Author's Note: So glad people are still enjoying this! I managed to get Jeller to actually talk a little bit about Sandstorm in this chapter, amid fluff and snuggles. :)
It was surreal to emerge from the private bubble she and Kurt had inhabited for the past fourteen hours, to walk down the street in last night's clothing and to remember there were other people in the world apart from them. Jane had never felt lighter—at least, not during her time as Jane—and had to bite back a smile as she travelled the block and a half to the grocery store.
This was probably the same store Kurt had been returning from the night she'd waited outside his apartment building to kiss him, what felt like a lifetime ago. It was definitely the store she'd bought Pennsylvania beer from a while back, on her way to surprise him with her company after he'd confessed to feeling alone. Funny, how seemingly unconnected places and events had ties to each other through the people who frequented them.
She'd been so uncertain the last time she'd been here, standing in the liquor aisle, staring at Kurt's preferred brand of beer. Would he even want her company? Just because he'd said he felt alone, that didn't mean he wanted her to just appear on his doorstep. And what if he'd called up an old girlfriend or something, for a one-night stand? What if he wasn't home?
But then she'd taken that leap of faith, and he'd seemed genuinely glad of her company. Not only that, but she'd found a picture of Shepherd in one of his old yearbooks.
Don't think about Shepherd.
She closed the door firmly on that memory, still determined to enjoy as much of today as she could without thoughts of her family sneaking in.
She stepped into the grocery store and took the list Kurt had given her out of her pocket. His familiar, blocky handwriting, which she'd seen on a thousand notes and pieces of paperwork during her time at the FBI, made her smile again.
It didn't take too long for her to find the items on the list, plus a few extra things—chocolate cupcakes, which she knew Kurt would appreciate, and a toothbrush and some deodorant for herself. If they'd had any underwear on sale at the minimart, she'd have grabbed some, too, but she'd have to make do with yesterday's until she got back to her safehouse later today.
During the walk back to Kurt's building, her anticipation at seeing him again grew, and she mentally rolled her eyes at herself. You see him almost every day. You saw him a half-hour ago. Calm down.
When she let herself back into the apartment, Kurt was nowhere to be seen. Jane placed the grocery bags down on the kitchen counter and went in search of him.
"Hey."
Kurt looked up from packing away the first aid kit in the bathroom cabinet, his smile welcoming. "You're back." He held out his hand, summoning her closer.
Jane looked him over appreciatively. His hair was still damp from the shower, his stubble trimmed back from its overnight growth, and he was wearing only a pair of navy blue boxer-briefs. This man is criminally hot.
"I'm not kissing you until I've used this." She held up the toothbrush she'd bought.
Kurt grinned and pulled her into his arms. "You sure?"
This close, she could smell the mint on his breath, which made her doubly determined to brush her teeth. She wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes, soaking in his presence. "Yeah. Point me at the toothpaste. And the shower, after that."
Kurt held on for a moment longer, before drawing back and handing over an almost-full tube of toothpaste. "As much as I want to join you in the shower, I should keep my leg dry for now. I'll go start breakfast."
He kissed her forehead, then left the bathroom, with some reluctance.
Jane brushed her teeth thoroughly, then took a step towards the bathroom door, meaning to close it and start her shower. Kurt appeared in the doorway, holding a folded T-shirt and pair of sweatpants. "In case you wanted to wear something clean after your shower."
Jane took the clothing from him with a smile. "Thanks."
He slid his hand over the tattoo on the side of her neck, his expression soft. "Is that worth a kiss, now your teeth are clean?"
She laughed and wrapped her free arm around his neck, rising on her toes to meet his lips. For one long, sweet moment, they clung together, sharing a kiss that was half affirmation, half a promise of things to come.
Then Kurt stepped back, sighing. "I'm gonna go cook, before I do something my leg will regret."
"See you soon." Jane closed the door as he turned away, suppressing a regretful sigh of her own.
After changing the bed linen and unpacking the groceries, Kurt began to prepare breakfast—scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns and French toast. He'd missed cooking during the turmoil of the past few days, and the familiar task settled something inside him that he hadn't realised was out of place.
Ever since Emma Shaw had first taught him how to fend for himself in his drunken father's house, he'd used food preparation as an almost meditative way to regain his equilibrium. In his adult life, he used it as a way to keep busy that had no ties to his job, or the stress that came with it. It was something else to focus on, something that came with the reward of being well fed.
It was also good to have something to do that wasn't obsessing about what Jane looked like in the shower. Except that was exactly what he was doing.
For the millionth time, he cursed his leg injury, frustrated by his limitations. There were so many things he wanted to do with Jane, from taking a shower together to going for a walk in Central Park. The other week, she'd seemed so happy to be out walking through the streets of the city with him, on their way to pose as hackers vying to be the next owners of LeakHub. He wanted to go walking with her in their leisure time.
Right now, he couldn't even go to the grocery store. Not only that, but his injury was looking slightly the worse for wear—he'd have to be stern with himself around Jane, or he'd end up in the ER to have it re-stitched.
Even with this temporary irritation, though, he was happier than he'd been in a long time. Jane loves me. He was still resisting the urge to pinch himself to check he wasn't dreaming.
Just as he was transferring the food from the skillet to a couple of plates, he heard Jane approaching. "That smells fantastic."
"Hope you're hungry." Kurt put one of the plates in front of her on the breakfast bar as she pulled out a stool.
"Mmm… Hungrier than I thought." She took the cutlery he offered and dug in, while he pulled the orange juice out of the fridge and poured them both some.
For a few moments, they focused on their food, not trying to make conversation. Then Jane glanced over at him, her eyes amused. "Have you checked your phone yet, since last night?"
Kurt shook his head, swallowing his mouthful before replying, "The battery died sometime last night. I put it on charge."
Jane took her phone out of the pocket of his sweatpants, which only stayed on her hips because she'd tied the drawstring threaded through the waistband. He had to divert his imagination from what would happen if he untied the bow, dragging his attention back to his plate.
After bringing something up on the screen, Jane handed him her phone. "They sent it to both of us."
Kurt examined the screen and couldn't help but laugh. A photograph showed Patterson, Reade and Zapata posing for a selfie, obviously taken the night before, after quite a few drinks. Patterson was holding a condom up front and centre of the picture, grinning just as widely as their other friends.
Beneath the picture, a text message said, Hope you're having fun, guys! Don't forget to use these!
"Wow. That was subtle." He handed the phone back, shaking his head. "Wonder what they'd say if we told them we're using alternate methods of contraception?"
"That's a little more information than I'm comfortable sharing," Jane said, nudging him. "God, when they all started making their excuses last night, I didn't know if I was more embarrassed or relieved."
Remembering the way she'd bitten her lip the night before, he smiled. "I guess it's fair they get to give us a hard time. They've had to watch us go through everything we went through to get here. Patterson was the one pushing me to say something to you, actually."
Jane frowned a little. "What did she say?"
"That she'd encouraged you to think about starting a new life somewhere else, and that if I had something to say to you, I shouldn't put it off." He remembered his alarm at those words; the dread that he might lose her. "It was…something to think about." Scared the hell out of me.
Jane sighed. "Patterson surprised me, actually. She said, how would I know what else I want, if the FBI is the only thing I've tried? Then she said that Reade's thinking about teaching, so he might leave the NYO. And that you're gonna be a dad to a baby that lives in Colorado, and if she were you, she'd move out there."
Kurt wasn't sure if he should thank Patterson for pushing them both out of their comfort zones, or if he should be royally pissed off that she'd made Jane insecure about her future. "She said that? I haven't made any decisions about that."
Jane laid down her fork. "But you've thought about it, right?"
He nodded slowly. "It's crossed my mind. I plan to visit for a while first, see how that goes. If…" He hesitated.
"If what?" Jane asked.
It's too soon to ask her, one part of him insisted.
Better to know now, if we're not gonna work out, another part maintained.
He took the plunge, his stomach knotting with nerves. "If I did want to move out there at some point, would you come with me?"
Jane blinked rapidly a few times, the question taking her by surprise. "I, uh… I don't know. I haven't even thought about it."
"It's just hypothetical," he reassured her, taking her hand. "I know that everything you know is here. We'd need to talk about it a lot more before we really made any kind of decision."
Jane slowly lost her deer-in-headlights expression. "Okay. Then…hypothetically, I'd miss New York, but I'd want to be wherever you are."
His relief at her answer was stronger than he'd been anticipating. A flat-out refusal would have set a possible time limit on their relationship. "I want that, too."
After breakfast, Kurt opened the French doors that led out to the balcony, to air out the residual smell of frying. Jane stepped out to lean against the railing, as Kurt had last night, and he looked up from wiping down the kitchen counter to watch her, wondering if her thoughts were anywhere near as tumultuous as his had been the night before.
He joined her on the balcony, leaning his weight the same way she was, his bare arm brushing hers.
"It seems so strange," Jane said. "Looking at all that moving traffic across the bridge, all the people walking down below us… None of them know that their lives could have been devastated by nuclear fallout the other day. I keep thinking, shouldn't they know that we managed to avert a major nuclear threat? Isn't it the public's right to know that a domestic terror cell—not Middle Eastern or any other world powers, but based right here in the States and headed by an American—shouldn't people know that terrorist threats against the US originate in their own country, just as much as they do in other parts of the world? Maybe even more?"
Kurt sighed. "That's the job. We get all of the risk and none of the glory. I guess the higher-ups would rather keep people calm than give them the truth. Besides, think of the backlash to the African-American community if people knew about Shepherd. We were just lucky the Times journalist who received her video taking responsibility used to be an FBI agent. If she'd released it to the rest of the journalists instead of sending it to us…"
Jane shuddered. "I don't even want to think about it."
She wasn't taking the bait to open up about Shepherd. Kurt would have to take a different approach.
"Last night, just before you got here, I stood right where you are now, even though the rest of the team were all inside. I just…needed a moment alone to think about you. What it meant that you hadn't shown up. That you hadn't even called."
Jane covered his hand with hers. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to go off the grid for so long. I should have sent a text back or something, I just… The last thing you said to me was 'don't move to California, I love you', and it seemed like telling you I was planning to come, but not acknowledging what you said… I didn't want to cheapen it, I guess."
"It's okay. After everything… I guess you had a big decision to make. Getting a new identity, being relocated… Those aren't things the FBI offers lightly."
She gave him a slightly amused, partially guilty glance. "The whole 'moving to California' thing really got under your skin, huh?"
Sheepish, he nodded. "I might have obsessed about it a little. Since you came back, after the black site… I'd kind of resigned myself to the fact that we might never be together, and I never thought that your case would go on forever, but the thought of losing you from my life completely… That shook me up. I hadn't considered it would happen again. And last time…even though I was angry at you…it was hard."
"I pulled California out of nowhere when you asked," Jane confessed. "Afreen's sister wants to move out there, and her parents are freaking out. Apparently her family is very close-knit. Afreen needed to de-stress by talking to someone about it who isn't directly involved, so we discussed it a little, a few days before everything went crazy. So California was the first place that came to mind when you started talking about where I might go. I don't actually feel any urge to move there."
Kurt hadn't realised how tense the conversation had made him until relief loosened his muscles. "Good."
Jane smiled and leaned over to give him a brief, affectionate kiss. "I'm right here."
And he was so damn glad about it.
"So if you weren't planning whether or not to move…" he prompted gently.
"Why did I go so quiet for so long?" Jane sighed. "I guess I hadn't really had much time to process, between learning Shepherd was planning to hit DC and actually taking her down. Afterwards, after they told me you were out of danger, I could stop worrying about you for a little while and actually think about what we'd just achieved."
She hesitated, but Kurt didn't interrupt, knowing silence was the best way to encourage her to continue.
"Roman is gone. I let him walk away. I feel like I should apologise for that."
Kurt shrugged. "He's your brother. I understand why you couldn't take the shot."
"I could have shot him in the leg and put him in cuffs. But I didn't. I couldn't. Knowing how much torture it was for him to be imprisoned, how claustrophobic it made him… I just couldn't do it to him again. Even knowing that more people might die because of whatever he does next. If he does anything."
"I didn't stop him, either. If you're gonna blame yourself, you have to blame me, too," Kurt said.
"You tried. Then you fell down and passed out, remember?" Jane gave him a sad smile. "I wouldn't have blamed you if you'd taken him into custody. He's had a terrible life, but he should be punished for what he's done. But I just…couldn't let it be me who took him in. I was too weak."
Kurt put his arm around her, and she leaned gratefully into his embrace.
"I covered for you, in the report. I said you didn't have a clear shot."
"You didn't have to do that," Jane told him.
"Yeah, I did. I wasn't letting you start off your new life with an aiding and abetting charge." He kissed the top of her head.
"I love you, too," she said, smiling up at him.
He blinked at the unexpected endearment.
"I realised that over all this time, you told me you loved me in a lot of different ways. 'Don't die.' 'If something happened to you, I'd miss you.' 'I almost snapped Keaton's neck when I found out what he did to you.'"
Kurt smiled. "I'm gonna work on saying it the conventional way more in the future."
"Oh, you are?" she said, her voice light and teasing.
"Yeah." He stepped behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back against him. "I love you," he murmured in her ear, and grinned as goosebumps rose on her skin at the vibration of his voice.
He pressed a kiss against the side of her neck, unable to help himself. Jane tilted her head to give him better access, sighing with pleasure. "I love you, too. Especially when you do that."
Kurt did it again, then again, lingering and sweeping his tongue across her skin. Jane drew in a shaky breath as she felt his cock begin to rise against the small of her back. "Think we should go back inside?"
He gave her another kiss before responding, savouring the way she grew more pliant in his arms. "Good plan."