So, I just want to thank: Marrilyn, ravenclaw312, clearly-blue-eyed-witch, jade8306, fangirly662, and my Guest reviewer for leaving me lovely reviews! I'd like to offer you all one of Hook's magical hugs, one of Regina's famous cookies, and one of my own brilliant smiles! So... Boom! There ya go!

Henry had never pegged Graham for a drinker, but shit, did he go through that wine fast! Henry only half-heard the continued argument raging on between Emma and Neal, and Hook and Ruby; he watched, openmouthed, as Graham poured glass after glass, muttering to himself.

"Just shouting and yelling and fighting and blaming and back and forth and back and forth," Graham was growling, his eyes wild as he downed another glass of wine. "I just wanted a quiet evening, a nice, quiet eve—"

"You know something? Jealousy is a really bad color on you!"

"Well, 'pathetic' isn't a great color on you!"

"It's not pathetic to move on! Just because I'm not with you, that doesn't mean I'm pathetic!"

"I didn't say that's why you were pathetic! You're pathetic because you keep deluding yourself that—!"

"No, I'll tell you what pathetic is! Leaving your pregnant girlfriend to take responsibility for your stolen watches while you get ripped off of twenty thousand dollars by Pinocchio!"

"For the last time, I didn't know about Henry, August took advantage of me, and I didn't want to leave you!"

"But you DID!"

"Because I had to!"

"Because it was easy!"

"You think that was easy? God, Emma, how can you—?"

"SHUT UP!" Graham shouted, throwing down the bottle so forcefully, it shattered. Henry brought his elbows to his face, ducking as glass exploded in all directions.

"Jesus Christ!" he yelled. "What the fuck is wrong with you people?"

"EVERYONE, SHUT UP! I CAN'T TAKE THIS!" Graham glared around the table, breathing raggedly, ignoring the growing puddle of wine, staining his tablecloth. "You know, I have plenty of shit in my past I could stand here and rage and scream and yell about, but I don't! For God's sake, this was supposed to be a nice, enjoyable day, and you're all making it miserable!"

"Oh, shut up, Graham!" Hook spat. "You know what else was supposed to be a nice, enjoyable day? Saturday! The wedding-do-over-thing—"

"Vow renewal—"

"Whatever, Belle!" Hook turned back to Graham, fuming. "That was supposed to be a great day! You ruined the whole bloody thing just by showing up, and you're going to stand there and scold us for for yelling about what you're responsible for in the first place?"

"Oh, yes, scold me," Tink said, ducking under Hook's arm to wriggle up to Graham. "Give me detention, Professor!"

"Would you get away from me?" Graham jerked away from her, making a noise of disgust. "My God, have some class, woman!"

"There you go, Ruby!" Hook said witheringly. "Your first tip—Graham likes ladies with class! Guess it's back to the drawing board for you!"

"How dare you talk to me like that!" Ruby snapped. "I have plenty of class, thank you very much!"

"Yes, I know!" Hook shouted. "Which is why I'm so angry that you keep degrading yourself for Graham, it makes me sick!"

Ruby rolled her eyes. "Oh, yeah, I'm sure that's it! There's no selfish reasons behind it all, you've just got purely noble intentions—"

"SHUT UP!" Graham yelled, smashing his plate now. Henry ducked again as food and shards flew through the air.

"Stop smashing things, you lunatic!" he hollered, shielding his face with his hands. "Again, what the fuck is wrong with you people?"

"You want to know what's wrong with me?" Graham retorted. "I was dead, okay? And then you brought me back to this hellhole, just so I could start wishing I was dead all over again because your entire family is fucking insane!"

"Hey, watch it, buddy!" Neal snapped. "You don't just go tossing that word around if you're not part of the group! What do you know about any of this?"

"Yeah, shut up, Graham!" Hook joined in. "You're not part of this!"

"Neither are you!" Regina spat at Hook. "You're not part of the family, why are you always here? You're always here, you useless little—!"

"What are you attacking me for? I didn't do anything to you!" Hook said angrily.

"You added a lot more drama to this than was necessary, that's what you did!" Regina retorted. "We've already got a complicated enough situation, and then you had to show up and start antagonizing everyone—!"

"You're blaming me for this?" Hook's voice rose an octave, looking livid. "Bloody hell, Regina! I know you don't like me, but you can't blame me for everything!"

"Well, I have to blame someone!" Regina cried desperately. " You're the most convenient person to blame, everyone hates you anyway!"

"That's not true! It's not true, right?" Hook added, turning to Neal worriedly. Neal glanced at him, still glaring.

"No, it's not true," he said grudgingly.

"You don't hate me?"

"No, I don't hate you."

"Not even a little?"

"No, not even a little."

"Not even for kissing Emma two years ago?"

"Okay, I hate you a little."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"Because, you know, it really wasn't my fault, it was Emma's."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Emma said indignantly. "What's the matter with you, selling me out like that?"

"She kissed me, I didn't kiss her," Hook continued as if she hadn't spoken.

"Do you mind? My kid is right there, he doesn't need to hear this!"

"No, he doesn't!" Henry said loudly, putting his hands over his ears.

"Neither do her parents," David said, slumping miserably as Snow hid her face in her hands.

"Forced herself on me, is what she did—"

"I didn't hear you complaining!" Emma retorted.

"I'm complaining," Henry cut in, raising his hand.

"He doesn't sound like he's complaining now, either," Ruby said, folding her arms. "Sounds more like he's bragging."

Hook turned to her, gasping mockingly. "Jealous, are we?"

"No, I'm not jealous," she said witheringly.

"Oh, good," Hook said, coolly raising his eyebrows. "Because I know how you feel about jealousy."

"That's right, you do," Ruby said icily.

"And I'd hate for you to have to break up with yourself," Hook returned.

"It would be a shame."

"Especially since it was pretty intense."

"Okay, stop talking, I beg of you!" Henry said frantically.

"Yes, please stop talking!" Snow said loudly.

"Yeah, please stop talking," Neal said, looking uncomfortable.

"And I don't just mean 'intense'. I mean intense intense," Hook said, ignoring all of them, staring at Ruby. "Intense, like, couldn't-keep-her-hands-off-me-intense."

"I get it," Ruby said through gritted teeth.

"You know, we were just talking, having a little rum," Hook went on, his eyes gleaming at Ruby. "Then, next thing I know, she's got me by the collar, kissing me uncontrollably—"

"This is wonderful. Thank you for the play-by-play," Neal said quietly.

"—couldn't catch my breath for ten minutes after that," Hook continued, leaning forward confidentially. "I mean, who knows what could have happened if Emma hadn't managed to tear herself away, right?"

"Okay, thank you, Hook!" David said loudly. "I'm sure Ruby's sufficiently jealous, you can stop now!"

"I'm not jealous!" Ruby said exasperatedly. "Why does everyone keep saying that?"

"Oh, my God!" Regina said, raising her eyes to the ceiling. "How long do we have to suffer through this will-they-won't-they shit? God, it's like being trapped inside an episode of Friends!"

"I fucking hate that show," Robin muttered as Regina started a rant, shaking his head. Henry looked up, staring at him incredulously.

"You hate Friends?" he repeated. "You hate 'Frosty the Snowman' and you hate Friends? What the hell, man?'

Robin put a finger to his lips and nodded his head to Regina, who was still talking to a bemused Hook and a humiliated Ruby with a half-amused, half-sympathetic audience in the background.

"…raging around and screaming back and forth just so you can fall into each other's arms again, it makes me sick!" she was saying, throwing her arms in the air. "I don't give a rat's ass whether or not you two are together! I don't give a rat's ass if you're happy together, miserable together, bipolar together, whatever! But if you two insist on making your relationship a constant public performance, I'm going to have to put my foot down and demand you two just make up your minds and take a bow already!" She huffed angrily, and whirled around to point at Neal and Emma. "And as for you two…"

"'Gina," Neal said warningly. "Stay out of it."

"Stop calling me 'Gina'!" Regina snapped. "And I'm not going to stay out of it, because you two are just as bad!"

"Hey!" Emma and Neal said indignantly.

"I can't stand listening to you anymore!" she cried. "You two say the same things, over and over and over and over—I mean, my God!"

"Regina, with all due respect," Emma said bitterly, glaring at her, "you don't know what's going on, okay?"

"Oh, really?" Regina said coolly, raising an eyebrow. "Let's see—you're upset with Neal because you think he abandoned you to take the blame for stealing twenty thousand dollars' worth of watches—just like your parents abandoned you on the side of a roadway because they didn't want you. And then you found out you were expecting a baby, who you knew you'd have to give up—just like you thought your parents gave you up because they didn't want you."

She turned to Neal, smiling sarcastically. "And you're upset with Emma because she can't understand that you didn't want to do that to her, that you didn't want to do the same thing everyone's being doing to her her entire life, but you felt like you had no choice because someone from our world tracked you down and basically blackmailed you and forced you to give her up to give her a better life."

She turned back to Emma. "And you're upset because he can't understand that no matter how many explanations he gives you, it still hurts."

Back to Neal. "And you're upset because you're scared Emma's never going to forgive you, the way you thought you were never going to forgive your father."

Back to Emma. "And you're upset because you did forgive him, and you're worried that if you tell him and give him another chance, he's going to break your heart again."

Back to Neal. "And seriously, stop calling me 'Gina'."

Everyone else stared at Regina with wide eyes in stunned silence. Henry swallowed a few times, looking between his parents' faces, trying to read their expressions: Neal looked faintly surprised, and Emma tried to appear disinterested as she fiddled with a string, but if he squinted….Henry thought he could see a flicker of (what was it—? hope? peace? relief?) something in their eyes.

Or maybe that was the weird lighting from the yellow lamp.

Regina looked around at them, raising an imperious eyebrow. "How'd I do?"

"Pretty good, I'd say," Neal said quietly, Emma nodding in mute agreement.

"Well, then," Graham said, smiling through clenched teeth as he raised a glass of wine in mock toast. "Congratulations, Regina. Who knew you had it in you?"

Henry frowned at his bitter tone. There was a hidden insult sewn into his words that Henry couldn't quite decipher. Robin seemed to notice it, too: he frowned suspiciously, shifting in his seat.

"And what, pray tell, does that mean, 'who knew you had it in you'?" he asked, carefully polite. "Are you implying something?"

Graham set his glass down, and looked at Regina, his gaze full of meaning. "I'm not implying anything," he said, his voice still cold and bitter. "I'm just surprised. The Regina I knew would never have been able to manage that level of humanness."

"Graham," Regina cut in before Henry and Robin could say anything. "You're drunk, and you're upset. This really isn't a good time to be talking for you."

"I'd listen to Regina, mate," Robin said darkly. "Best do as she says, or there could be some nasty consequences."

Graham let out a derisive laugh. "Story of my life."

"What are you talking about?" Robin snapped.

"You want to know? You really want to know?"

"Graham…" Regina said warningly. "Don't."

"Why not?" he shot back angrily. "What are you going to do to me?"

She glared at him. "I'm not threatening you, I'm asking you."

"Asking me?" Graham let out a bitter laugh. "Well, there's a first. Why don't you just rip out my heart and force me? It's so much easier, Regina!"

"All right, that's enough!" Robin flared, standing up and striding toward Graham. "One more word—"

"Get off me, mate!" Graham shoved Robin back. Hook and Neal gasped, exchanging wide-eyed looks as Robin slowly pushed himself back up. "You have no idea what you're talking about!"

Robin glared at him, seething. "Don't touch me," he growled, pointing a threatening finger at him. "And don't you dare say another word about Regina."

"You know, I envy you," Graham said coldly. "You must know a much different Regina than the one I did to defend her like this. Because the one I knew ripped my heart out after I refused to murder Snow White—"

"Awkward," Snow murmured, lowering her eyes.

"—controlled my every move, purely for her own selfish needs." Graham's gaze flickered to Regina, and back to Robin. "Every need."

Robin's brow twitched. "What the bloody hell does that mean?"

"Think about it," Graham spat. "What do you think it means?"

Tink gasped, shooting her hand up in the air. "I know what it means!" she said wildly. "Pick me, Professor! I know! I know!"

"Tink—" Emma said, casting a worried look at Henry, who was scrambling out of his chair, desperately trying to escape the table before—

"IT MEANS SHE FORCED HIM TO HAVE SEX WITH HER!"

"NO!" Henry wailed, falling to his knees, crying out to the heavens. Neal turned away, holding the back of his hand against his mouth, while Regina stood there, frozen in terror. Belle and Rumple exchanged nauseous looks, sinking lower into their chairs; David and Snow covered their eyes, shaking their heads; Emma hugged Henry to her chest, holding him as he stared with wide, horror-filled eyes into space.

Only Hook seemed unperturbed. "Is that it? Bloody hell, Regina, have at it!" he exclaimed, spreading his arms wide. "Rip my heart out, I'll take the job!"

"Oh, you're disgusting!" Ruby spat.

"You had your chance, love," Hook shrugged. "Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Go on, Regina, I'm ready."

"I need a drink," Henry said, breathing raggedly. "Somebody hand me something now."

"Henry…" Emma said worriedly. "I don't think—"

Henry ripped himself out of her arms and staggered toward the table, reaching for the wine bottled by David's plate.

"Henry—" Snow began and the same time David said,"Don't—"

Henry gulped the wine like a man thirsting in the desert, barely even noticing the cloying alcoholic aftertaste. He was probably going to be sick tomorrow morning, maybe later tonight, but that was the least of his worries. He needed to forget what he just heard. He needed a lobotomy, or some kind of special brain surgery to specifically remove that piece of his memory that contained the last two hours. And since he didn't have any of those close by, a bottle of red would have to do.

"Now look what you did!" Regina said furiously, coming toward Graham. "You turned my kid into an alcoholic! You've traumatized him! He's never going to recover from this, you spineless, worthless, sniveling—"

"Cowering, loathsome, repulsive, pathetic, moronic, vile little man-whore!" Hook finished cheerily "See, Regina, we work great together! Rip my heart out, make me your Huntsman! I'll even take another crack at killing Snow, if you like!"

"Hook," David said exasperatedly.

"David," Hook mimicked.

"Robin!" Regina shrieked as Robin slammed his fist in Graham's jaw.

"Oh, my God!" Ruby gasped as Graham threw a punch back and Robin's nose streamed blood.

"Stop it!" Regina said. "Neal, Hook—get those two away from each other!"

Neal and Hook argued momentarily over who had to restrain Graham, but when Regina yelled, "NOW!", they jumped to action: Hook tugging Graham away by his hook, and Neal pulling Robin away, cramming a napkin against his nose.

"Get off me!" Robin struggled against Neal, still trying to swing his fists.

"Robin, relax," Neal said impatiently. "It's over, just drop it."

"Yeah, just be thankful you got a chance to punch him," Hook added, smiling at Graham spitefully. "I've been craving that since Saturday."

"Oh, why's that?" Graham shot back. "Because you think it's my fault Ruby dumped you?"

The smile disappeared off Hook's face. "Watch it, mate."

"Oo-ooh," Tink said with relish, her eyes gleaming. "Bad-boys Graham and Hook. Very sexy. If you two want to rip off your shirts and start mud-wrestling—"

"Somebody, shut her up!" Henry yelled, trying to erase the image in his head with more wine.

"Come on, Professor!" Tink urged, fighting past Belle's attempts to cover her mouth. "You first! Let's see those abs!"

"Tink, you're making everything worse!" Belle said through gritted teeth, trying to clamp her hands over Tink's mouth.

"You, too, Captain! Get in there!"

"Tink, shut up!" Belle shouted.

"And where's Gorgeous McSexy?"

"STOP!" Henry screamed. "NO, MOM, I NEED THAT!" he added as Emma tugged the bottle out of his hands.

"Henry, you are not developing a drinking problem tonight! Not until you turn twenty-one, and it's legal!" Emma shouted, fighting his hands.

"I NEED IT!" Henry insisted, reaching for it. "MOM, PLEASE! DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"

"ENOUGH!" Regina screamed.

There was a flash, and an explosion of sparks, and the lights went out. Smoke slowly lifted off the shattered light bulbs, the crackling of frayed electricity the only sound to disturb the silence. Regina slowly lowered her hands, breathing hard.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly. "That was…unexpected. I didn't mean to do that."

Everyone remained silent in the darkness until Rumple finally cleared his throat.

"Um," he said hesitantly, his voice echoing slightly," why don't Belle and I take Henry home with us right now? I think he should probably get some sleep by now."

"Rumple," Belle said, the frown audible in her voice. "We're supposed to catch a flight at eleven."

"We'll catch one tomorrow morning," Rumple assured her. "Regina? Neal? Emma?"

"Yeah, go ahead," Neal said.

"That's fine," Emma said numbly.

"Please do," Regina breathed.

"Come on, Henry—" Henry felt a hand on his shoulder as Rumple guided him out of the room, carefully stepping over fallen chairs, glass crunching beneath his feet. "Let's go."

"I was right," Henry said miserably, allowing himself to be led away. "I am leaving way more fucked up than I was before."

"Oh, we all are, Henry," Rumple said with forced cheerfulness, patting his shoulder. "We all are."

Review, darlings! Please, please, please? And I'll write more, more, more!