The Birds Who Smile, a Batman fanfic by Raberba girl
Chapter 17 (rough draft 2)
A/N: In this chapter, brackets mean "the gist of." Sometimes, even if she doesn't know all the words, she can still figure out basically what the person is saying.
o.o.o
She is used to sleeping when the sun is up, in abandoned buildings with no people or abandoned buildings with people She knows are trustworthy, but Gotham is healing. The streets are slowly emptying of rubble, more and more homes and shops are being rebuilt, the shelters are emptying more every day. The people are grumbling and discontent instead of terrified and desperate. She thinks maybe...maybe She can go rest in Her own home now, with Her family. She can still come out at night and help the way She used to, before the invasion. Gotham's pain has eased enough that it doesn't need Her every waking moment anymore.
Yes. When Her companion returns to that big house Bruce loves so much, She will go with him.
(She will get to meet the baby birds at last, She is excited, She has longed to reach out to them and has watched them over and over on Her phone. She is nervous, because so many people find Her off-putting and threatening, Her heart will break if Her newest small brothers shrink back from Her in fear. Still...She can watch over them even if they don't let Her close.)
Little Robin/'Batman' yawns, that means it's time for him to stop. He tries to hide it from Her, to pretend it was a different gesture, but She knows. She saw. "You are still young and need your rest," She tells him, body-only so he won't understand; he gets so prickly when people try to make his decisions for him. She loves him so much, he's so tiny and anxious and sweet. She is glad that his father trusted Her to watch over him.
"Don't ~~ Orphan, I can ~~ hours ~~. I need to rest but I want to keep going!"
Calmly, She blocks him with Her body, over and over again, until he shouts at Her in frustration and then turns to shoot his flying-line toward home. Good. It's amusing how his body shouts "Angry/glad!" at the same time. She doesn't know why they all still think they can hide things from Her.
Bruce tried once to explain 'deception' to Her. She finally understood when She got frustrated and said "[Yes yes I understand now please stop!]" even though She didn't, but Bruce thought She did, because She had said so. He really thought She understood, just because She had made those mouth-noises. 'Deception' means She says something that isn't true, and they believe Her. She is very, very good at it, but they are all so bad at it, their bodies speak the truth whether their sounds match or not.
Except Bruce, sometimes. He knows the language of bodies best. He has to think about it when it does it, though; otherwise, he's the same as the others.
She lets Robin drive home, and he does well despite his fatigue. He is excited to realize that She's coming home, too, and it gives him a burst of energy, but he's drooping again by the time they pull into the Batcave. He seems half-asleep already as they clean up and record quick reports, and when they go upstairs, he greets his dog and heads straight to bed.
She hesitates in the hall. Bruce said the little ones sleep in his room so he will be alerted if something goes wrong. Silently, She eases open the door.
She is startled to find Bruce saying, "Relaxed; only slightly uneasy." She can't remember ever seeing him in such peaceful, natural sleep. The tiny creature beside him is saying, "Slightly troubled; I think I'm protected but I'm shielding just to make sure." The older child at the foot of the bed, poor thing... "Upset; grieving; hopeless." She longs to comfort him, but his sleep is so light he will awaken in fear or anger at the merest touch.
Across the room, Dick is lying on a mattress on the floor, saying, "Exhausted; relieved; safe." He, too, has let his guard down.
The only reason She does not join them all is because one person in the room is awake. He hasn't seen Her, but he's sensed Her; head sharply raised, eyes glaring through the dark, body tensed to attack, "UNEASY; something's wrong; protective; don't know what it is but if it shows its face I'll kill it."
She was right to think they would fear Her. Sadly, She closes the door just as silently as She opened it and backs away. Dick will be happy to see Her, at least, and Bruce. And Alfred and Tim. She will keep Her distance from the little ones and protect them from afar.
Her room is...different. It's changed in ways She knows now normal people would not notice, but then She finds her ballet shoes lined up neatly in the closet, so it's all right. Her music and movies are on the shelves, Her photographs are all accounted for even though they're in different places, there is a bed and it's soft. It's all right. Her room is not the room She remembers, but She still has a place in Bruce's home.
She crawls under the blankets, and it's too quiet, but She sleeps anyway.
o.o.o.o.o
She wakes up because something is Wrong. She hurries into the hall and then She realizes what She's hearing: the children screaming "[FEAR/GRIEF/RAGE]," Dick murmuring "[Distressed pleading sad]," Bruce bellowing "[ANGRY; DO WHAT I SAY.]"
She watches for a while in hiding, uncertain whether Her presence will help or make it worse. The little ones feel so terribly harassed, as if the entire world is their enemy. Dick is a long way from losing his temper, but he will eventually if he is not freed. Bruce is a tangled mass of frustration and distress and traces of guilt. The children cannot bear to let go, Dick cannot bear to stay imprisoned, Bruce cannot bear to see his loved ones hurt, and there is no good way out of this without sacrifices none of them are willing to make.
Perhaps, even if they are frightened of Her, Her presence will tip the balance?
She steps into sight, making the sound that is meant to calm.
"RELIEF" Bruce and Dick shout at once with their bodies.
The children flare up. "DANGER"
"YOU BAD, GO AWAY"
"I DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T COME NEAR!"
Of course, yes, She knew this already. She tries not to give in to the pain of their rejection, and goes instead to greet Bruce, to show that She will not target them and is not a threat.
But- Oh... Their fear and anger sinks to wariness, there is a spark of curiosity. They weren't frightened of Her, they were simply frightened by Her unexpected, unrecognized arrival. Turning away from them was the right move.
Except now they are on edge, especially the oldest child, and from his line of vision, She realizes it's because She is about to greet Bruce as a friend. This boy 'John' does not like Bruce. If She is Bruce's friend, then She is John's enemy.
So She alters Her direction slightly, approaching Bruce with mild curiosity rather than familiarity. "You, maybe; what about you?"
"? I don't like not understanding / being in control, but I trust you."
She must keep it brief. After two seconds of glancing over Bruce from the side, She drops Her interest and moves on. There is food. She is not particularly interested in it at the moment, but She gives it a great deal of Her attention.
"Cass? ~~ great ~~ see you ~~ but...little help ~~?"
She glances at Dick out of the corner of Her eye. "Can't you see I'm busy? I'm not ready to pay attention to you yet."
John has drawn himself close and compact like a shield, but the younger two, 'Peter' and 'Jack,' are staring at Her in fascination. They are forgetting to keep their grip on their captive tight, and John is very displeased.
She ignores it. She eats half a plateful of food, and also has to ignore Bruce making a great effort to contain his impatience. He knows She is trying to help, but he doesn't understand how yet, and that frustrates him. Dick is resigned - he will not interfere in whatever happens.
"[I would like to have that thing of yours]," the youngest one finally asks, except it's with bird sounds instead of human sounds.
She looks at him, fascinated. Except for in the videos Bruce sent Her, She has never heard a human child make such sounds.
"[You to me]," he asks with his hands. Bruce gave up teaching Her hand-words long ago because they are almost as difficult for Her as mouth-words, but She thinks She recognized 'give.'
She tilts Her shoulders and head to say, "Mine. Why should I share?"
She is pleasantly surprised when all three of them understand perfectly.
"OH, I know what you're doing, you think you will win this way, but I WON'T LET YOU," John says silently, in Her own language.
"Realization/guilt/resistance," Peter squirms. Him, She can win over if She is patient.
"Because I deserve it," the littlest one asserts. It makes Her smile. Too many people think too much of themselves, but this child is more like Damian, slowly learning to replace toxic self-images with healthier ones. The fine-tuning can come later, with experience and help from people who understand it more concretely than She does.
She shifts a shoulder to guard Her food as She gazes back at them with a sideways gaze and high chin that speak dismissal and self-importance. "No. Mine all mine; glee~"
John turns away. He will not allow himself to be convinced.
"Your keep-it is different than our keep-it!" Peter protests.
She raises an eyebrow. "How?"
"...That thing will not flee from you! This thing will flee from us!"
She approaches calmly, resting on the floor with Her legs casually extended rather than crouching, leaning so that only the farthest parts of Her reach for their treasure. She is only demonstrating, not threatening. Her nails press gently into Dick's soft flesh so that he has to raise his chin; She lifts Her own head so that Her throat is exposed.
They look at Her, and She knows they see it clearly: Her and Dick, equally vulnerable, yet She is freely offering while he is unhappily submitting. The younger children murmur "Guilty..." with their bodies.
Rage and rejection fills John's face; he claws at Her.
She sees it coming, She could certainly dodge in time. Yet She does not move, and even though someone has recently trimmed his nails, his attack is so forceful that red lines streak across Her chest where he struck Her.
He cringes back. "Guilt anger stubbornness; I won't do it, I won't do it, you're all killing me so I'm hurting you back, my heart is bursting...!"
She is distracted by Bruce, who cannot tolerate seeing his children hurt by anyone other than himself. His approaching footsteps are heavy. "JOHN! [I do not like that bad thing you did, I am so angry-!]"
No, no, John is terrified of him and furious, She has to keep Bruce away from him. She leaps to Her feet to shield the child, Her face angry as She looks at Bruce. "No no NO! Do not interfere, I won't let you touch him!"
Bruce is exasperated. "Why?! He hurt you, it is wrong for my loved ones to be hurt!"
"Go away."
Slowly, grudgingly, he retreats, and She turns back to Her task of freeing Dick from the little ones.
They are staring at Her, John in shock. He will fight with all the power in his small body to protect the people he treasures, but he can't believe anyone would protect him.
She moves, careful not to make any threat to take Dick away from him, and lays Her body over the child's. "I would defend you with My life."
"~~ Cass, ~~ I don't ~~ more people ~~ me..." Dick's grumbling is just idle complaining; She is being careful that no one is taking too much weight.
Peter and Jack are entranced, they will not resist now if Dick were to pull away, but John is weeping. His shaking hands gripping Dick's shirt say, "They will take him from me, I will hold on until my last breath but I can never stop them from taking my treasures..." He will not look at Her, he resents Her deeply, but the marginally relaxed muscles in his back whisper that he is grateful for Her protection, even if he doesn't quite believe in it.
Then he collapses in despair, giving up, retreating into himself. He is used to being beaten until there are no options left. That isn't what She wanted, but Dick is squirming now, there's a sudden struggle that ends with Dick staggering away and the smallest two screaming "[Anger/resentment!]" at him and John still motionless on the floor with a dying heart.
"[I can't (guilty) angry I can't sorry goodbye!]" Dick protests, and then he is gone.
"[FURIOUS!]" Peter screeches with his mouth, and "I AM EXTREMELY DISPLEASED" Jack announces with his body.
John has not moved. She is frightened for him. She leaps up and stomps Her foot on the floor near his face to get his attention. In the split second She has before he dismisses Her again, She begins to dance.
It is not the 'ballet' She loves so much, mostly. It is a dance that clinically screams "ANGER!" because he needs to get off the floor, he is poisoning himself by drawing all those feelings so deep inside.
Something sparks in his eyes. He jumps up and stomps, and while She was merely demonstrating, his own dance is genuine. He cannot see Her anymore, he is wholly absorbed in venting his rage, in screaming with his body. His brothers join him at once, their voices mostly silent but the floor bellowing and groaning with the violence of their expression. Bruce, watching, looks stunned and a little awed; the boy 'Duke,' peering in cautiously from the kitchen, is both put off and fascinated; Alfred, watching from another entryway, is relieved.
The younger two soon have enough and go to take refuge with their father, watching their brother a little fearfully. He dances on.
She waits until he finally starts to tire, until the rage is spent and it's now despair forcing him to dance on. He will dance until he drops. She passes in front of him to coax his attention toward Her and dances, and this time the smoother movements say "Grief."
This one, they dance together. He grieves and grieves with his shattered heart, and She mirrors him, staying close, reminding him that he is not alone even though he's too caught up in his feelings to acknowledge Her yet.
Then, when the time is right, She brushes softly against him. He responds at once, and now at last his eyes turn to Her and stay there. They read each other's bodies effortlessly, and Her chest fills with exhilaration to be able to speak to someone so easily with the language of Her heart. She didn't realize until now how isolated She felt, but at last, at last, She has found someone who connects to Her with incredible grace.
Their dance is a conversation. "Who are you?"
"Someone who loves you."
"Why why why why why?"
"We are family." She realizes a beat later that he understands it as 'flockmates.'
"We only just met?"
"This house is a nest. Birds fly in and out; no matter how far they go, when they come back here, they rest. I come to my home to rest, I find you new little ones here, I love little ones."
"...You will fly away again, Beloved flew away again, everyone everyone everyone flies away from me except HIM that I hate and them my little treasures whose wings are broken like mine..."
"Precious, you are so young. Your wings are not broken, only small. Someday, they will be big enough to carry you wherever you wish."
He stops dead and stares at her. "I don't believe you."
"Beloved-who-just-left. Long ago, he was so angry, he didn't want to be here, so he flew away. Then he came back, and he was not angry anymore." She wonders how to reference Jason. "Other flockmate, much-hurt much-angry, tried to break the nest and hurt flockmates and hurt him-Bruce... He is not so angry anymore. The hurt is healing. He flies farthest from this nest, but there is always a place for him when he comes to rest a little bit."
"...My wings...they will grow...I will fly away...I WILL NOT come back!"
"Will you see Dick-flockmate outside this nest? Will you see your small flockmates outside this nest, when their wings are strong, too?"
"Yes yes yes."
"Good. Good enough."
They study each other for a long moment.
"...Food, warm, no-hurt. Good enough," he agrees, and his shoulders sag, and he submits to staying in this house until he is old enough to leave.
"May I hug you?" She asks. He launches himself at Her, wraps his arms around Her and squeezes tight. She encircles him with Her own arms, because he needs to feel shielded. "I love you."
"I...want to love you...you will leave me someday, but I would love you if you didn't..."
His little bird brothers scamper toward them, relieved. "[You are all right now?]" they twitter. "[No more hurting?]"
"I want to bury myself," he grumbles with his body.
They seem to be used to this, so they turn to Her instead. They are alight with curiosity at Her newness. "You ~~ us?" they ask with their hands.
"I don't know hand-words," She says apologetically.
Peter pouts in disapproval; Jack grabs Her and tries to drag Her away.
"Beloved," She says to John. "I want to go with him and also keep you."
"[Don't be stubborn!]" his brothers twitter at him impatiently. Slowly, he moves his feet, accompanying Her as She follows the two little ones to play outside.
She realizes suddenly that She has not had to speak a single word with Her mouth. She thought Her new small brothers would fear Her, but instead, they speak Her first language and are already welcoming Her into their lives. She loves them with all Her heart.
TBC