Sorry, it took a while but it was harder to write this chapter than I thought. Especially, since this chapter has me so excited because finally a canon character appears. I hope you like how I incorporated them.
Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter :)
Chapter Four: Not Knowing
"If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself."
― George Orwell
"Igneous rocks are formed when magma (molten rock deep within the earth) cools and hardens. Sometimes the magma cools inside the earth, and other times it erupts onto the surface from volcanoes (in this case, it is called lava). When lava cools very quickly, no crystals form and the rock looks shiny and glass like. Sometimes gas bubbles are trapped in the rock during the cooling process, leaving tiny holes and spaces in the rock."
Clara closed her eyes, feeling a wave of exhaustion wash over her. It was about three in the morning and here she was, on the floor, near the window, studying for an important test that she had to pass to prove a point. It didn't make it better that she was taking it the next day. But to her frustration everything she read, went right through her head, frustrating her. She really should have paid attention in school.
"Igneous are rocks that are formed when magma... hardens which, which something... Oh, I'm going to fail... again..." she said under her breath, squinting through the darkness, trying to understand the paragraph she had spent the last twenty minutes reading.
She had tried to use her problem in the beginning but she stopped because the fire would die out after a few seconds and then changed into it's weird form, distracting her. Also, she didn't want to risk one of her roommates waking up and seeing her on fire. She could see the whole scene unfold horrendously.
She froze when she heard a groaning noise and peeked up from her spot and relaxed when she saw it was just May restlessly moving around in her bed. She glanced at the window, seeing that it was still dark outside and decided to call it a for the night. With pleasure, she pushed the book aside and resting her head against the wall.
She ran her fingers through her hair and rubbed it between her two fingers. Even with the moonlight being her only source of light, she saw that there was a brown streak. She peered closely and realized that her hair looked more brown than black. She groaned and moved her body to laid down on the floor, covering her face. What was happening to her?
Before she used to get sick a lot, had black hair and wouldn't randomly get on fire. If this was puberty, she hated it. No one seemed to be going through what she was. She had contemplated telling her friends but something kept stopping her from telling them.
She wasn't sure when she fell asleep but the next thing she remembered is having something hit her in the face, forcing her to open her eyes and groaned in pain when she realized in what uncomfortable position she had fallen asleep.
"Come on Clara," May yelled at her, throwing another pillow to her.
"I'm going." She slowly sat up from the floor and groaning when she felt how stiff her bones were for falling asleep on the hard floor. She rubbed her eyes and saw that Naomi was still sleeping, the cover over her.
"What about Naomi? She's still sleeping" she grumbled, walking around the room trying to get ready. "Throw her pillows. Stop playing favoritism."
"She's not coming to school today," May explained impatiently.
"Why? Did she get in trouble again from school?"
"I don't know. She said last night that she has to talk to the Sisters about something. Probably to talk about how she got in trouble again for kicking someone in school again."
"Oh, well, I'm ready." Clara had changed quickly into her school uniform and ready to go downstairs and eat. She paused and tilted her head to the side when she could hear Caitlin giggles from the dining room. "Is Caitlin downstairs?"
"Yes. Now let's go. We're going to miss breakfast and I'm not missing pancakes."
Like every morning, there was a chaos walking from Saint Elena's to school. Clara, despite wanting to have a few minutes of rest even if she was walking, had spent the entire walk, reading through the science once more, with Caitlin holding on to her shirt sleeve, afraid that she would crash into someone or a car.
Clara was proud to say by the time the reached the school, every single page she had memorized and the more she read it, she had become more convinced that she was somehow part volcano.
Maybe it was because how sleep deprived, but as crazy it sounded, the more she thought about it, the more it made sense, despite everything. She couldn't explain it but she was sure of her conclusion.
Even though she had only slept for two hours that night, she felt relaxed and calm, the most she'd felt since months. She didn't have everything figured out but having some insight did wonders to her sanity.
The lack of sleep and possibility of being run over had been had been worth it in the end. Clara was thrilled that she had passed the test, getting none of the questions incorrect. She had a hard time hiding her victorious smile when Ms. Miller handed her test back at the end of the class.
Clara had stayed in her seat when the class had ended, wanting to talk to Ms. Miller. She drummed her fingers impatiently on the worn out book, as the students slowly left the classroom.
"What can I do for you?" Ms. Miller asked when she saw that she was still in her seat.
"Can I keep the book for a few more days?"
"Why?" Ms. Miller questioned, looking at her curiously. "You already passed the test, which I want to applaud you for. I'm really impressed that you got all the questions correct. I always knew you were capable of doing great."
"Uh, thank you but I found the book interesting and would really like to read it more carefully," she said hastily.
Ms. Miller had looked at her and Clara felt like she could see right through her. She then stood up from her desk and walked towards her small shelf that held all her books.
"Here, you might enjoy these," she said and handed her two thick volumes that Clara grabbed and tucked them to her side. "They're more detailed and have more images."
"Thank you," Clara said, grateful. "I just stayed to ask you about that, so I'm going to go."
"Clara, hold on, before you go, I want to talk to you." Clara hesitated, glancing at the clock. If she stayed any longer, she was going o be late to her next class. Ms. Miller followed her gaze and gave her a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, you can tell your next teacher that you were with me. Now sit."
Not having a choice, Clara took a seat in the desk closest to the teachers. "So what is that you want to tell me?"
"First of all, I really appreciate that you listened to me. I know that I was being hard but I meant well. But that doesn't mean I don't understand you. Actually, when I was younger, I went through a hard time, similar to you."
"Really?" Clara asked skeptically. She knew for sure Ms. Miller was not going through the same as she was.
"I did, at least something similar but then I figured out." Clara against her better judgment, leaned in, intrigued. Ms. Miller went to sit on top of her desk. "It was difficult but it worked out. And want know why it worked out?"
"Um, yes?" Clara said uncertainly.
"I did it on my own. Kept it a secret." Ms. Miller pressed one of her fingers over her lips. "It's better to keep things to yourself than to let another know."
"Won't getting help make it better? For the moral support?"
"No. It won't, others will make it worse. It's better to not know than to actually know. I know, because I wanted to make things better but then they got complicated."
"What exactly happened to you?" Clara asked. "If you don't mind telling me."
Ms. Miller shrugged, her fingers tracing lightly the hard wood of her desk. "I was alive during a war and that was difficult with my brother and father being drafted. I guess it was puberty with my teenage confusion and so much more stuff."
Clara stared at her in bewilderment and suddenly felt like they were talking about something completely different. Clara forced herself to smile and ignore her paranoia.
Ms. Miller snapped her fingers which made Clara flinched. "You know the perfect example of what I'm talking about, would be Schrodinger's cat."
"What's Schrodinger? A type of cat?"
"Schrodinger's cat is actually a semi-recent experiment that it trying to prove about paradox."
"What is it about?" Clara asked eagerly.
Ms. Miller smiled but then faltered. She glanced at the door and back at her. "I supposed to I can tell you. The school doesn't think it's a great idea to talk about science to the girls, finding it unnecessary but I believe girls should also be educated."
Clara nodded in understanding, not surprised that Ms. Miller knew about those things. She was so well educated, having an extensive knowledge that made Clara envious. She wanted to be like that when she was older but in order to reach Ms. Miller education she needed money and Clara could barely afford a new sweater.
"I'm really good at keeping secrets," Clara offered, smiling ruefully. Ms. Miller nodded thoughtfully, drumming her fingers against the desk.
"It would be rude to not to tell you. Well, then, to make this simple, in 1935," Ms. Miller started. "A physicist, Erwin Schrodinger, in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen interpretation of quantum physics, he proposed an experiment where a cat is placed in a box with a sealed vial of poison that will break open at a random time. Now, since no one knows when or if the poison has been released, until the box is opened, the cat can be thought of as both alive and dead."
Ms. Miller paused and looked at Clara, who was trying to process what she heard. The entire time the teacher spoke, she mouthed the words she didn't understand and made a mental note to go to the library and look them up. She understood the simple words and what she was trying to say but some words were foreign to her.
"You look lost, is there something you didn't get?"
"What's a physicist?" Clara asked and cringed at how lost she sounded. But Ms. Miller used to having students ask her dumb questions, she explained patiently.
"It's just a scientist who studies science."
Clara nodded, her brows still furrowed. "What does the cat have to with not knowing?"
"What the experiment is trying to explain is that you can always have both with not knowing. But the moment you open the box, you'll know and that changes things, for better or for worse."
"Why couldn't you just say that?" Clara grumbled.
"I'm a teacher, I like to always add some science to my discussion. Besides, I thought you might enjoy that little anecdote."
"I guess that's where curiosity killed the cat came from," she muttered.
Ms. Miller laughed loudly, startling Clara who didn't expect her to react that way. "Don't worry sweetie," she said and patted her arm. She glanced at the clock in front of her. "Why don't you go? You're going to be late to your next class."
"Right. Um, thank you," she said and hurried towards the door. "I'll take your advice into consideration."
"Oh, sweetie, if I were you, I would listen to it. The world is a cruel place. It's survival of the fittest." Ms. Miller smiled grimly and with another smile to her, went back to her desk.
Clara stared at her in confusion but the teacher kept her smile and motioned her to move. Reluctantly, she moved her legs and exit the classroom.
"What was that about?" Clara said under her breath when she was out of the classroom. Ms. Miller had always been eccentric but in that interaction, she was borderline insane, something Clara had become familiar with.
Hastily, she shoved her books in her bag and hurried off to her next class, physical education, more than eager to be outside and breathe fresh air.
After school had ended, back in the orphanage, Clara had decided to stay in her room after they had dinner, not wanting to get sick. She also wanted to start reading the books Ms. Miller had lent her.
Caitlin and May hadn't objected; they were too busy bickering over the newest hairstyles. Since Naomi still hadn't joined them, leaving May to start arguing with Caitlin, which in honesty, Clara didn't mind. It took their attention from her.
Crossed leg in her bed, she ran her fingers over the worn cover of the book. Placing it on her lap, she opened it and started reading since the beginning. She stopped halfway when she realized that there were a lot of words that she didn't understand. She pushed the book aside and decided to something more interesting.
Curious and slightly anxious, she grabbed a pair of scissors from her backpack. Getting comfortable in her bed, she extended one of her hands and cautiously hovered one of the sharp blades of the scissor on the spot she chose. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves, without hesitation, she plunged the scissors on her palm. It pierced right through her skin making her wince at the pain.
She took long breaths to relax before she pulled out the scissors and saw them covered in her blood and reached over her bed, to grab a tissue and wipe the blood off them. She carelessly threw them to the side when she was done.
Clara turned her attention to her wounded hand, where blood was dripping. Only two seconds had passed when it happened. It was like a reverse process. Her skin was closing off, stitching itself without leaving any traces. The only evidence that was left was her blood.
Clara couldn't help but smile giddily. She ran her fingers over her hand, amazed how smooth it was. Picking up the scissors, she continued stabbing herself to watch herself heal over and over again, the process never getting tiring. She was unable to contain her excitement in the fifth try. Clara had been too caught up with what she had doing, that she had ignored the loud footsteps that were heading to her room.
"Clara!" Caitlin burst into the room, yelling her name, making her jump at her unexpected appearance and scrambled to hide her bloody scissors.
"Caitlin, don't do that," she snapped and then frowned when she saw how devastated her friend looked. "What's wrong?"
"Naomi is leaving," she wailed, her high voice hurting Clara's ears. "She's leaving. We just found out."
"What?" Clara said again, more faintly that time. Seconds later, May burst in and without warning, started sobbing. She cautiously got up and went to Caitlin, patting her back awkwardly, her sobbing ringing in her ears and scratched her cheek nervously, feeling trapped.
It had taken a few hours to calm down both May and Caitlin. Clara tried to keep herself unemotional and was successful but it drained her in the end when both of her friends fell asleep in the same bed.
The entire time Clara had dealt with the two girls, Naomi had been nowhere in sight, which really concerned her. It was already late, nearly ten o'clock, meaning everybody was already in their rooms. Had Naomi left already without saying goodbye?
Making sure not to wake her roommates, Clara ventured downstairs and peeked into the living and saw no one. She saw the light in the kitchen and hoped to find Naomi, who hadn't shown her face since the morning. She was probably off mourning or doing whatever Naomi did whenever she was upset.
Clara gasped when she saw that it was Sister Karen fixing herself a cup of tea.
"I'm sorry Sister Karen for being up, it's just that—" she rambled bit got cut off by her.
"If you are looking for Naomi, she just left to go upstairs."
"Really? That's great. We were getting worried. We didn't know where she was since we found that she is leaving and..." she trailed off, feeling awkward.
"I understand," Karen nodded, understanding. "Today was a very difficult day but let's thank the Lord for giving us the strength to move forward."
"No. Let's not thank Him. Naomi's leaving. Why is she leaving?" Clara blurted out. "I know that sometimes some of us leave but why Naomi? Is it because of how many times she's gotten in trouble?"
Karen shook her head, giving her a rueful smile. "I'm afraid I can't tell you. It's between me, Sister Rosemary and Naomi. I'm sorry Clara but it was a difficult choice."
Clara nodded, fiddling with the ends of her night shirt. "It's so strange," she mused.
"What is?"
"May and Naomi are always fighting and now Naomi is leaving and she's devastated. But I always knew that they were close despite their fighting. She's her best friend. You can't be without your best friend."
Clara couldn't imagine her life without Caitlin and if she was gone, then she would have no one. Even thinking about it, made Clara's chest hurt painfully. That was one thing she hated about being an orphan, there was no stability.
"How do you feel Clara?" Karen asked.
She shrugged. "Tired but not sick. I just feel tired. Comforting two crying girls at the same time drains you."
Karen pursed her lips, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "I just realized that you haven't gotten sick lately."
"What?" Clara frowned.
"It's been almost a month since the last time you had something seriously wrong that wasn't a headache."
Clara thought about it and realized that Karen was correct. She hadn't been sick for a while. Her eyes widened at the realization. "No I haven't," she breathed happily and stopped. She kinda was sick but not the obvious kind.
"I'm so thankful God has answered my prayers."
"You've prayed for me?" Clara looked at her curiously.
"Of course. I pray for all my children. I worry about you, even when you don't think I do."
Clara flushed, not sure what to say and hoping her expression showed her appreciation.
"Go to sleep Clara," Karen ordered gently. "Tomorrow is going to be a difficult day."
She nodded and bidding goodnight, trudged to her room. As she climbed the stairs, she could hear May's hysterical crying and Caitlin trying to soothe her. Clara sighed, rubbing her temples, finding the noise overwhelming. When was that nightmare going to end?
The next morning, when everybody seemed to calm down, Naomi had calmly explained to the three girls that the previous day, the reason she had missed school was because Sister Karen and Rosemary wanted to talk to her about her leaving the orphanage.
Clara felt a void inside of her and half-listened to her explain to them what was going. She couldn't believe what was happening. Naomi leaving was a worse blow than when she started burning.
"Clara," Naomi called her name.
"Oh, yeah? What is it?" she said, giving her a small smile.
"We're going outside, come on." She tugged on her sleeve, forcing her to get up from the bed.
Sister Karen had been kind enough, to let the three girls miss school that day to allow them to spend time with Naomi, who would be leaving that day. The entire day, they were outside, taking turns on the swing set.
Six hours later, and Caitlin and Clara were in their room, putting on coats because it had gotten cool outside.
"You know what it means with May leaving?" Caitlin said glumly.
"Um, we have one less room?" Clara guessed, sitting down on her bed as she buttoned up her coat.
"Well, yeah but that means someone knew is coming. Gosh, I hope it's a boy and not a girl. If its a girl she's going to be staying in our room."
"That would be a bummer but if it were a girl we could make one of the other girls move into our room," Clara suggested. "Maybe—"
She didn't get to finish her sentence when she felt something hard hit the back of her neck. She flinched at how hard it felt. "What the heck?" she complained, looking up.
"Don't be so rude Clara," Caitlin growled. "Don't you dare suggest that to May, or else she'll burst into tears."
"And what makes that a difference from now? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Don't throw anything to me again!"
Caitlin exhaled loudly, running her fingers through her wild hair. "Come on let's go." Caitlin jerked her head towards the front door.
"Right, let's go watch May cry as Naomi leaves us forever," Clara said. Already, she could hear a noise in front of the house and winced when she heard May's loud sobbing. She moved away quickly to avoid being hit by another flying object thrown by an enrage Caitlin.
Downstairs, everybody was bidding goodbye to Naomi, whose face was void of emotion. Right next to her was Sister Rosemary and May, both of them looked like an emotional wreck. Clare and Caitlin approached the three of them, and the moment Naomi saw them her facade fell, and Clara could see the pain in her eyes.
The four girls engulfed each other in a hug. They didn't separate until Sister Karen walked up to them and tapped Naomi's shoulder.
"Naomi," Karen spoke softly to the girl. "The car is here. It's time to go."
Reluctantly, they let go of each other and the girls turned to Naomi, each giving her an individual hug. who nodded and followed Sister Karen. Everyone watched the car drive off, getting smaller as it got farther from Saint Elena's. May let out another heartbroken sob when the car disappeared from their view.
"I'm sorry," Clara whispered to her when it was her turn.
"It's fine. I'm going to miss you," Naomi said and let her go.
"Me too," she said sadly, feeling the pit in her stomach grow, and went side Caitlin.
After hugging Caitlin, Naomi followed Sister Karen to the car. Everyone watched as Karen and Rosemary hug her tightly. It was difficult for them to watch the car drive off, getting smaller as it got farther from Saint Elena's.
May let out another heartbroken sob when the car disappeared from their view. Clara was about to reach out to May when she stopped. She grimaced when she felt a familiar burning sensation on her hand. Her eyes widened when she saw her skin get ashen and could feel the warmth radiating from it.
Quickly, she shoved her hand into her pocket—not being the best idea but the only one she had in the moment—and prayed for it to get back to normal.
She tried to back away from everyone but she got caught by Sister Karen, who eyes her suspiciously.
"What's wrong Clara?"
Her head snapped to look at her. "What? N-nothing's wrong," she stuttered nervously. Karen's eyes darted to the bulge in her pocket where Clara's hand was shoved.
"What's in your pocket?"
"Nothing."
Her quick answer made Karen even more suspicious. "Pull your hand out," she ordered.
"Why? I'm cold." She shivered in exaggeration to prove her point.
"I want to see your hand. Take it out now Clara."
"But―" she tried to argue but got cut off by Karen's harsh warning.
"Clara, don't make me ask you again."
Hesitantly, Clara slowly took out her hand from her pocket, praying that somehow the nuns vision would be impaired. She visibly relaxed when she saw her hand was back to normal. Karen looked at her and grabbed her hand, checking if she had something.
"I was simply cold," Clara said softly.
"Bring gloves next time," Karen said stiffly and let go of her hand. She turned to the children that were lingering outside. "Everybody get inside," snapped Karen. "Now."
Clara felt a small weight get off her shoulder as Karen redirected her attention into herding the kids back inside. That was a close one, unfortunately, her luck was running out.
January 1956
The new child arrived in the first week of the new year, almost two months after Naomi left. Apparently, there had been a mistake in the system and it had delayed the child to come earlier. Or so that's what Clara heard in the middle of the night when the nuns were arguing about how the child still hadn't come.
The reason she had been awake that night was because of how loud the wind was outside. She had become sensitive to noise, picking up all of them which drove her insane. And it didn't help having additional voices inside the house echoing at that time of night. It sounded like she was in the same room as the nuns. She could hear Sister Karen's heavy pacing, a clear sign that she was distressed.
And then there was May's loud breathing. She wasn't sure if she was having a bad dream or she had been crying again. Even after two months, May still would become emotional at the mention of Naomi. Clara and Caitlin had to walk on eggshells around their sensitive friend. But ignoring their missing member, everything was fine between the three friends.
Clara was happy to say that thing were normal for her, something she was grateful for. Although that didn't mean that at times she would slip up. Burn her clothes when she got to excited or break a table and she would overhear things that she wished she hadn't hear but she was slowly learning.
Every time when Caitlin would ask if there was something wrong when she would see Clara struggled, trying to hide her problem, Ms. Miller's words would loop around her head. Clara would just give her a reassuring smile and try to act as natural as she could.
"It's a boy! It's a boy! It's a boy!" Caitlin ran to the living room where Clara was sitting down on the couch, reading a book about different types of rocks. Caitlin plopped down next to her and snatched the book from her lap.
"Hey! Give it back!" Clara exclaimed and tried to get back her book but Caitlin put it behind her back and stayed there firmly. "I'm serious Caitlin! I was in the middle of a good part."
"It's science, there's no good part. Since when did you become a geek?" Clara opened her mouth to argue but Caitlin didn't give her a chance. "But it's a boy!"
"Did you have a child a wasn't aware of?"
Caitlin smacked her arm. "Clara be serious."
"I am being serious. What at are you talking about? What's a boy?"
Caitlin looked over the couch to make sure no one was around and leaned in and hissed, "He's here!"
"Who's here?" Clara frowned and moved back, finding Caitlin's excitement unnerving. Ever since May replaced Naomi's surliness, Caitlin had become the chirpy one, which left Clara in the middle.
"The new kid. I saw him. I was outside and could hear Sister Karen talking to saw one and then could hear her giving them the welcoming speech and I peeked in and saw that it was a boy! We don't need to get a new roommate!"
"Look at that, new year, new boy. Now give me back my book."
"I'm going to ignore the fact that you've become sourer than a lemon Clara because that's not even the best part..." Caitlin sighed dreamily. "Clara, when I saw him my heart dropped. He's as cute as a button, even more. Despite his small problem."
"That he's an orphan like us...?"
"No. That he's a ginger." She wrinkled her nose. Clara laughed and gave up trying to get back her book.
"Alright, you've caught my attention. What's his name?" she asked, deciding to humor her.
Caitlin snapped out of her trance and frowned. "I don't know. I just saw him."
"That sounds promising, your children will be beautiful. But why are you telling me?"
"Because I know you won't tell anyone. May can't keep her mouth shut about other boys and Rosie won't really understand, she still acts like she's five at times."
Clara grimaced at the mention of the later girl, silently agreeing with her.
Rosie was another girl from the orphanage that had been spending more time with them about a month ago. She had previously spent time with them when Naomi was there but being a shy girl by nature, she was intimidated by the former girl aggressive nature.
Rosie's presence in the group had been met with mixed emotions. Caitlin had been more than happy about it and tried to make her feel welcomed. May would talk to her but at times would ignore her, fearing that she was trying to replace her best friend. Clara didn't really care about her.
In reality, she hadn't even realized when she had joined them until one day she had tripped over the concrete and Rosie helped her get up. Clara looked at her in bewilderment, her sudden presence confusing her but a glare from Caitlin and in reality not really caring, she shrugged and went back to her book.
"Well, I'm flattered for being the one you told first," Clara smiled at her. "But you barely met him. Or saw him. Give it a week and it will probably go away. You said the same thing about Tom, and look at you guys now, you can barely stand him."
Caitlin didn't acknowledge her and went to lay down on her bed, humming to herself, too busy daydreaming.
Almost a week had passed, and only a handful of the children had caught a glimpse of the new boy. For a small orphanage, whenever they had a new child, they didn't usually see them for a while. The nuns didn't want to overwhelm them with introducing them to everybody on their first day, which Clara thought was thoughtful of them. After a week would pass they would make them a dinner, to welcome them.
But the boy only been at the orphanage for about four days and seemed to be avoiding half of the kids from there. Clara wouldn't blame him, she did the same thing when she arrived. The only people she had interacted was with her three roommates, so she didn't find it unusual to not see the new kid.
Clara had seen half of his profile one morning when they were rushing to finish their breakfast. Even Caitlin hadn't had an opportunity to speak to him, only see him from afar.
"Go talk to him Caitlin," May suggested one afternoon when they were outside in the yard. It was a beautiful day and everybody was enjoying the sunshine.
Clara wasn't paying attention to the gossip. She had found another book from the library about the body function. She also had a dictionary in her lap, to help her search for a word she didn't understand. She had spent more of the time flipping through the dictionary looking for the word cartilage than actually reading.
"What? No! Are you out of your mind?" Caitlin yelped.
"Have you even talked to him?" Clara looked up and smiled in bemusement.
"No... but I want to... but I don't know how." Caitlin was surprisingly shy when it came to him. She had seemed to become really taken with the new boy, who she had yet to meet.
"It's not that hard. Go to him and make a small conversation. It can be an accident, bump into him and then apologize, and mention something he likes."
"But I don't know what he likes," she whined.
"Hey! Maybe Clara can talk to him," Rosie suggested quietly.
"What?" Clara and Caitlin looked at her like she had grown an extra head.
"I mean, she's really good with people and you'd get to see what Sean likes," Rosie said and May nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, but no offense Clara, but she's a little too good when it comes to the boys. She's the one that boys always like her. If you ignore her sickly pale skin that emphasizes how much she can get sick and then there's..." May trailed off.
"There's what?" Rosie asked stupidly.
"The fact that I might be insane," Clara whispered. Rosie turned scarlet in embarrassment. "But then they realize that, to quote you, am I 'young Sister Karen' which I do not appreciate being called. I do plan on getting married... hopefully."
May giggled and nodded. "Of course, you're going to get married Clara, you're a catch. Just hide your little problem."
"Already am," she muttered sourly. "And weren't we talking about Caitlin's boy? How old is that kid? What's his name anyway?"
"His name is Sean and he's twelve, going to turn in thirteen."
"Yippy. You got yourself a real man," Clara said, not looking up from her book. May snorted, earning a scornful look from Caitlin.
"Clara," Caitlin whined, pulling the grass from the floor and throwing it at her. "Don't be like that."
"Fine. If you like him, then go talk to him," Clara said and frowned when she couldn't understand a word. She leaned forward and showed it to Rosie. "Can you read this word?"
"Osmosis," she guessed. Clara gave her a fleeting smile and went back to her book.
"I can't talk to him. He's only been here for a week, and he is only with the boys. They won't leave him alone."
"He's been here four days," Clara corrected her without looking up.
"Keeping track of Caitlin's man of her dreams?" Rosie teased.
She looked up and said seriously, "No."
Rosie flushed and muttered an apology. Clara felt a sharp pain on her arm and pointedly ignored Caitlin. She sighed in resignation and continued the conversation. May and Caitlin started talking about the boys from the orphanage. Clara was flipping a page and winced when a loud noise that came suddenly. It sounded like screeching and then like a glass had broken.
She jumped and looked all over her shoulder, expecting everybody to be shocked and scared like her but everyone continued running around with no worries. So it seemed like it was just her. That didn't surprise her.
"What?" May said mockingly, seeing her whip her head around. "What did your bat ears hear?"
Rosie giggled and Caitlin shot her a disapproving look but Clara ignored her. Her ears were still ringing and she was focusing on the unexpected noise.
"Clara, seriously, what's wrong?" Rosie asked, looking at the other two girls, not used to Clara's erratic behavior.
"I'm going inside," she announced, standing up and brushing her behind.
"See what you did?" hissed Caitlin, slapping May's knee.
"I'm just going to the bathroom."
"Can you get me my jacket?" Rosie asked. "It's a little nippy outside. I don't want to catch a cold."
Caitlin made a noise. "Hey. Clara isn't wearing a jacket when it's windy and she's not in a coughing fit."
"A miracle. All her prayers are answered," May sang, making Rosie giggle again.
Clara ignored them and went inside the house. She paused at the door, hearing a loud heartbeat racing and hearing someone mumbling to themselves.
"No, no. No. Not again...—"
What really concerned Clara wasn't what the person was doing but their obvious fear, she could almost feel it. She walked slowly towards the noise that was coming from the dining room. She could tell the person was too busy to notice her approaching them.
Clara stopped in the threshold when she saw a ginger haired boy scrambling around, picking things up from the floor. She didn't recognize him and was about to ask who he was when she noticed what he was picking up. There was broken glass was scattered all over the place.
"Oh my gosh. What happened here?" she blurted out, accidentally making her presence known.
The boy violently flinched and dropped the glass that he had in his hand. He turned around and his mouth fell open and eyes went wide when he saw her.
"N-nothing. Just an accident," he stuttered and looked at her suspiciously. "Who are you?"
"I should be asking you the same thing. I live here." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him expectantly.
"I live here too," he said defensively, his hands fiddling with his shirt nervously.
"You live here?" she clarified.
"Yeah," he said begrudgingly as if that was a horrible thing. Her eyes widened in realization when she took him in, something inside her head clicking.
"You're the new boy," she blurted out, pointing at him. "Um... Sean, right?"
"Yeah," he said with the same bitterness as before and his eyes darted nervously to the door.
Clara then remembered that was the boy Caitlin had become infatuated and then looked at him more closely. He was lanky and because he was crouched down, she couldn't really tell if he was tall. But she could see that he had freckles over his cheeks and nose. She didn't find him particularly good looking but could see what Caitlin liked.
"What are you doing here? Did everybody else hear?" he demanded, his expression sour. He was defensive and Clara wouldn't blame him. He probably thought she would get in trouble.
"No, just me. No one knows, calm down."
He still remained tense, every fiber of him vibrating loudly, and still stayed rooted to the floor, his eyes darting around, afraid one of the nuns would appear in thin air and yell at him. She knew that if they would show up, either Sister Rosemary would sigh and make him clean up while Sister Karen would glare at him the entire time as he cleaned up and won't let him play with the kids for that day.
None of those punishments were awful, they were simply tedious and in the end, the nuns wouldn't hold it against them. They knew they were children and at times would make honest mistakes. Clara wondered if the previous orphanage that Sean came from took punishments more seriously. In her previous orphanage she had accidentally broken a dish while washing it because the water had been too hot and as punishment, they had locked her in the closet for two days to remind her not to make the same mistake.
"Sean," Clara said gently, slowly walking up to him. He looked scared, reminding her of the bunny she had found one time when she was a child. Ready to jump any moment from the danger. "It's alright. It's not a big deal," she reassured him.
"I broke the glass... they're going to..." he trailed off nervously. "I can't believe I broke something in my first week here."
"Hey, even if they found out, the worst that would happen is Sister Karen glaring at you and making you clean up and then she would pat you on the shoulder and probably make you pray."
Sean made a nervous noise that sounded like an attempt of laughter. "What about the other one?"
"Sister Rosemary?" Clara laughed and went on her knees, brushing the glass to the side. "She's a sweetheart. She'll try to be tough but then she'll take pity and help you clean up."
Sean relaxed slightly and shakily proceeded to pick up the glass again. He would put it aside, making a small pile.
"How did―how did it happen?" she asked hesitantly, not able to comprehend where did that glass come from. She looked around and gasped when she saw that the cabinet that was near the wall, the glass doors were all broken. "How did you break that?"
"Doesn't matter," he snapped and then glanced at her, frowning in annoyance. "Are you just going to stand there or help me?"
"A please would be nice."
He glared at her and turned his back to her. She sighed in resignation, not sure why she expected more from a boy and started picking up shards of glass, putting them in a pile that Sean had started.
"What's your name?" he asked her uncertainly, after a few seconds of silence.
"I'm Clara," she introduced herself, extending her hand. He looked at it for a few seconds before taking her hand and shaking it.
"I would say I'm Sean but you already know who I am," he said and eyed her, still suspicious of her. "What were you doing here? Everybody was supposed to be outside."
So where you, but instead you were inside, she wanted to say but instead said, "I was going to the bathroom."
Sean didn't look fully convinced. "I know who you are," he admitted.
"Then why'd you ask for my name?"
"I mean, after you introduced yourself I knew who you were," Sean clarified. "Sort of."
Clara clenched his jaw, already having a good feeling what he knew about her. Because of her erratic behavior last few months, she had been labeled as the deranged and the children had gone as far as to avoid her. It should bother her, but her three roommates still talked to her, so she had no problem with the label.
Seeing her expression, he hurried to defend himself. "I-I wasn't listening to them, I just wanted to be alone. Besides, most of it sounded fake. You don't seem to be capable of a lot. I think."
Uncomfortable where the conversation was heading, she redirected the conversation. "How did you break the glass?" she asked again.
It was his turn to look uncomfortable, avoiding her gaze. "How did you burn down the kitchen isle?" he challenged. Her eyes widened in realization. "Yeah I know about that. I didn't believe it, though."
Clara cringed, remembering the time she accidentally destroyed the isle. She had no idea how she weaseled herself out of being shipped off to an asylum but she was grateful when her only punishment had been to clean the floors with a toothbrush.
"Let's just clean this up before someone walks in," she said instead. Sean looked at her unsurely but didn't argue with her. She could feel him glance at her every second and sighed. "What is it?"
"You're not―you're not going to tell the nuns right? They're going to find out about this."
"I already said don't worry. If you want you can shift the blame to Ron and Johnathan, they break everything."
"No, I can't do that," Sean whispered harshly. "They're going to know it's me."
"Not if you don't know who did it."
Sean threw her a bewildered look.
"If you tell yourself you don't know who broke this, then they won't know who broke it. Lie to yourself and you'll believe that you don't know who did it. It's this weird mind trick."
Sean looked completely lost but nodded slowly. "I need to clean it up. I can't leave it like this. I can't believe I broke this."
They were about to finish when Clara messed up everything. She was picking up a sharp piece of one of the broken glasses broke when it pierced her skin, going in deep. She pulled it out hastily and grimaced when she saw blood dripping. She unsuccessfully tried to hide it from Sean but he saw it.
"Oh no," he groaned, his face turning into a deep scarlet. "I'm so sorry. I can't believe this. Damn it. I'm sorry."
"No it's fine," she assured him quickly, hoping he would let it go. "It's not that bad."
But it actually was, blood kept spilling from the cut. And even when she tried to cover it with the edge of her thin shirt, it would bleed through and drip down. But she wasn't worried, she knew that in a few seconds the small gash would knit itself back and it would be like she never got cut. Unfortunately, Sean didn't know that.
"No, it's not. Look at how deep it is. Stay right here. I'll be back, I'm going to get something to stop it from bleeding."
"What?" she yelped, feeling a wave of panic. "No. You don't have to. It's fine."
But Sean had already left. She really was fine; her hand had already healed. Clara groaned, realizing what she had to do if she wanted to avoid Sean's questioning.
She reluctantly picked up a shard of glass and listened carefully for Sean. She could hear him rummaging around the kitchen, his heart racing fast and cursing under his breath when he couldn't find any napkins. When she heard him approaching a few feet away, she bit her lip and without hesitating, dug the glass in her palm. Blood started squirting and she threw the bloody glass to the side.
She cringed but continued digging her nails where the blood was to stop herself from healing. Thankfully, Sean rushed into the room in that second and drop to his knees with crumpled napkins.
"I couldn't find the napkins, I had to look around. Just put it there and hopefully it doesn't bleed too much. I don't think I can find any more."
If Sean hadn't been close to breaking down, she would have laughed but she just gave him a reassuring smile. "It's fine. It's not that bad."
"I'm so sorry," he apologized again. "For everything. Your hand. Breaking the glass. Wasting your time. Sorry. Here you go."
"I said that it's fine." She dabbed her hand, even when her head had already healed. She frowned when she saw the napkins already had dried blood and looked at Sean's hand and saw there was a small line of blood in the right one, where a glass had cut him. "Hey, I think you got cut."
"Huh?" She grabbed his hand to show him and the moment she touched him, she felt a sharp pain on her right hand, that made her involuntarily gasp. He looked at her and grabbed her shoulder. "Are you okay?"
She let go of him and shuddered. "Sorry. I just... never mind."
There was a look understanding in his face. "Now I get it," he muttered. She shot him a questioning look that he ignored. "So what were you saying before?"
"What? Oh—right. I said I think you got cut. There's some blood."
He looked down to examined both of his hands and squinted. "I don't see anything."
"It's right there. It's—" She abruptly stopped when she saw that he was fine, there was no sign that he had a small cut.
"But you're cut in your other hand too," Sean pointed out.
"What? No, I'm not. I'm fine."
"Yes you are," he insisted and grabbed the napkin she was gripping. "It's a small one, though."
She looked down to where he placed the napkin and felt a wave of nausea when she saw that she was sporting the same exact cut that Sean had previously in his hand.
That's a new one, she thought grimly and probed it lightly. When is this going to end?
She looked at Sean smooth hand and then back at hers. Not wanting to deal with another problem, abruptly, she stood up clumsily, startling Sean and making him fall back.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, not entirely sure of what but felt like she needed to say it.
"You can go," he said, glancing around. "You already did enough. I don't want you to get you in trouble."
Clara nodded distractedly, her attention still on her hand. Why hasn't she healed? She looked at Sean and gave him a small smile. "Trust me, there are worse things out there than breaking glass."
"Yeah, don't I know it," he said under his breath, something Clara was sure she wasn't supposed to hear.
Clara tilted her head and somehow felt compelled to ask what was the worst he's experienced but she refrained herself and decided to step back, letting him finish on his own.
"Thanks again." Sean gave her a faint smile. There wasn't much to say anymore, so she started making her way to the door. She stopped when she heard Sean whispered to himself again. Pausing she turned around.
"Welcome to Saint Elena's," Clara said quietly and without waiting for his response, turned around and headed outside, to join her friends once again, leaving the boy alone as he still cleaned up his she sat down in the grass with her friends, she realized she never got a chance to ask what he thought about Caitlin.
It wasn't until Caitlin asked her what took her such a long time to go to the bathroom when she realized she never got a chance to ask what he thought about Caitlin.
Look who made an appearance? Finally someone canon. Like I said, in the movies they didn't really flesh the character's out, so I'm taking creative liberty to create some of their back stories, like Sean's. I hope you like it and would love to hear of this character's appearance.
Oh, and if you recognized the Schrodinger's Cat explanation, it's because I got a direct quote from the television show, the Big Bang Theory. No one can explain science better than Sheldon Cooper.
Also, after this chapter things are slowly going to start picking up if you catch my drift (meaning more canon characters are going to appear). Sorry if there any errors, my brain sort of shut down the third time I looked it over.
Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men or anything Marvel or the Big Bang Theory, but I do own my OC's and original plot and dialogue.
Saskia: Thank you for the birthday wishes and I turned eighteen (still don't feel that age). Thank you for telling me my error, I know a little German so at times I will make mistakes (e.i. last chapter). And yes, the dream was strange (even for me) but it wasn't just a filler, it has a purpose that will come up in later chapters. You're amazing too :)