in whatever shelter they could find I spotted something familiar
Just so it's out of the way if I do have romance it will probably be slash. I don't know if it will have romance but I wanted it out there now. I will also try to post a chapter a month. Also this is my first story and I will be editing multiple times. Thanks for reading!