The follow-up of the date, back at Clarice's place.
John is pensive, all the way to Clarice's apartment after the concert. What the music brought out in him was unexpected, although not altogether in a bad way. He and Clarice stayed sitting on her blanket until it got too cold to stay outside, but John has had a hard time staying focused on her.
He feels like Pulse, whatever version of him that eerie image was, gave him his blessing for this new relationship, this new love that is arising deep inside John. The guilt he's felt since starting things with Clarice has vanished, at least for tonight. John feels freer, better than he has in a long time.
He shakes his head and tries to concentrate on driving, to stop his thoughts from taking off. Clarice is silent beside him, observing him.
"Did you enjoy it?" she asks after a while.
"I did," John answers. "More than I expected. It was...moving."
Clarice nods. "I didn't know the theme of the evening," she says. "I would have told you."
"I'm glad we went. It was a beautiful concert, and I liked doing this with you."
"Me too," Clarice smiles. "You can park over here," she adds, pointing to the one handicapped spot in front of her building.
"Okay," John says, reversing his car. He's glad she's already this comfortable with it. He leans over to get his placard from the glove box and hangs it on the rearview mirror.
"You want to come up?" Clarice asks once they're out of the car.
John hesitates. "You think it's a good idea? I mean, this is really new..."
"John, I offered. I'm on board with this, I want to know if you are too. It's okay if you're not ready, though," she adds.
"No, I−I would like that," John says, putting an arm around her waist. He tries to put aside the unbidden doubts. He does want this.
"I'm on the second floor," Clarice says, entering the building.
John eyes the decrepit lobby. He knew Clarice was struggling financially, having trouble finding a stable job, but this is a little worse than he expected.
"Don't worry, my place is nicer," Clarice says, picking up on his dismay.
"It's a bit...old," John admits.
"Yeah. But my landlord is mutant-friendly, and his rent is actually affordable, so−"
"I didn't mean to criticize," John backs away.
"It's okay, John, I know how this looks."
"Hey, I live in my best friends' guest room. My best friends who are a couple and about to have a baby," John deadpans. "Which reminds me I really need to find a place of my own before they actually need the room."
Clarice smiles. "Come on," she says. "There's no elevator, but the stairs are over there."
John freezes. "Uh, I don't do stairs very well these days," he says.
"Damn," Clarice swears. "I didn't think about that. I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. It's just one floor, right? I can probably handle that."
It's going to be hell on his legs, though. John hopes he'll be able to walk in the morning, but he's not going to back off now.
"John," Clarice calls. He looks up and meets her eyes. "You don't need to be embarrassed about this. I don't want you to hurt yourself for me."
John sighs. "This is probably the only place we're going to get any kind of privacy for now. I want to do this, Clarice. Just...I've got a cane in my car. It should make this easier."
"Let me go get it," Clarice says.
John wants to say he can do it himself, but the truth is he's already tired, and he still has to make it up the stairs. He hands Clarice his car keys instead. "It's in the back."
She comes back quickly, holding his cane. John feels so self-conscious taking it that it's like coming out of the hospital in a wheelchair all over again. He'd hoped he was past this, but apparently not. He keeps his gaze firmly on the floor, unable to meet Clarice's eyes.
"John, look at me," Clarice says suddenly, before he can start going up the stairs. He looks up, though he doesn't quite make eye contact. "I don't care, okay? You're still the same person to me if you need a stick to walk, or a wheelchair or anything. It doesn't make you weaker."
John closes his eyes and sighs. "I should be used to it by now, but it's still hard not to feel that way."
"Well, I'll keep reminding you then," Clarice says, raising a playful eyebrow.
John laughs. "Thanks. I needed to hear it."
He's a little more confident when he starts his way up, leaning heavily on both his cane and the railing. Clarice somehow manages to stay at his side without looking like she's slowing down for him, and it's buoying. John loves her for that.
She also doesn't ask him how he's doing when he finally makes it to the landing, his legs on fire, and she simply unlocks the door to her place and lets him in.
Her two-room apartment does look newer than the lobby, but John suspects it's mostly because she's painted the walls in vivid colors. It's nice, though, warm and cozy.
"You want a beer or something?" Clarice asks.
"Sure," John answers, gingerly sitting down on the couch.
He hesitates for a moment. Removing his braces now means that Clarice will see him walking without them, and he's not sure he's ready for that. On the other hand, his legs are killing him and keeping the braces on will just make his muscles seize up.
Clarice comes back with two cans of beer and sits down next to John on the couch. With a sigh, she kicks off her shoes and brings her legs up, leaning into him for a hug.
Their relationship is decidedly not shaping up to be anything like what John has had before, and it's certainly been unconventional so far. But then Clarice is something else. She's nothing like any date John has ever brought home, or even anything like Pulse, or Sonya, or the couple of serious girlfriends he had in high school. If she feels comfortable just chilling on her couch and cuddling the first time she brings him into her home, John is all for it, even though it's not quite what he expected.
He shifts to put his arm around Clarice's shoulders and takes a sip of his beer, trying to relax.
"Make yourself comfortable," she says, gesturing to his shoes. John hesitates again. "I mean it," she adds. "Whatever you need to do."
"Alright," John relents. He takes his arm back to unlace his boots and puts them aside, then he unstraps the braces from his calves. He can feel Clarice's gaze following his moves, curious.
"Are those custom-made?" she asks when John slips the plastic braces into one of his shoes.
"Yeah."
"Does it hurt? To walk?"
John hesitates long enough on his answer that she adds, "Sorry, I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to answer."
"No, it's fine," John says. And it is, because she's genuinely just curious. Most people either ask out of pity or some kind of morbid fascination, but Clarice just wants to know more about him. "I've walked a bit too much today, so I'm sore. But walking doesn't really hurt in itself."
Clarice nods, then suddenly goes stiff.
"What's wrong?" John asks her.
"I just had a thought," Clarice says. "Damn, you're gonna hate me."
"What? Why?"
"I made you come all the way up the stairs, but I could just have made a portal and blinked us in here. I can't believe I didn't even think of that."
"Neither did I," John says. It didn't even cross his mind. "It's okay, I made it here anyway. You don't use your power much, do you?"
"So far it's been mostly to get out of bad situations," Clarice says, leaning back into his arms. "The portals don't come very easily, so it's too much trouble to use them regularly."
"It's never gonna get better if you don't practice, though," John says.
"How would you know about that?" Clarice grumbles, but there's not heat behind her words.
"You think I was born knowing how to track?"
"You seem so...good at everything you do," Clarice shrugs.
John lets out a laugh. "Clarice, I can barely walk."
"That's different. You know what I mean."
"No, I really don't. I'm good at tracking because I trained for it, just like I trained for combat. When I manifested, I almost died from the sensory overload. Believe me, it didn't come naturally."
"Sorry," Clarice says sheepishly. "I didn't mean to imply you had it easy. I just...my mutation never felt like a gift, you know?"
"Yeah. I wish people weren't so thoughtless. You are beautiful, Clarice. And so are your powers. Your portals...they're unlike any ability I've ever seen. You could do so much."
"Shut up," Clarice says, kissing him for good measure. John leans into the kiss and it turns into something more. When they pull away from each other, they're out of breath and their beers are forgotten on the couch's armrests.
"Want to move this to my bedroom?" Clarice asks, more tentatively than John would have expected from her.
Once more, John hesitates. Moving now means walking, means Clarice will see him hobble without his braces. But the couch is not very comfortable, and his legs and back already ache from the long day.
"Come on," Clarice makes the decision for him, standing up. At least she understands that his hesitation is not reluctance. She doesn't pull on his arm, either, she lets him stand at his own pace.
John concentrates on keeping his feet flat on the floor and tries to ignore Clarice's gaze on him. Having to think about this has pulled him right out of the moment, but this is what his life is like now. Everything takes more time and more thought.
"You don't walk that bad," Clarice says when they've made it to her bed. "Just kinda slow."
John loves that she can say something like this and sound nothing but encouraging and admiring. "That's because it wasn't far," he answers. "Once I lose my concentration, I just look wasted."
Clarice laughs. "Can you even get drunk?"
"Sure," John says. "After a few whiskeys, I'll pass out like anyone else."
"Shots?"
John snorts. "Bottles," he says.
"Oh. Well, remind me to never try to outdrink you then."
John just smiles and leans in to kiss her. They're still sitting side by side on her bed like school children, but it's okay. They don't have to do things conventionally.
This time Clarice slips her hands under his shirt and up his torso. "So much muscle," she mutters between kisses.
"You like it?"
"Who wouldn't?"
John smiles and kisses her again. Clarice resumes her exploring, both of his mouth and his torso, but she freezes when her hand go to his back.
"That's…?" she asks, pulling away slightly.
John just nods. Clarice gently takes the edges of his shirt. "May I?"
He nods again, biting his swollen lip. Clarice gently pulls his shirt over his head and sets it aside. It's one more moment of truth, about whether Clarice will run away screaming at the sight of his back.
John avoids looking at it in the mirror, but he knows what it looks like. With the still red, puckered scars all over, third degree burns and pieces of shrapnel embedded in his flesh, it's a war zone. It comes from a war zone.
Clarice slowly, deliberately shifts to sit behind him. John doesn't move, frozen.
"Is there anywhere I shouldn't...touch?" she asks after a moment.
John turns his head to look at her. She doesn't look scared, but she's shaken. When she looks up at him, there are tears in her eyes. "Clarice−" he starts.
"I'm sorry," Clarice says. "I just...I hate that someone hurt you that way. I don't want to think of you in that much pain."
"Come here," John says, opening his arms. He doesn't know what he expected, but this isn't it.
It's also not the night he envisioned, but that was just a fantasy. This is deeper, better.
Clarice leans into his arms and hugs him tightly, though she's still careful not to touch his back.
"To answer your question, touching doesn't hurt," John says. "The skin is a bit tender sometimes, but it's so dense that I can barely feel touch anyway."
It's a testament to how close he already feels to her that he's comfortable sharing that kind of details. Only Pulse and Sonya have ever known anything about his sensory issues, and that was before his injuries.
"So if I do this..." Clarice trails off, her hand going to the back of his shoulder.
"You'll have to be rougher than that. I don't even know what you're doing."
"Like this?"
"That's better," John smiles. "Don't worry, you're not going to hurt me. I might hurt you though. I sometimes misjudge my strength, so tell me immediately, okay?"
"Okay," Clarice says softly. "But I'm not worried."
John laughs. "Thank you for the vote of confidence, but I was serious," he says, sobering up again. "All it would take is a moment of inattention, and I could crush you."
"John, I know. It's okay, I know you'll be careful. And if we're doing the disclaimer thing, I sometimes start building portals accidentally when I get strong emotions. I've been told it feels very strange if I'm touching someone."
"That doesn't sound too bad," John says.
"You never know. I haven't managed to cut someone in half yet, but my mutation isn't just purple light. It can be dangerous."
John nods. He meets Clarice's eyes to let her know he's taking her seriously, before he pulls her in for another kiss.
"Now that this is out of the way," he says, "I find it very unfair that I'm the only one shirtless here."
"Well, there's only one thing to do, then," Clarice smirks. She starts undoing the buttons of her blouse, very slowly. John groans and pulls it over her head instead.
"Cheater," Clarice murmurs before kissing him again.
I wrote most of this chapter very early on, it was one of the building blocks of this story. Clarice really seeing what John's disability really means for the first time, and it's the beginning of a new stage in their relationship, of course.
Just so you know, I don't really care whether they actually have sex, and this is as close as you'll get to smut, so I hope that's not what you're here for :)
Tell me if you liked this chapter!