Rem stared down at the small human that slept peacefully unaware. His small frame fit perfectly within her skeletal arms, like a child or small animal seeking refuge. She was unsure of what to do from this point onwards, motionless as she was in the dimly lit alleyway, the only sounds the occasional car driving across the street.
Her gaze fell once again on the tiny human that Gelus had died for. Rem wasn't quite able to describe her feelings on such an occurrence, being a Shinigami she wasn't actually sure they could feel anything but apathy and emptiness. Though, she supposed what Gelus had felt could be described as love…or was that simply a human concept?
There was a reason Shinigami did not fall in love with humans and despite having never seen it happen before, Rem was certain she never wanted to again. The sight of Gelus' disintegrating body had sent a spark of what she could only identify as fear down her spine, a sensation she was loathe to repeat, unaccustomed to feeling so powerless and vulnerable.
Was this how humans felt? Was that how this boy had felt in those few final moments that were supposed to be his life? Rem was uncomfortable at the mere thought – unable to admit that her previous apathy had dismissed such a sensation as none of their concern. Does a Shinigami feel such emotions naturally, or am I different now too, just like Gelus?
The boy moaned in pain and tried wriggling from her grip, his cherub face was pinched and his brows pulled down into a frown. Rem leant forward more to stare closely at the human's face, one wide, unblinking eye gazing in curiosity.
The alleyway was deserted with no humans in sight and when she focused her hearing on their immediate surroundings, Rem could not detect anything. Discarded on the floor were the boy's belongings spilling from his bag, which had scattered in the assault, and tossed innocently to the side lay his wallet. Rem knew that humans carried proof of their identities with them everywhere – similar to a Shinigami's death note, she supposed – and so long skeletal fingers pinched the wallet from the ground and brought it closer, her golden eye taking in the human script with ease.
Name: Sasaki Yuki
Birth Date: August 2
Weight: 47kg
Height: 165cm
She blinked slowly as she took in the information, her gaze settling upon the boy – Yuki – that was sleeping, unaware of the monster that held him at their mercy. Rem wondered briefly how the boy would react upon seeing her but dismissed the thought soon after, telling herself it did not matter what some small human felt about her, a Shinigami.
Humans were natural prey of Shinigami. Shinigami did not feel anything towards humans. Only apathy towards their means of longevity. Rem continued to stare down at the soft cheeks and hair that spilt passed her arms and swung in the light breeze of the night.
Unsure what to do with the boy now she was holding him, Rem peered down at the identification card to spot an address, seeing that the street was the same as what was written on the sign a few paces down of the alleyway. The boy had been so close to safety and yet if not for Gelus… Rem blinked slowly in comprehension and resolve. She supposed it was the least she could do for her fallen companion.
And so with an uncaring glance down at the deceased body of Yamada that lay in a heap upon the floor, Rem walked toward where she thought the boy's house was, and if she was more careful than normal in carrying the small body in her arms, then nobody was around to be any the wiser.
Pain blossomed upon his chest like a firework that exploded at once – an encompassing explosion of raw power descending upon his body with sickening clarity. Yuki could be sure he felt his chest cave in from the force of the stab and he let out a truly pitiful sob at the tremendous pain of it all. It hurt so much he wasn't sure he'd be quite able to take another breath. Was this how he would die? Stabbed to death by somebody he thought a friend? A man wearing the mask of confidant while the selfish killer lurked just below the surface?
The rattling of sharp metal against bone left a sickening lurch in his stomach as the knife descended again – this time aiming straight for his heart, as though the assailant wanted to snuff that out first, to stop the pain of this twisted love being unrequited. Extinguish the heart and it couldn't be given to anybody else…
The man's large hand cupped his face and brought it up to stare at him but Yuki kept his eyes tightly closed, both out of pain and fear from what would be staring back at him. Was this man some kind of devil in disguise? Would Yuki see the embodiment of true evil staring back at him if he just peeked back?
…No.
Yuki would only see a human man who had fallen to the truest pits of depravity. A true human that was nothing more than flesh and bone, a mind ravished by insanity yet kept human all the same. This was what Yuki knew lived within the world. He knew these kinds of people existed and this was why they needed someone to purge such evil from the world. How could they live peacefully, knowing that such degeneracy lurked among them, waiting with their masks painted smiling for the opportune moment to strike? Yuki knew it was impossible. They needed a savour, a divine being that would take it upon themselves to selflessly save those who called out in aid.
Yuki slowly found a new sense of resolution in staring his killer down in his final moments, to imprint the monster's face into his mind so that when he finally reached whatever after awaited him, he could relay such to whatever deity dwelled there and find his retribution. Yuki was sure that if such a being – if Kira – couldn't save him right now, it was for a reason. Perhaps Yuki had to die to truly show the depravity of humans, to bring to light the sickening immorality of their kind so that such being could point and prove to those who did not yet believe.
'Look,' they would say. 'Look at the corruption and sin and tell me not that such beings deserve to live. Do you not believe the boy deserves retribution…justice?'
If Yuki were set to die for such a purpose, then he supposed it was not so bad at all. Yuki's eyes slowly slid open, his heart hammering uselessly within his chest as it tried desperately to pump the blood throughout his dying body, but it was of no use, and Yuki was ready to die for the greater cause. He was ready to stare his killer in the eye and promise their God's justice.
He blinked a few times, his blurry vision clearing slowly until he was met by pure white…
"Is this heaven?" Yuki slurred out quietly.
"You are awake." A voice spoke, their voice echoing in the silent room.
Yuki blinked a few more times in an attempt to clear the dredges of whatever dream he had been so immersed in, though even as the tears were blotted away, only white encompassed his entire sight. Strips of bone overlapping each other, crisscrossed messily to reach what looked like a crude imitation of a spinal column and ribcage. His eyes continued travelling further upwards to take in the entirety of this new creature he had been faced with only to be met with a singular golden eye upon a bandaged face, framed by locks that were tinted with the slightest purple colouring at the tips.
He compared the being overall to a piece of artwork one might see when visiting a museum. The being's assortment of spiked bone creating an image of jagged and accentuated deadliness; the artist's attempt to portray the image of a gentle death.
"Are you an angel?" he whispered hoarsely into the silence that had descended as he'd stared at the other's body, his eyes staring unflinchingly at the single golden eye.
The iris was slitted like a cat's but Yuki felt no malice from the being despite its rather frightening appearance. He thought the creature seemed somewhat…hauntingly beautiful.
"I am a Shinigami."
"Shini-gami?"
"Yes. I have come from the Shinigami world because I have something that now belongs to you."
"Shinigami world…does that mean you're the one who saved me?" Yuki asked in surprise, his eyes brightening at the connection made. "Are you Kira?"
A crease of displeasure crossed the beings face at the sound of Kira's name but they shook their head in reply. "No. I am Rem. Gelus is the one that saved you."
"Gelus..?"
"Yes."
"Then…who is this Gelus? Can I thank them?" Yuki's voice was a quite whisper as he tried sorting out his conflicting emotions.
He was eternally grateful to whatever being had saved him from certain death at the hands of Yamada, but he couldn't help the clawing ache of disappointment that curled within his stomach at the realisation that he had not, in fact, been saved by Kira. Yuki tried shaking off such ungratefulness, feeling shame at dishonouring this Gelus' help in such a distasteful way.
"Gelus is dead."
Yuki's heart skipped a beat at the rather blunt words, staring up at the towering skeletal figure in shock. He shuffled from his position on the bed until he was kneeling, peering up at the being with wide eyes. "Dead? But how? Didn't they save me?"
"Gelus was a Shinigami. Shinigami are forbidden to save humans. Gelus died protecting you."
The words were blunt but not harsh. Yuki couldn't detect any malice or blame within the words yet he still felt the powerful punch of regret within his chest. This Gelus…a Shinigami…had died to protect him. But why? What had a Shinigami felt that was worth protecting a mere human? Yuki had called out for Kira in his final moments, wishing ardently for the being to protect him, but he had never once believed that Kira would die in doing so. Yuki would never have asked such a selfish request if it meant somebody else's death in his place. What an awful situation he had brought upon this Gelus.
"I didn't mean to…I-I mean, I didn't want anybody to die for me…" he whispered our brokenly, staring up at the figure urging them to believe him.
"You did no such thing. Gelus chose to die. That is all."
That didn't lessen the blow any less. "But…why?"
The first signs of unease were visible upon the beings face and Yuki watched closely as they frowned in apparent confusion. He likened it to a child who wasn't quite sure what the adults around them were talking about, being too young and naïve to understand such concepts they had yet to experience.
"Gelus…loved you. Shinigami cannot love humans; it will only end in death. Shinigami cannot extend human lives, only take. Gelus chose to save you, extending your life. Gelus died."
Yuki blinked owlishly at the explanation, trying to take in the words they had spoken. This Gelus, he had…loved him? Not in the same way Yamada had claimed to love him…but a selfless love that had driven him to save Yuki despite knowing it would result in his own death. Tears welled up in his eyes at the thought of such an empathetic creature and he let them spill down his cheeks as he hiccupped sadly.
"What…a wonderful person he must have been," Yuki whispered softly, unsure on calling Gelus a Shinigami when he'd behaved in such a seemingly non-Shinigami manner. Though the word person didn't quite fit either, Yuki felt the being deserved a little humanity for having performed such a loving act.
The being continued to stare blankly back at Yuki and he shifted to move closer, wiping away the straying tears. "Shinigami-san, where you friends with Gelus?"
"Friends…? I suppose that is what humans would call it."
"Then…I want to apologise for being the cause of your friend's death. If I could thank Gelus-san for his sacrifice I would, but I can only thank you, instead." He looked up at the being from under wet lashes, his eyes wide and hopeful.
"Can I know your name, Shinigami-san?"
The creature blinked slowly, their striking golden eye staring back with unnamed emotions. "Rem."
"Rem?" Yuki repeated softly before smiling brightly at the newly named Shinigami. "What a pretty name! Then, Rem-san, do you want to be friends?"
The words had an effect on the Shinigami, who's eye widened in shock. "Friends?"
Yuki hummed in confirmation, a shy smile on his lips as he stared up at his new friend. "Well, now your friend is gone, you must be lonely, right? I can be your friend too. I'm sure Gelus-san would be happy to know his two friends were getting along, hm?"
A silence hung in the air while Rem took in the boy's words and Yuki continued smiling up at the Shinigami, not fazed by the lack of an answer. He was sure his new friend was simply shy, or maybe Shinigami weren't allowed to be friends with humans, either? And what about other people? Would they see Rem and be scared? He hoped not…the tugging loneliness that he'd tried ignoring for the longest time had lightened slightly at the thought of having a new friend to confide all of his feelings to. Maybe Rem would enjoy having a new friend too, now that Gelus was no longer around?
"This belongs to you." The words were an abrupt change of direction in their conversation but Yuki took it in stride, willing to push their budding friendship another time. He looked at the black notebook that Rem held between two boned fingers, briefly feeling a spark of recognition at the sight.
"A notebook?" he asked dumbly.
"This belonged to Gelus. It was his Death Note. Now it belongs to you."
"Death Note?" Yuki mumbled the words awkwardly, taking the book and flicking to the first page, where a serious of rules were displayed in neatly formatted kanji. He looked up at Rem for answers.
"Our notes do not need rules. Shinigami naturally know how to use their notes. However, you do not. I wrote the rules for you so you will know how to use it."
"Use…it…" He looked back down at the 'rules' that were written, eyes widening in shock at what he saw. "When a human's name is written within this note, they will die. If the person's face is not visualised when writing their name, then the note will not take effect. People sharing the same name will not be affected…"
He recited the words in disbelief, his mind working faster than ever, connecting the dots until he came to a startling discovery. "Kira!" he exclaimed. He looked up at Rem with wide eyes, "This is what Kira uses to kill, isn't it?"
Rem nodded once in reply. Yuki's mind spiralled with a multitude of theories and conspiracies. "Then…is Kira a Shinigami? Or a human who has somehow gotten hold of a death note?" he asked.
"A Shinigami dropped a death note into the human world where it was picked up by a human."
"Then…did a Shinigami die for them, too? Like Gelus?"
"No. This Shinigami was simply bored."
"Bored…?" Yuki whispered in disbelief. "They dropped such a dangerous weapon into the world…because they were bored?"
"The Shinigami world is a vast wasteland. Many Shinigami die because they forget to write names. They feel only boredom and apathy." Rem stated these things like they were facts and nothing to worry about, but Yuki felt a blooming of sympathy in his chest imagining such a pitiful state to exist in. What was the point in existing if you could not appreciate it?
"Do you feel the same, Rem?"
"I suppose. I am not sure."
The words were sad in themselves. What a truly sad state to not know your own emotions, to be so apathetic that you were unaware of the state of your existence or the worth of living it.
"Then…do you know who Kira is?" he asked in sudden shyness, feeling a curling sense of thrill at the thought of uncovering such a secret. He tightened his hold on the notebook within his hands, pressing it to his chest as he thought of how he now held that same power within his very hands.
He could save lives, just like Kira did. Yuki could help them in purging the world of such awful, sinful creatures that disguised themselves in human skin to create a truly harmonious world where those innocent could live peacefully. Without fear. Without sin. He could do that…
Yuki pushed the notebook toward Rem with shaky hands, a distressed expression on his face.
"I-I can't…I can't take another's life, no matter how much I want to…I just can't…" he whispered brokenly, ashamed of his obvious weakness. He wished ardently for the utopia Kira promised, but he couldn't bring himself to play a part in wiping such scum from the earth himself. He couldn't bring himself to truly imagine taking another's life with his own hands.
Ah…he was such a pathetic excuse of a human. Would Kira even want somebody like himself in their kingdom? Would Yuki truly be welcome into the heavens if he could not even take that step to further such a world by himself? But no, that isn't right…nobody but Kira himself should wield such power.
Kira had surely ascended to the level of the Shinigami by taking such power within their own hands and using it for good, had they not? If Kira were creating a utopia for those innocent and truly good to live in, then how could Yuki assume to own such the same power as them? How could Yuki, a mere believer in Kira's power assume to be on the same level as such a being?
He felt a wave of relief encompass him as he rationalised his thoughts, the crippling fear he previously felt washing away with his new enlightenment.
He didn't need to take upon such a mantle himself when Kira was already doing a perfectly fine job themselves. Criminals were dying with each day and those not yet caught were too scared to do anything. The world was already adhering to Kira's ideals and soon, even the police wouldn't be able to continue in their pursuit of them.
Though…that did bring up a rather alarming thought. What if the police found Kira's death note? Would they be caught in such an easy way? Yuki stared at the notebook clutched between his fingers and recoiled at the sudden horrifying thought of being caught himself.
"Rem," he spoke shakily. "Is there any way you can keep a hold of the notebook?"
Rem seemed to think about his words before nodding slowly, plucking the black notebook from the boy's hands. Yuki watched as Rem slid it into the area near their waist, blinking in shock as the book seemingly disappeared into thin air. "What?"
"Shinigami can keep their notes on them at all times. Must not lose them. Cannot write names that way."
Yuki nodded along as though fully understanding the Shinigami's words but felt completely lost in reality. Though he supposed this sorted out the issue of being caught with the death note…
"Rem? Do you know who Kira is?"
"No."
Yuki slumped in disappointment. He guessed that would have been way too easy. "Then what about the Shinigami who gave Kira their death note?"
Rem's eyes narrowed at the question but answered, nonetheless. "Ryuk."
"Ryuk, huh." Yuki repeated the unusual name. he stared at the body of Rem, ignoring if it was considered polite or not, a pout on his lips as he considered.
"Rem…do all Shinigami look like you? Or are they different, like humans?"
"We are all different."
"Hm, really? Then can you describe Gelus?"
Rem's hand came to rest just below where knee bones were visible. "He was this big. Round. Different colours sewed together. One eye. Small." The description was rather lacking but Yuki understood, his mind conjuring a basic image of what he thought Gelus looked like from what little information was given. He imagined a little patchwork doll with one wide eye and a shy smile. A small smile curved at his lips at the rather cute image.
"And Ryuk? What are they like?"
"Ryuk is dark. Black feathers and chains. His body looks more human than others."
"Really? Though I guess you do look quite human yourself, Rem. Well, an exaggerated version I guess…but I'm not scared of you, don't worry!"
Rem didn't seem worried at all but Yuki liked to think the concern was appreciated, nonetheless. It couldn't be nice to be compared to human aesthetics, though it was more likely Rem didn't care at all. Apathetic to everything but extending their lives…how dull.
Yuki fell backwards onto the plush bed, sighing in relief as his taut muscles relaxed against the soft covers. He peeked open an eye to stare at Rem who was standing hunched over at the bedside. "Why are you still standing there, Rem? You know you can sit down, right?"
At the blank stare he received Yuki grabbed a hold of a bone-white arm, pulling Rem closer. "Come on, the bed is comfy I promise. It can't be nice standing like that all the time, even for Shinigami."
"I am a female Shinigami. Despite being non-human, it is still improper."
Yuki blinked wide-eyed at her words before bursting into hysterical giggles, clutching his stomach as he rolled side to side on the bed. Rem stared at him in blank confusion. Yuki wiped his eyes and looked up at Rem with shining eyes. "Rem, you don't have to worry about that. I'm not interested in women anyway, human or not." He brought up a finger to his lips in a shushing motion, a shy smile on his face.
Rem blinked again as she processed his answer but nodded solemnly, slowly lowering herself to sit upon the bed. Yuki bit his lip to muffle the sudden laughter at such an unusual sight. Rem's tall form was bent over unnaturally, her fingertips brushing against the floor as she sat hunched. "What are you sitting like that for, Rem? You'll get backache!"
"Shinigami do not ache. I am made of bone. No muscle."
Yuki spluttered at the retort. "Yeah, well, ah! Whatever, just sit properly okay? It'll make me feel better…come on, there's plenty of room."
There bickering continued for a few more minutes and once Yuki had finally managed to convince the Shinigami to sit upon the bed in a proper manner, he enjoyed the calm silence that fell between them.
"Rem…"
"Hm?"
"Are you going to stay? I mean…you said this Ryuk has stayed with Kira despite having his own notebook, right? So does that mean you'll stay with me even if I only have Gelus' book?"
"If that is what you wish," Rem said simply, not giving any of her own feelings away.
Yuki bit his lip, suddenly feeling a little shy about being honest in his feelings. Even he could admit to himself that he was lonely…and hadn't he almost died the previous day? Was he not allowed to feel a sense of attachment to the closest thing to who'd saved him? Am I just trying to justify this pitiful desperation?
"Then…" Yuki's voice was soft. "I'd like it if you'd stay."
"Okay."
Yuki rolled onto his side to face the Shinigami, clutching his pillow as he closed his eyes. "Rem…can you tell me more about the death note when I wake up?"
"As you wish."