It was only a matter of time before Stan's clientele in the forest (he'd set up in a glen near C-beth's place as his unofficial barber shop) began expressing curiosity about the human world.
For all the myths and legends about the amount of time they were supposed to spend kidnapping children, seducing adults, casting spells on farmers' crops and so on, the creatures in Gravity Falls had surprisingly little direct interaction with humans. Even the gnomes were mostly limited to stealing food from their cupboards or window sills while they were sleeping, except when they were trying to find an offering for their queen (both of the Pineses had made it adequately clear to the little group they found sneaking into th-Ford's house one night that they were not available, thank you anyway).
Stan wasn't sure if this ignorance was the case for anomalies all over the world or just the ones in this tiny part of it. But as he cut their hair, cleaned and polished their scales and massaged their shoulders, they began peppering him with questions about what it was like for human people.
"How do you get anywhere without wings?"
"What's it like not having gills?"
"Where do the magic lights in your houses come from? Do you have a wizard who controls all of them? You have a lot of them, so he must be ever so powerful."
"What is the significance of those strange boxes humans hold up to their ears sometimes? They can stand and talk to them for hours-are they some kind of listening insects, since they have those long antennae attaching them to the bigger boxes?"
He answered their questions as best he could, making educated guesses (or maybe kind-of-sort-of flat-out lying) if he didn't know the answers...but after a while he realized that it didn't seem to matter what he told them, as long as he made it sound exciting. The creatures ate it all up in delight, amazed at the way humans seemed to use this strange kind of magic called SCIENCE to make things happen.
And just like with the idea for how to get unicorn hair for his brother, an idea began to spark in Stan's brain.
"So, let me get this straight," Stan said one afternoon as he finished putting curlers in a beard cub's fur, "None of you have actually seen a human up close besides me?"
"And that brother of yours," C-beth whinnied, looking up from her copy of Whinny, Pray, Trot. "And the occasional visitor to my glen, or hikers, or-"
"No no no, I mean, you've never seen humans in their natural habitat."
The little group-unicorns, fairies, beard cubs, even a mermaid sitting in the nearby pool-all looked at him in sudden interest.
Stan grinned. "What would you say if I offered to give you guys a guided tour?"
Of course, not all the creatures could afford to pay in gold and jewels, like the unicorns. Those who couldn't had to pay in other things, like samples: skin samples, hair samples, feather samples, tooth samples, any kind of samples they could spare. Stan would bring them home for Ford to study, and he'd get dizzy with excitement over how he'd "been wanting to study this thing for ages, thank you Stanley!" and immediately run off to his lab to put it under a microscope or whatever. It gave Stan a warm feeling in his gut, knowing that he'd given a valuable contribution to his brother's research, and in the meantime he could use the treasure the unicorns gave him to handle other expenses, like the mortgage and groceries and stuff.
If it wasn't samples, it was things like mushrooms, which he could then give to the gnomes in exchange for favors, or enchanted items, or whatever else could be used to set up an elaborate and profitable barter system.
It was like nothing Stan had ever imagined for himself, but somehow it all worked like a charm. And now here was a perfect chance to make an addition to it.
If I tell Ford about this, he's either gonna love it or hate it.
For the moment, Stan decided to keep it a secret from his brother. At least until he got all the details worked out and stuff.
This required him first finding a map of Gravity Falls, and marking out places that seemed like the best "attractions." Then he had to think about how he was actually going to conduct these tours a) without any humans noticing, and b) without letting the group of nosy anomalies wander off and get into trouble, or (in some cases) cause trouble.
It took him the better part of a day to come up with a plan, which turned out to partially involve the, ahem, liberation of a very large golf cart from a nearby Santa's Village, and a pound of jerky for the manotaurs in exchange for them tracking down the invisible wizard and bringing him to Stan so he could strike a deal with him. To his major disappointment the wizard refused to give up the potion that turned him invisible, but he did lend Stan something that was in some ways even better: a few bottles of what he called "un-notice powder." I hope I don't need to explain its purpose.
Once he had these and a few other things thrown together, he was ready to take the first group on a wild tour of...the Human World!
"And on your left, you'll see 'Greasy's Diner,' home of the perpetually broken spinning pie trolley!"
"Oooohhhh!" The various anomalies leaned so far to the side of the cart that Stan was worried they were going to tip them all over, staring goggle-eyed at the restaurant. To prevent this, Stan hurriedly put the cart in park, and then, remembering what the gnomes were like, he slipped the keys into his jeans pocket.
"Twenty-I mean, two hundred gold pieces or the equivalent in samples to come in and get your picture taken with it!" he proclaimed, rushing over to the door and pushing it open. He promptly had to jump out of the way to avoid being stampeded by the eager crowd.
Inside the diner, the guests looked up in bewilderment at the door, which appeared to have been pushed open by a sudden freak wind. Susan Wentworth, the head waitress who worked there (and who was kinda cute, Stan had to admit), rushed over to close it, and Stan barely moved out of her way in time.
The tour group (ten gnomes, thirteen fairies of various sizes and colors, a Moth Man, the invisible wizard-who'd insisted on coming at a reduced price as recompense for his being manhandled and bullied so rudely, and Stan had decided not to argue with a man who could turn him into a frog if he got mad enough-a manotaur, and the mermaid, who the manotaur was carrying in a portable cooler filled with water) stared agape at the inside of the room, before hurrying over and taking turns being photographed in front of the pie trolley. They also had fun prodding at the humans, swiping bites of food from their plates, and taking pictures of them pretending to squeeze their heads or whatever.
Stan watched the chaos with a smile, and took the opportunity to eat some blueberries off the top of a plate of pancakes belonging to that dumb Gleeful kid.
Their next stops were the town hall, the cemetery (where a few Category 2 ghosts tried to sneak on without paying, but were scared off by the silver mirrors Stan had strategically placed on the cart), the library, and the high school, before finally they stopped in front of an electronics store.
"Behold!" Stan leaped out onto the sidewalk, arms spread wide. The dramatic gesture was nearly ruined by a few teenagers who nearly walked right into him (because of course, they didn't notice him), but he managed to dodge out of their path just in time. "Ladies and gentlemen-I guess that includes most of you-"
The tour group laughed.
"-For today's final attraction, I give you the most horrifying, dangerous, yet incredibly enticing invention of mankind yet: the Idiot Box!" He gestured at the display of televisions in the front window, which were plugged in to different channels about news, sports, movies, and so on.
The anomalies gasped, staring at the images darting across the screens in transfixed amazement. He could practically see their eyes turning into hypnotized spirals like in the movies.
"These fiendish devices control the minds of millions every day, encouraging them to buy things they don't need, eat foods that aren't good for them, and become emotionally invested in the lives of fictional characters who they are never gonna meet in real life!" Stan had no idea where most of his words were coming from, but he was on a roll now, and there was no stopping him. "And all it takes is a little bit of electricity and a good channel-"
"I WANT ONE!"
Stan blinked, startled out of his spiel by the manotaur's roar.
The beast abruptly hurled himself out of the cart and charged-right. Through. The window. He smashed several of the televisions in his excitement, but he managed to snatch one up intact, ripping the plug out of the socket and hoisting it over his head triumphantly.
Not even un-notice powder was enough to prevent the people inside the store from noticing the wanton destruction.
Time to go.
Fortunately, Stan managed to herd everyone (several of the other creatures had rushed into the store to snatch devices for themselves in all the excitement) back into the cart and take off before the cops showed up. Even better, the un-notice powder didn't completely wear off until they were back in the forest, so even if the townsfolk noticed them fleeing the scene, it wouldn't have been anything too distinct. Probably.
Stan gladly accepted a few extra tips from the happy group as they left the carts, hurrying off into the forest and chattering excitedly to each other about all the things they'd seen.
"See ya later, everyone! Tell your friends! And remember, we put the 'fun' in 'no refunds!'"
Huh; I like the sound of that. Gonna haveta remember it for next time.
Grinning to himself, Stan finished putting everything in the large treasure chest he'd brought to collect everyone's payments, locked it, and then drove back towards home, feeling that on the whole this had been a pretty good day.
It was just his luck, however, that Ford would be standing in the driveway as he came up, hands on his hips and wearing his "there had better be an amazing explanation for this" expression.
The cart came to a slow stop, and Stan gave his brother a weak smile.
"...Hey, Sixer. I got you more samples."
...Oops.