AS REQUESTED, Marrilyn, A REGINA CHAPTER (AT LAST). THANK YOU TO EVERYONE, YOU ALL GET CUPCAKES. WITH SPRINKLES. AND EXTRA FROSTING.

Regina slowly turned in a circle, sweeping her gaze around her vault. Ever since she'd found Henry in there a few weeks ago, she'd been checking it every day, but nothing else had gone missing: nothing but that book.

She didn't quite know what to make of it. Every time Henry spent the night at Emma's, she ransacked his bedroom, searching for it. And then when Henry spent the night with her, Emma would go through his bedroom at the loft. Neither of them ever found anything, which made Regina nervous: either Henry was lying to both of them, or someone else had stolen it.

She'd taken to sealing the vault with a blood seal: no one but one of her blood relatives would be able to enter, and as she had none in Storybrooke, her vault had never been more secure. It broke her heart that she had to seal it against her own son, but it was necessary.

"Regina?" Robin's voice said outside the vault. "Are you in—OOF!"

"Robin?" Regina burst open the doors of the vault, poking her head out to see Robin sprawled on the grass. "Are you okay?" she asked, hurrying over to him, and bending down to check for cuts and bruises. "What happened, did you trip?"

"No," he groaned, holding his head. "I tried to open the door…it pushed me…"

Regina closed her eyes exasperatedly. "Robin, I told you not to touch anything after I put the blood seal up."

"I forgot," he said, wincing as she helped him up.

"You forgot," she repeated, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes," he said tiredly. "I forgot. Cut me some slack, Regina. You remember what it's like to have a four-year-old."

"Henry was a very disciplined four-year-old—"

"Regina." Robin shook his head. "We're not doing this now."

"All right."

He impatiently brushed dirt off his knees, trying to rub out the grass stains futilely. Regina touched his shoulder.

"Robin…they're ruined. It's over."

"I just got these," he sighed, looking down at his jeans sadly.

"I know. I'm sorry."

With another sigh, he hooked his arm around hers and they walked together toward Granny's, talking about nothing: Robin told her about Will Scarlet's misadventures while babysitting Roland; Regina told him about her feud with Archie over updating Pongo's dog license.

"…and I said, 'Really, Archie, there's no reason to get upset', but there you are," she finished as they sat down at their table.

"Funny. I never imagined Archie cursing," Robin mused. "But those were some strong words, weren't they?"

"It was a bit disconcerting," Regina agreed as Ruby came over with the coffee. "Decaf for Robin," she reminded her.

Robin smiled kindly at her. "Doing all right?" he asked, peering at her tear-stained, mascara-run face. Ruby nodded mutely, pouring him his decaf.

"Anything else?" she asked in a very dejected voice.

"No, that will be all," Regina said dismissively, waving her hand. Ruby turned away, a shuddering sigh escaping her. Robin watched her go, his smile fading into a pitying grimace. Regina knit her brows. "What's up with her?"

"Oh…" Robin shrugged, stirring his coffee. "She and Hook are… well, they're over, from what I hear."

Regina laughed shortly. "And this upsets her?"

"Clearly. Mind you, she's not nearly as upset as Hook is." Robin took a sip, shaking his head. "Poor bastard's a wreck. Says he'll never love again." He batted his eyes while Regina threw her head back and laughed. "His words."

"I thought they hated each other," she said, wiping a tear from her eye. "He was always complaining about how she… what was that eloquent phrase he used? 'Talks my bloody ear off, I need to get smashed just to spend an hour with her.'"

Robin tried to hide a smile. "I don't think it's the conversation he misses."

"Hmm," Regina agreed disapprovingly, taking another sip. "Well, Neal should be here soon. It's seven-fifty-six, and we agreed on eight o'clock, so if he's not here, I may have to—"

Robin suddenly lifted a hand, silencing her as the little bell rang: Neal and Hook walked in, Hook carefully avoiding looking at the counter. Neal said something to him, and then went to the counter, probably to place their order. Hook looked around for a table and, seeing Robin, immediately broke into a smile.

"Ugh," Regina muttered as he came over, pulling two chairs with him.

"Regina! Robin! Fancy seeing you here!" he said brightly, sitting in the chair closer to Robin.

"Yes. The diner, at the same table we sit at every day. Who'd've thunk?" Regina said dryly. "Why are you here?"

Hook blinked rapidly. "Um—"

"I brought him with me," Neal said, coming up from behind and clapping a hand on Hook's shoulder. "Didn't want to leave the guy alone, he's a mess," he muttered to Regina as Hook reached for a menu.

"Neal!" Regina hissed. "I don't want to talk about my son—"

"Our son."

"Oh, God, don't say it like that, that makes it sound like he's our son together, like… like you and me—ugh, Neal, no. Just say… er—"

"Henry?"

"That works. I don't want to talk about Henry with that mustachioed innuendo in the room!"

"Hey," Neal said, sounding faintly annoyed. "You brought your sidekick."

Regina narrowed her eyes, using the same stern look she gave Henry when he was being difficult. However, Neal wasn't quailing under her gaze, as Henry normally did: he simple stared back, raising his eyebrows as if to say, I've got all day…

"Oh, very well!" she snapped, not feeling like wasting all her time silently arguing with Neal. "But if he makes one dirty joke—"

"I'll smack him for you," Neal promised.

"No. I want to smack him. I need you to hold him still."

Neal laughed, earning a surprised smile from her. "Okay."

Ruby came by, balancing a tray in one hand. She completely ignored Hook, setting both plates in front of Neal. "There you go," she said softly, a pale imitation of her normal bouncy/irritating self.

"Thanks, Ruby," Neal said, keeping a tight grip on Hook's wrist. Hook gave him a sideways glare, but obeyed the silent command and didn't say anything.

Regina chuckled to herself. "That is an excellent trick," she said to Neal once Ruby left. "I didn't know he had an 'off' button."

"Oh, around you, Regina, how could I possibly be turned off?" Hook said immediately, grinning at her wickedly. Robin sighed, rubbing the corners of his eyes. Regina's smile faded into a grimace.

"Neal."

"Sorry, man," Neal said, holding Hook's head steady.

"Neal, what the hell are you—BLOODY HELL, REGINA!"

Regina's hand still stung, but apparently not as much as Hook's face: there was still a bright red imprint of her hand on it, even as Neal released him, muttering an apology. Hook looked at her, betrayed, putting his hand to his face.

"You're so mean to me," he said in a hurt voice.

"You're offensive to women," Regina said blandly, smoothing her jacket.

"Yes, but I'm really pretty."

"Ah, but I don't care."

Hook looked rather put out by her last remark, and he moodily poked his fork around his pie. Neal watched him with the same expression as an exasperated parent watching their toddler.

"You're mutilating it," he complained.

Hook gave a helpless sigh and dropped his head on the table. "My heart's mutilated," he said in muffled voice. Regina and Robin exchanged a look, but said nothing. Neal raised his eyes to the ceiling, clearly trying to remain patient.

"Okay, fine, your heart's mutilated," he said with forced calm. "But the pie really didn't have anything to do with it, so stop moping about Ruby and just eat like a normal human."

"I hate pie," Hook said petulantly, lifting his head and pushing the plate away. "I hate everything."

"Oh, Killy," Neal said patronizingly, slinging his arms around Hook's shoulder; Hook tried to shrug him off, but Neal only held on tighter. "Poor little Killy."

"Neal, come on, stop—"

"Killy misses his lady love," Neal said in the same mocking tone. "Don't you, Killy?"

"Get off."

"Then stop bitching," Neal said flatly, dropping his arm. "If you're going to be a baby about it, I'm going to treat you like a baby."

Hook didn't have a reply to that, other than muttering under his breath like a disgruntled child. Regina soon lost interest in him, and raised her eyebrows at Neal.

"So, do you think Henry's been acting weird lately?" she asked. "Other than the teenager-theory, which you guys are so fond of."

Neal took a moment to answer. "Honestly… he is acting a little weird. I mean, he's been getting more and more distant for a while but I think that part is just… you know, growing pains and stuff. But this last month or so, he's been acting kind of funny."

"I thought so, too," Regina said, her forehead creasing worriedly. "But I'm afraid to ask him too much about it, I don't want him to feel trapped, and then withdraw even more…" She sighed, rubbing her temple. "I don't know what to do."

"How about me?" Hook offered, snapping his head up.

Regina slit her eyes at him, her mouth becoming a thin line. "I don't know what it is that makes you feel safe enough to say things like that around me, but it really shouldn't," she said icily.

He grinned at her, moving almost imperceptibly closer. "Well, I've been told I'm quite brave…and adventurous." He wiggled his eyebrows. "If you know what I mean."

"I've been told I'm extremely violent and creative, if you know what I mean." Regina flashed him a sarcastic smile. "Hint: it involves piano wire and a shovel." She abruptly turned back to Neal, who had watched the exchange with an amused smile. "Now, then. You know about my magic book being missing, I assume?"

"Yeah, I heard about it," Neal said, his smile fading. "Why, you actually think he took it?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "But he's been so secretive… like he's hiding something. It makes me wonder."

"You don't have a way to know for sure?" Neal asked, turning his eyebrows up. "Like a spell? Or at least a few security cameras in your vault?"

"I didn't bother putting cameras in there, I didn't think anyone would be stupid enough to try to rob me!" Regina said, stung.

"Relax," Neal said soothingly, putting a hand out. "I'm just asking."

"Neal, are you eating that pie?" Robin asked hopefully.

Neal and Regina swiveled their heads to frown at him. Robin blinked at their identical disapproving looks.

"What?"

"We're having a conversation about our possibly mentally-disturbed son—"

"Neal."

"About the possibly mentally-disturbed son we share only legally, and you're asking me about pie?"

"Have my pie," Hook said suddenly, sweeping his plate across the table. "I hate pie."

"Oh, you hate everything," Neal scoffed.

Hook glared at him. "Yes, I know. Thank you, NEAL."

"You're welcome, KILLY."

"GAH!" Hook threw his head on the table again, wrapping his arms around it as he muttered indistinguishably. Neal turned back to Regina, shaking his head apologetically.

"I'm sorry," he said. "He's just so—"

"Dull, yes. Now, Henry's been spending a lot of time out of the house, do you think—?"

"I can't take it anymore, Neal!" Hook sat up, a wild look in his eyes. "I have to talk to her. I want her back."

"You can't," Neal said, tugging him down as he rose in his seat. "We went over this. You were miserable when you were with her."

"I think I love her," Hook said desperately.

"No. You don't."

"Yes, I do, Neal. I love her."

"You said the same thing about Penelope Cruz in the Revlon commercial you saw last week!" Neal said exasperatedly.

Hook looked around the room, breathing hard as he ran his hand frantically through his hair. "Where is she?" he breathed. "I have to tell her."

"This is so stupid," Regina said to no one in particular.

"Ruby!" Hook whirled around, looking toward the counter at a startled Ruby. Regina raised her eyebrows as Hook closed his eyes in anguish and said, his voice, full of emotion, "Oh, Ruby, love, I'm so sorry."

Ruby stared at him with wide eyes, then slowly swept her gaze to the side, as if silently asking for confirmation that this was actually happening. "Okay…" she said slowly.

He opened his eyes: they looked shinier than usual. Regina curled her lip disdainfully. Oh, God. He wasn't going to cry, was he?

"Robin," she said in a low voice. "Maybe we should go, I don't want to be witness to another public make-out session."

"You won't be," Robin said, contentedly working on Hook's pie. "She'll never take him back."

"Of course she will," Neal grimaced, apparently giving up as Hook strode over, proclaiming his love in an annoyingly loud voice.

"Care to make it interesting?" Robin asked, raising his eyebrows.

Neal considered him. "All right," he shrugged. "Twenty bucks says she'll take him back."

Robin shook on it. "You're on, mate."

"Well, hold on," Regina said, surprising herself as well as Neal and Robin. "I want in on this."

Robin and Neal looked at each other in wonder, before turning back to her. "Okay?" Robin prodded.

"I'll bet twenty bucks that she takes him back—but, by this time tomorrow, they're broken up again." Regina smiled in satisfaction, holding out her hand for them to shake. "What do you say, boys?"

"I'll take it," Robin smiled, taking her hand and kissing her fingers. She gently tugged it out of his grip, smiling nonetheless.

"Neal?" She offered him her hand. "Just shake it," she added as he took her hand. He rolled his eyes, and broke off their handshake to turn around and watch Hook and Ruby's showdown.

"Ruby, please!" he was saying desperately, swinging her around by the arm with his hook. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I can change."

"No!" she said, unhooking her arm. "You're an asshat!"

"A what?"

"It means you're a jerk, you jerk!"

She stalked away from him, shoving past another waitress and nearly knocking her tray to the floor. Hook raced after her, pausing to give the waitress a once-over and a wink, and then darted through the door.

"Ruby!" they heard him call out. "Ruby, love, please forgive me!"

"No!" her voice yelled back, just as audible behind closed doors as it had been out in the open. "I told you, you're an asshat! And I don't date asshats, you asshat!"

"I think I love you!"

There was a silence. Neal flashed a triumphant smile at Robin, who was now looking very grumpy indeed. Regina smirked: in a matter of seconds, it would be down to her and Neal.

"You do?" Ruby's voice said shakily. Regina vaguely wondered if she was aware of how much her voice carried.

"Yes, love, I think I do," Hook's voice said earnestly. His voice also carried, but Regina was inclined to think that was more for dramatic effect.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

His voice held note a irritation. "Yes, love, I already said that."

A loud sniff. "I… I don't know."

"Oh, for the love of God," Regina muttered, rolling her eyes. Neal looked up at the ceiling, as if asking God if this was really necessary. Robin continued to pout and pick at Hook's pie.

"Please, Ruby… Give me another chance, please."

Another sniff, followed by a tearful giggle. "All right."

"And there you go!" Neal said, slamming his hand down on the table in victory. The conversation in the diner picked up again, thankfully masking the rest of Hook and Ruby's discussion—at least, Regina hoped that was all it was masking—and the sound of clattering forks and voices rose, bringing back the normal homey, crowded atmosphere of Granny's.

"Don't get so cocky," Robin said, setting his jaw. "Regina's still in, she can still beat you."

"Yeah, maybe," Neal shrugged, though he didn't look too concerned. "And no cheating," he said suddenly, pointing a finger at Regina. "You can't egg Ruby on to break up with him just to win."

"And you can't egg Hook on to not break up with her just so you can win," she shot back. "Because if you do—"

"I know, I know," he said, waving his hand. "Piano wire and shovel, I was there."

She smiled, surprised to find that she rather liked Neal in a social context. "Indeed."

After a while, they decided they had to be grown-ups again and go back to discussing Henry. Neal offered some insights, relating to the mindset of a moody teenaged boy, Robin contributing with murmured agreements; Regina pressed him for anything odd Henry might have said or done recently, but all Neal could come up with was the "girl stuff" nonsense.

By the end of the night, they had discussed and dissected practically everything Henry had said to either of them over the last month. Regina felt as though they had a thousand puzzle pieces spread out, but hadn't managed to link any together. Still, it made her feel better to be talking about it to someone who understood her position. She'd tried to discuss it with Emma before, but there was a lot of lingering tension left over when it came to Henry. She didn't have to worry about that with Neal, so for once, she didn't feel so alone in her concerns.

"Thanks, Neal," she said, giving him a rare genuine smile. "This was… well, it was nice. I'm surprised."

"Surprised," he repeated, grinning at her. "Thanks for that."

"Well, I am," she said, allowing Robin to help her with her coat. "I honestly thought you were a slow-witted hobo-man who drank coffee and ate pancakes all day, but you're actually quite pleasant." She took Robin's hand, and nodded a farewell at Neal. "I look forward to collecting my money from you tomorrow."

"We'll see," he said in a sing-song voice. "He thinks he's in love. Again," he added, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, well…I'm sure another Penelope Cruz commercial will take care of that. Goodbye, Neal."

TALK TO ME, PEOPLE, WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?