Chapter 16: Why Do We Need Men Again?
How do friends manage to complicate your life?
That was Lucy's thought as Natsu started coughing uncontrollably at Flare's question.
Mirajane ducked her head in amusement. Her eyes twinkled while Levy moaned at the impending disaster that was about to unfold. The little bluenette started removing objects from Lucy's vicinity in case the girl wanted to throw things.
"Flare!" Lucy hit the table with her open palms. Coffee cups rattled. She grimaced from the sharp pressure numbing her hands, noting that later she would have to thank Levy for moving the silverware. Her aim had barely missed a fork.
The redhead turned her creepy eyes toward the raging blonde. "What? I am just trying to assure that you keep your innocence. Since this engagement is a shenanigan. A hoax."
Lucy gritted her teeth at the scandalous conversation aware that Natsu was just a meter away grinning like an idiot. Admittedly, a part of the uncomfortable girl was interested in his reaction, but she didn't allow herself to stop. "Flare, this is hardly the time, or place, for such an inappropriate topic."
"Unless you want to be bedded by this man." Flare cocked her head to the side looking pointedly between the two.
Oh my… She didn't just say that?
Horrified, Lucy sat quickly in her seat, holding her hand over her face, "Please tell me I am dreaming and that did not just get said?"
"You aren't that lucky Lu." Levy snickered as she consoled Lucy with a pat on the back.
The blonde opened her fingers enough to gap at Flare. She knew that the girl could be antisocial but didn't expect such personal statements being addressed in mixed company. Didn't the girl know that the man in question was standing over her left shoulder? What would her father say? And this conversation was not exactly something Lucy herself could bring up to Reverend Atlas.
"What were you talking about before I came into the room?" Natsu smirked at them, taking the whole scene in a stride. He had just reached the sausage and syrup, barely glancing as he piled his pancakes high with both.
The blonde moaned from where her hands hid her face. She would never be able to raise her head in Natsu's presence again. This was entirely too embarrassing!
"My goal was not to cause you shame, Lucy." Flare held up her hands in mock surrender.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, girl.
"Since I am apparently agitating the situation. I will eat outside. "
Lucy was beyond relieved that Flare was heading outside. She huffed knowing that she should go too an explain herself but did not want to move. In the end, she would probably end up scolding Flare if she did follow her.
The preacher's daughter added sincerely before disappearing, "Don't worry Lucy. I support you in desires."
Yes, the girl definitely needed her ears boxed.
Immediately, Lucy turned to Levy, "Can you handle this?"
The girl just grinned, picking up her plate with a "Hey Flare, wait up." Before leaving, Levy winked to her co-conspirator Mira, "Make sure to chaperone these two." Seeing Lucy cringe, Levy mouthed silently, "I love you, Lu."
Sure, Levy.
"Aye sir." The white-haired matron saluted as Lucy stuck her tongue at toward the now retreating form.
Lucy froze when Natsu sat in Levy's empty chair with a plate piled high. Her body completely aware of his close proximity. Not in the usual excited way but in complete humiliation. Neither him or Lucy made eye contact to the amusement of the Mirajane. In her head, Lucy tried to figure out the way to smooth over the awkwardness. Natsu was a good listener, surely he would understand and not make the situation worse? Finally she realized it was just better to not say anything.
"Do women normally talk this way while breaking their fast?" He asked Mira, probably knowing Lucy wouldn't want to answer.
Mira laughed, draining the contents of her tea glass. "Only when the target male is present, of course. Would you like some salt?"
"Nah." Natsu said in response, making himself more comfortable. Then leaning toward Lucy who's already frantic heart began to beat faster, he whispered, "You never denied her accusation."
Lucy blurted out, "Please. As if I would ever sleep with you!"
Mira gave Natsu the once over with her eyes before adding, "I don't know Lucy. He's pretty fine male specimen. You could do a lot worse."
"MIRAJANE!"
"Well Natsu. Are you any good in bed?"
"MIRA! THAT'S HARDLY ANY OF OUR BUSINESS!"
Natsu calmly sipped his coffee. With a glint in his eye, he sat it down and in a serious tone declared, "Never had any complaints before."
"Oh my gosh." Lucy felt the need to crawl under the table.
"Well if you know how to use the package. She has nothing to compare it do so try to make the first experience really good."
"I think I am going to die. Let me just go outside with Levy and Flare." The poor girl's voice tight with barely concealed annoyance.
"Lucy? Levy is worse than me. We could all move outside. Plus Flare is there. Natsu do you want to go?" Mira smiled triumphantly when the girl sat back down.
The blonde glared daggers at Mira, "As if Levy needs more encouragement from you two. Do me a favor, girl. Just stop."
"I'm completely innocent." Mira beamed.
"That halo is held up by two horns."
"Are you suggesting I am a demon, Lucy?"
"More like a She-devil."
"I was going to say that Natsu has a horn that needs tending to."
"Really? REALLY?" Lucy waved her hands frantically at the poor man. "He's sitting right here for god's sake. Are you done? And could you possibly kill me right now? Since you are stabbing me in my back. Why does everyone think I would fall in love with him so easily."
Neither girl noticed the flash of pain in his face before Natsu waved a hand. "Don't mind me. I find this conversation rather interesting. Good food. Great company. Best breakfast at this ranch so far."
"So Natsu… You are pretty good with using a gun but what about stabbing people? Since apparently, I need to hire someone to stab Lucy."
"What type of stabbing are we talking about Mira? I charge higher fees when I have to work the body over."
Taking a deep breath, Lucy tried from normalcy even though she did not trust her voice. "The girls should be out of here by this afternoon. You boys will stay out of here until then. We do need someone to help unloading in case they bring anything heavy. Anybody who isn't busy."
Mira clapped. "Excellent change of subject."
An awkward silence returned except for the sounds Natsu made as he shoved food in his mouth. Lucy and Mira used the time to finish up their food. The blonde became disgusted at the pace at which Natsu tore into his breakfast. She started to take the empty plates but Mira snatched them from her.
The man and girl were left at the table alone as Mira went to wash.
"Can you chew instead of inhaling?"
Natsu answered by shoving the rest into his mouth, "Wike whis?"
"Don't talk with your mouth full." She instructed. The earlier conversation forgotten for now. I swear I will kill Mira, she thought.
"You said eat up cuz we are having visitors though. Plus it's a complement when a man doesn't take a break from eating to talk."
"Yea that's why we going to store some food in the bunkhouse for the guys. Even Sting is being kicked out today. I will be sure to pass the complement to Levy."
Soon the meal was finished and Lucy was taking the scraps to the hogs. Natsu rode off look at the fenceline. The next two hours went by in a blur. Lucy race to fix the house while trying to get dressed. Mirajane barked orders to Sting and Elfman. Damn, that girl could be scary sometimes and it wasn't even the pregnancy talking. Everyone scramble with cooking, cleaning, or moving furniture.
Girls start showing up half past eight.
Mira squealed in delight as the first wagon came into sight. She had taken a break on the balcony to sip sweet tea, exhausted from housework. She almost knocked into Levy in the hall who had been carrying laundry.
"Where is the fire, Mira? Lord knows we don't need you to take a dive down the stairs."
"They are here!" was all Levy heard. She sighed, dropping the pile before trailing after Mira at a much slower pace.
The wagon had Hibiki driving Jenny and the bar girls Kinana, Lavi, and Evergreen.
"Howdy yalll!" They waved down. The noise brought Sting and Elfman outside. Sting hesitantly offered his hand to Kinana and Lavi while Elfman grabbed Evergreen, setting her down on the group.
She cocked him on the head. "You don't treat a lady by grabbing her and slinging her down." The stone eye brunette complained to the brute of a man. Elfman properly flushed as everyone knew he was sweet on the little lady.
"I'm sorry Evergreen"
She sashed to the porch with a "hmmph." He followed her, apologizing profusely. Hibiki stared at them with a smile, "And that's what we called whipped, folks."
"Thanks for the ride." Jenny kissed Hibiki soundly before jumping off while Sting unloaded the presents.
Happiness adorned Mira's every move as she hurried across the lawn to hug and kiss everyone. Lucy, who had appeared, and Levy patted themselves on the back with this wonderful plan of theirs to bring joy to their pregnant best friend.
"Anything for you. Ladies." Hibiki smiled before promising, "I only wish I could stay, but I have to be off to the bank. Now I will pick up at lunch." The town's most handsome bachelor was in charge of the tellers.
Loke growled a bit behind the screen, blocking the door for Evergreen. She pushed her glasses up while swearing, "I forgot you had this critter here. You sure he doesn't have rabies?"
"Don't worry Ever. I will protect you like a real man."
Lucy rolled her eyes at Elfman's theatrics. She was about to scold Loke when Kinana ran up. The girl had apparently brought some scraps from the bar. She lifted her hand to the screen. "Here Loke. Evergreen be nice. He's just a big ole' baby."
The lion immediately whimpered so Lucy allowed him to come out. He rolled over for Kinana, Jenny, and Lavi to pet his belly.
"I think he's a ladies man."
"Imaging if he was human."
"He would still be a hound."
Sting eyed the three ladies before sighing. "Some days you just wake up and wish you were a lion." Loke snorted in his direction.
Lucy teased, "Good boy, Loke."
Sting pouted before grabbing Elfman , "Come on lady killer. Let's go."
"Real men kill women!" Elfman shouted. Lavi questioned Evergreen, "Are you sure you want that one?"
"Some days I question my own sanity."
The girls greeted each other then moved inside with Mira to where Flare was pouring tea.
Thirty minutes later, Gildarts showed up bringing his daughter and a blue haired girl holding a small boy. He busted into the house carrying tons of presents and food out. "Where do you want this?" He held the items up indicating someone should answer. Lucy quickly told him where to put them. She had barely moved outside the door before she was attacked.
"Lucy! Girl! Where you been?" Cana shrieked as she draped herself over the awkward blonde before her dad walked. Cana snatched the tray from him.
"I just saw you a week ago."
The brunette complained, "But it's been to long without seeing your boobs! You know now that Mira's gone. It's the occasional visit of you that satisfies my beauty needs."
Lucy sweated under her attention knowing full well Cana was being…. Cana. "That's kinda insulting the other girls?" Lucy managed weakly.
"Cana dear." Levy hugged the barmaid before turning to the newcomer. The child in her arms stared at the new people in wonder. "Your hair is blue too? It is nice to meet you. I am Levy McGarden. This is Lucy."
"Hello," the young woman said in a southern drawl. "I'm Juvia Lockster. It's wonderful to meet so many new friends."
Lucy stared in dismay at the child in her arms and then at Gildarts as he handed over more boxes to Sting. "Don't tell me your dad knocked up a girl younger than you Cana."
Cana burst out laughing. Juvia slightly cringed. Levy touched the boy's leg and asked, "Who is this young fellow? He doesn't look like Gildarts. His hair is too dark."
The toddler bashfully turned to bury his face in his mother's neck.
"This is Slate."
"Aww. He's too adorable." The females crooned.
The boy seemingly knowing that he was the center of attention, peaked around at the new people before sticking his whole hand in his mouth. Some drool began to drip onto her shoulder.
"Slate, don't shower mommy's shoulder in rain."
Levy said, "That's ok. He's just a lil babbbyyy. Follow me into the kitchen to freshen up." The two walked away.
Lucy watched them go hearing as Levy commented that the boy didn't really look like Juvia.
"Oooh to only have a child like that. Sooo sweet."
"Speaking of men."
"I wasn't speaking of men."
"But you were speaking of babies. And it takes a man to make one of those." Cana tapped her lip thoughtfully, "Where is your man?"
"He isn't here."
Cana glared at Gildarts who had returned. "You can go dad."
"And leave you here. No way."
"You heard me dad. Get. Make like the wind and go."
Slipping an arm around to the tray Cana was holding, Gildarts stole a biscuit. "Going to stay. But not just for you darling. I heard one of my boys from the war worked here now. Going to go find him."
"Who?"
"Natsu Dragneel." Lucy jumped at the name. Cana's father knew Natsu?
"DAD! You never told me the one stealing Lucy away from me was one of your soldiers."
Gildarts guiltily rubbed the back of his head. "That was need to know. And you didn't need to know."
"My own father betray me." Cana took out a flask. He tried to protest but was cut off by Cana shaking her head. "I don't really care about that. Go find your friend dad. We have some girl talk to do."
The two entered the house. When they got inside, the girls had turned the room into a waste land of cloth and boxes.
"What's all this?" Lucy asked seeing more than what was needed for baby shower
Cana winked at Levy. "They didn't tell you? This is also doubling as your bridal quilting party."
"WHAT?!"
"As seeing you have been too busy to organize one yourself." Cana added. "Didn't you know? We all did."
Lucy shrieked.
Mira smiled, "Oh hush up Lucy. This is my party and I am completely fine at sharing it with you."
Cana hugged Mira. "So how is my baby momma doing?!"
She leaned into Mira's stomach. "As soon as this little bun comes out of the oven. Your mom, Laxus, and I will have a threesome."
Everyone sweated at that statement.
"Why does the conversation always turn sexual? And we say men are more perverted?"
"It's because that's why we need men," Cana grinned while hugging Mira. "For their bodies."
"That's kind of… Sexist meets… Whorish. Not sure which one exactly at the moment." Lucy mumbled.
A boisterous laugh could be heard from Jenny. Jenny smugly began, "But it is so much fun. We can always go down that conversation route. Let me..."
"Yes a lifetime of constantly wondering if you picked up some disease or not." Evergreen growled toward the other girl. The tension between the two rose.
Levy, the peacemaker, interrupted, "Anyone hungry?"
Cana walked briskly to the girl, snatching some food and offering a whisky pouch, "You are no fun, Levy. Don't be so serious. Here girl, drink this."
The smaller girl wrinkled her nose at the odor "Cana that smells stronger than tar."
"Eh? It's good for whatever."
Jenny hotly declared as she took the drink, "She said she didn't want it, but I do!" Chugging it down, she gasped, "Man that burns. I didn't know Lucy's bridal shower was going to be so much fun!"
"Don't I get a say in this?" Lucy asked unenthusiastically.
Every female turned with a glare and the same answer "no!"
Lucy shut up after that.
"You are too tense. Now drink some of this and go give that future husband of yours a kiss because I didn't get to see it on the street the other day. Hey! Come back!" Cana shouted as Mira grabbed Lucy dragging her upstairs.
Next Chapter: Lessons in Love
Author's note: Does anyone know what getting your ears boxed means? Parents use to do it to their children a long time ago. It is where you hit one or both ears as a form of punishment. The practice can cause hearing damage so nobody does it anymore.
Thank you for the follows. This chapter was more lighthearted fun because this story is about to get a bit darker. Lucy is so easy to pick on ^_^
Next chapter Mira gives advice to Lucy, and we get to see her take on Laxus's illness. I have been neglecting Miraxus in this story. Jellal and Erza will appear a few chapters out. What did you think of Juvia this chapter? And the little boy.
Did anyone read volume 61's afterword (cries softly at FT's impending finale)
Special thanks to these people for their reviews:
FairyTailBookworm – NaluFTfanatic – EraticMind – 4evrDorkly17 – J.C. – mushi0131 – RavebAthos – T-tawny – SheCatalyst – guest– sarah1.8 – pu3Aisyah – HammyJessa – FlameDragonHime – RandomChild – Persians – Angel – zachsn – Bluragard – other guests