Author's Note: Fluff, anyone? Jeller have a conversation about all the things that went wrong in their relationship before they finally got together. I might have missed a few little moments out, though.

Pizza ordered, Kurt lay back on the bed and tried to ignore the pain in his leg. He'd overexerted himself, too lost in Jane to care much about the deep slice in his thigh. Maybe it had been a bad idea from a medical point of view, but he'd needed to give her what she craved—and if he was being honest, his ego had come into play a little. He'd wanted to impress her with his sexual technique, unable to bear the idea that he might not live up to her expectations after all the build-up of their relationship.

He was pretty sure he'd done well in that department, at least. It was worth a few extra days of pain. And at least he wasn't bleeding through the dressing yet. Even if he had been, he would have been too calmly euphoric to care.

Jane returned from the bathroom, wearing nothing but the shirt she'd stripped off him earlier, and that was held closed by only two buttons. God, she looked good in that. Was he even awake, or had he fallen into some kind of fever dream where his most fervent fantasies were coming true?

She crawled back onto the bed and slid under the comforter with him, smiling. "What's that look for?"

"I'm trying to decide if you look better all made up, ready to go undercover…or just wearing one of my shirts."

She rolled her eyes. "I appreciate the compliment, but I know I'm not at my most attractive right now."

"I'm serious." He took her hand, entwining their fingers, and closed his eyes, just enjoying how right it felt to be close to her.

"Yeah, I bet the bruises are a huge turn-on," she said, her sarcasm mild and amused.

Reminded of her injuries, he shifted to face her properly, reaching out to touch the vivid contusions on her forehead and cheek. "They check you for a concussion?" Realising how belated this conversation was, he winced. "Probably should have asked you that before I dragged you to bed."

Jane shook her head. "You don't have to worry. I checked out fine. Had a headache most of yesterday and into today, but I'm good now, as long as I don't press too hard on anything purple."

Kurt ran his hands over her upper arm, and the finger-shaped bruises there—probably from Roman's grip as they'd fought. "Your tattoos hide a lot of these. How many bruises do you have? Anything more serious?"

Jane sighed tolerantly. "Kurt, if you don't want me to freak out over your leg, let it go."

"My leg's fine." Okay, fine was an exaggeration, but it had been worse. A few minutes ago.

Jane shot him an exasperated look, but her lips twitched, and she looked away, smiling. "We're a pretty good match for each other."

Kurt drew her closer, unable to get enough contact now that he could finally touch her, hold her, the way he'd been wanting to for years. "I'd say more like perfect."

They lay together for a while, in a dreamy post-coital haze, until the buzzer signified the pizza had arrived. Jane jumped up before Kurt could move, her comparatively uninjured body responding quicker than his. It was a shame she had to put on pants, but he guessed it was for the best. He didn't want some poor pizza-delivering college freshman to die of erotic shock on his doorstep.

They ate on the couch, Jane picking one of his early 2000s music compilation CDs as background music. He didn't think he'd listened to it in over a decade, but he knew that from now on, every song on it would remind him of Jane.

Watching her, he wondered how it had taken them this long to get together. Then he remembered.

"Wanna know the stupidest thing I've ever done?" he asked.

Jane stopped halfway through lifting her slice of pizza to her mouth and raised her eyebrows. "Oh, we're at that relationship level where the embarrassing childhood stories come out?" she asked. "This is new territory for me. And just as a disclaimer, I don't have any embarrassing childhood memories, so I can't give you one back."

"I did some pretty stupid stuff as a kid, it's true. But this didn't happen back then."

Her curious gaze on him, she waited.

He hesitated, debating for a second whether he really wanted her to know, but decided he did. It had been a defining moment in their relationship, though not for the better. "I was at the park that night. I lied to you, when I said I'd decided not to go."

For a moment, Jane looked a little mystified, unable to contextualise which park and which night. Then it sank in, and her whole body sagged a little.

"Kurt…" She closed her eyes for a moment. "I'm so sorry. So you knew this whole time? That I wasn't there?"

He took her hand. "No, I'm sorry. I wasn't telling you to make you feel bad. I put together why you weren't there when you told us about Oscar, but by then, I was too angry at you over what had happened. About Mayfair…and Taylor. I wasn't ready to tell you the truth, and by the time I was, I had Nas, then you had Oliver, and…"

"Things got in the way," she said softly.

"Yeah. But the point isn't that you weren't there. The point is that I was, but the next day, I told you I wasn't. That was…really stupid."

"I think I can guess why." She leaned her cheek against his shoulder, simultaneously offering comfort and giving him permission avoid her eyes as he confessed his shame.

"I waited for a while, and you didn't come… And then I realised you never actually said you'd be there; I'd just assumed you would, that you'd asked for your detail dropped so we could spend some time alone. And then I felt like an idiot, and I went home and tried to figure out why you'd changed your mind about us, what I might have done that day, whether I was reading too much into just one kiss…"

"You didn't. I hadn't." She didn't move her head from his shoulder, squeezed his hand lightly.

"And then I saw you the next day, and you looked so…defensive. Like you were expecting me to yell at you."

"No." Jane looked up at him then, her expression sorrowful. "I had the pen in my pocket, the one I swapped in for Mayfair's. I'd just been looking at it and I was scared you'd seen." After a moment, she smiled a little. "And then I remembered and I felt guilty about standing you up, too. But it was mostly the pen."

Something in him eased a little. It was good to know the wall she'd immediately thrown up that morning hadn't just been about their relationship.

"So I lied," he said, shrugging. "I told you it was too complicated, that I'd stood you up. To save my fragile male ego."

"For what it's worth? I've regretted not going every day since. I wanted to. I left my safehouse and I stood on the corner, and there were two directions I could have gone. To you, or to him. I stood there for a couple of minutes, just agonising over what to do. But I knew I'd see you the next day, and I needed to know more about who I was, and I didn't know how to contact him, so…" She sighed. "I guess I took you for granted a little."

"You thought I'd understand. You didn't count on the whole fragile masculinity thing." He shook his head at himself. Stupid, Kurt.

"Anyone would have their ego bruised by being stood up. I can't blame you for that." She smiled and gave him a quick kiss. "Anyway, it's just as well we didn't start anything back then, right? You wouldn't have a baby nearly here if we'd been together." Then she paused, looking confused and a little uncomfortable. "Or maybe you would. You still would have dumped me when you found out I wasn't Taylor, and the baby was conceived while I was at the black site, so… Forget I said that."

He rubbed a hand over his face. "Jane, I've done so much to mess up our relationship, I still can hardly believe that you're here with me now."

She shot him a regretful look. "I was the one who messed it up before we even started, remember? The whole Trojan horse thing doesn't exactly make trust easy."

"True. But what you did after your memory was wiped is mostly logical, given your circumstances. The way I screwed up was just a bad series of personal decisions. I settled for Allie because I thought you didn't want me. She left me because she knew that you did, and that I did."

"That's why you guys broke up? I'm sorry, Kurt."

He raised an eyebrow. "You are? You'd rather we were still together?"

Jane picked up another slice of pizza, rolling her eyes. "Okay, not that sorry. But I'm sorry I was the reason."

Kurt continued his inventory of sins, wanting to get it all out, clear the air. "I arrested you when I should have listened to what you had to say, and that led to me losing you for three whole months. I was half crazy for a while after the CIA took you, and when they started stonewalling me I just… Part of me gave up. That night Allie and I conceived the baby was because I hit on her when I couldn't stand thinking about everything anymore. My dad. Taylor. You. It was a bad decision. And… I could tell it hurt you when you found out about the baby."

"A little," she confessed. "Partly because I thought you were together again."

Kurt shook his head. "No. It was one night. I was drunk. She took pity on me. We both regretted it the next morning. And all I could think about…was you. Where you were. What they might be doing to you. How it was my fault that they'd taken you. But then I hated myself for caring, and then I hated myself for not wanting to care."

Jane squeezed his hand again. "You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to."

He squeezed back. "I think…it's important. I know I've hurt you just as much as you've hurt me, and I know your reasons now, but you don't know mine." He paused. "I'm assuming you actually want to know mine. If you'd rather just forget about it—"

"No, I do. I… It helps. To know what you were thinking at that time. I think it's important, too, so we can avoid doing it again. Get past the painful stuff and look forward."

He nodded. "That's all I want, too."

She leaned over and gave him a soft, compassionate kiss. "Then what happened?"

Kurt cast his mind back. "Then you came back. I found out the truth, that you were the one who helped plan the tattoos and the ZIP, and I fell into bed with Nas because I was angry at you for not trusting me, not telling me about Oscar or the missions he gave you." And the rest, a voice at the back of his mind added, and after a hesitation, he heeded it. "Also because I knew Oscar had been your fiancé, and I was pretty sure you'd been sleeping with him, which was none of my business, but…"

"It hurt." Jane nodded ruefully. "I know. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise, Jane. We weren't together. I was sleeping with someone else, and you had every right to, as well."

"You said you were the only one who made bad personal decisions that affected our relationship, but that… That was a bad one of mine." She looked down at her hands. "You must be wondering if I'm a black widow."

"If you are, I'll go to my death cheerfully," he teased, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Jane turned her head from him, but he could tell she was smiling anyway. "Oh, I was that good?"

"Well, I might need a few repeat performances. Just to be sure I liked it." He kissed her neck playfully.

She laughed. "Can I finish my food first?"

Kurt pretended to consider it. "If you tell me why you tried dating that Oliver guy. You know, since we're doing the whole 'timeline of our relationship mistakes' thing."

Jane nodded, and ate another bite of her pizza as she considered. "I left him a voicemail right after I found out Allie was pregnant. As in, the same day. I guess you don't have to be a psychologist to figure out what was going through my head."

A twinge of guilt contracted his diaphragm. "Jane…"

She shook her head. "No, no, it's okay. It was a lesson learned. I went on a date with him and he wanted to know the basic stuff. Where I was from, whether I had any brothers and sisters, why I had all these tattoos I didn't have at the gala where we'd met…"

Kurt flinched, imagining the awkwardness of the conversation. "Shit."

"Yeah. I was three for three on things I couldn't tell him. Well, I could have told him about Roman, I guess. 'My brother works for the family business, and the family business definitely isn't terrorism.'" Jane picked a stray mushroom from the bottom of the pizza box and ate it. "So I just apologised, excused myself and left. But he kept texting."

She looked so mystified that Kurt couldn't even be jealous. "Of course he did. You were a sexy enigma with a knowledge of ecological disasters."

Jane snorted. "More like a confused former terrorist on the rebound from a relationship I'd never even had to begin with. And it was one ecological disaster. The one that killed my terrorist mother's family."

Kurt couldn't help but kiss the top of her head. "You're thinking about what you know, not what he knew."

"I guess." She gave him a slightly embarrassed look. "Anyway, after your baby shower…"

He groaned. "I have to apologise for that. I wasn't thinking straight. I wanted to let you know I'd forgiven you, after what you said on that case, about nobody missing you if you died. But…I should have realised you'd be uncomfortable being there, with my girlfriend of the moment, and the accidental mother of my child."

Jane shrugged, squirming a little. "I should have just said thanks, but no thanks. But I didn't want you to think I was refusing your friendship as well as the shower invitation, so…"

"I really am sorry. That's probably the second-stupidest thing I did during the time I've known you. No, the third, after arresting you." He rolled his eyes. "And if I keep on like this, you're just gonna move to California, right?"

She shook her head. "I'm not keeping score of stupid things you did. I'm the last person who can claim to make good decisions."

"Well, you fell in love with me, so that goes without saying." He still could hardly believe it. Jane loved him. He was the luckiest man on Earth.

"Yeah, I did. But I think that was one of the good decisions." She leaned in and kissed him, and he lost himself for a few moments, soaking in her presence. As he began to wonder if she was done with her pizza yet, Jane drew back, her eyes soft…and picked up more pizza.

He should probably eat some more himself. "So after the baby shower…" he prompted, wanting to get this whole conversation done with in one go.

"Yeah, um…" Jane focused again. "We went on a couple of dates, then he was going to come over to my place and cook us a meal, but you and Tasha spooked me into background checking him, and I found out he'd changed his name. And because I apparently have no sense of personal boundaries… I asked him about it."

"This was the night you came over here for drinks with the team?"

Jane shot him a surprised look. "Wow. Good memory."

He gave her a sheepish look. "I may have been…a little invested in whether or not your dates went well."

To his surprised, Jane just laughed under her breath, shaking her head.

"What?" He wasn't sure where her mind was.

"We're both so bad at relationships, it's a wonder we're sitting here like this at all. There's so much we didn't say, so much we didn't do." She leaned against him. "I'm glad we're saying it now, though."

"Yeah. Me, too." He adjusted the lapel of her shirt—his shirt—just for an excuse to touch her. Things would be different now. They had to be.

"So after he stormed out, he—for some reason—forgave me and offered to cook me dinner at his place. I went. We made out a little, got tranquilised, got kidnapped and held hostage by people after his father's fortune…"

"And then, for some reason, he was the one who dumped you? His loss is definitely my gain." Kurt tightened his arm around her, protective instinct added to a little territorial urge to claim her as his.

"He did watch me violently kick the asses of a lot of people, though," Jane protested. "Some of them died."

Kurt opened his mouth, then closed it again, censoring himself.

"No, I want to hear what that thought was," she said, shoving his shoulder.

A little embarrassed, he admitted, "I was going to say watching you kick ass is hot. But the killing part kind of makes me seem psychotic."

She snickered. "We'll file that one under 'things only my work colleagues would understand'."

"Another reason we're perfect together." He finished his last bite of pizza while she laughed. "So, unless I missed anything, that concludes the rundown of our past relationship mistakes."

"Yeah, with other people. But there's just one thing I want to ask you about."

He must have tensed up a little, because Jane leaned in to kiss him, a gentle, loving brush of her lips against his. "I thought… The other day, on the plane, when we were talking about my leaving. I actually thought you wanted me to go, and now that we're together that seems so stupid, but I just…"

Shaking his head, Kurt rested his thumb over her lips to quiet her. "I didn't want you to go. But I didn't want you to stay just because you thought you owed me something." He sighed. "I really did just want you to be happy, Jane. And I would have supported your move to California if that was what you needed."

Catching him off-guard, Jane lightly slugged him in the shoulder. "Kurt! Don't ever do that to me again. Emotional martyrdom doesn't get us anywhere."

"What would you have done in my position? If you'd decided to stay with the FBI, and you were just about to tell me you wanted to be with me, and I'd said, 'Jane, I'm moving to Colorado to be closer to Allie and the baby'?"

Her expression clouded as she imagined it. "I guess I would have let you go, too."

"Let's not." The words were impulsive, but once they were out in the air, he felt no need to take them back.

She blinked at him, confused. "Let's not…what?"

"Let each other go."

Jane's eyes softened. "Kurt…"

"I'm done staring at you from across the room, thinking of all the things I can't say. I'm done pretending you don't mean as much to me as you do." He shifted on the couch to face her more fully. "I've been in love with you so long, I don't even know what it's like anymore to walk into SIOC and not look for you. I've never felt this way about anyone else, and I don't want to lose you through stupid misunderstandings, or because we don't talk about what's going through our heads. If you want to know what I'm thinking or how I feel, just ask."

Jane reached up to brush her fingers across his stubbled jaw. "I feel the same way."

Now that he'd blurted it all out, he was conscious of how intense he'd gotten. "You sure? Because if you don't feel as strongly as I do, I understand—"

Jane threw her pizza box down onto the floor, tossed his after it, then pulled him into him a kiss that spoke a thousand words. Five hundred of which were different variations of 'are you kidding me?'

"Does that answer your question?" she asked, when she finally broke away. Her smile was tinged with a little sadness. "Kurt, what part of 'I love you' are you having trouble with?"

"I've been in love before, but to me, this is…" He trailed off, not wanting to overburden her so soon into their relationship.

Jane trailed her fingers through the hair on his chest, not looking away from his face, and arched an eyebrow when he didn't continue. "You just told me to ask if I wanted to know what you're thinking and feeling, so…"

She was so calm, no trace of the nerves he felt as he confessed, "I'm in this for the long haul—if you are. I know it's a little early to be talking about commitment, but that's…what I'm hoping for."

"Yes," she whispered, her eyes alight with everything he couldn't put into words. "I was too scared to even hope it, but that's what I want, too."

Kurt kissed her again, too relieved to speak. "I love you so damn much."

"Wanna go back to bed?" she asked, a mischievous smile teasing the corners of her mouth.

He pulled her to her feet and tugged her close. "I'd carry you back there, but I think my leg might have an issue with that."

Jane led the way, walking backwards with her hands in his. "It's okay. I can think of at least four things we can do without you having to move at all."

He could only think of three, but as he lay down and she leaned over him, he decided he was fine with being surprised by the fourth. Then he forgot how to think at all.