Written for Femslash February 2020
Prompt: make up
Pairing: Tsunade/Mikoto, TsuMiko.
Warnings: Description of a panic attack. Discussion of Tsunade/Dan and Fugaku/Mikoto (warning for those who don't like mentions of M/F in F/F stories).
For the guest who reviewed my first TsuMiko oneshot "admiration, secret". Without your encouragement, I wouldn't have thought about continuing with this ship and this fic wouldn't have been written. Thank you and I hope you like this story too!
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Farewell, Princess
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It was a chance meeting, unplanned, unexpected, maybe even unwanted. Mikoto hadn't seen Tsunade in a long time and for a good reason. Their love affair had been short-lived and ill-advised and it couldn't have survived anyway, with their paths differing so drastically from one another. It was natural they drifted apart as their missions threw them in opposite directions. Their shared times in the village were all too brief and under much stifling secrecy and although the memories they made were sweet and precious, they broke up in mutual agreement.
Then Mikoto was married off to the clan's new young leader and had a child. Her life became so hectic that she was only vaguely aware that her former lover found someone as well, a handsome, brilliant man she could walk hand in hand with and kiss in public. Mikoto once saw them strolling through the marketplace. She hid her presence, angled her body away as she surreptitiously observed the couple. Tsunade was positively glowing with happiness, smiling and enthusiastic, her good mood radiating outwards and affecting everyone around. Mikoto's lips only quirked in a half-smile. She was glad that Tsunade found her happiness, truly she was, but that didn't stop the painful twinge in her chest. This was what she could've never had, so she'd never even tried to fight for it. Mikoto swallowed and walked away, keeping a deadly grip on her shopping bag, her heart in turmoil.
But happiness was such a fleeting thing in a shinobi life. You think you have captured it forever, only to find it gone in the next moment. Another war came and stripped them all of it.
She thought those old feelings for Tsunade were dead and truly gone. How ironic that her chance meeting with a former love happened in the Konoha cemetery?
Mikoto went to visit her younger cousin's grave. Poor Obito, a boy so full of life and promise, recently killed in action despite having Yellow Flash for a teacher. His antics would be missed among the Uchiha. Mikoto arranged her offering of sweet buns on the boy's grave and offered a short prayer.
She was heading back when she spotted a blonde woman sprawled in front of a fresh grave nearby, clutching a sake bottle. A few more empty bottles were scattered around her. Mikoto's brows drew up in censure.
"Excuse me. You shouldn't drink here," she said firmly.
"I can drink wherever the hell I want," the woman replied in a grumble, sounding more sober than she had any right to, and looked over her shoulder with a glare.
Mikoto froze in shock. "… Tsunade-hime?" she asked softly, uncertain, unwilling to believe that this was the same woman she'd seen only a few months ago happily strolling through the village. She almost didn't recognize her.
"Mikoto?" Tsunade whispered through colourless lips, just as surprised to see her.
Tsunade's features were the same, but grief etched stark lines and grim shadows into her face. Her usually warm, golden eyes were bloodshot and wild, dark bags under them indicating a severe lack of sleep. Tsunade's make-up was badly smudged and definitely over a day old, her mascara running down, colour on the cheeks uneven from wiping off her tears. Mikoto silently observed and catalogized every change for the worse in Tsunade's appearance. She was a right mess and the Uchiha had a good guess to what caused it. Her gaze flickered to the name on the headstone—Kato Dan.
"My condolences," she murmured. "He was your boyfriend, right?"
Tsunade's lips downturned. "Fiancé," she corrected in a rasp.
Mikoto only nodded thoughtfully, casting a look around. There was no one in sight. She made a snap decision. "Have you been here long? Would you like something to eat?"
Tsunade crossed her arms. "What, you're not going to ask me how I'm doing, Princess?" she muttered sarcastically.
Mikoto wasn't amused. "That's pretty self-evident," she replied, giving her a cool once-over.
Tsunade snorted and hauled herself off her knees, leaning on the grave for support. "I see your vaunted Uchiha powers of observation are working as intended," she commented, combing fingers through her disorderly hair. "Why don't you just say I look like shit?"
Mikoto's temper flared.
"You look like shit," she intoned. "Can we go now?"
Tsunade looked at herself with a frown, brushing her wrinkled clothes off. She gathered her sake bottles to dispose of in one of the waste containers on their way out. At least she wasn't so far gone to leave trash at her fiancé's grave. "Sure," she agreed in a subdued voice.
Despite her intoxication, Tsunade barely swayed on her feet. She still had that good shinobi balance, but regardless, Mikoto kept an eye on her and sure enough, Tsunade stumbled on the uneven pavement. Mikoto caught her by the shoulder and pulled her upright.
"Thanks," Tsunade muttered.
When they passed by a trash receptacle, she chucked her bottles in. "Anyway, you didn't tell me why you came here, because surely it wasn't for me," Tsunade remarked then.
"True, I didn't know you'd be here," Mikoto replied. "My cousin's grave is there," she pointed back. "He died recently so I thought I'd visit. He was a nice boy."
"Boy? How old was he?"
"Thirteen. But we weren't very close. I babysat him a few times."
Still a kid, just like Nawaki… Tsunade thought. "This fucking village," she spat out furiously. "I don't suppose he wanted to be a Hokage too?"
Mikoto was taken aback by her heated reaction, but answered. "I'm not sure, I think he might have said something about becoming the first Uchiha Hokage…"
Tsunade muttered another expletive with a shake of her head. Was the fate screwing with her or was it sending her a message? She touched her necklace, the green crystal cool to the touch. It calmed her down slightly. The necklace was a heirloom from her grandfather. "The position is cursed," she informed Mikoto.
"How so? The Third is in good health."
"It doesn't matter, he's looking to retire, but everyone who actually wants his job winds up dead pretty soon. My brother, Dan, your cousin… It's a curse." Tsunade crossed her arms and looked up at the Hokage mountain, glaring daggers at the three stone heads. "Did you know Sarutobi-sensei offered me the job? Me?" She gave a disbelieving chuckle.
"I understand you refused then," Mikoto said mildly as they left the cemetery behind.
"Sure I did! I'm not some idiot! I'm not going to waste my life any longer. Taking a position that would just kill me sooner than later would be foolish."
"You could be a good Hokage. You have the pedigree, power, respect…" Mikoto listed to the contrary.
"No," Tsunade cut her off in a flat tone. Her hands flexed, then settled by her side. "I could not." She didn't offer more. There was no point in announcing that her most effective weapons were rendered useless because even the thought of spilling blood made her feel faint. This was her just punishment for not saving Nawaki and then Dan…
Tsunade stuffed her hands in the pockets of her green haori.
"Where are you taking me?" she asked abruptly, realizing they passed by the street leading to the center of the village and all the good restaurants.
"To my house? I'm going to make dinner," Mikoto replied like it was something that should go without saying.
A beat passed as Tsunade processed that.
"Are you sure your husband won't object to my presence?" she inquired.
Mikoto raised a delicate eyebrow. Tsunade, caring about propriety? That would be a first.
"It's fine, he'll be working late anyway." She waved away Tsunade's concerns. "It's not like he knows about that."
Tsunade gave her a searching look, then nodded.
They stopped by another house and Mikoto collected her baby son from a babysitter, an older Uchiha aunt.
"This is Itachi. Say hello to Tsunade-hime, Itachi," she introduced the little one.
The baby blinked and gave a happy gurgle as if in greeting.
"Would you like to hold him?" Mikoto offered. Holding her incredibly cute baby was a sure way to improve her mood and she saw no reason why this wouldn't work with Tsunade.
"Are you sure?" After receiving the encouraging nod, Tsunade carefully took the baby into her arms. She knew how to hold him, as she'd have some hands-on experience with deliveries and in the maternal ward of the Konoha hospital.
Tsunade lifted up and inspected the child. "He must take more after his father," she remarked. She could see very little of Mikoto in the youngest Uchiha.
"Yes, and Fugaku loves him to pieces and Itachi loves him back. Even if he's just a baby, it's so easy to tell. Whenever Fugaku comes from work, Itachi lights up. I love to watch them play, it's so cute," Mikoto narrated with motherly pride.
Itachi wriggled his little arms and legs excitedly, no doubt reacting to his father's name. Tsunade smiled at the little one and cradled him to her bosom.
Mikoto was secretly pleased that her plan to distract the grieving woman with a baby worked.
"Owch!" Tsunade yelped when one grabby little hand closed on a long strand of her blond hair and tugged. She freed her lock from the hold, but Itachi stubbornly reached out for it in childish fascination. "No, bad baby! No pulling hair!" she told him sternly.
Itachi gave her a gummy smile and grabbed for her hair again. Tsunade pouted and turned to Mikoto for help. The young mother giggled at the scene.
"He probably likes the colour. This is the first time he's ever seen blond hair," she mused and took her baby back, putting him in a sling over her shoulder. Mikoto definitely understood Itachi's preoccupation with Tsunade's hair. It looked like golden thread spun from sunlight. She remembered how silky it had felt when she'd ran her hands through it… She stopped that particular reminiscence before it got away from her.
They arrived at Mikoto's house in a few short minutes. It was a spacious place, built in a traditional style with Uchiha crest displayed on the front, as befitting the residence of the ancient clan's leader and his family. Tsunade followed Mikoto inside, looking around curiously. She settled herself in the sitting room while Mikoto disappeared off to lay Itachi down for a nap. The interior was decorated with high-end taste, tatami mats, calligraphy scrolls, paper screens, but she noticed the little things that made it homey—wind chimes hanging on the porch, flowers in the vase, comfortable cushions to sit on. She could tell that it was Mikoto's personal touch.
Taking all of this in, it hit Tsunade that her former lover had actually become a wife and a mother, that she had a life, a family. She didn't know why it moved her so, but the realization choked her up. Dan… Tsunade thought, shoulders hunched in another bout of pain crushing her chest.
Mikoto came back with a tray and two steaming mugs on it. "I made some tea… Are you alright?" she asked worriedly, setting it down and putting a gentle hand on Tsunade's.
"Fine," Tsunade croaked and forced the wave of sorrow down. She straightened up and offered her hostess a pale smile.
Mikoto's gaze darkened and she passed Tsunade a mug. "Please, drink. It should make you feel better after all that sake." Her hand slid away and Tsunade resented herself for wishing it would have stayed longer.
"Princess, you know I have a stronger head than that," she said with a chuckle and took a sip. The hot tea warmed her insides pleasantly.
"That may be so, but you're not a superhuman. You can still get alcohol poisoning just like anyone else," Mikoto pointed out mildly, also drinking from her own mug.
Tsunade shrugged. Guilty as charged. She drank again, enjoying the slightly bitter, rich flavor of tea.
"You have a beautiful house," she complimented at length.
"Thank you," Mikoto accepted graciously. "Your house was just as lovely the last time I've visited. Did you make any changes?"
"Actually, I moved out a while ago. I'm- I was living with my fiancé." Her jaw clenched and she stared hard into her mug without blinking until the urge to burst into tears passed.
"I'm sorry," Mikoto said softly and Tsunade was actually willing to believe her. The Uchiha set down her mug delicately and put a hand, warmed from the tea, on Tsunade's shoulder. "You don't have to be strong in front of me. I'm here for you, Tsunade-hime."
The sincere gentleness and true care Tsunade saw in her eyes took her aback and for a second she stared at Mikoto wide-eyed. Then the long-lasting tension inside her finally unwound and with a shuddering breath, Tsunade slumped against her shoulder, letting the suppressed tears out. Encircled in the safety of Mikoto's arms, she wept, grieving the loss of Dan and what they'd had. She thought of their life together in their cozy, cheerful apartment and how from now on it would be just she alone, trapped with painful memories between the four empty walls. She mourned what could have been, if only they had more time. If she hadn't been too late to save him.
Mikoto held Tsunade throughout her breakdown, murmuring nonsense and rubbing soothing circles on her back. Gradually, Tsunade's sobs quietened and she looked up. Her make-up was ruined, she was red in the face and had puffy eyes, however even in her sorrow, she was still so beautiful, with teardrops clinging to her thick eyelashes like morning dew on the grass.
"Sorry," Tsunade muttered bashfully. "I made a mess." She meant the wet spot on Mikoto's shoulder.
"It's fine," Mikoto assured her quietly and ran a hand over the back of the blonde head. "You can cry as much as you want."
Tsunade exhaled. "I think I've cried enough," she said wryly and put her face in the crook of Mikoto's neck. "It won't bring him back. It won't bring both of them back," she whispered, more to herself than to Mikoto.
In response, the hold on her tightened.
"Would you like to lie down?" Mikoto whispered in her ear, the hot breath caressing the sensitive lobe. A shiver went through her and she nodded. Mikoto guided her down to rest her head on her lap.
"Your fiancé must have been a great man. Would you tell me about him?" the woman asked, playing with Tsunade's hair. Tsunade relaxed under the comforting touch. She trusted Mikoto implicitly and so she found herself speaking to her of Dan, first haltingly, but rapidly gaining confidence. When she was finished, she realized this was the first time she'd ever had to explain about him to anyone. During his life it'd never been necessary and after his death everyone she encountered already knew him. All except Mikoto, her ex-lover, the one before Dan had entered the picture.
"He sounds like a wonderful man. You must have really loved him."
"I still do," Tsunade said firmly, a hand curling up on her chest and over the cursed necklace. "He would have liked you," she commented, turning her face up to look directly at Mikoto.
"I doubt it, if he knew about our past relationship-"
"He did," Tsunade interrupted with a serious look. "We told each other about all our previous relationships. You know what he said?"
"That you have a great taste?" Mikoto guessed, half-joking.
Tsunade gaped at her, then guffawed. "Yes, exactly that! You see, you even think alike. You two would've gotten along like a house on fire."
Mikoto hummed, deciding not to contradict her. But on the inside she knew that even if Tsunade's fiancé hadn't harboured any jealousy towards her, she still wouldn't have liked him.
Because he had something precious that she'd let slip through her fingers.
Mikoto's hand paused in the brushing motion over Tsunade's hair. Where did this thought come from? Hadn't she abandoned the notion of love with this radiant woman long ago because it was hopeless? Weren't they both Uchiha and Senju, meant at most to become allies for the sake of the village? This affection towards Tsunade was doomed from the start. To throw all sense of propriety out of a window to follow a selfish desire would have been wrong, that much Mikoto knew. She wasn't strong enough to fight against the norms of their society, to scorn the expectations of her clan. So she'd given up on reaching for the sun, burning so bright and yet so remote, and she chose a humble life, something stable and real within the reach of her fingertips, something she could keep close to her heart and cherish. And she was content.
Or so she'd thought until now, when the woman of her past returned, unexpectedly and without prior warning, and quite literally fell into her lap. Tsunade's light was dimmed with sorrow, but just as beautiful. Even in her grief, she shined, a softer, more intimate glow of a paper lantern on a long winter night, pulling Mikoto closer. She caught herself lightly tracing her fingertips over the oval contour of Tsunade's face, from the temple down the left side of her cheek. Without noticing when, she leaned over, the long black hair slipping over her shoulder and forming a curtain around them, giving them privacy from the rest of the world. Tsunade's long eyelashes fluttered like butterfly wings under the gentle touch, her gaze subdued and thoughtful as she studied Mikoto's face in return. Their eyes met for a long moment and a hushed, tentative, indescribable something was suspended in the space between them. Tsunade's lips trembled, drawing Mikoto's attention to their brittleness. She was captivated by this woman, just like she'd been in the past.
"What are you thinking?" a whisper fell from those lips.
Mikoto opened her mouth, but no sound came out. "Nothing," she lied. I'm thinking about you, Tsunade-hime. She thought about adding colour to those pale lips and a blush to those waxen cheeks. She thought about breathing a new life into her. That's what being Uchiha meant—to fan the flames. If only she just leaned in closer, she could blow on the embers and rekindle the fire in those weary eyes…
Tsunade averted her gaze with a small sigh and Mikoto blinked out from her reverie.
"What are you going to do?" she asked softly, picking a new topic. "You said you refused the Hokage office… Are you going to ship out to the front or work in the hospital then?" she questioned, keeping her tone carefully neutral and not letting on that she was hoping for the latter.
Tsunade frowned, her gaze turning inwards as she searched for the answer. "I don't know," she admitted, looking lost. "I suppose I'll have to think about Shizune too…"
Mikoto grew still.
"Shizune?" she asked, pretending she was only politely curious of the girl's name.
"She's Dan's niece. I took her on as my apprentice," Tsunade explained. "The girl is an orphan, Dan was taking care of her before he… I'm all she has left of her family."
"I understand," Mikoto muttered, hiding her inappropriate relief. She shouldn't be feeling this way, it was no business of hers what other women there were in Tsunade's life, but still…
She startled when Tsunade reached up and cupped her cheek. The gentle touch tingled on her skin.
"Are you… happy?" Tsunade asked, hesitant and so careful. It was quite different from her usual preference for head on confrontation. She saw the wedding photo proudly displayed on the commode, but she also wasn't blind to the looks Mikoto had been giving her.
Mikoto didn't know how to answer at first. "I… I'm content. Everything's going fine, I love my son… Fugaku is always kind to me."
"Do you love him?"
"He's a good husband…"
Tsunade's grip tightened. "Do you love him?" she repeated insistently, face drawn, sharp eyes piercing into the other woman.
"I… He's…" Mikoto stammered, wrongfooted and helpless. She wet her lips. What was she supposed to say? That every day, she woke up in the bed she shared with him and told herself that she loved this wonderful, loving, hard-working, honourable man she'd married? That every day, she tried her hardest to love him, to deserve the title of his wife, the peaceful life and family that he'd given her? Most of the time, it wasn't even a chore. "I… I do…" she said at last.
But she stalled for too long and even that was telling enough. Tsunade's gaze softened in understanding and her touch lightened. "Oh, Princess…" she said with a sigh. "Why did you bring me here?" she asked.
"I-I just wanted to help you, Tsunade-hime… I couldn't just do nothing when I saw you in so much pain," Mikoto replied. "I really missed you, you know... I know what we had is over, I don't expect anything from you but… will you stay for dinner?" she asked desperately.
Tsunade pursed her lips in thought, then gave a small nod. "Alright…" she agreed, then slowly sat up, leaving Mikoto's lap. "Where's your bathroom?" she asked.
"Second door to the right."
Tsunade nodded and left the sitting room quickly. She locked the bathroom door behind her with a definitive click. After relieving herself, she washed her hands thoroughly. She could still see the warm, bright red arterial blood from Dan's wounds staining them. Tsunade scrubbed harder.
Then she looked at herself in the mirror over the sink. She was right, she looked like shit. Absolutely pathetic. No wonder a former lover took pity on her. Tsunade's face twisted in a scowl and she slapped herself on both cheeks. Get yourself together! She commanded the wreck in her reflection, then washed off the sad, smudged remnants of her ruined make-up. Next, she used medical jutsu to smooth out her skin, get rid of the shadows under her eyes and the redness of the broken capillaries in her sclera. After that, she pulled out her make-up kit from her pouch and painstakingly reapplied the cosmetics on her face.
As she methodically returned to her usual look, Tsunade's mind wandered. She glanced at the two toothbrushes in a plastic cup, at the man's shaver beside a woman's hairbrush on the counter. This simple evidence of marriage struck her and she swayed on her feet as if she was punched in the gut. Dan… she thought closing her eyes and grabbing onto the edge of the sink to steady herself. She took a shuddering breath in, then another, until the wave of grief passed. Then she looked herself in the eye.
What was she doing, coming into this house where Mikoto lived with her husband and child? What right did she have to intrude upon their peaceful life? What was she even thinking? She ruined everything she touched. Tsunade fingered the smooth crystal of her necklace. She'd taken it off Dan's cooling, blood-covered body only a few days ago. The memory made her nauseous and she lurched, putting a hand over her mouth until the sick feeling went away.
"I can't stay here," she said out loud and paused, shocked at the realization and how good it sounded. How right. The more she turned the idea in her head, the more sense it made to her. She finally found her answer.
Overwhelmed by the urge to just go, Tsunade unlocked the door and threw it open. She found Mikoto in the kitchen, cutting vegetables.
"I'm leaving," Tsunade blurted out.
The knife slipped and Mikoto yelped as she cut her finger. She whirled around to face her guest.
"But you were going to stay for dinner?" she asked, surprised by this sudden change of mind.
Tsunade shook her head. "No. I'm leaving Konoha."
Mikoto's eyes widened. "What do you mean? You can't become a missing-nin!" she said in alarm.
"Of course not. I'm just quitting."
"You… you can't do that…" Mikoto muttered without conviction.
"Watch me. If you quitted, why can't I?"
"I retired from active duty, but I'm still in the reserve if the village calls on me," Mikoto clarified. "Will they even let you leave?" She hoped they wouldn't.
Tsunade grinned nastily. "Oh, they will. Sarutobi-sensei will let me go or he won't like the consequences." She went to the front door, determined to march up to the Hokage office and settle the matter right away.
"Wait!" Mikoto ran after her and grabbed her sleeve. "Why are you doing this? There's a war going on, you can't just leave, you're our greatest medic ninja! You're still needed!" she argued, trying to come up with a reason, any reason to make her stay.
Tsunade scoffed. "I'm done serving this fucking village. Everyone I loved is gone because of it! My whole family, my grandfather, granduncle, my parents, Nawaki and Dan, they all believed in this village and where did it get them? To an early grave!" The held back bitterness finally spilled out from her mouth. It was so liberating to let those thoughts out in the open.
Mikoto reeled back, surprised by the sheer vitriol in Tsunade's words.
"But, what about me? I… I still…" she said waveringly, her desperate eyes searching Tsunade's.
"Princess, you don't need me for anything. You have everything you could ever want right here," Tsunade said bluntly, shrugging her arm out from Mikoto's slackened hold.
Mikoto took in a shaky breath. "You're right…" she admitted, "but… Tsunade, please, think about this…" She reached for her again, a trail of blood running down to her wrist from the small cut, and Tsunade flinched and slapped it away, seized by a deep, irrational terror.
"Stay away!" she shrieked. She backed away with a heart pounding like it was going to jump out of her chest, her wild gaze fixed on the fresh blood.
"Tsu-… nade?" Mikoto said in a faint tone, looking at her with a naked shock and hurt on her lovely face as she cradled her smarting hand. I ruin everything I touch, Tsunade was reminded.
The blood still dripped, drip, drip, drip, ominous and maddening. With a considerable force of will Tsunade tore her petrified gaze away from it and wrestled her panic under control. "You should get that finger wrapped up," she said gruffly through a clenched throat, crossing her arms to conceal their trembling. "I-I need to go," she rasped and turned abruptly. She couldn't stay there any longer, she had to get away! "Thanks… for the tea, Mikoto," she threw over her shoulder and rushed out the door.
She told herself she wasn't running. She just really couldn't stand the sight of blood.
Arranging her leave with Sarutobi-sensei went easier than she'd thought. The old man was too busy with more important matters and he'd always had a soft spot for her. Also, he knew all too well he couldn't keep her against her will anyway. She was just too strong. Tsunade sold the ancestral Senju house, packed her things in a sealing scroll and said goodbye to the few people who still gave a damn about her. Grandma Mito took the news of her immediate departure stoically, her teammates—not so much. But ultimately they understood her need for time off as they had taken sabbaticals in the past. She'd never had, not until now. Only, unlike them, she was making hers permanent.
It was getting late, first stars blinking on the night sky when Tsunade approached the giant Konoha gates with her apprentice in tow. Shizune, against all common sense, had chosen to accompany her. Tsunade didn't begrudge her presence. The girl was a fully-fledged chunin, she had the free will to do as she saw fit.
"I guess this is it. Goodbye Konoha. I'll never see you again," Tsunade muttered with dark satisfaction as she looked for the last time at the village and the three Hokage stone heads mounted over it.
There was no one around to see her off, which was just fine with her. It was better to go quietly and without fanfare. She'd said her goodbyes to everyone who mattered.
Except…
A woman walked out of the shadows by the gates and stepped into the circle of light from a streetlamp. It was Mikoto. Her face was drawn tight, dark eyes intent as she came over. Shizune, the smart girl, tactfully backed away, giving them space to talk privately.
"You're really leaving," Mikoto said without preamble.
"I am," Tsunade replied, her tone firm, as she schooled her features into stone.
"And there's nothing I can do to change your mind?"
"No."
Their gazes locked on each other, Mikoto's focused and penetrating, Tsunade's guarded and immovable as she stood her ground.
Mikoto broke the eye contact first and sighed, tension draining from her shoulders. "I wish you reconsidered. I wish… things were different," she said wistfully. "But if there's no stopping you, then I can only wish you a safe journey, wherever it is you're going, Tsunade-hime." She pulled out a package wrapped in a green cloth with Uchiha crest on it. "Here, this is for you. For when you get hungry on the road."
Tsunade was taken aback, but accepted the lunchbox. "You didn't have to," she said, a touch of wonder tempering her edges.
"I wanted to," Mikoto replied with finality.
"I won't be able to return it," Tsunade said, referring to the box and utensils within.
Mikoto shook her head with a small smile. "It's fine, you can keep it."
"Thank you… And I'm sorry for how I left yesterday. I didn't want to hurt you," Tsunade apologized sincerely, glad that she got the chance to do so. The guilt over that dramatic exit had been weighing heavy on her conscious.
"You're already forgiven," Mikoto replied. "That's what friends are for, right?" she added, her smile turning hopeful.
"… Right," Tsunade said, mustering a pale smile in return. They looked at each other, still a little unsure and awkward with where they stood.
"I guess this is the goodbye," Mikoto murmured and leaned in, brushing her lips on Tsunade's cheek in a quick peck. She stepped back. "For luck," she said lightly, but the stoic sadness lurking in her eyes made the restraints inside Tsunade snap in an instant.
Ah, screw that. She wasn't coming back anyway.
Tsunade pulled Mikoto back and kissed her on the lips, ignoring Shizune's embarrassed squeak in the background. Mikoto gasped in surprise, then melted into her arms, the kiss strong, ardent, intoxicating. It was everything she'd remembered and much more.
It was also very short and bittersweet, like a cup of coffee to wake yourself up in the morning. Tsunade drew away, watching Mikoto's eyelids flutter open. "For old times' sake," she whispered and licked off the remains of the other woman's chapstick from her own mouth.
Mikoto touched her lips in wonder. "You shouldn't have done that," she stated slowly.
"I shouldn't," Tsunade agreed. "But I wanted to. What are you going to do about it, tell your husband?" she asked mockingly.
Mikoto's glare was her answer. They both knew she would never tell a soul about this. Tsunade smirked to herself. She liked that expression on her better. Fire suited Mikoto's nature more than tears.
"Well then," Tsunade turned towards the looming gates, "best I get going before I grow old. Come on, Shizune."
The apprentice scurried to her side, shooting Mikoto an apologetic look.
"You too, Mikoto. Go home. Your family needs you," Tsunade gave her a gentle reminder. Mikoto's gaze softened and she nodded in acceptance.
"Take care of yourself, Tsunade-hime," the Uchiha said. "Safe travels."
"Believe me, I will be much safer out there than you inside this damn village," Tsunade replied with a snort. She gave Mikoto one last long look. "Farewell, Princess," she said, raising her arm as she departed. She knew she'd never see her again.
Mikoto watched after Tsunade until the green coat with a kanji for gamble stitched on the back disappeared among the trees in the distance. A small part of her that still belonged to that foolish young girl in love yearned to run after her, but the feeling was easy to discard. Instead, Mikoto relished in the bittersweet ache blooming on the left side of her chest.
Tsunade-hime was like a force of nature, a great gale that had swept her along with it, and after it had passed, Mikoto discovered a chunk of her heart was missing, taken by the storm. But she could never resent her for that, because it would be like hating the wind for blowing or rain for falling. For someone like her, keeping Tsunade for more than a fleeting moment was an impossible, beautiful dream. She had to accept it.
Mikoto sighed deeply and turned back to the village, glittering with streetlights in the evening.
She understood better than ever that some things just weren't meant to be. But Itachi and Fugaku were real and waiting for her.
With a lighter heart, she went home, finally leaving the fanciful notions of a past love fully behind her.
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epilogue
For years Tsunade wandered the nations without purpose, drinking like a fish, gambling her fortune away and dodging the debt collectors. Konoha was but a bad memory to her.
One time she won a lottery. She waited for the other shoe to drop with a bated breath but nothing bad happened. Only later she heard about the Uchiha massacre, about Mikoto's son killing her and the rest of their clan. Tsunade drank herself to sleep every night for a week after that.
Then a blond loud kid who reminded her too much of Nawaki convinced her to do what she had sworn she would never do—return and take up the mantle of the Fifth Hokage.
And now, a pink-haired girl came before her with determination burning in her eyes, asking to be taken on as an apprentice. All because she wanted to go after another girl that left her behind for her own goals. It was Mikoto's daughter, Sasuke.
Tsunade thought back to another night, to a broken woman who had gone away and a woman who had wanted to make her stay but hadn't, couldn't, shouldn't.
"Fine, I'll take you," Tsunade granted the girl's request. This time things were different. Maybe the fate wouldn't be so cruel to Sakura and Sasuke.
Tsunade sincerely hoped so.
.
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AN: Thanks for reading! This fic was a labour of love for this unusual ship. I hope you enjoyed it! I couldn't resist putting in a little FemSasuSaku in the end. My headcanon is that in any TsuMiko verse the lesbian energy between them was so strong that Sasuke was born a girl ;) I'm planning that my possible next TsuMiko story will be a lot happier, because they deserve it.
Please tell me what you think about the story! Until next time :)