CHAPTER 15
Jemma sank into her favorite chair in the living room, a little tired but in a good way. Allyn had made her rounds earlier that morning and, much to their relief, decreed how quickly their daughter was recovering and agreed that she and Aaron were sufficiently recovered enough to leave their bed. Jemma had felt slightly guilty as they were dressing when Aaron, jokingly, ventured;
"I guess a day and a half stuck in bed with me has made you eager to get back to a normal routine, hasn't it, sweetheart?"
Aaron couldn't help but feel remorse at his attempt at humor when she turned to face him, after having finished pinning her hair into place, her face a mask of guilt as she closed the distance between them to wrap her arms around his waist as she shook her head vehemently before denying;
"NO! Any time spent with you is the furthest thing from torture that I could ever imagine; in bed or out, darling. But, well it's just that..."
Grasping her chin between his thumb and forefinger, Aaron tilted her head back enough to lift her eyes to meet his as he speculated;
"You want to try and get things back to normal, and, just maybe, try and forget the fact of just how seriously sick our baby girl was?"
Huffing slightly, Jemma couldn't help but tilt her head to the side;
"I really can't hide anything from you, can I, honey?"
Chuckling slightly, Aaron shook his head as he brushed his lips against hers before agreeing;
"No, Jemma darlin, you really cant."
Taking the glass of lemonade that she had fixed herself as a reward for the chores she had accomplished, Jemma's thoughts were brought back to the present as she heard a slight knock at the front door. Sighing in slight aggravation, Jemma couldn't help but grumble a bit;
"Somehow, I don't think it's meant for me to enjoy a nice glass of lemonade today."
Setting the glass on the table she hurried to the door to find herself facing her middle brother, something that didn't fully surprise her as he stood with his hands clasped behind his back, rocking slightly on his heels as he bit lightly at his bottom lip in nervousness;
"I, uh, I just thought that I'd come by to see how you, Aaron, and Amie are doing."
Crossing her arms over her chest, Jemma couldn't help but shake her head slightly as a slight smile of amusement lifted the corners of her mouth;
"That's not the ONLY reason you came by and we both know it, Joshua."
Making a sweeping gesture with her hand, she invited;
"I think that we need to talk, don't you, Josh?"
Once she had fixed her brother a cup of coffee, just the way he liked it, and they had made themselves comfortable in the living room, Jemma, determined, took a sip of her lemonade before offering her brother a sheepish smile, she admitted;
"I'm sorry but I've tried to enjoy a glass of lemonade for the last couple of hours with no luck."
Nodding his head in understanding as he took a sip from his own cup, Josh wasn't surprised when his sister sat her glass on the table beside her chair before bracing her elbow on the arm of her chair before resting her chin in her hand to look at her brother pointedly as she began;
"Since I get the feeling that you're not quite sure how to start this discussion, I will. First of all, thank you for what you did when Amie was so sick, you'll never know how grateful I am to you and Julie, to everybody, but you and she have no idea just what a blessing you were and I thank you for that."
Setting his cup on the table, Josh leaned forward on the sofa to place his hand over the one his sister had laying on the arm of the chair as he faced her with a look of sincere emotion in his blue eyes;
"Pixie, I did what I did because I love Amie and Jacob, very much. Not to mention, you're my baby sister and I love you and I know how much your babies and your husband mean to you. I couldn't sit by and not help, not when I knew that you needed my help and not when I knew how scared you would be without Aaron, Jason, or Jeremy here, especially Aaron."
Leveling her eyes with her brother's the look in their emerald depths reflecting her pain and confusion, Jemma pleaded;
"Then why in the name of heaven above, if you know how much my children and husband mean to me, would you say what you did to me at Jeremy and Candy's wedding reception?"
Josh bit at his lower lip, he knew that, given how stubbornly she had dug her heels in before Amie fell so ill, that he had wounded his sister deeply with his careless words. However, he wasn't prepared for the shock of just how deeply those wounds ran as he caught a glimpse of the depths of sorrow deepen in the emerald pools of her eyes as she rose from her chair to cross over to the living room window. He could tell by the way she crossed her arms as if trying to hug herself for comfort, a habit she seemed to have acquired when she was an infant, just after their mother's death, as well as the sharp rise and fall of her chest, that she was fighting hard to contain her tears. Finally, when, Josh assumed, she had her tears in check she spoke;
"Josh, do you know what one of the happiest days, before Aaron and I were married and Jacob and Amie were born, was?"
Before he could offer a response she continued;
"The day that Aaron told me he loved me and the day he asked me to marry him, the first time. Up until our wedding day and the day our children were born, those were two of the happiest days in my life."
Shaking her head, Jemma couldn't seem to stop herself from sharing with her brother what only she and Aaron had known before;
"You asked me one time and I never answered you, when did I realize that I fell in love with Aaron; I think I can explain it to you now. Do you remember when I found Windy?"
Glancing over her shoulder and accepting his slight, silent nod as a positive answer, shaking her head she couldn't help but find amusement as she admitted;
"You know it's funny, Aaron asked me just before Jason and Julie were married when I knew I wanted to marry him. I remember, the night we saved Windy, thinking that when I grew up I wanted to marry a man like him."
Quietly, Josh asked;
"And when did you know you wanted to marry HIM?"
A slight smile crossing her features as she recalled the memory, Jemma sighed;
"Truthfully? When I was sixteen and he took me in his arms for the first time to teach me how to dance; thanks to Lottie and Miss Essie's insistence that I learn. I was scared to death, not because he intimidated me, although I let him think that for a little while, but because of what he made me feel. I had never experienced those types of feelings before and I knew that I couldn't discuss them with anyone, not even you."
Josh sat, mulling over his sister's words as he realized that, some of what she was sharing with him, he might well be the only person, save herself, who knew these details of the relationship between her and Aaron. Remaining quiet, he allowed her to continue baring her soul as she picked up her tale;
"After the first lesson, I remember considering the idea of trying to find excuses not to continue the lessons. But, no sooner had the idea occurred to me then I found myself on the verge of tears at the thought of not being able to spend the time with Aaron. I knew that Aaron had feelings for me, he admitted that to me just after he was shot, but as happy as it made me, learning that was the case, the day that he told me that he was in love with me all I could think about was how happy and relieved I was to find out that I had not managed to fall in love with a man who didn't return the feeling."
Shaking his head, Josh admitted;
"No, there's definitely no denying the fact that Aaron loves you, especially. considering that he's never made any bones about it or tried hiding the fact. Well, except for when you two were trying to hide your courtship during the bet over the mountain."
Returning to her chair, the look of joy that she wore changed as she recalled;
"Josh, Aaron proposed to me a few days after he told me that he was in love with me. It was just shortly after my eighteenth birthday, but I knew how you, Jason, and Jeremy felt about him at the time and I wanted your blessings. I didn't want to be forced into trading my brothers for the man that I loved and wanted to share my life with, so I asked Aaron to give me time to make the three of you understand how we felt for each other and to get your blessings. But, that would be when Jason had his stroke of brilliance to bring back the brides and..."
Hanging his head in shame for the part that he played in an event that had stalled his sister's happiness, Josh sighed in self aggravation;
"The bet."
Nodding as she leaned back in her chair, Jemma confirmed;
"The bet. You see, I had not given Aaron my answer at that point, but I had made my mind up the night before you four decided to make that bet that I was going to tell Aaron that I would marry him so that he could talk to Jason; however, as I was making my way to the mill, I heard the news."
Spreading his hands in a pleading manner, Josh demanded;
"Pixie, why didn't you say something? You had a say in that bet just a much as we four did and if you had told us, Jason, Jeremy, and I would have backed out of it and I know that Aaron would have, especially considering that YOU were his motivation for making it in the first place."
Noticing how she primly folded her hands in her lap before pinning him with the searching look in her eyes, Josh wasn't surprised as she asked calmly;
"Did I, Josh, I mean, did I really have any say in what you four decided?"
Unsure of the right answer, Josh chose to remain silent as she ventured;
"With Aaron, yes, I might have had a say. But, despite having always said that everything was equal between the four of us, you three were always making the decisions. If the three of you agreed then you just went ahead and assumed I was in full agreement, think about it; I know had I said something Aaron would have insisted on my agreement, but not even he questioned it when you three agreed to that bet, because it was what everyone had come to accept and expect. Even I was guilty of the logic, it was easier to let you three, especially Jason, make my decisions. Grant you, I know there were times I was stubborn, but I never questioned the major decisions, at least not until the bet came up."
His curiosity pushing him, Josh asked;
"Did you ever tell Aaron how you felt about the bet?"
Josh could see by the way her eyes clouded slightly just how that particular discussion must have gone. His theory was confirmed as she offered a humorless chuckle;
"Oh yes, I told him. I made a slight detour on my way to the mill to stop and think, and the more I thought the more I realized I was in a no-win situation. Seattle needed the brides if it was going to keep living and growing, Jason, Aaron, and everyone else was right about that. I had no doubts that if I had asked him to, Aaron would call off the bet and still agreed to help finance the expenses for the trip, but I also knew that, given his stubbornness, just how Jason would react to that, especially when he learned that Aaron wanted to marry me."
Shaking her head, Jemma gave her brother a beseeching look;
"You and I both know just what Jason's reaction would have been had Aaron asked for my hand and I agreed, mind you after he called off the bet and was still willing to back the trip."
The dawn of understanding dawning in his eyes as they widened, Josh surmised;
"You thought that everyone, even us, would think that either, Aaron blackmailed you, or you sold yourself into marriage with him. Not to mention, Jason would have seen it as your lack of faith in him to do what he sets out to do."
Jemma nodded slowly as she lowered her head to confess;
"All I could do was cry. Can you imagine; the man I gave my heart to when I was sixteen feels the same about me as I do him and asked me to become his wife and share his life with him and, no matter how badly I wanted to do otherwise, the only answer I could give him, at least then, was 'NO'."
Furrowing his brow, Josh asked quietly;
"What happened when you told Aaron?"
Sighing heavily, as if trying to brace herself for the memory, Jemma swallowed hard as she began speaking;
"When I got to the mill, he could see I was upset and wanted to know why. I told him that I had heard about the bet and he tried shrugging it off by saying it was just a good-natured bet between him and Jason. I told him that it wasn't, it was a good deal more."
Josh knew that, even though she brushed them from her cheeks, she didn't realize that tears had begun running from her eyes as she continued;
"I told him that I was on my way to see him when I heard what happened and the reason was that I was going to give him my answer; I'll never forget the look on his face. In the space of just a few seconds, I had managed to make the man I love, both, the happiest and the saddest man I had ever seen by what I said. I told him that I had made up my mind to marry him, to let him go ahead and speak to Jason and that, even if Jason refused his blessing or permission, I was willing to elope. You can't imagine how overjoyed he looked when I said that, Josh, but then I told him that there was no way we could be married, at least not right then because of the bet; I had to stop him from walking out the door to find Jason to call the bet off. All I could tell him was that, even if you were all in agreement, we still couldn't be married, that we were going to have to let the bet go on as it was and that we'd have to wait until it was over with before we could consider being married."
The look on his face reflecting just how seriously he took his sister's confidences, Josh tilted his head to the side to venture;
"Considering just how much Aaron loves you I can't imagine that he took that very well."
Shivering slightly at the recollection of the frenzied look that she saw in her husband's dark eyes that day, Jemma shook her head slightly;
"Decidedly not. When I was about to leave, he grabbed me to him and begged to know why we couldn't go ahead and get married, I told him because Jason, you, and Jeremy would think that I sold myself into marriage because of the bet because I didn't have faith that you three could meet the terms and that, even if the bet were called off, everyone would still think I sold myself so that he would agree to do so."
Softly, he asked;
"What did Aaron say when you told him that?"
Lowering her eyes to her clasped hands in her lap, she explained;
"He became angry; he told me that he didn't give a damn what anyone else thought because we knew the truth and that if I was worried about what gossips thought I was worried about the wrong thing. I became so angry with him, Josh, I really had no right to be, because he had no way of knowing why the idea of anyone thinking such a thing would bother me. Truth be told, I didn't fully understand the reason behind it myself either, at least not at that time. I just knew that I never wanted there to be a doubt in, either, his or our children's minds as to just WHY I wanted to marry Aaron; I never wanted there to be a doubt that love was the foundation and not some ulterior motive."
Kicking himself mentally, Josh huffed in frustration;
"And I go and make a stupid comment about your selling yourself into marriage, not to mention, turning yourself into a broodmare because you happened to give birth to a set of twins."
Josh felt a stab of pain and regret in his heart for the look of misery and betrayal he saw in his sister's eyes as she offered softly;
"You were the last person on this earth that I would have ever thought would have said something like that to me, Joshua. It would have hurt had Jason, Jeremy, or Aaron said it, but, outside of my husband, I thought that you were the one person who knew me better than anyone else. I NEVER thought that I would have heard you say ANYTHING like what you said that day; especially knowing just how much my husband and children mean to me, Josh."
Leaning forward to take his sister's hands in his, Josh pleaded;
"Pixie, I am so sorry, sweetie, you have no idea just how sorry I truly am. I knew I was wrong to have said it before I even said it."
Her eyes reflecting the dam of tears that were threatening to break, Jemma begged;
"Then why, Josh, why would you, of all people, have said what you did to me that day?"
Furious with himself for the pain he had caused his sister, Josh jumped up from the sofa to cross to the window as he ran his hand through his hair in a frustrated gesture before turning to face his sister as he confessed;
"Because I wanted to hurt you the way that I thought you had hurt me, except there's was a huge difference; I KNEW what you had been through and how you felt and why you had absolutely no idea of what I felt or why I felt it."
He could see by the look of frustration and confusion in her eyes that his sister was having trouble fathoming his statement. Given the knowledge he had of just how tender-hearted she was, Josh wasn't surprised when she rose from her chair to approach him before taking his hand to lead him to the sofa. Once she had lowered herself to sit she waved her hand in invitation and waited until he was seated next to her before taking his hand in hers as she smiled sadly;
"Josh, the four of us have always been very close and able to talk to each other, but you and I have always been close in a different way. I mean, Jason, well he's always been more like a father to me then a big brother, and Jeremy, well he was always sort of my partner in crime and protector. But you, the first real memory I have is of you holding my hand when we'd walk to the schoolhouse to get Jeremy and so you could do your lessons. You've always been a little bit of everything to me growing up; part father, part big brother, part protector, but you were always my confidant and my best friend and you and I have always been able to tell each other everything, even when we couldn't tell Jason or Jeremy."
Shaking her head slightly she theorized;
"But, it seems as if something has changed between us and unless I miss my guess, it changed about the time Jason and Julie got married and just before Jacob and Amie were born, it got even worse when it came time for Jeremy and Candy to get married. I understand the when, just not the how or what, but I'd like to think that there's enough of our bond intact that we can still talk to each other about anything."
Heeding the advice that Holly had given him the evening before, Josh brought his hand up to cup his sister's cheek;
"We will ALWAYS have that bond, Pixie, you're always going to be my baby Pixie doll."
Offering a warm smile at the old nickname that her brother used for her when she was a small girl, Jemma placed her hand over his before pleading;
"Then tell me what's going on, Josh, just talk to me, big brother."
Sighing in resignation Josh began;
"It didn't bother me when you and Aaron got married, as a matter of fact, I was relieved. I knew that the man you married would have to be a stubborn and determined one, just to get past Jason, me, and Jeremy if for no other reason, and Aaron certainly fit that description. Once I had no doubt as to just how much the two of you loved each other, and despite your age difference, I had no doubts that you would be happy, and that was what I wanted the most in the world for you, Pixie."
Quietly, Jemma prompted;
"What changed?"
Taking a sip of coffee, Josh continued;
"The idea of you marrying wasn't something that ever bothered me; I mean, I knew that you would probably want a husband, children, and a home of your own so when you got married I didn't think anything about it. But then, before we knew it, out of the blue, Jason and Julie were getting married, you were a wife AND a mother, and then, even though we knew it would happen someday, Jeremy and Candy were no longer engaged but married and Jeremy was a family man."
Jemma found her heart aching for the agony that she saw in her brother's vivid blue eyes as he began unburdening his soul to her;
"I knew that, eventually, Jeremy and Candy would get married, even though it seemed like it took them decades to do it. But, when Jason got married like he did, it just seemed as if everything was changing; I mean, it used to be just the four of us, we had each other. Then, suddenly, I realized that things were changing; it wasn't just the four of us anymore, I know that we've always accepted Candy in our family since we realized that she and Jeremy were in love..."
Finishing his statement, Jemma tilted her head to the side to observe:
"But it wasn't the same as being married, was it?"
Josh shook his head slowly;
"No, it's definitely not the same. Like I said, when you and Aaron got married I didn't think much about it, I guess that, since you spent so much time in town with Lottie, it just didn't seem that much different to me, aside from the fact that when we saw you, more times then not, we saw Aaron too. But then when Jason married Julie I realized that he wasn't our big brother anymore."
Her face a mask of disbelief, Jemma spread her hands wide in an offering gesture;
"But, Josh, Jason will always be our big brother, just like I'll always be your, Jason, and Jeremy's baby sister and Jeremy will be our brother and you'll be mine, Jason, and Jeremy's brother."
Seeing the frustration in her brother's eyes, Jemma suddenly realized what her brother was trying to explain;
"Josh, was it because suddenly I wasn't just the Bolt brothers' baby sister and there was a Mrs. Jason Bolt?"
Josh nodded in relief that she was grasping his angst;
"Yes, suddenly you weren't just Pixie, our baby sister, you were Mrs. Aaron Stempel and you were about to become a mother. Then, it was no longer just Jason Bolt, it was Mr. and Mrs. Jason Bolt, and then it wasn't just Jeremy and Candy, they were Mr. and Mrs. Jeremy Bolt."
Staring at the pattern of the area rug under his feet, Josh shamefully admitted;
"When I said what I did to you, I was mad at you, I felt like you let me down and I wanted to hurt you."
The disbelief she felt evident on her face, Jemma demanded;
"Mad at me; but why? What did I do to let you down and why didn't you say anything?"
Clearing his throat in embarrassment, Josh admitted;
"I know that it doesn't make sense, but that's how I felt."
The look he wore reflecting his frustration, Josh confided;
"Pixie, everyone keeps pushing at me about it 'being my turn', but I don't know if I want to get married, at least right now I know it wasn't fair but I was mad at Jason and Jeremy too, you see, you, Jason, Jeremy all found what everyone hopes for and it was a stroke of luck that the three of you did."
Shaking his head, Josh lamented;
"Every time I've thought that I might have been so lucky something happens to prove me wrong."
Seeing that she was about to offer an argument, Josh held his hand up to stop her;
"No, Pixie, even you can't put a positive spin on this. Think about it; Luann, Peggy, Bridget, and that disaster with Valerie, I don't know if it's ever meant for me to find someone to settle down with. And, to be honest, at this point, I don't know if I want to, at least not for some time to come, but no one wants to hear that."
Realization dawning, Jemma ventured;
"And when I said what I did about it being your turn soon..."
Nodding, Josh supplied;
"I was already irritated because here you had Aaron and the twins, Jason had Julie, Jeremy finally had Candy, and I have no one, at least no one that I can imagine spending my life with. When you said what you did all I could think, right then, was how it was your fault because you got the whole thing started by getting married first, and because, stupidly, I felt like you should have known how I felt, even though there's no way you could have."
Hanging his head in disgust at his own actions, Josh admitted;
"What's worse is that, at the time, I didn't realize that was why I lashed out at you the way I did. I mean, deep down inside, I knew what the problem was I just didn't know how to explain it, to put it into words, at least not until I had a long talk with Holly last night."
Jemma couldn't help but emit a small laugh of amusement as she shook her head before pointing out;
"You know, it's really rather amusing when you think about it, isn't it? I mean, when we first met Holly all we could do was associate the word 'trouble' with her; and now, she's turned into an important part of all of our lives."
Josh couldn't help but praise;
"She certainly helped me understand and all she did was just let me talk it out."
Placing his hand over his sister's Josh offered her a look that, he hoped, conveyed his feelings;
"Pixie, I really am sorry for what I said to you, I was wrong to blame you when I didn't even know what the problem was myself."
Jemma gently squeezed his fingers affectionately as she tried to console;
"But, Josh, you weren't doing it intentionally, you just said that you didn't even realize yourself EXACTLY what was wrong, you just knew that you were angry, frustrated, and in pain, but not the reason behind it."
Josh heaved a deep sigh of self exasperation;
"Regardless, Pixie, you did nothing to deserve what I said to you, or how I hurt you."
Jemma couldn't help but feel the strings of her heart tug a little at the look of deep regret, sorrow, and pain in her brother's eyes as he begged;
"I swear, Pixie, what I said, I didn't mean one word of it. I know that the only reason you married Aaron is that you love each and those two little miracles are just that; little miracles and blessings. Can you ever forgive me?"
Josh closed his eyes in gratitude and relief as she wrapped her arms around him to hug him tight to offer, calling him by the childhood nickname she had for him;
"Always! I love you, Jubber."
Wrapping his arms around her shoulders before placing a kiss on the top her head, Josh smiled as he echoed her sentiment;
"And I love you too, Pixie doll."
Hearing the grandfather clock chime, Jemma pulled back to wipe the tears from her eyes before offering her brother a tender smile;
"I have to fix Aaron something for lunch, would you like to stay? I think there might be a few popovers in the pantry for dessert."
Taking her hand in his, Josh nodded eagerly;
"You're offering to feed me, AND some of your popovers? Now I know you still love me and forgive me."
Laughing as she rose from the sofa, Jemma quipped;
"Of course, but I had better get to work or it will be Aaron's forgiveness that we'll BOTH be begging for if that appetite of his gets out of control."
Josh shook his head as he joined in her laughter as she pulled at his hand, encouraging him to rise and follow her to the kitchen. They were still laughing as the kitchen door swung closed, neither realizing that the four walls of the living room were not the only witness to the siblings' earlier confidences to each other as Aaron made his way quietly back to his study. Pushing the door closed, he lowered himself into his desk chair before bracing his elbows on the arms of the chair as he folded his hands together in contemplation.
He had not known that Josh and Jemma were in the living room talking when he ventured from his office in the hopes of a fresh cup of coffee. He was about to call out in search of his wife when he heard the voices in the living room, realizing that what was taking place between them was the much-needed discussion between his wife and her brother, he was about to return to his office when he heard Jemma sharing with her brother, what he didn't even know, how she had felt when she realized that she was falling in love with him. He sat for a while longer processing what he had heard; although logically, he knew that the rift that had taken place between him and Jemma after he had proposed have been hard on her as well as himself, he had never contemplated the level of pain that she had suffered, or what it had cost her to make the decision that she had. Knowing now what he didn't know at the time, what she had suffered at the hands of Helen Dalton's vicious tongue, he felt a sharp dagger of guilt pierce his heart at the realization that her concern over accepting his first proposal had not been fear over what the gossips would say for her own sake, but the backlash that he and their children might have suffered over such gossip. Even worse, at least in her mind, the worry that he might question whether she married him out of love, or for some ulterior motive.
Replaying Josh's part of the conversation through his mind, Aaron suddenly struck on the thought that, just perhaps, he might understand his brother in law's problem a bit better then he understood it himself. Glancing at the pile of contracts on his desk that he had been going over, before discussing them with Jason, Aaron began formulating a plan that just might, both, help solve Josh's problem and prove a mutual benefit to the Bolt-Stempel family. With that course of action firmly laid out in his mind, Aaron went to the small safe that was hidden behind a row of books on the large bookshelf; once he had the small metal box open he quickly located the small box he had been saving and slipped it in his hip pocket. He had just finished sliding the books back in place in front of the bookshelf when he heard a short knock on the door before Josh opened it to peep around the corner before advising;
"Aaron, Pixie said lunch is ready if you are."
Nodding, Aaron motioned towards the hallway;
"I'm always ready for anything my wife cooks, Josh; let's go."
Jemma emerged from the washroom, after a relaxing bath, bristling her long tresses with a towel as she sat at her dressing table before she began combing through the waves and curls to rid them of any possible tangles. Returning her comb to its place in the drawer as she lifted her head Jemma caught sight of her husband standing in the doorway, leaning against the door frame with his arms folded over his broad chest. She could tell by the look in his dark eyes that he had been watching her for a while as if studying her. Curiosity filling the depths of her own emerald green eyes, She turned in her chair, her face a mask of perplexity as she asked softly;
"Aaron, darling, is there something wrong?"
Her confusion grew as, wordlessly, her husband swiftly closed the distance from the doorway to where she sat to take her hand in his as he pulled her up from her chair before leading her to the rocking chair. Frowning slightly, her concern growing, Jemma asked hesitantly;
"Aaron? Honey?"
Before she could say more, Aaron settled himself in the rocker and pulled his wife onto his lap before placing his fingers against her lips as he shook his head;
"No questions, I want you to just sit here and let me say my piece and then you can say whatever you'd like; fair enough?"
Resigning herself to silence, Jemma offered a slight nod and let her eyes rest on her hands, which she had folded primly in her lap. Taking her chin between his thumb and forefinger, Aaron brought her eyes up to meet his, something that found Jemma on the verge of panic at the look she saw in her husband's dark eyes; a look that she could only associate with a cross between sorrow and regret.
Seeing the rising panic in the look she wore, Aaron hastened to calm the fear he saw reflected in the bright green sparks in her emerald eyes;
"Calm down, love, just hear me out."
Placing his hand against her cheek as he searched her face, relieved to see the fear in her eyes ebbing away, he began;
"I think that there are some things that you and I should discuss, sweetheart; actually, I think that THIS particular discussion is one that is long overdue."
Placing his arm around her shoulders, Aaron drew her close against his chest as she curled her legs beneath her as if laying in his lap, before laying her head against his chest as he took her hand in his;
"I owe you an apology for something, love. I said something to you shortly after the first time that I proposed, when you found out that Jason and I had made that damnable bet when you came to the mill to give me your answer. I was wrong for losing my temper with you that day and I'm sorry, darlin; you have no idea just how sorry. Jemma darlin, do you have any idea when I fell in love with you?"
Lifting her head from his chest she looked into his dark eyes as she stammered softly;
"I, I'm really not sure. I just always thought that it started just before you offered to teach me bookkeeping."
Lifting his hand to push the thick mass of her hair over her shoulder before he noticed the silken feel of the strands as they slid through his fingers. Aaron heaved a deep sigh as he diverted his mind back to his original intentions, as he brushed the backs of his fingers across the pale, soft skin of her cheek;
"You're partially right, love. Actually, I could almost tell you just EXACTLY when I realized I was falling in love with you."
Jemma couldn't help but notice the wistful look that came into her husband's eyes just before he pulled her closer to lay her head against his chest as he held her possessively as Aaron let his mind wander back to, what he considered, one of the most important days of his life as he remembered;
"Lottie and Miss Essie had been at me about your education, they felt that, despite how intelligent and smart you were, and still are for that matter, that you also needed to learn some of the more 'social' aspects of being a lady."
Shaking his head, he admitted;
"I remember laughing when they said that because all that came to my mind was this little wisp of a girl standing in a raging current up to her waist, trying to rescue a wild colt as big as she was. Not to mention that little girl who scared the daylights out of her brother by climbing to the top of a tree to top it,"
Jemma could feel the touch of his hand against her hair as he issued a slight laugh;
"The little nature girl with a glorious mane of dark red auburn hair with all its wild curls and waves, not to mention the Bolt brothers' baby sister, and me, of all people, was being asked to help further her social education. Finally, I gave in to Lottie and Miss Essie's nagging and agreed; to be honest I thought that I would give you a couple of lessons in dancing and then become 'too busy' to be available for anything more."
Although she didn't show the fact, Jemma was shocked by his admission as she asked quietly;
"What changed your mind?"
Jemma could feel the heavy rise and fall of his chest against her cheek as he answered;
"When I showed up for your first lesson I was expecting to find this wild little creature who would probably have to be forced into paying attention. I remember when I walked in the door and saw that you were not there yet, I began to say something to Lottie about how frustrating it was that I could take time out of my busy schedule to do her and you such a favor, and how you could at least be punctual, but I never said a word to her. Instead, just as I was about to open my mouth to speak I happened to look up and saw the most beautiful thing I had ever seen; you."
Jemma remained quiet as he continued;
"There are a lot of things that I will never forget as long as I live, sweetheart, and the sight of you standing at the top of Lottie's staircase in that green dress that you were wearing that day, with your hair pulled back to fall down your back; all I could do was stare. But as surprised as I was, it was nothing compared to how shocked I was when I took your hand in mine and took you in my arms. I remember thinking that night that I must have been losing my mind; I was thirty-two years old and this sixteen-year-old girl was having such an effect on me. I almost kept to my plan of 'being too busy', but I thought that if I did that then I was admitting that I wasn't strong enough to resist you, to control my own feelings"
Shaking his head, Aaron confessed;
"I was lying to myself."
Lifting her head to search his eyes, her own reflecting her puzzlement at her statement, Jemma couldn't help but ask;
"Lying to yourself how? I don't quite understand, honey."
Jemma found her eyes widening in surprise as he admitted;
"I was lying to myself, sweetheart because my refusal to back out of teaching you how to dance wasn't because I wanted to prove to myself that I could resist how you made me feel, it was because, deep down inside, the idea of never feeling what I felt the first time that I held you in my arms wasn't a thought that I could bear contemplating. Jemma darlin, by your second lesson there were two things that I was more than certain of; one, you were and still are one of the smartest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, considering that it was quite obvious that you were a naturally quick learner since you were such a natural at dancing."
Huffing somewhat in amused agitation, Jemma pointed out;
"But, you kept telling Lottie that I needed more lessons. If I was such a natural why would you insist..."
As if lightning had struck to illuminate the answer, the light in Jemma's eyes suddenly changed from perplexity to understanding as her husband nodded;
"That's right, love; I told Lottie you needed more lessons so that I had a legitimate excuse to be near you, not to mention hold you. I knew by your second lesson that there just no way around it, I was in love with you, but, fool that I am at times, I kept kicking myself because, as much as I loved and wanted you, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind about the difference in our ages."
Shaking his head in frustration, Aaron admitted;
"I even tried convincing myself that you just had the qualities that I wanted in a woman and that it was just a case of finding someone like you. But, as we're both reminded by the scar from a bullet, that particular plan proved rather futile."
Biting at her bottom lip in trepidation, Jemma ventured hesitantly;
"Darling, please don't think that I'm being insensitive, but I don't understand why you're apologizing."
Cupping her face in his hands, Aaron drew a deep breath as he confessed;
"Because, my love, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but I heard your and Josh's discussion earlier today; the reason for the apology, darlin is because I was a very selfish man. You see, all I thought about at that time, and even up until today, was the pain that I felt that day. I knew you were upset that day, but it never occurred to me just how much pain that it cost YOU to give me that answer, even when I found out about everything that you had been through, thanks to Helen Dalton, I still never considered just what the implications were on that particular decision."
Aaron felt her go completely still in his arms as if she had suddenly become frozen, just before he felt her small frame shudder slightly as she lifted her head from his chest to face him as she begged, her voice breaking slightly;
"Aaron, darling, it, it really doesn't matter anymore. I mean we got past it, we're married now and we have our children, you don't have to do.."
Placing his fingers against her lips to silence her protest, Aaron shook his head vehemently;
"Yes, sweetheart, it DOES matter; I wronged you out of selfishness because of my own pain. I should have realized that you said what you did, not because you were worried about how people would gossip, but because of how it might affect me and, later on, our children. You put yourself through a great deal of pain because you wanted to try and spare me pain and doubt, something that you could have just ignored in pursuit of your own happiness."
Placing his hand against her cheek, Aaron gazed lovingly into her eyes;
"And there are three things that I want to make very clear to you, Jemma Elysia; first, NEVER, EVER doubt how much I love you and never think that I don't know just how blessed I am by the fact that you love me, and never think that I doubt that fact for one second. And last, but not least, I promise you that I will never take your feelings for granted again, sweetheart."
Never breaking his gaze with his wife's eyes, Aaron cupped her face in his hands as he gently brushed the tears that began trickling down her cheeks as he shook his head before softly admonishing;
"No, Jemma love, I didn't say all of this to see tears in those beautiful emerald eyes of yours, I said it because I was wrong to have said what I said to you that day, to have only thought of myself and what I was feeling, rather than considering what price it was that you might be paying and because that type of inattention to you and your feelings will never happen again, that, I promise you."
Jemma sat for a moment before taking a deep breath as she placed her hands over her husband's before meeting his gaze as she swallowed back the emotions that were overwhelming her as she admitted;
"Aaron, love, I'm sorry too. I knew how much pain I caused you that day, I could see it in your eyes, but I didn't know what else to do, honey, I wanted so badly that day to ask you to take me to Clearwater, or even Tacoma so that we could just go ahead and be married But, I was so afraid that, had we eloped, everyone would say I sold myself into marriage with you because of that stupid bet, but I was more afraid that you might question whether or not I married you for love or because of Bridal Veil Mountain."
Lowering her eyes slightly, Jemma took her husband's hand in both of hers before holding it against her breast;
"My biggest fear, at that time, was that there would come a point in time when I would say; 'I love you' and then look into your eyes and see even the slightest bit of doubt in them as to whether I was telling you the truth."
Shaking her head, she stated sadly;
"Darling, I couldn't live with that fear and I didn't want you to live with that doubt."
Holding her chin between his thumb and forefinger, Aaron sighed heavily as he offered her a slight smile;
"I'll tell you what, how about if we just forgive each other? Although I have nothing to forgive you for; what you did was out of love and concern, not selfishness like mine was. But, if it makes you feel better, I'll gladly forgive you, on one condition."
Jemma's relief showed in her eyes as she asked;
"Just what 'condition' might that be?"
Slipping his arm around her waist to pull her slightly closer, Aaron brushed his lips against hers; when he ended the kiss the corners of his mouth lifted in a smile that found Jemma sighing contentedly as she laid her head against her husband's shoulder before lifting her eyes;
"Am I forgiven?"
Wrapping his arms about her as he cradled her in his lap, Aaron chuckled slightly;
"As I said I have nothing to forgive you for, sweetheart, but how about me; am I forgiven?"
Using the tip of her finger to trace an imaginary heart in the center of his chest, Jemma offered;
"Aaron love, I never felt there was anything to forgive you for, but, for what it's worth, you have my forgiveness."
Lifting her head from his shoulder she looked into his eyes before a coy, loving smile appeared on her lips as she slid her fingers into the thickness of his dark hair before placing her lips against his right cheek before vowing;
"You also have my adoration and devotion."
Shifting slightly, she kissed his left cheek;
"And all my love."
Bringing her lips against his, she kissed him in a way that conveyed all of the emotions she felt for her husband before pulling back slightly to place her hand against his cheek to gaze into his eyes as she ventured;
"And of course you have my heart; let's face it, love you have all of me."
Jemma couldn't help but feel her heart swell and her spirits lift at the sight of the look in her husband's eyes and the smile of genuine love and happiness that graced her husband's handsome face just before he wrapped his arms about her to pull her against his chest in a tight embrace as his voice deepened with the emotions that his wife's declaration had evoked;
"Do you know something, love? You're a blessing that I don't deserve and was afraid to hope for, but I'm very grateful for, my sweet Jemma."
Tilting her head to meet his gaze, Jemma shook her head slightly;
"I'm no more of a blessing to you than what you are to me, my darling heart."
Giving in to the temptation she presented as he held her tightly in his arms, her face tilted as she looked up at him with a look of such love, adoration, and trust gracing her beautiful face, Aaron lowered his head and captured her mouth in a kiss filled with his love, devotion, and adoration for her, but also tinged with the desire that was always present where his wife was concerned. It never ceased to amaze him that the desire and passion that he felt for his wife was something that never seemed to ebb, even more amazing was the fact that she felt the same way for him; a fact, even now, evidenced by how eagerly she accepted and responded to his kiss and the feel of his arms holding her tightly. Aaron realized that both, he and Jemma, were on the verge of giving themselves up to the rising tides of their passion and desire, however, both soon found it necessary to control those tides as the unmistakable sound of their children's cries of hunger and frustration broke the mood; Aaron felt his wife's lips turn up in a slight smiled as she sighed in resignation before lifting her head as she placed the flats of her hands against his chest before venturing;
"I'm sorry, darling, no matter how much we may not want to, we can wait, but Amie and Jacob can't."
Giving her a gentle push to help her up from his lap, Aaron shook his head;
"No need to apologize, Jemma love, we knew this was an inevitability when we found out we were going to be parents. Go ahead and I'll be in to help in just a minute."
Jemma nodded as she leaned over to place a quick kiss on her husband's mouth before brushing her fingers against his cheek;
"Alright, honey."
Aaron found himself amused as she hurried to the doorway before turning to look at him over her shoulder;
"Oh, by the way."
Offering her a questioning glance, he asked;
"Yes, sweetheart?"
Aaron could only grin in loving amusement as a bright smile lifted the corners of his wife's mouth as she replied;
"I love you, very VERY much; and don't you EVER forget that."
With that she hurried out the door as she called out;
"Mommy's coming, angels."
Aaron sat for a moment longer before taking a heavy breath as he ventured softly;
"I sure hope that YOU remember that, Jemma darlin after I talk with Jason and then, hopefully, Joshua."
With that, he braced his hands on the arms of the rocking chair to push himself up to help see to his children.
Jason sat in the office tent, going over the requirements that the latest contract that he and Aaron had acquired when he heard his brother in law call out;
"Jason, are you in there?"
Turning to face the tent entrance, Jason invited;
"Come on in, Aaron."
Lifting the tent flap as he bent low to enter, Aaron glanced at the pile of papers on the makeshift desk in front of Jason before raising an eyebrow in question;
"I'm not distracting you from your work, am I, Jason?"
Rising from his chair to pour him and his brother in law a cup of coffee before offering it to Aaron;
"A distraction, Aaron? Yes, however, you're a welcome one, my eyes were beginning to blur with the words and numbers, so thank you, dear brother in law."
Reclaiming his chair as Aaron took the chair opposite, Jason took a sip from his cup before questioning;
"So what brings you away from the mill and out to see me today, Aaron, something to do with my baby sister, or my niece and nephew?"
Taking a sip from his own cup, Aaron considered the best way to proceed before beginning;
"No, Jason, Jemma, Amie, and Jacob are all just fine; other than a little cough now and then you'd never even know that Amie had been so seriously ill. No, it's not Jemma or the babies I came to talk to you about, Jason actually, it's Josh I'd like to discuss."
His face reflecting his perplexity, Jason frowned slightly;
"Josh? Why on earth would you want to discuss Josh, Aaron? I mean, he and Pixie have worked everything out between them and seem even closer than before, so what could you want to discuss about Josh?"
Reaching inside his jacket, Aaron pulled out a cigar before offering;
"Do you mind?"
Jason shook his head;
"No, go right ahead."
Chuckling somewhat, Jason reminded;
"Especially since I know you don't indulge in them as much as you once did."
Snipping the end of the cigar, Aaron lit the tip before inhaling deeply, blowing the puff of smoke, he nodded;
"You're right I don't, but I get much more satisfaction from my wife and children's company then what I ever did from these things."
Jason gave him another moment to enjoy his cigar before demanding;
"Alright, Aaron, now what is it about Joshua that has you concerned?"
Resigned to his purpose, Aaron launched in;
"Jason, I overheard Josh and Jemma's discussion."
Seeing the shocked look on his brother in law's face, Aaron raised his hands in a pleading gesture as he spoke around the cigar;
"It wasn't intentional, Jason, I swear."
Removing the cigar from his lips he continued;
"I didn't know that Josh was there and I left my study to get a cup of coffee when I heard the two of them in the living room talking."
Shaking his head, he confessed;
"I was about to go back to my study when Jemma began telling Josh about the reasons why she felt she had to turn down my first marriage proposal, I couldn't walk away. Jason, I felt so ashamed, all I thought about when she told me she couldn't marry me was my pain and that she was worried about what people would think. Do you know it wasn't worry for herself in that regard but the backlash I or our children might suffer because of it; again, thanks to our benevolent Helen Dalton."
Stubbing out his cigar as he gained control of his emotions, Aaron continued;
"She and I discussed it at length after their discussion so that's behind us now, but as I was listening, well, Jason, I think I know what's the matter with Josh and I think I might have an answer to help him. But the thing is, I need your help and your backing if it's to work, especially where Jemma is concerned and definitely before I make such a proposal to Josh."
Stretching his long legs out in front of him, Jason leaned back a bit in his chair as he waved his hand;
"Go on, Aaron, I'm listening."
Jason sat as Aaron began explaining his theory behind the shift of Josh's behavior over the past months and realized that, everything his brother in law was describing was things that he had seen for himself, he simply had not connected the dots as Aaron had. What Jason found even more disturbing was that some of what Aaron was describing, Jason realized that he had seen for himself and had even identified with before his engagement to Julie, if he were honest with himself. Resting his elbow on the table as he stroked his chin, Jason sat for a moment after Aaron had finished proposing his theories regarding Josh's behavior, absorbing everything that had been said, Jason finally leaned forward to rest his arms on the table;
"So what you're saying, Aaron, is that you believe that what's really bothering Josh is that, he needs to find his OWN way?"
Nodding as he took another sip from his cup, Aaron theorized;
"Yes! Jason, I think that what the problem is, is that Josh feels lost right now; I mean think about it. First, Jemma and I get married, and while I know that you three expected her to do get married someday, and it was something she and I had wanted for a long time, even I have to admit that it did come as a surprise, I'm sure, to everyone, except maybe Lottie. Not to mention, I'm quite certain that the idea of your baby sister marrying wasn't something you hadn't thought about but I'm sure the idea of her marrying me was another story."
Jason chuckled slightly;
"I can't say that we weren't taken by surprise, although, in retrospect, I suppose I shouldn't have been."
His curiosity reflected in his dark eyes, Aaron demanded;
"And just what makes you say that you shouldn't have been taken by surprise, Jason?"
A knowing smile crossing his face, Jason offered in amusement;
"Because, dear brother in law, thinking back on it when Joshua and Jeremy were shanghaied and we went to Port Angeles to find them, when I said something about coming across Candy, Biddie, and Pixie in the saloon, I seem to recall a rather curious look that you wore."
Crossing his arms over his chest, Jason nodded as his grin widened before teasing;
"Come to think of it, Aaron, the second you heard me mention Jemma's name and the word 'saloon', you looked as if you would have liked nothing better than to go drag her out of there by the hand, of course, I found it confusing at the time because you also looked as if you were torn between turning her over your knee for being so foolish, or taking her in your arms because you were relieved that she was alright."
His features taking on a decidedly defensive glare, Aaron challenged;
"Fine, Jason, find humor in it, but tell me this; what would you have done if you had been told that about Julie?"
Seeing the amusement leave his face, Aaron wasn't surprised when Jason nodded slightly;
"Touche, Aaron."
Aaron huffed in frustration;
"As I was trying to explain before you decided to find amusement at my expense; there were a lot of changes in a short time. Jemma went from being your baby sister to my wife and then a mother, you and Julie got married, then Jeremy and Candy; Jason, Josh suddenly finds himself the minority and feels left out. The thing is that's it's not just because you, Jeremy, and Jemma are married and he isn't, it's because he isn't interested in settling down right now, if ever; what Josh wants is to find a place in this world where he feels he belongs, a place that he forges for himself, at least that's what I think."
Nodding, Jason agreed;
"I think you're right, Aaron, and I think that what you're proposing might be just the thing to help Josh make that place for himself."
Rising from his chair to make his way to the opening of the tent to look out over the mountain, Aaron sighed, resigned to what he knew would prove to be best for Josh, yet what he knew would prove difficult, and that was putting it lightly, for his wife. Glancing over his shoulder to his brother in law, Aaron pleaded;
"I'm glad that you see it that way, now would you mind helping me in convincing your sister of that? At the very least could you at least convince her not to strangle me when she finds out just who came up with the idea just how to go about helping Josh?"
Joining Aaron at the tent opening, Jason placed his hand on his brother in law's shoulder;
"Aaron, Pixie knows that Josh hasn't been happy for a while and if this will make him happy then she'll be just fine with it."
Leveling his eyes with Jason's, Aaron gave a slight shake of his head as he pointed out;
"Jason, you, of all people, know how close those two are and the reason for it. Jemma is NOT going to be happy about this plan, and you and I both know it."
Furrowing his brow slightly as he recalled something he heard his wife say, Aaron couldn't help but ask;
"By the way, there's something I'm curious about, that I wanted to ask you about. I heard Jemma refer to Josh as 'Jubber'; why is that?"
A light of recollection began gleaming in Jason's blue eyes as he offered a slight laugh before recalling fondly;
"When Pixie was learning to talk and Josh began spending so much time with her, he would try everything possible to get her to either say 'Josh' or 'brother'; the problem was that he kept running them together when he would try. I'll never forget the look of excitement on his face when, finally, one evening when he was trying to get her to say either 'Josh' or 'brother' and it looked as if she were about to do just that. She looked up at him in all innocence and smiles and started going; 'ju, ju, ju' as if she were going to say his name, except instead of 'Josh' what came out was 'Jubber', that was her nickname for him when she was very little. Later, she would call him that now and again, especially if she was sad or upset about something."
Shaking his head in contemplation, Jason admitted;
"I haven't heard her use that nickname in quite some time."
Considering the close relationship that they shared, Jason knew that Aaron's concerns over Jemma's reaction if Josh were to accept the proposal that Aaron had suggested offering him; something that Jason felt was a foregone conclusion, may well prove valid. Deciding that what was right for Josh was more important than concern over Jemma's reaction at the moment, Jason made up his mind to their definite course of action as he noticed Jeremy approaching and decided that there was no time like the present as he summoned Jeremy to join them. Once they explained their theory of Josh's angst over the past months as well as Aaron's suggestion of just what might help the middle Bolt brother the most at the moment, Jeremy was in full agreement, although he shared his brother in law's opinion as to just how their sister would receive the suggestion. Thinning his lips in consideration, of the best way to approach the issue, Jason ventured;
"I say we discuss this with Josh and see if he is even interested in the idea, then, if he is, we'll break the news to Pixie. Hopefully, if she sees that Josh is all for it then she'll resign herself to it and we may well be worried about her reaction for nothing."
Jeremy hurried from the tent in search of their middle brother, a task that only took a few minutes and found the two middle Bolts hurrying into the office tent almost breathless as Josh collapsed into a chair, trying hard to catch his breath, as he demanded;
"Alright, Jason, Aaron, Jeremy said you wanted to see me about something; what is it?"
Both, Jason and Jeremy turned to Aaron expectantly as Jason reminded;
"Your theory, your idea, so it's your show Aaron, go right ahead."
Huffing in thinly veiled frustration as he gave a slight shake of his head, Aaron grumbled;
"Fine, implicate me even deeper with my wife. Thanks a lot, Jason."
Seeing the slight confusion on Josh's face, Aaron began explaining this theory behind Josh's moods for the past few months, something that found Josh's brow furrowing in consideration as he turned to his brothers to nod as the curious look he wore changed to one of apology and sadness as he admitted;
"He's right, I had a hard time understanding it myself until I talked to Holly and then
Pixie, but Aaron's right. Please don't think that I wasn't happy for all of you, or that I wasn't happy when Amie and Jacob were born because I was, but I just felt like I was odd man out and the fact that I don't see me 'settling down' anytime soon, or that I really want to at the moment, I'm just not sure where I fit in or belong."
Jason placed his hand on his brother's shoulder as he offered quietly;
"We know that you're happy for us, Josh, and we want you to be happy as well. Aaron has an idea that he thinks would be good for you, our businesses, and the whole family."
Turning to his brother in law expectantly, Josh's face reflected his curiosity as he encouraged;
"Well, Aaron, let's hear it."
Once Aaron had outlined his idea, it wasn't hard to miss just how much the thought of what Aaron was proposing lifted Josh's spirits, a fact easily noted by the excitement that filled his bright blue eyes as he nodded eagerly before smiling broadly;
"Aaron, you're a genius, but I knew that when you wanted to marry Pixie so badly."
Frowning slightly, Josh reminded;
"But Jason, Aaron, you realize that, if we follow tradition, that means that this is going to call for a family vote; right? At the very least it's going to call for a business vote and we all know that either way there's a certain little spitfire who might well not be inclined to agree with the four of us."
Turning to Aaron, Josh pointed out;
"And you realize that YOU'RE the one who has to live with the repercussions if that temper of hers gets riled over this; don't you?"
Tilting his head to the side slightly, Aaron replied, his face full of sarcasm;
"Why don't you tell me something I DON'T know."
The sarcasm was soon replaced with determination as Aaron declared;
"But I also know that what's most important in this is what's right for you and the family as a whole. I also know my wife, once she gets past her irritation she'll come to that same conclusion, so if I have to live with her anger till then, then so be it."
Touched by his brother in law's concern, Josh placed his hand on Aaron's shoulder;
"Thank you for making the suggestion, Aaron, I appreciate your concern."
Clearing his throat to hide the fact that he was uncomfortable at his brother in law's show of appreciation, Aaron issued brusquely;
"Just see to it that you do a good job so that I don't regret making the suggestion."
Jeremy couldn't help but offer his boyish grin at the prospect of his brother finding an end to his unhappiness. However, his grin thinned out to a slight grimace as he reminded;
"Now we just have to figure out how to get this past certain little sister."
Aaron couldn't help but chuckle humorlessly as he pulled his gloves out of his pocket before standing as he prepared to leave as he turned to his youngest brother in law;
"THAT, Jeremy, is going to be the trick."