AN: This is my submission for lilacmermaid's February Madam Secretary Fanfic Challenge. The theme is water-anything to do with water. I hope you enjoy.
Henry McCord stirred in his sleep and instinctively reached out to pull his girlfriend, Elizabeth, close, but the bed was empty, the sheets having long since grown cold. Immediately waking, a tightness spread across Henry's chest, restricting normal breathing. Pushing up on one elbow, he looked around and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, hoping to see a crack of light beneath the bathroom door indicating that she just needed to use the toilet. It was dark and the spot, where he had haphazardly tossed her clothes, was bare. She was gone.
Henry swung his legs out from under the covers and sat up. Slumping over, he balanced his elbows on his knees and scrubbed his hand over his face. "Damnit," he muttered under his breath. He'd known she wasn't okay, even though she said she was when he asked. It was easier to go with her words in the moment, rather than the sinking feeling in his gut when she didn't relax into him as he pulled her close.
Henry glanced at the clock. 5 am. There were only a handful of places he could think of that she would go. Leaning down, he grabbed his jeans from the floor and pulled them on. He needed to find her. He was the one who caused this mess. Now he had to reel it back. He had let the three words fall from his lips and, although he didn't fully understand the fallout that now surrounded them, he would find her and make it better. He didn't know how, but he was committed to fixing it.
MSMSMSMSMS
Elizabeth Adams sat, balanced, on the edge of the trunk of her 1978 Gremlin. She slid her foot into one leg of her waders, then the other. Thoughts bounced like a pinball through her mind and she stared off across the parking lot, replaying the previous evening.
It had started as an average night, nothing notable. She and her boyfriend, Henry, spent the evening at his place. He made them a marvelous pasta dinner and they watched a little TV. It was during a commercial break, she was tucked into his side, drawing nonsensical patterns on his thigh when he pressed his lips to the top of her head and murmured, "I love you."
It was soft, so soft she almost didn't hear it. Honestly, she wished she hadn't heard it. She wasn't ready. They were doing just fine as they were-boyfriend and girlfriend. They spent a lot of time together. The sex was phenomenal. They talked about all sorts of non-important things, and even some deeper stuff, she'd shared things with Henry that she hadn't shared with anyone else. Their relationship was comfortable. But she knew it was temporary. They were in college. He was leaving for the Marines in a few months. He would go off on his way and she still had a couple more years of undergrad. They weren't anywhere near love. They couldn't be. If they were, it would make it all the harder to let him go. How dare he say that?
She blinked and a dim haze leaked over the treetops at the far end of the parking lot, signaling the end of night. Elizabeth stood and tugged the elastic straps of her waders up over her shoulders. With her fly rod case in one hand and her father's tackle box in the other, she elbowed the trunk lid down and moved silently down the path to the stream.
MSMSMSMSMS
Henry circled the parking lot of her dorm. When he failed to spot her car, he headed down the street to drive the parking lot of her best friend's dorm. After a quick trip to the coffee shop and the bakery, he pointed his car to the south. He hoped that he remembered how to get to the farm. He'd only been once, but if she wasn't doing coffee and carbs, she was likely getting ready to ride.
As he drove, he thought back to the evening before. They ate a nice dinner together. She always raved about his cooking, which made him feel valued. They were watching TV. He couldn't even remember what show was on. It was just one moment. He looked down on her and his heart felt so full. "I love you." He had never planned to say it. The words, softly though they were spoken, escaped and immediately she stiffened next to him.
He was still, waiting for her to look up at him. Maybe she hadn't really heard, although he knew that was wishful thinking. When she didn't move, he shifted to look at her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." He whispered, but each word held an urgency, a desperate need to put the genie back into the bottle.
Henry watched Elizabeth blink the fear away. Her expression morphed into confusion. "Sorry for what? I must not have been paying attention." Henry's response was to breathe a sigh of relief. He told himself she hadn't heard, even though he knew it wasn't true. That was easier than dealing with whatever may follow.
"Nothing. It was nothing," he said, kissing the top of her head again. She had pulled away, making a comment about it being time for ice cream, and Henry did his best to ignore the fact that Elizabeth kept her distance the rest of the evening.
It was close to midnight when she suggested it was time to go home, but he talked her into staying instead. "No funny business. I just want to hold you," he promised. He undressed her and pulled one of her t-shirts and a pair of shorts from the bottom drawer-the space he'd made for her after the first time she spent the night.
Elizabeth only nodded and pulled them on before slipping between the sheets. He kissed her gently and wrapped an arm securely around her. Sleep was quickly pulling him in,but she still felt tense against his body. "Are you okay?" he whispered, drowsily.
"Mmm hmm," she hummed and, satisfied with that response, he let himself go.
MSMSMSMSMS
Elizabeth moved quietly down the path she knew by heart. She needed wise counsel, but in the absence of that, she needed to feel close to her father. She stepped out in the clearing and closed her eyes, taking in the sound of the water flowing over the river rock that lined the stream bed. She desperately tried to latch on to the peace that she usually felt here, but when it didn't come, Elizabeth sighed and moved to the water's edge.
Nestled deep in the trees, the pale light of morning hadn't quite penetrated the darkness at the head of the stream, forcing Elizabeth to work on feel alone. Pulling the fly rod from its case, she screwed it together, threading the line. She opened the tackle box and ghosted her hand over the sections, hovering at the spot three from the left before quickly shifting to the one on the far end.
Elizabeth couldn't clearly see the lure, but she knew it was the blue and white feathered one that resembled a mayfly. Gingerly, she picked it up and held it in the palm of her hand and the scene around her transformed.
"Lizzie-girl, you have to give me room to work." Ben Adams chuckled and nudged his daughter's head out of the light. The ten year old moved to the left and dipped her head to look beneath the magnifier attached to the platform. Her father used tweezers to hold the two feathers together and, peering through the glass, carefully wrapped fine gauge line around the ends. Once secure, he tied the hook into the whole thing before pulling it out. "What do you think?" he asked, dropping the fly into her hand. She stared at it in awe. "It's beautiful, Daddy."
Elizabeth blinked and, at that moment, the pain of losing her parents, particularly her father, pooled at the surface. She didn't understand how grief worked. Sometimes, it seemed like a distant memory and other times, it was as fresh and raw as the day it happened.
She swiped at her eyes, brushing the hurt away and tied the fly to the end of the leader before pulling to a stand. Elizabeth watched the water for a few minutes and, as the sun broke over the treetops, she carefully waded in.
MSMSMSMS
Henry's heart sank when he pulled up to the barn at the farm and Elizabeth's car was nowhere to be seen. He thought for sure she would be here. He sighed. Where could she have gone? "Maybe Buttercup will know," he mumbled and crawled out of the car.
He ambled up to the stall just as the large blond quarter horse stuck his head out. "Hey boy. How ya doing?"
Buttercup snorted and nosed Henry's shoulder, to which Henry acknowledged by reaching into the small sack around the corner where he fished out a sugar cube to feed the horse. "I've got a problem boy. I said something and she's run off and I don't know where."
Buttercup nosed him again and earned a second sugar cube before Henry poured his heart out telling the horse how dumb he'd been to ignore the way Elizabeth had been acting. "What if I don't get her back? What if she's really gone?" Henry asked, burying his head against the horse's neck.
"Hey! What are you doing in here?" a gruff voice rang out, causing Henry to jump back. He quickly turned and raised his hands to show he meant no harm. Recognition crossed the older man's face. "Henry?" He squinted. "Is that you?"
"Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." Henry struggled to come up with the farm hand's name. They had met once a few months back when Elizabeth brought him out to ride. "It's Jeremy, isn't it?" he asked.
"Jonathan," the man replied, walking forward and extending his hand. He clapped Henry on the shoulder as they greeted each other. "Sorry. I just wasn't expecting anyone. Lizzie usually calls before she comes out." He looked around and grinned. "Where is she?"
"She isn't here." Henry scuffed his foot, scooting some loose hay across the floor. *I came looking for her."
"Oh," Jonathan said in a hushed voice. "I've known Lizzie a lot of years, Henry. She gets like this sometimes. Ya know, standoffish. Especially after Ben and Susie passed." He paused. "You two have a tiff?"
Henry surveyed the older man. He recognized Jonathan as really the only link he had to how Elizabeth worked. He hadn't even met her brother, Will, sometimes wondering if he even existed. Her Aunt Joan wasn't too fond of him, or rather his lack of social status, and her grandparents had passed in the months before they met.
Henry looked up at Jonathan. "No. Not that. I told her that I loved her."
"Oh." This time a knowing grin spread across his face. "Well, that's a different story altogether." Jonathan reached out and placed a hand on Henry's shoulder. "Give her a little space. I bet you scared the dickens out of her." Jonathan offered Henry a smile. "She'll come around, but if you think you need to check on her, I'm pretty sure I know where she is."
MSMSMSMSMS
Elizabeth stood in the middle of the stream where she whipped the fly line behind her before flicking her wrist, sending it sailing forward. The fly landed on top of the water and she watched it for a few seconds before she huffed, whipping it back and hurling it out again. She repeated the process over and over, growing more frustrated with each cast until she heard her father's voice.
"Lizzie-girl. Slow down. Give it a chance to settle. You're stirring the water too much." Elizabeth's head snapped to the left to the spot where Ben Adams should have been perched, one knee on the ground, leaning into the other, critiquing her form, offering steadfast advice. But he wasn't there and it was going on five years since he'd been there, but still, she felt him.
Elizabeth turned back to the water and cast one last time. She wasn't happy with her placement, wanting the fly to land about six feet to the right of where it ended up, but she left it there. The water rippled in concentric circles from the point of contact, and the leader sent its own small waves across the surface. She watched, fascinated, as the circles grew larger and farther apart, losing strength, until the disturbance barely sloshed at her feet.
Staring down, she watched the water lap gently at her waders and thought of Henry. His profession of love hit her like a boulder being tossed into the stream. The waves ripped through her, threatening to tear her apart.
Thinking back to early that morning, she lay next to Henry listening to him snore softly, and each breath he took made her more unsettled. Elizabeth tried to center herself, but her thoughts kept coming one on top of the other until she physically couldn't lay still any longer. She kept recasting her line in hopes of having a different outcome, but the ripples crowded her mind with with gut wrenching fear of the unknown.
She didn't think she was ready for a serious relationship. When her parents died, Elizabeth promised herself that she wouldn't become attached to anyone again. Then she never really connected with Aunt Joan and her grandparents died and then there was Will. He was just so-Will.
It was a fluke that she even bumped into Henry in the library. He inhabited the basement and she stayed on the third floor. She'd been on campus more than a year and they had never laid eyes on each other, until that day. He had the kindest smile and he put her at ease in a way that she hadn't felt since her parents died. That was a few months ago, and now he loved her and he was going away and where did that leave them. Would he just leave and not come back? Would there be a messy break up? Just the thought had made her ill.
A firm tug caused Elizabeth to flinch and she was back in the stream, a fish on her line. She pulled it in and as she pulled the hook out of the trout's lip, she realized that even though her line wasn't placed exactly where she wanted it, when she let things be, the outcome could be good. Maybe the same would happen with Henry.
Elizabeth tossed the fish back into the stream and headed toward the bank. She needed to talk things out with Henry.
MSMSMSMSMS
Henry bid Jonathan farewell and climbed into his car. He drove away from the farm and once again turned south when he met the highway. He drove farther into Virginia, away from UVA, away from the plans he had made, away from the known. He was now on a mission to find Elizabeth, where everything was unknown and his heart dangled by a thread.
Several miles down the highway, Henry pulled off and maneuvered his car down a narrow, gravel road that lead to a conservation area. Henry thought he misunderstood Jonathan's directions. Jonathan had said she was probably visiting her father. He assumed that meant the cemetery. But, he shuddered when he rounded a corner and her car came into view at the edge of the parking lot. Sagging into the seat, he released a breath he didn't know he was holding. Focused on finding out what was going on with Elizabeth, Henry barrelled out of his car and made a beeline for the path, but stopped just before entering.
Jonathan told him she needed time-that she would come around. If he crowded her now, would he just end up pushing her away? That was the last thing he wanted to do. Henry took two more steps forward before he decided he couldn't risk it and retreated to the parking lot. If Elizabeth needed time, he would give her all the time she needed. He just wanted her to know he was there. Settling down on the parking stop, Henry waited for Elizabeth to come to him.
MSMSMSMSMSMS
Elizabeth stopped dead in her tracks when the parking lot came into view and Henry's car was parked next to her own. Shifting her eyes wildly, they came to rest on him sitting on the parking stop next to her front wheel. She couldn't explain, but equal amounts of terror and peace coursed through her. She approached quietly and when she was close, she murmured, "Henry?"
Henry jerked his head around and stumbled over his own feet trying to stand. "Hi," he said softly.
They stood several feet apart. He seemed unsure and Elizabeth's insides twisted uncomfortably. "What are you doing here?" Before he could formulate an answer to that, she cocked her head to the side, her brows knitted in confusion. "How did you find me?"
Henry shuffled forward a step and shrugged. "I was worried. I woke up and you had gone. I wanted to make sure you were really okay."
Elizabeth shook her head, still not understanding. "But you didn't come-" she trailed off, gesturing down the path.
"You needed space. It wasn't my intention to intrude. I just wanted to-," Henry stopped and looked around, searching for the right words. "I wanted to make sure you know that I'll always be here, at least, as long as you'll have me."
Waves of fear and uncertainty rolled through Elizabeth closed her eyes and she physically took a step back to maintain her balance. She wanted to run, to hide away and be alone, but her father's words ran like a ticker tape in her brain. Give it a chance. Let things settle.
Henry stood silently, waiting, and as the minutes passed, he wondered if she was going to send him away.
When she opened her eyes, he could see the tears that filled them. "You may not always be here. You can't promise that. I know all too well that people I love die. I can't do that again."
"You're right. I can't promise that I won't die, but I will never willingly leave you and if something were to happen to me, I would still always be with you." Henry looked up the path. "Did your dad weigh in this morning?"
Elizabeth scrunched her face up as she thought about that. "I guess he did." The pressure she felt in her chest lessened and she looked at Henry. "I'm so scared of this-this thing we have."
She set her things down and moved closer to Henry. She leaned against her car. He reached out and took her hand. "I know, and I'm in no rush. Take your time. Think it through, but please talk to me. Don't shut me out." He squeezed her hand. "I want to be there for you."
The waves of fear and anxiety that threatened to knock her down just moments ago, had already dissipated a bit. They were still there, but less. If she could let it all settle, maybe it would transform into something good. Just the idea that Henry might be in her life long-term was enough to try.
Elizabeth leaned in and kissed Henry chastely. "Do you think you might want to spend the day with me? We can eat breakfast, maybe take a nap and then go for a ride?"
"I've already spoken to Buttercup this morning and he will think it's a great idea. I do too." Henry picked up the tackle box and carried it to the back of her car. When she popped the trunk, he set the box inside.
He watched as she sat on the edge of the trunk and tugged the wet waders off. When she looked up, her eyes were questioning. "You went to the farm?" Her eyes narrowed.
"I told you. I was worried. When you weren't at your usual haunts, I came out to the farm. It was Jonathon that told me to try here." He pulled Elizabeth to her feet.
"I'll have to get onto him about giving all my secrets away," she mumbled.
"Do you not want me here? Should I not have come?" Henry asked.
"It's not that. I just wish I wasn't like this. I wish I could be carefree like normal people-not all weird." She stood, dropping the waders in the trunk and pushed the lid down. "You deserve better-a normal girlfriend."
"Normal is boring." He grinned at her. "And I'm very partial to weird." He swept her into a hug. He held her close and kissed the top of her head. "Now where is this breakfast place you speak of? I'm starving."
"Wait! That's my line!" She giggled, pushing him away. "Follow me. They have the most amazing pancakes." She stopped. "Actually, not quite as good as yours, but close." She made a move to the door so she could get in, but turned to face Henry and watched him as he rounded the car to get into his.
"Wait," she said. He stopped and looked up at her. She walked to meet him. Taking his hands, she spoke softly. "Thank you for coming all the way out here, and I'm sorry I worried you. Sometimes I just need time to get out of my own head."
Henry tugged on her hands, forcing her to step into him. He hovered over her lips and felt her breath hitch. "I'll go to the ends of the Earth to make sure you're okay, Elizabeth Adams. Always." He closed the gap and kissed her softly. Releasing her, a grin quirked up at the corners of his mouth. "Now, you promised me pancakes. Let's go get them."
She smiled widely and bounced around to her car. As she pulled away with Henry following her, a wave of a different kind rolled through her. She smirked to herself. "After breakfast,maybe we can enjoy another activity. We don't really need to nap, do we?" Chuckling to herself, she pulled out onto the highway, plotting the way her day could go.