"So," Belle said, chewing her burger, "Rumple told me I could have a vow renewal, and now I basically get to design the wedding I never had."

Hook knew she was saying something, but he couldn't concentrate. Not with her devouring that burger like she was a dragon feeding on a lion carcass. He stared at her, his mouth slightly open in disbelief.

"Hook?" Belle frowned, snapping her fingers in front of his face. "Hey."

He blinked rapidly, startled. "Sorry, love," he said, shaking his head to clear it. "Got distracted."

Belle rolled her eyes and twisted in her seat to look behind her. She turned back around, frowning. "I don't see Emma."

"Do not mention that name around me," Hook said through clenched teeth. Belle's eyebrows shot up.

"Ooo-ooh," she grinned, leaning forward. "What happened?"

"Don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, come on!" she pleaded. "Please?"

"So, what was that bit about the wedding you said earlier?" he said in a tone that made it clear that no amount of begging, pleading, and/or nagging would get him to talk. Belle looked somewhat disappointed, but smiled.

"Rumple agreed to a vow renewal."

"Vow renewal?" Hook repeated. "What, did the first ones expire?"

"No, it's…" Belle looked at him impatiently. "You see, this is why you should listen when I talk," she said, pointing a stern finger at him.

Hook shrugged. "Go easy on me. I'm broken-hearted, and all that."

"Okay, what happened?"

"Nothing. Tell me about your—" he waved his hand—"vows."

"I get to design my entire wedding, and the reception, which means I get to have my dream wedding, and I'm so excited! I get to pick out my dress and the food and the flowers…"

Belle went on about her dream wedding, which Hook supposed she was allowed to feel excited about: she'd had to settle for a simple ceremony for her original wedding and while the important thing was that they loved each other, he knew Belle well enough to know…she liked her parties.

Maybe it was because she'd been isolated for so long, but Belle loved to surround herself with people and excitement and music and fun. This wedding-revival-thing-whatever seemed the perfect way—

"—want you to come dress-shopping with me."

"I'm sorry, what?" Hook smiled politely, leaning forward to hear her properly.

"I said," Belle said loudly, "I want you to come dress-shopping with me."

Hook's smile faded. "Why in the name of God would you want me to go dress-shopping with you?"

"Well—" Belle sat back, wiping her mouth—"you're the closest thing I've got to a girlfriend, and a bride always takes her girlfriends dress-shopping. And I know you're not busy because…" She gave him a snarky smile and shrugged. "I'm the closest thing you have to a girlfriend."

Hook scratched his nose. "Actually, uh…"

Belle paused in her chewing and stared at him, her eyes growing wide. "Oh, my God," she said, breaking into a smile. "Oh, my God! Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me—"

"Belle, please, lower your voice," he begged. Belle shook her head, still chanting, "Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me—"

"Everything okay here?" Ruby came over, holding the coffee dispensers in each hand. The smile slid off Belle's face and settled into a grimace. "Belle? More coffee?"

The smile reappeared, looking fake and forced. "No, thanks." Ruby turned to Hook, smiling uncertainly, the incident from last night still dangling between them.

"More coffee?"

Hook smiled in what he hoped was a reassuring way. "Thanks, I'm still working on this one," he said, holding up his cup. Ruby smiled back, more warmly this time.

"Okay. I'll come back around."

Hook turned his head to watch her go, smiling slightly. He didn't know Ruby very well yet. She seemed nice, if a bit talkative. Very pretty…not very bright. A sweet girl, he decided as he turned around, but tended to be—

"Christ!" He jumped at Belle's glare. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Ruby?" she hissed. "You're going out with Ruby?"

"I didn't say that," he said, looking down.

"Are you going out with her?" she pressed. Hook shrugged.

"Ish."

"Unbelievable," Belle scoffed, throwing her arms up.

"Now, wait," he said defensively as she started muttering things like, "I should have known!" and "that slut!". "You were the one who told me to move on and stop pining after Emma, I'm just taking your advice."

"Ruby?" Belle looked furious. "Really? Ruby? She's the biggest slut in town, including you."

Hook's eyes widened. "Oh, my God." He leaned forward, grinning. "Is she really?"

"Oh, you're disgusting," Belle scowled as he sat back, laughing.

"Yeah, I s'spose," he said, wiping a tear from his eye. "Can I ask—why do you hate her so much?"

"I don't want to go into it right now," she said darkly, picking up her burger. "We need to discuss dress-shopping."

"Why don't you take Tink or something?" Hook said exasperatedly. Belle choked on her burger as she started laughing. He raised an eyebrow. "You all right?"

"Yeah," she gasped, reaching for her glass. "It's nothing…just something Robin said. Go on about Tink?"

He frowned. "Why, what'd Robin say?"

"Nothing, nothing, pssh—" she flapped a hand, scoffing—"don't worry about it. So. We're going to dress-shopping, okay?"

"I don't want—"

"We're going dress-shopping," she said loudly. "This is a big deal for me, okay? I need you to have your game-face on. "

"My game-face?" Hook fixed her with a mock-stern look. "Belle, I assure you…there is nothing wrong with my face. Ask Ruby."

"Would you shut up?" Belle said witheringly. "If you're going to behave like this, I won't take you for ice cream after."

"I'm not a child, Belle. I can buy my own ice cream."

"Are you going to help me or not?" She looked at him seriously. Hook blinked; he hadn't realized she was taking this whole dress-thing to heart. And, damn it, she was working those sad blue eyes, wheedling him silently. You wouldn't deny me this tiny favor, would you? Look how cute and sweet I am. I'm like a teacup poodle that you just want to snuggle for the rest of your life, aren't I?

"Don't look at me like that. Belle, please don't look at me like that."

"I don't have a lot of friends."

"No, don't—"

"God knows I don't ask you for much…"

"I'm serious. I'm not going to—"

"You're my best friend."

Hook squeezed his eyes shut, cursing. "Oh, all right!" he groused. Belle clapped her hands happily. "BUT," he added, holding up a finger, "on one condition."

Belle frowned, tilting her head. "Okay…" she said slowly.

Hook met her scrutinizing gaze without flinching. "I get to bring Ruby."

"What, to my party?" Belle shrugged. "She's going to be catering anyway, so—"

"No. I get to bring her dress-shopping." Hook leaned back and folded his arms, staring back at Belle's outraged face evenly. "Those are my terms. I bring Ruby, and offer insightful advice on your ridiculous dresses. Or I don't bring Ruby, because I'm not going myself."

"Why do you want to bring Ruby?" Belle asked bewilderedly.

"Because, Belle, I have no idea how to go dress-shopping, and so since you don't have any girlfriends, you can borrow mine."

Belle glared at him as though she could burn his very soul just by concentrating. Do not succumb, he told himself. Do not be intimidated. She is half your size, you are not afraid of her. He set his jaw and glared back fiercely.

"Fine," she growled. "Bring your stupid girlfriend, I don't care. You think I care? I don't. This is the face of someone not caring. Okay? Okay. OWW." She suddenly lurched over the table, her face contorted in pain as she clutched her stomach. Hook was alarmed, getting up to check on her.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong, that's the sound I make when I'm overwhelmed with joy," she spat, starting to look a little green. Hook carefully eased her into a standing position, allowing her to lean on him (but not too close, in case she vomited).

"I told you," he muttered. "You always get the burger, I told you to get the fish."

"I like the burger," she winced. "And you can get food poisoning from fish."

"I've never gotten food poisoning once. You get it twice a week."

"That's irrelevant."

"Stop being ridiculous." He opened the door for her. "Wait for me outside, I'm going to pay the bill."

"With money, I hope?" she said, unable to leave without making a parting snide remark. "You don't have some sort of sexual-favors-deal going with that slut, do you?"

"No…but I should really look into that, don't you think?"

"You're disgusting," she said again as he tried to hide his smile. The door closed and he turned on his heel, looking toward the counter. Ruby was refilling sugar containers at the counter by the register. He sauntered over, smiling winningly.

Ruby glanced up at the sound of him approaching, and smiled. "Hey," she said, not pausing in her work.

He held up the bill. "Think you can work your magic again and exchange some doubloons for that silly green paper?"

"Yeah, give me a sec," she said, her smile fading slightly. Awkwardly, Hook tapped on the counter with his fingers, drumming out a rhythmless mess of noise. Ruby flicked her eyes over, but said nothing as she concentrated on her sugar containers. He scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Ruby…uh…"

"Oh, God," she sniffed, and out of nowhere, she was crying. Crying! How did that happen? Startled, Hook watched her hold her fingers under her eyes to keep her mascara from running. "I knew it. You're breaking up with me."

"What?" he said weakly.

"You're breaking up with me!" she wailed. "I should have seen this coming after last night, I knew it!"

"After last…? What, because of Emma?"

Ruby nodded miserably. Hook dropped onto a stool.

"Give me a little credit, love," he said, stung. "I'm not her lapdog. I told her off last night, I told her off good."

She looked up, giving him a watery smile. "You did?"

"I most certainly did!" he said, nodding emphatically. "She can't go around, behaving like a crazy woman, and expect people to take it."

Ruby let out a shaky laugh. "I was just worried last night was going to end up like one of those romantic comedies, where the crazy couple has this big huge jealous-fest and this big huge argument and then they end up making out in the rain—"

"Okay, you lost me," Hook said, crinkling his brow. "Who was this?"

Her smile faded. "No, I meant, like…movies and stuff."

"Oh…okay, yeah. I got it, I got it," he nodded, still not entirely sure he did get it. "So, listen…Belle's dragging me along to go dress-hunting for her, er…I don't know, it's like a wedding-type-thing, but she's getting married to the same person…?"

Ruby raised an eyebrow. "What, Mr. Gold? Why?"

"Careful," he said warningly. "I found out the hard way—don't ask her that. Anyways, I told her the only way I'd go is if you came along. I mean, when it comes to dresses—" he leaned forward, lowering his voice—"I have a very different skill set than the one she's looking for."

Ruby laughed, by this time a very familiar sound. Hook felt his smile tense. Okay, so maybe Ruby was a little annoying at times. He could handle that. That was fine.

Even if her laugh grated on his ears.

Stop that, he ordered himself. You're just trying to find things wrong with her because she's not Emma.

"So, what do you say, love?" he grinned. "You want to come, keep me company…maybe take over my duties, since I have no idea what I'm supposed to do?"

Ruby looked over her shoulder at Granny taking an order down. Hook stiffened: the old woman rather terrified him now. "I'll ask Granny."

"Ah, yeah…Granny. Lovely woman…I'll wait outside, all right?"