AN: I will update Book of the future soon! For now I have this.

(Also if there was wonder, this is mostly based on an actual experience.)

Tired eyes

Ponyboy's grip on his books tightened with every step he took. It was third period and he already felt exhausted, but then again it did not help that he had barely slept the night before.

The drive on the bus down to Nathan Hale had been around an hour long, the meeting had lasted a good three to four hours. Most of the boys had fallen asleep. Ponyboy, who was sitting next to Leo Alvarez, had not wanted to have any nightmares so he fought against his tired body and stayed up. Leo had passed out, the grease that had been in his hair had all but come out from the sweat and his head was against the window.

Now thinking back on it, he should have tried to go to sleep. He later regretted it even more, when the bus driver had gotten lost and they ended up returning around 10. Most of the adults there had been pissed, rightfully so, Darry had been exhausted. The parking lot was nearly consumed by the darkness around them. The sun had set nearly two hours ago, leaving the only source of natural light as the moon.

Darry had been tired enough that he didn't say anything to Ponyboy about the meet, instead giving him a tired smile and put his hand on his shoulder. He had given Coach Rick, who had been his old football coach, a nod. The coach had given him a sorry look, knowing their situation and Darry's work hours, but Darry and Ponyboy had already piled into the car. Ponyboy was also tired enough that he didn't talk or bring up how well he had done at the meet, he had gotten first place on in it.

When they both got back to the house, they headed in without a word. Darry had given him a soft 'goodnight' before heading back to his room. Ponyboy had stretched, giving a quick survey of the room. Steve and Johnny were fast asleep on the couch, well, Steve was half on the coach and half on the floor. The site made him snort, he thought about going into the kitchen and eating the leftovers from dinner that night. He dismissed the thought as he nearly bumped into the wall. He decided he should just head to bed, deciding he could eat in the morning.

The morning had brought nothing new.

He woke around 5 a.m after a nightmare that had him nearly screaming. He laid in bed for another five minutes before reluctantly pushing himself up. He shuffled into the kitchen, as quietly as he could, and grabbed the skillet. Everyone got there usually around 6 so they could eat and goof around. Darry was usually up around 5:30 making breakfast. Typically it was himself and Johnny who really went to school, with Steve working part-time and Two-Bit not really caring if he graduated or not.

"What are you doing up so early?" Ponyboy jumped harshly, still waking up from the nightmare, holding the skillet up like a weapon. Steve stared tiredly at him, leaning against the wall behind him.

"I uh," Ponyboy set the skillet back down, he shifted his ground. "I felt like it." He mumbled, Steve watched him carefully, then rolled his eyes.

"Sure kid." He said absentmindedly walking towards the fridge. He grabbed out the milk and drank it straight from the carten. Darry usually would scold him for it, saying something or another about manners, but Ponyboy didn't really mind.

Thinking the conversation was over, Ponyboy went back to making breakfast. He dropped five eggs in the pan and waited until it was time to move them around. The pan they owned was old and rusty, so most of them stuck to the pan.

Eventually he was done, which was when Darry came around the corner. When his oldest brother caught sight of him, he seemed confused.

"I made breakfast." Ponyboy said softly, knowing Darry was tired from the night before so he probably had a headache. Darry nodded, then looked him up and down. Ponyboy, once again, shifted his gaze to the floor.

He didn't tell his brothers about his redundant night terrors, and how he would place his face in his pillow so he didn't wake them up when he screamed. He was sure that he already worried about them too often...other things, especially Darry.

'He doesn't need anything else to worry about.' He thought to himself. Once Darry seemed satisfied, he walked over to the fridge grabbing out the milk and some glasses.

"Did you sleep, ok kiddo?" He asked after he set things down. Ponyboy began to scrape the eggs onto a plate for the guys.

"Yeah." He gave the one worded response, he was good at lying. At least he was pretty sure he was.

Most of the time.

Darry decided not to continue on the subject. He instead walked over to the dropped book bag near the door.

"Did you finish your homework last night?" Ponyboy grimaced, Darry sighed seeing the look. He put his hand to his head, and looked up again at his little brother. Ponyboy's shoulders were up to his red ears, he mumbled an apology as he went for his bag. Darry let him, he almost told him to eat first, but figured that he would end up eating.

Ponyboy was still on the couch working when the guys came around 6, Johnny had been awake for about 10 minutes and had been working and talking with Ponyboy. The gang gave greetings to them and hair ruffles. Ponyboy huffed a laugh, and continued to work. Johnny stayed with him, even when the gang started to eat.

"Go eat." Ponyboy urged softly, Johnny went to protest, but Ponyboy just tilted his head to the side. Johnny pursed his lips together, looking towards the kitchen. He knew Johnny didn't eat enough as it was, there was no sense in making him wait for him.

"Do you want me to bring you something?" He figured Ponyboy had neglected to eat the night before, considering how late they had gotten home. Ponyboy tapped his pencil against his open textbook, looking down at the two pages he still had left to do. Then shook his head, nudging Johnny to go eat before they left. Johnny got up reluctantly, giving him one last look, and a nudge of himself.

Ponyboy laughed softly, he would go get something to eat in a minute.

He ended up not having enough time to eat, he pushed down the ache that his stomach was giving off, and continued to his next class. He had taken two ibuprofen before class, the ache being too much, but it had done little to help him. He practically melted into his seat, and had to resist the urge to lay his head down on the cold desk. By second period he had taken off his jean jacket, he felt like it was burning his skin with how hot he was.

Sadly, taking off the jacket had done him no favors, he was still hot and sweating. Despite the fact that it was still cold outside, the winter had dragged along into the track season. Thankfully most of his teachers did not often call on him. Most of them either knew that he wasn't too talkative after what happened... to his parents, or they simply believed he was a dumb hood, despite him being two grades ahead.

He barely paid any attention to what was going on in class, his stomach gave another hard ache. He was thankful that he had his 4th lunch most of the time, but today he didn't know if he would be able to stomach a meal. As soon as the bell rang he headed to his locker, sometimes Steve, Two-Bit and Johnny would meet him there, but today he had told them that he had to write an essay, and would be in the library.

He shoved the bag and books in his locker, thankful to have the weight of his aching shoulders and arms. His head began to give awful pounds, with the sound of the loud conversations and the lockers slamming around him. He felt himself swaying a bit, and he leaned against his locker for support.

He felt like he was whirling and spinning around uncontrollably, he remembered reading something about it in health class. Vertigo, that's what it was called, it was usually when someone looked from high up, or when they were sick. He only briefly remembered that people usually got sick from it, before he was running to the bathroom. Thankfully both the bathroom and the hallway were empty.

He collapsed in front of the toilet, immediately losing whatever food had been in there. There wasn't much left in his stomach, which made the process even more terrible, as he dry heaved. Eventually he stopped throwing up, and turned the rest of his energy to stop himself from bawling.

Ponyboy took deep breaths, pushing his back up against the stall. He gave a soft sigh of relief as the cold metal touched his burning skin. He didn't know how long he stayed there, but soon enough the 5-minutes warning bell for class went off.

He thought about what classes he had left, going over his schedule in his head. He had two periods left, thankfully Coach gave them the day off from practice. All that was left was art and gym, both extracurriculars, both that he had solid A's in. He decided that he didn't need to finish off the day, but he did need to get off the floor.

His mind went to the librarian, who knew Ponyboy very well. She was old, and had been a greaser as well in her younger years. She was one of his favorite people in the building. He figured she would turn a blind eye to him missing class.

Sure enough, she had ignored the fact that Ponyboy was missing class. Instead she had given him a soft greeting, commenting quietly that he 'looks like shit kid' Which was in fact the word she used, she was a greaser after all and did not mind the use of foul language.

She left him on his own to read and rest, and when the final bell rang she came up to him informing him of such. He had thanked her softly, then walked out to the front. He waited against the chain fence that surrounded the school. His body felt like it was against him in all forms. He felt tired enough that even standing made his legs shake. It took an effort to make them stop, which didn't really help either.

After waiting around for about five minutes, he finally caught sight of Johnny. Johnny scanned the parking lot, Ponyboy waved his hand as best he could. Johnny saw him, a small smile went across his face, and he walked over to him.

"Hey." Ponyboy greeted Johnny and did the same to him, but he gazed at Ponyboy. Ponyboy grew anxious, as Johnny continued to look him up and down.

"You ok, man?" Johnny worded carefully, Ponyboy nodded vigorously. He didn't want Johnny worrying about him. He already had enough to worry about with his own home life. Johnny gave him a disbelieving look, he went to ask more questions, but a voice cut him off.

"Hey kids!" Two-Bit threw his arm around Johnny's shoulders, Steve followed not far behind.

Ponyboy smiled softly, looking down at his feet, he mumbled a soft greeting. He tried his best not to give away just how terrible he felt. Two-Bit seemed to obverse him a little longer, even Steve glanced towards his way. What he was used to by now, it's been like that for a while since his parents passed. Ponyboy played it off again by trying to lift his head and give a smile. The smile was awkward but seemed to work well enough, as Two-Bit smiled back ruffling his hair. Ponyboy managed to hold back a flinch, a pain shooting through his head.

"Are you guys coming?" Steve said from the driver's seat, sticking his head out the window. Two-Bit smirked at him and started to reply back at him, jumping in the passenger side. Johnny hopped in the back easily, then waited for him to get in. Ponyboy carefully got in the rusty old truck, resting his head against the cold window.

As the truck started up his thoughts began to drift back to his older brothers. Would Darry notice that he was about to be sick? He hadn't really been that well since his parents died around 3 months ago. He knew Darry was worried about him, hell, the whole gang was keeping an eye on him. He pretended not to notice, but he couldn't help but be a little annoyed about it. He felt like he was ten again, back when the gang wouldn't let him out of their sight.

Now it was worse, Darry made sure that he was never on his own. He was slowly getting more and more annoyed. It was useless though to say anything about it, it wasn't like he talked all that much anyway. He was more like Johnny now, quiet, keeping to himself, he knew that his older brothers worried like hell about it.

The whole reason they had even started to eat chocolate cake in the morning was because he wouldn't eat. Sodapop had learned everything about baking from his mom, despite him being the worst cook of all time, he baked just like their mom. Darry and Sodapop had been desperate at that point though, and Soda had decided to try and bake their mom's chocolate cake. They had been worried it would make him cry, but he had just paused, glancing around before continuing to eat. From then on they had chocolate cake for breakfast, or scrambled eggs.

He couldn't help but contemplate all of it, it was like his brain was in a jumble. As much as he tried to focus on something else, maybe something less emotional, his brain kept jumping back to his brothers. He turned 14 only 3 weeks ago. He thought about how much Darry had worried about him in the past few months, and how it wasn't until a week from his birthday that things started to get better. He started to eat, sleep more peacefully, talk a little more, the improvement had been after a talk with Johnny.

He glanced over at Johnny, who was putting in small comments here and there about Two-Bit and Steve's argument. That day, Johnny had set down on the steps with him after a horrific nightmare. He had been sobbing, fist in his mouth to numb the noise. Johnny had been coming from his parents, no new bruises but he looked like he had been crying himself. Johnny had instantly speed up his pace towards Ponyboy asking what was wrong. Ponyboy had pushed at him another sob involuntary escaping. Johnny hadn't let go, instead telling him he wasn't going to leave. Ponyboy had fired back at him, saying that's probably what his parents thought too. Johnny had visibly flinched, and Ponyboy tensed up.

In vivid detail he remembered the next hour of conversation. Johnny had still not let go, instead telling him that no one was going to leave. Ponyboy no longer had the energy to say anything, so he continued to sob heartwenchingly. They stayed like that for an hour, even when he was simply sniffling, Johnny kept saying, "We got you." After that, things got better, and the improvement was thanks to him.

Ponyboy was jerked forward, a gasp coming from his lips, when the car slammed to a stop. Beside him Johnny was gripping his seatbelt hard, and in the front Steve and Two-Bit were taking deep breaths as Steve coasted them back towards the road. Ponyboy took in a gulp of air, his chest convulsed as he coughed.

"Wh-" Ponyboy didn't get to finish his sentence before Steve was cursing out the car in front of them. Two-Bit shifted around in his seat so he was facing them.

"You kids ok?" He asked, looking rather irritated but trying to play it off with an easy smile. Johnny nodded quietly, as did Ponyboy, finally getting control of himself.

"Dipshit in front of us decided to take a pit stop last second and nearly set us down in the ditch!" Steve shouted from the front, eyes now closely paying attention to the road.

"It's ok." Ponyboy mumbled out, but his head was now pounding worse than before. He was almost sure he wasn't going to make it home before he lost the nonexistent food in his stomach. It was bad enough that he couldn't tell if he had a stomach ache or just didn't have enough food in him. The pounding in his head told him that it was probably a combination of both.

He could feel Johnny's pricing gaze from the other side of the car, after all he hadn't hid the fact that it had hurt. He tried to take a deep breath and relax so it wasn't as obvious that he felt like his body was working against him. The longer it took to get to the house, the more he thought about jumping out of the car in hopes of passing out.

Passing out would be better than this.

Finally, they got to the house as Steve yanked the old truck into the rough, rocky driveway. Ponyboy hurriedly got out of the truck, almost running into the house. He could feel the others stare at him, which was fair considering that he was acting odd. The overwhelming sense of displeasure continued to grow, despite him the warmer comforting environment. He thought that once he got home it would go away, but no such luck.

He suppressed a groan of irritation, when he saw Sodapop relaxing on the couch. Sodapop ginned up at his younger brother, which Ponyboy tried his best to return for his sake. Over the past few weeks he had been doing so much better, which made both his older brothers much more at ease.

He didn't want to ruin that over a little cold.

"Hey Pony, how was school?" He asked cheerfully, Ponyboy didn't know how he could have such an easy going attitude all the time. Well Two-Bit was the same, but it was mostly the beer that did that.

"It was okay." He fought to keep the tiredness out of his voice, thankfully Sodapop didn't notice. Ponyboy dropped down next to Soda, who leaned easily against him, but he sat back up quickly.

"Are you sure you're okay? You're kinda warm honey." He said worryingly, but before he could get another word out, Two-Bit along with Steve and Johnny burst in. Apparently having taken longer due to Two-Bit's lengthy stories. Sodapops attention was briefly thrown towards Two-Bit, who tripped on Ponyboy's backpack which had been haphazardly thrown to the side. Soda barked out a laugh, causing Ponyboy to involuntary flinch at the noise.

At that moment, Darry walked through the door, Ponyboy was a little surprised. Darry wasn't usually home for another hour. He glanced down at Two-Bit who was pushing himself off the ground, laughs still going around the room.

"Oh, hey Darry." Two-Bit said, posing on the ground like he meant to be there. Darry rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Hey guys." He gave the simple greeting as he went towards the recliner. Johnny and Steve placed themselves around the room as well, Johnny joining Ponyboy near the couch. Sodapop dropped down to the ground, grabbing the deck of cards Steve had tossed down. Darry seemed to be in a good mood, which probably came from getting off early.

Everyone seemed to be in good spirits, playing cards, wrestling, and joking. Ponyboy tried to pay attention to everything in front of him, but his head felt like it was trying to fly off of his shoulders. He thought about heading to bed early, he could give an excuse that he was tired from the track meet yesterday and no one would bat an eye. His head and stomach fought against him as he pushed himself up.

"Are you grabbing your homework?" He briefly heard Darry say from his chair, Ponyboy held back a groan, but rolled his eyes. Darry narrowed his eyes, raising his eyebrows as if asking 'Do you really want to do this?' He glared back but obeyed, he felt Johnny's gaze on him when he left.

Ponyboy gritted his teeth, and spun harshly around heading to the kitchen. He grabbed his bag off the floor, still walking quickly, he dropped it on the kitchen table. He sighed deeply, thinking the day couldn't get worse at this point. Before he did his homework, he went for a glass of water. Reaching up, he felt himself grow lightheaded, he groaned doing his best to push away the discomfort, he got his hand around the glass and pulled it down.

Then he felt it, a huge wave of exhaustion hit him, it was so sudden that he gasped. He placed the glass down on the counter, doing his best to keep himself up right. His eyes rolled, everything got black around the edges and his legs went weak. He felt his knees slam into the ground, the rest of his body soon going down with it.

The world felt like a blur the second he had hit the ground, he could hear and see but it was like he was underwater. He heard shouts too, when he hit the ground, soon the voices were close to him and he felt hands on him, shaking him or rubbing his arms. A round of conversations frantically broke out between them, he groaned the noise getting louder. He felt a hand on his forehead suddenly, he leaned into the cold touch.

"...Warm… He.." He only caught a few snipes of a conversation, it was quiet but the air felt tense. He tried to focus on something, anything at all. He was picked up, limp in the arms of someone as he was brought to somewhere. He felt the person sit down, holding him like a child as they sat with him.

"God...is…" Another deeper voice caught from his side and he jerked away. A hand went through his hair, and he was hushed. Then the voice came back.

"Come..Open... eyes" It took him a minute to understand what had been asked of him. He only then noticed the pure darkness around him; he was drifting off to sleep but someone wanted him to wake up. He felt a warmth from someone else, he was being held, he realized. He shuffled in the person's arms, once again then was a soft voice coaxing him to open his eyes.

"Call...help… hospital?" Once he heard that sentence he pushed harder to wake up. Hospitals meant bills, bills meant money; money they didn't have, lack of money meant social workers, and after that he forced himself to not think of. His eyes blinked, it was dark outside he could notice, but the world became clearer. They were the sounds of relief from around him, coming to his senses as his eyes opened, he noticed it was from the gang and his brothers.

"There you go lil' Colt." He was coaxed again, and when he looked up he meant the eyes of his oldest brother. Darry looked terribly worried, his eyes drooped in relief and anxiety, he looked close to tears as he cradled his youngest brother close. It had been a while since they had acted like this, 1 month after their parents died. He kept looking around.

He caught sight of the person who had been one of the closest to Darry, Sodapop. He had been crying, Ponyboy could tell, his eyes rimmed red and tear tracks dried on his cheeks. He tried his best to give Ponyboy a smile, but it was unnatural to see such a sad smile on his older brother's face. He reached out and brushed the hair out of Ponyboy's eyes. Ponyboy leaned into the cold touch for a brief moment, before turning away towards the others.

He leaned his head back only enough to roll it to the side, his eyes met Johnny's. He could see the worry deep in his features, and a hint of guilt in his eyes. He wanted to talk to him, or try and at least hold his gaze long enough to tell him he was alright, but he couldn't find the energy to. He tried his best to give him a small smile, but Johnny looked more upset about it. He decided to turn his attention away to someone else for the time being.

He briefly met Dally's eyes, hard and cold in comparison to those around him. His entire form was as such, really; stiff and placid, the only other visible social que revealed itself in the form of rough, jagged breaths.

When he looked to Two-Bit he knew how serious the situation must be. Two-Bit was unsettlingly silent. Not even a sigh threatened to part his trembling lips. The usually expressive and noisy young man simply stood, his arms folded and his eyebrows furrowed, inhumanly still aside from an occasional twitch of the mouth. Or perhaps he was just as unmoving as everyone else in the room; and was just the rareness of such that he found so disturbing.

Steve looked irritated. He could almost hear the lecture already; Why would you let that happen to yourself? You know this is your fault, right? It seemed Steve could tell he was being observed, because his expression hardened as he opted to stare at his shoes. Then, as Steve's imaginary rant ran through his thoughts, he heard what seemed to be the final line of all of his sermons. You need to take better care of yourself, kid. It was Steve's way of showing that he actually cared and was semi-worried about him.

He turned his head back and blinked up at Darry, who was holding his head in his lap. He began to push himself up, but was almost instantly pushed back down by his brothers.

"Darry-" He went to start on a tangent about them treating him like a baby but stopped at Darry's look. "I, I'm ok." He looked to the side when Darry snorted at the claim.

"Sure. Sure, because fainting out of nowhere is absolutely fine. Just fine." Ponyboy cringed when he heard the words, with the help of Sodapop he got up into a sitting position. He crossed his arms, and glared at his lap tiredly.

"It's not-It's not okay, I just-" He became aware that he fumbling with his words as he was interrupted by a voice that was currently much stronger than his own.

"Then why would you let it happen?" An uncomfortable silence approached before Ponyboy opted to break it himself.

"I don't know. But, it's not even that bad-" He was cut off by everyone in the room, he shrunk down as they yelled.

"Pone-" He heard Johnny and Two-Bit say exasperatedly at the same time.

"Are you kidding me? Ponyboy Micheal Curtis, I swear if you ever say something that stuipd again!" Sodapop was the first to yell out his distance, as he glared at his younger brother through his wet eyes.

"Kid, I swear to god-" Dally cut into Steve's examilam, pushing himself up and pointing a finger towards him.

"Don't even try to play this off kid. We saw you drop dead on the ground, and you're going to tell us why." Dally knew that he would try to push it off and pretend that nothing had happened. He had gotten away with it before when it was just one of the gang, but with all of them there he stood no chance.

Ponyboy glanced to and from each person in the room, he was obviously looking for an escape from the situation.

"I was just tired." It wasn't exactly a lie. Just not all the truth, and Darry knew it as he crossed his arms.

"Really? Then what else?" Ponyboy struggled with his words to answer the question. He didn't know what to tell them, it wasn't like he could tell them what had actually happened. He rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, tapping his fingers along his leg.

"Nothin'." He responded by crossing his arms defintently, he hoped they would just let it go. Sodapop was the one who was mad now.

"Ponyboy," he started, and he couldn't help but shrink in more at Sodas tone. "Stop lying' to us, if you want to leave this couch then your going to talk." Ponyboy began to shake, he was really trying his best to keep his cool at this point.

The stress of the last 24 hours was melting away at him, he felt like he was about to fall apart. Sports was stress, school was stress, home was stress, it was all he felt now. He gulped down the tears that threatened to break the surface.

"It's nothing." He could only manage a whisper at this point. He heard sighs, and wiped a hand down his face to wipe away the emotion the sound brought. "Really, it's ok, I'm, I…" His voice couldn't hold him anymore, he bit down a sob and turned his head away.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he bent over to try and conceal his face. Then, pushed himself back up to try and take a breath. He felt his breath lodge in his throat and he gasped for air. He hadn't felt stress like this since the time he and Sodapop almost got sent to a Boy's Home in court.

It wasn't much longer before Darry was down in front of him, and Sodapop was at his side rubbing his back soothingly. He briefly saw the gang back up to give him space; though, he could tell they were hesitant to do so.

On one hand he wanted privacy; to cry his brains out and be the only one to know about it. On the other he wanted to be reassured; to be hugged and told it was going to be alright. Torn between the two, he refused to ask for either as he choked on his own ragged breathing. Perhaps it was too late for his dignity to be spared anyway.

"Breathe, come on honey, breathe." He heard Sodapop coax from his side. He tried to take in a breath, but only managed a harsh wheeze. He raked his hand through his hair, and felt another hand grab it.

"Get him to lean over," he heard someone suggest, "get his head between his legs. It'll help him breathe." He felt the hand on his back gently push him down, he placed his hands on shakily on his calves. After a few more agonizing seconds, he felt himself begin to breathe more easily. His body shook and he could feel his shirt tight on his back from the sweat. He felt an arm gently lift him back up, he wiped angrily at his eyes, embrassed to be crying.

"You're ok, honey." He looked up to Sodapop, he bit his lip.

"It's school, well," he started, "Not just school it's everything, I can't keep up with it all. I'm sorry." He sniffed, he probably would have started bawling right there but he had already exerted so much. He kept talking then seemingly unable to hold back on details. He saw Darry and Sodapop look at each other, he could feel everyone's worried gaze.

"How about you stay home for the rest of the week?" He looked up surprised, Darry never suggested missing school. "You're right. It's Wednesday, you can take a couple days off."

Ponyboy leaned into his brothers touch, nodding softly. He rested against Sodapop, who adjusted, knowing he was about to fall asleep. He could hear the soft voices of his brothers and the gang discussing how they didn't notice him getting like this.

He knew they were worried, but he was glad. He had been holding in a lot of stress, he was glad he finally got to talk about it. He also knew he was in for a talk when he woke up. But he couldn't help but feel more relaxed despite that.

He felt safe, between his two brothers, who would both move mountains for him. Then the gang, with each one of them. Johnny's kind and understanding reassuring words that came to him when he was upset. Two-Bits jokes that he told, to make him laugh no matter what. Steve's insistent bantering with him, but he still knew that Steve would never let anyone hurt him. Then Dally who claimed he didn't care about anyone or anything but still stayed around to watch him when he was sick or hurt.

They were his family.