Aftermath
Chapter 18
Cora wore one of the nightgowns that Edith and Mary had picked out for her, more to see Robert's reaction. They would be leaving early the next morning for Switzerland, and all their bags were packed. She noticed the way his eyebrows lifted slightly when he saw it, and the slight smile on his face.
"I don't recall you ever wearing anything like that before. I like it." Robert said.
"Its new. The girls got me a few things for the trip, and this was not packed." Cora said.
"Can it be packed? I really like it." Robert said.
"I can see about it in the morning. They got me two others that were…a little less modest." Cora said.
"Definitely pack those." Robert said with a smile. He had his book in hand but didn't seem very interested in it. Cora got in next to him and shut her bedside lamp off.
"They are. Just wasn't sure how interested you'd be. Even before we separated, you weren't very attracted to me." Cora said. It was something that had bothered her for years, since she had had the Spanish Flu and Jane left the house.
"I'm told that happens in most marriages." Robert said. Cora turned on her side to face him. She wanted to know if Robert had loved Jane, and it was time she asked him. It would explain him not being attracted to her anymore.
"Robert, can I ask you a question? I'd like an honest answer." Cora asked.
"Of course." Robert answered as he put his book on the nightstand and turned towards her.
"Did you love Jane? You know, I never loved Simon Bricker, but things have not been the same between us in years, even before he came into the picture." Cora asked. She almost dreaded the answer. If he said yes, it meant he didn't love her, and if he said no, it meant that he hadn't been physically attracted to her.
"I didn't love her. I was attracted to her at the time, but you were so ill and then Lavinia died. I watched Matthew grieve for her and didn't want to imagine my life without you. As far as things not being right for us, that has less to do with you and more to do with me." Robert said.
"I don't understand. I know I am not so young anymore. I have wrinkles in places I didn't before, and things aren't so firm anymore." Cora said.
"You are still breathtakingly beautiful, and I haven't retained my youth very well. You have." Robert told her before giving her a very passionate kiss.
"I don't know about that. I feel…old." Cora admitted.
"You might feel it, but you don't look it. Cora, I promise, the only woman I have ever loved has been you. Jane was a mistake. One that I hope one day to get past. And it was never that I wasn't attracted to you, but that I didn't think you could be attracted to me after everything." Robert said.
"I always was." Cora said. She pulled Robert to her and they began kissing passionately. It was not something they had done in a long time, even before the separation. Pecks on the cheek or lips, occasionally was as far as they ever went but Cora knew it was a bad idea. "Robert, as badly as I want to do this, what time do we have to wake in the morning?" Cora asked.
"Five. I know. Bad idea." Robert said as he kissed her collarbone.
"Robert; I promise to wear the nightgowns once we get to Switzerland. We'll have an entire month to do this." Cora said.
"How tempting. I guess I could wait. If it wasn't for having to wake so early, I wouldn't. I'm just not so young now and I need my sleep." Robert teased.
"If that's what you say. I think you are more handsome now then when we married." Cora said.
"Cora, when you and I married; you thought I was a boar. How we got through that first year and managed to have a baby is beyond me." Robert commented as he settled back into the bed.
"Marital duty. It was not for passion or desire back then. That came along later." Cora reminisced. It had been a very unhappy time in her life. She had never been explained what was expected of her until her wedding night. Thankfully, one of the married maids took her aside and explained the facts of life to the barely eighteen-year-old Cora. Robert came to her half-drunk and much more experienced than her, and by the next morning, Cora understood all too well what was expected. Love came later.
"Thankfully for us it did. We know too many couples that it didn't happen for." Robert commented. Cora settled close to Robert and wrapped her arms around him. He leaned over and shut the light off and gave her a final kiss. "Cora, please know, I love you very much and I want this all to work out. It was never about not loving or being attracted to you. I was, but we simply grew apart for a while. Now, let's not let that happen again." Robert said.
"I love you too, my dear. I just…needed to know." Cora said.
"And I hope I convinced you. Now, get some rest." Robert said. It didn't take Cora as long to go to sleep as she thought it would and Robert was already snoring.