Part One: To Break

Author's Note: For the purposes of this fic, Pudding never erases Sanji's memories in WCI. Find me on Tumblr at whereistheonepiece to see me post Zosan headcanons and generally mess around talking about One Piece.

Sanji approached Wano with a sense of dread that weighed down his chest and took residence in the back of his head; throughout the chaos of entering the secluded land and his own inner turmoil regarding the events that took place on Whole Cake Island sat the reminder that he would eventually have to face Zoro, and thus the consequences of his actions.

Sanji wanted to believe that Zoro would see reason and accept Sanji's return with no more difficulty that a quick swipe of his katanas, but realistically speaking Sanji understood that it wouldn't be so simple with Zoro. He'd run off from the crew with full intent to sacrifice his well-being to Vinsmoke and Big Mom's political machinations in return for his crew's safety–and that included Zoro and the contentment he and Sanji had carved out in the middle of the Grand Line for themselves. Of course Zoro wouldn't take his decision so lightly; Sanji would be lucky to get away with just their usual play-fighting.

Still he toyed with this futile hope during the time it took them to reach Wano and until he and Zoro finally stood at each other's sides. Zoro did not appear overjoyed to see him, but Sanji could easily explain that away as a by-product of the situation they were in. Zoro simply tossed the child O-Toko into his arms and ran off to where the fight needed him, and Sanji resolved to approach him later.

Sanji finally found his chance to talk with Zoro days later, with everyone preparing for the raid in a few days' time, and was promptly greeted with a "I don't want to talk right now, Cook."

"What, you busy, Marimo?" Sanji challenged, willing this conversation to be over with already so they could get back to scrapping and then slipping away for some alone time from everyone else.

"Kinda?" Zoro replied, looking at Sanji incredulously.

"Look, asshole, I just want to know where you and I stand right now."

"We don't have time for this, San–"

"That's why I'm trying to make the time!" Sanji exploded. "If I let you keep using that excuse, the fight'll be here before we know it and nothing's going to get resolved."

"What's there to talk about?" Zoro asked, looking at Sanji impassively in a way that made him grit his teeth in frustration and want to smash that stupid face of his in for not taking this seriously. "You left and now you're back."

Sanji shook his head in disbelief. "You're mad at me, aren't you? Shit, Zoro, I'd be mad at me."

"Oh, I'm mad, shit-cook," Zoro admitted. "But the world isn't going to end just because you did something stupid."

Sanji stared at Zoro in disbelief. "Don't you want to fight me?" he asked, voice lowering as he realized he may just yet come out of this unscathed.

"Should I fight you?" Zoro asked, staring at Sanji more closely, eye narrowing suspiciously. "Something eating at you, Cook?"

Sanji clenched his fists, looking down at the ground as the memory of his proposal to Pudding wrapped him in a vice-like grip.

"Sanji," Zoro said, his voice dangerously low and level. "What did you do?"

"I didn't just run away, Zoro. I...proposed to the woman I was engaged to."

"Well, yeah," Zoro said, features relaxing. "That's what you do when you're engaged, right? Keeps up appearances."

"No," Sanji said softly, shaking his head gently, still staring at the ground, at a nearby tree, anywhere other than Zoro. "I mean I asked her to marry me...in private. No one else around. But it didn't really mean anything! She wasn't who she said she was, I did it in the heat of the moment, and I came back–and I would have, regardless. That has to count for something, right?"

Sanji looked up when Zoro didn't respond and saw the other man standing there with his eyes closed, a deep scowl furrowing his brow. Even from his distance Sanji could see the slight tremble to Zoro's frame, and he tensed his muscles for an attack that never came.

Zoro finally opened his eye when his face cleared itself of anger, his expression unreadable, his eye cold and devoid of emotion. "Don't follow me," Zoro growled, turning and walking away.

Grimacing, Sanji held his breath as he waited for something to happen until the sound of steel swinging through the air and the sound of something large falling to the ground sounded off in the near distance.

Sanji cursed under his breath and told himself he'd try approaching Zoro another time.

Finding Zoro after he'd woken up from one of his cat naps did not put him in a more agreeable mood like Sanji had hoped for. Anger instantly cleared the fog of sleep in Zoro's eye as he looked upon Sanji and shot up to his feet.

"No," he said before turning on his heel and trying to walk off.

"Would you just stop?" Sanji said through his teeth, grabbing Zoro's shoulder and stopping him.

Zoro tensed under his touch, looking at him over his shoulder and glaring at him murderously. "The hell you want?"

"I don't know!" Sanji roared. "Something! Punch me, try to cut me up, yell at me–anything, so I know we're okay."

"We're not."

"Okay," Sanji said, panting. "That's a start."

"No, that's all there is," Zoro replied. "I don't know how I can go forward with you after all this."

"Do you not trust me?" Sanji asked, sounding more accusatory than he intended. He'd expected a fight but surely they could work past this. Sanji was here, trying to work things out with Zoro, and not back on Whole Cake Island married to a woman he barely knew. Zoro had to realize that.

"I trust you with my life," Zoro said, looking at Sanji flatly, like he was reciting common knowledge that shouldn't bear repeating. If you jump into the ocean, you're gonna get wet, Sanji. "Just like I would trust anyone on the ship."

"That's not what I mean!"

"I know. It's just such a dumb question I would rather pretend you didn't ask it," Zoro replied obstinately.

"You're impossible!" Sanji growled, gripping at his hair in frustration. "I meant do you not trust me to not run away!"

"It's not that you ran away, dumbass!" Zoro exclaimed, fist balling up the fabric of Sanji's clothing, pulling him closer until he could feel hot, angry breath on his face. Zoro's eye shone brightly with a white hot intensity that made Sanji swallow anxiously, as if Zoro could strip away the artifice and really see Sanji for who he was with a single look. Strip away the disguise, the bravado, and what was left? Someone currently drowning, Sanji realized. "I could have forgiven that."

Zoro might as well have jabbed him in the center of his gut with Wado's hilt.

Clenching his teeth, Zoro looked down and relinquished his grip on Sanji, shoving him away in disgust, another blow. "I could have forgiven that," he repeated. "Sure, I'd have been pissed and let you stew, but I'd have gotten over it."

He fixed Sanji with a piercing stare, and Sanji wondered if he saw moisture from half-formed tears in Zoro's eye. "But what I can't forgive is that you proposed to her. Not to keep up appearances, but because you wanted to. That's what I can't get past, Sanji–"

"I was trying to make the best of a shitty situation!" Sanji protested heatedly, interrupting Zoro before he could detail the ways Sanji had hurt him, hoping that if he could simply explain himself, Zoro would accept his explanation and cool off. "I didn't think I'd see any of you again!"

"Please!" Zoro scoffed, shattering Sanji's desperate illusion that this could have even a relatively simple fix. "You know damn well that Luffy wasn't going to roll over and let someone take away one of his crewmates. You had to know that."

"I–"

"You know what I think?" Zoro pressed on, steamrolling Sanji's attempts to speak. And despite Sanji's protests, Zoro wouldn't look at him. He made a show of calming himself: he exhaled loudly, rolled the tension out of his shoulders, flexed his fingers so they were no longer curled into fists. This was when Sanji knew that he was in trouble. Zoro did not calm himself down like this, not where Sanji was concerned; he pulled out his katanas so the two of them could fight it out until they worked off some of the pressure that had built between them.

But Zoro wasn't doing that.

"I think it was what you really wanted," Zoro said softly, looking up at Sanji with considerable effort. A look of realization was spreading across his face until it settled and shifted into one of grim resignation. Sanji did not like that look on Zoro's face. "I think you knew she was what you wanted for your future. And…I'm not."

"Zoro…" Sanji said, a tremble in his voice.

Zoro fixed Sanji with a level stare as he placed his hand on Sanji's shoulder. "You're going to find the All Blue someday, take over the Baratie, and find yourself a nice woman you can pamper and spoil. You're going to get married and probably have a million children. You're going to have a good life, Sanji."

Just not with me, is what he didn't say.

"But I want you, Zoro! I'm just an idiot!" Sanji cried out, grasping at Zoro's forearm desperately with both hands, though he wanted to do more than that–wanted to press their bodies together, pin him to the ground, anything to keep him from leaving.

There was so much that Sanji wanted to say, but was unable to. Words half-formed themselves before running together in a muddled mess, leaving him speechless, all because Zoro, in spite of the pain and anger he must have been feeling, was managing to treat him so gently when he least deserved it.

Anger, Sanji could deal with, could understand. But not this.

Zoro regarded Sanji morosely, Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed thickly. He gave Sanji's shoulder a small squeeze before finally letting go, pulling his hand back slowly to give Sanji time to release his grip. And Sanji, though his entire being protested, relented with a small shudder, the phantom touch of Zoro's hand burning through Sanji's clothing to his skin.

Zoro set his hand down on Wado. "No," he said quietly, in a hoarse voice that would haunt Sanji's coming nights. "No, I don't think you are."

With that said, Zoro sniffed as he turned around and walked off, leaving Sanji behind.

The time of the raid came and went, with Luffy emerging victorious and Kaido and Orochi deposed, the two of them no longer able to harm the country. The land and traumatized people of Wano would need time to rebuild and heal, but tonight would be a night of revelry and celebration, with Luffy and the Straw Hats' allies as guests of honor.

Sanji, now that he had time to breathe and properly think, smiled distractedly at his friends and allies while they threw themselves into the celebration. He, however, kept himself off on the sidelines as he watched the rest of the partiers, unable to partake in the merriment. Zoro approached him amid the festivities, told him to follow him, and sent him a look that meant he wouldn't take no for an answer, as if Sanji could resist at this point.

"Hey, tell me something," Zoro said when he and Sanji found a quiet place.

"What?"

Zoro stared at Sanji again long enough for him to feel restless. Sanji couldn't look at Zoro for very long without squirming, lately. He decided to distract himself by lighting a cigarette, hand trembling lightly as he placed the cigarette between his lips.

"If she had turned out to be who she pretended to be, would you really have come back at all?"

"You've made it pretty clear you don't want to listen to what I have to say, asshole!" Sanji bristled, exhaling smoke through his nose like an irate dragon, which probably made it harder to take him seriously.

Zoro looked at Sanji blandly, unimpressed and unmoved by Sanji's display of anger. "Just play along, would you?" he said, sounding tired instead of snarking back at him like he would have before everything went to shit. Zoro looked off in the distance and silence settled between the two of them long enough for it to become uncomfortable before he spoke again. "I need to know."

Sanji hesitated, wishing he had pockets he could slip his hands into. Instead he busied himself with taking another drag of his cigarette. He held his breath, cigarette poised in his fingers as he gazed in the direction of a far-off mountain as he pretended to give it thought. He exhaled slowly, trying to expel the tension that had settled in the center of his chest since leaving Whole Cake Island. No such luck.

"Do you really think," he said slowly, sliding his gaze towards Zoro, "so little of me, Marimo?" A small, stubborn part of him meant to taunt Zoro into fighting him, just for old time's sake, but Sanji's voice lacked the bite and ended up sounding more melancholy than he wanted.

Zoro set his jaw, staring at Sanji wordlessly, a small frown darkening his features.

Sanji closed his eyes, taking his time with his next inhale and exhale. Zoro wouldn't take the bait anyway. "I did something stupid, Zoro," he murmured, pointing his eyes at the ground. "I think you realize that I have some dark, secret fantasy of becoming the tragic hero that gives his life for the people he loves."

Zoro scowled at Sanji dredging up old memories of Zoro's deal with Kuma, but he said nothing. Sanji also said nothing. That was how it had been on Thriller Bark, too; they'd traded insults once Zoro had woken up and they'd found a moment alone, made out aggressively because that was all Zoro could manage in his state–until Chopper found them, yelled at them, and pushed Sanji away whilst telling him to find something else to do–and that was that. Maybe that was their problem, Sanji mused: they didn't talk when things got difficult.

Sanji exhaled slowly. "This was just…another way of doing that."

"Did you really think that Luffy was going to–"

"I wasn't thinking," Sanji interrupted, still pretending to look at the ground. "Don't you get it, Zoro? I wasn't thinking when that happened and I wasn't thinking when I did…what I did with Pudding. She was the only one to show me some kindness when everyone else was finding excuses to beat the shit out of me and I…"

Sanji stopped himself, sighing as he realized how weak his explanation sounded, even if it was the truth. The truth. Sanji frowned at himself. The truth of the matter was that Sanji was so desperate to become some kind of martyr that he acted without thinking. Of course he knew that Luffy and the others wouldn't let him go, on some level. They hadn't let Robin go when the World Government tried to claim her. Why should he be any different?

Sanji grimaced. That was a question he didn't want to ponder for too long, so he chose to push that thought to the side. He sniffed. "You can hate me if you want."

I hate me, too.

"I don't, you know."

Sanji looked up at Zoro. He tried blinking away the moisture that had accumulated in his eyes and, damn it, Zoro wasn't making it any easier.

Zoro inhaled and exhaled slowly through his nose, looking off to the side. "I don't. It would make this a hell of a lot easier if I did."

Sanji said nothing as he brought his cig back up to his lips, waiting to see if Zoro would say anything else. The pressure in his chest worsened as he looked at the man he loved, seeing that he was hurting as much as Sanji was, and Sanji wished there was something he could do to make it go away for both of them.

"I've never hated you, Sanji," Zoro continued. "I don't think there's anything you can do to ever make me hate you."

"Don't," Sanji said, voice cracking, head dropping down. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying and failing to keep his lower lip from trembling as two tears spilled out. He didn't remember dropping his cigarette, but it wasn't in his hand anymore. "Don't say that. Say that you hate my guts and you never want to see my face again. It would make things easier."

Sanji heard Zoro move in closer, felt two warm, calloused hands cup his face and turn his head to look up. Zoro was staring at Sanji with such concern that it became too much for him; his breathing became convulsive as tears spilled down his face without his say-so, his shoulders trembling as he wept in front of Zoro.

Strong arms wrapped around Sanji and pulled him closer to the firm, steady wall that was Zoro's torso. Sanji didn't question this; he grabbed onto fistfulls of Zoro's yukata until he managed to get ahold of himself, but he did not move, hunched over Zoro's chest as he was.

"Why are you being nice to me?" he asked, trying to find a small wisp of indignation that he could grab onto. It was easier to be angry. So why couldn't he get angry? Why couldn't Zoro?

"Because, shit-cook," Zoro said, using one of his old nicknames for Sanji for the first time since ending things with Sanji, and that only made the pain in his chest even more staggering. "I don't like seeing you like this."

Sanji's breath quivered as he dropped his forehead against Zoro's shoulder. "I don't know how to make this better, Zoro."

Zoro sighed near Sanji's ear while he worked his fingers into Sanji's hair. Sanji slowly lifted his head, staring into Zoro's eye, his lips parted in shock. Zoro then cupped Sanji's cheek before he used the pad of his thumb to wipe away a stray tear running down Sanji's face.

The two continued to stare at each other and Sanji wondered if Zoro was holding his breath like he suddenly was. Nearly all of Sanji's muscles beneath the neck tensed in torturous anticipation as he awaited some kind of cue from Zoro.

Zoro leaned in and brushed his lips against Sanji's forehead. Sanji froze. He let go of Zoro, staring at him dumbly until Zoro looked away and down at the ground, taking a step back.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I'm just–I don't know. I don't even know what to feel. I need time. I just needed you to know, Cook, that whatever happens, I'm sorry. About all of it."

Sanji nodded, feeling numb and disconnected from the movements his body was making. Funny. He was the one who should be apologizing. "Yeah. Me too."

Zoro looked back in the direction of the party, setting his hand down on Wado. "I'm heading back, now."

Sanji was already lighting up again as Zoro started to walk away, murmuring some sort of distracted response through his teeth around his new cigarette. If Zoro was still looking at him, he didn't know.

He hoped he was.

And that's when the sensible part of him knocked against the walls of Sanji's mind. Talk to him, dumbass!

"Hey, Zoro?" Sanji said, wondering if Zoro could even hear him.

Zoro looked over his shoulder, hand resting on Wado. "Yeah?"

"I–I miss you, you know," Sanji said, just barely loudly enough for Zoro to hear. He realized that maybe that wasn't all that he was saying; maybe he was using the word "miss" because he was trying to avoid a word that now came with baggage for the both of them.

A pained look spread across Zoro's face and Sanji realized that Zoro had to be thinking the same thing. He turned his head and continued to walk off. "Miss you, too, curly brow."

When he was sure Zoro was gone, Sanji tilted his head back as he looked up at the sky. Staring at the stars and the vast expanse of space, Sanji sniffled as a lone tear squeezed its way out and ran down his face, followed by another and then another. The skin on his forehead burned with the memory of where Zoro had kissed him, and Sanji closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply, trying to remember how it felt before his breath hitched without warning and he was crying again, sobbing frantically into his hand while his cigarette hung limp between his fingers.

"Oh, god," he murmured.

Oh, god. Oh, god, please, oh oh oh oh…

End of Act One