"So, how are you liking New York?"

Belle smiled, resting her head on Rumple's shoulder as they walked down…Whatever Avenue. "I love it," she said, sighing contentedly. "Thank you for taking me, I love it."

Rumple smiled, tugging open the door to the restaurant and holding it open for her. Belle sailed in, taking in the fancy white table cloths and dimly-lit lamps. There was soft jazz music playing in the background, and waiters with little bow-ties and everything. Very classy, indeed, Belle thought.

Rumple put his hand to the small of her back, guiding her to the host's podium."Hi," he said to the suited, important-looking man standing behind it. "We have a reservation for two, under 'Gold'."

"Gold…." The man adjusted his spectacles, and ran his finger down the list of names. "Ah, yes, here we are!" He snapped his fingers, moving fro behind the desk. "Follow me."

They followed him to a little table by a window, elegant candlesticks on either side of a vase of flowers. Belle nudged Rumple, smiling.

"So fancy," she said under her breath.

"I know," he whispered back, pulling out her chair.

"Thank you," she said, smoothing her skirt as she took her seat. Rumple went around to the other side of the table to sit down, nodding his thanks as he took the menus from the host.

"Louis will be your waiter this evening," he said, gesturing to the young man who materialized beside him. "I leave you in his capable hands."

"Good evening." He shifted his position, stepping in front of the table as the host left to go do other hostly things. "And what will we be drinking tonight? May I make a recommendation?"

"Let's see…" Rumple skimmed the menu, looking at the wine list. He twitched his mouth back and forth indecisively. "Hmm…"

Belle picked up her menu, flipping through the entrees. By the time she picked one out, Rumple might have narrowed it down between three wines, and then she would only have to wait another hour before he decided.

There were so many fancy, complicated names: some of them with little French accent marks, all of them with detailed descriptions of the buttery glaze that is complemented by the whatever-the-hell-kind-of-spice-is-on-these-potatoes. Belle frowned, looking for something good…or at least something she recognized. Somehow, she doubted they served hamburgers here.

Rumple picked out some fancy wine a few minutes later (Louis was growing increasingly impatient), but Belle still had not settled on anything. It was a bit daunting, going through all these Frenchy names and trying to translate them. She didn't want to end up ordering snails or anything, but she didn't want to seem so unclassy as to not understand French. All high-society-people spoke French…didn't they?

"Belle, do you know what you want?" Rumple asked, flipping a few pages back. "I think I'll go…Hachis Parmentier."

Belle wrinkled her nose. "What's that?"

"It's like—" Rumple waved his hand, shrugging. "It's kind of like shepherd's pie."

"Oh." Belle glanced back at her menu, shaking her head as she ran down the list of entrees. "I don't suppose you serve hamburgers here?" she asked Louis.

He wrinkled his forehead disdainfully. "I beg your pardon?"

"Oh, come on, don't pretend you don't know what a hamburger is," Belle said scathingly.

"No, madam, we do not serve—" he rolled his eyes slightly—"hamburgers here."

"Fantastic." Belle went back to her menu, exhaling in frustration. "All right…what's this—" she squinted at the words—"Coq au Vin, what is that?"

"Chicken prepared in red wine," Louis sniffed.

"That sounds good, I'll take that." She folded her menu and handed it to him, smiling tightly. "You take care, Louis."

Louis scribbled down their orders and took away their menus, promising to return shortly with their wine. Belle watched him disappear into the kitchen, then turned to Rumple with a smile.

"So," she said. "Guess what Hook told me?"

Rumple's eyes flitted to the ceiling. "He found out Victoria's secret?" he said dryly.

"No." Belle drummed her hands on the table happily. "Emma and Neal are going out now."

"What?" Rumple leaned forward in disbelief. "When did that happen?"

"About two weeks ago, I think? Maybe a week and half, I'm not sure," she shrugged. "But yeah, Hook says they get coffee in the morning and everything, they're all couple-y."

Rumple sat back. "Just like that?"

"Just like that," she beamed. "I'm so happy for them, aren't you?"

"He didn't tell me!" Rumple said indignantly. "I can't believe this, I just talked to him last night, and he didn't tell me!"

"Oh, don't be offended," Belle wheedled. "Neal never talks about that stuff, you know that."

"But I'm his father," Rumple insisted. "Shouldn't I know if he's got a new woman in his life?"

"Technically, she's not new," Belle pointed out. "Emma was new fifteen years ago, and I know for a fact you've met her since then." She snapped her fingers. "That reminds me—I still haven't found anything for Emma yet."

"How's that?"

"Christmas presents," Belle said impatiently, and starting counting off on her fingers. "I've taken care of Henry, David, Neal, still debating on Hook's—"

"He doesn't need a inscribed pocket watch," Rumple said exasperatedly. "It's too expensive. Just get him a dog from the shelter with a bow around it, and call it a day."

"He hates dogs."

"All the more reason to get him one."

"Besides," Belle went on, ignoring him. "He's already got a werewolf girlfriend, he doesn't need another pet."

"Had," Rumple corrected, smiling nastily. "She dumped his ass."

"Well, according to Robin…" Belle snorted at the look of disappointment on Rumple's face at the thought of Hook not being miserable. "Oh, come on, you knew that was going to happen again."

"I just hoped it wouldn't," he sighed. "She can do better."

"No way," Belle said. "He can do better."

"You're just saying that because you hate Ruby—"

"Yes, and you're just saying that because you hate Hook."

Rumple shrugged, not denying it. "So, I was thinking about offering Henry a little part-time job," he said, adjusting his jacket. "Help me out in my shop, after school. Spend some time with him."

"Will he have time?" Belle frowned. "I thought he was doing magic lessons with Regina for the whole Cora-revival-thingy."

"He's got some books, that's it," Rumple scoffed. "Regina's barely started teaching him anything, and it's been a month. I taught her in half that time how to conjure a fireball. Henry can barely pull a quarter of your ear." He tapped his lips thoughtfully, looking up at the ceiling. "Maybe I could teach him…"

"No," Belle said instantly. "You've been doing too well, Rumple, I don't think you should start playing around with magic again. Let Regina have this, she know what she's doing."

"Yeah, but I could help," Rumple said enthusiastically. "What if I—?"

"No." Belle gave him a severe look. "You don't want to have to detox again, do you?"

Rumple sighed, letting his head fall back. "No, I suppose not…"

Louis came by a little later with drinks, promising to bring them their food shortly. Belle gave him a frosty "thank you", still a bit miffed about his earlier derision.

"Oh, this is good," Rumple said appreciatively into his wine glass after Louis had left.

"Mmm," Belle agreed, setting her glass down. She looked around the restaurant, shaking her head in wonder. "I still can't believe I'm here. I've wanted to go to New York for so long."

"You know, Neal's still got that apartment in the city," Rumple said. "I think he's subletting it to some college kids until his lease runs out, but maybe we could buy them out…have somewhere to stay if you want to come back sooner than later."

Belle looked at him with shining eyes, her face lighting up. "Can we?" she asked excitedly. "Ask him, ask him!"

"I'll talk to him when we get back." Rumple smiled coolly, raising his eyebrows. "Among other things. Like why he didn't tell me about Emma."

Belle opened her mouth to tell him not to take it personally when a sultry voice purred, "Oh. My. God. Rumplestiltskin, is that you?"

Rumple turned white. "Shit," he squeaked.

"Rumple what is it?" Belle twisted around, looking for the owner of the voice. She frowned at a tall, skinny woman with a ridiculous amount of furs draped over her scrawny form, who was coming toward them with a big, red-lipped smile. "Can I help you?"

"My God, it is you!" she breathed, ignoring Belle as she gazed at Rumple. "Darling!"

"Cruella," Rumple whispered, looking as though he were going to fate.

"And who's this?" The woman beamed at Belle, her black-and-white bangs flopping as she turned her head. "Girlfriend?"

"Wife, actually," Belle said irritably. "Who are you?"

"An old friend," Rumple intercepted. "I knew her a long time ago. Long time ago."

"More than an old friend, wouldn't you say?" Cruella said delicately. "Speaking of old friends…"

She swept her arm out, gesturing behind her as a tall, powerful-looking woman rose from the seat, eyeing Rumple suspiciously.

"Darling, you remember Ursula, don't you?" Cruella said, wrapping her arm fondly around the woman. Rumple stared at her with wide eyes, nodding mutely.

"Hello, Rumple," Ursula said, a dangerous smile flitting across her face. She nodded at Belle. "Who's the Girl Scout?"

"His wife," Belle said through gritted teeth. "Now, who the hell are you? Besides the most obnoxious welcoming committee I've ever met?"

"Belle—" Rumple's voice was strained, cracking nervously—"this is Cruella, and this is Ursula. They're…they're from our land."

"Okay," Belle said, still eyeing the two of them with extreme dislike. "And?"

"And they're old friends," Rumple croaked.

"Ursula's an old friend. I'm the ex," Cruella said, her eyes gleaming at Belle. "As in, girlfriend. Of course, I don't really swing that way anymore…" Her eyes flicked to Ursula, and they shared a smile.

"Nor do I," Ursula said, tearing her eyes away from Cruella's. "Although, that doesn't mean I wouldn't mind seeing Hook again. Where is that little cockroach? Back in our land, getting herpes from some half-breed human or something?"

"Actually, he's in Storybrooke," Belle said, rising out of her seat to her full height, which was pathetically lower than Cruella's and Ursula's. "Why? What do you want with him? What do you want with us?"

"Don't get your pigtails in a twist, Girl Scout," Ursula snorted. "I just wanted to say hello… introduce my fist to his face a couple times…"

"Now, darling," Cruella said soothingly. "I thought we discussed this…Use a blunt object, not your own fist. I don't want you to get bruised on his account."

"I suppose you're right," Ursula grumbled.

"You could borrow my cane," Rumple offered. "I've used it before on him, it works quite well. So does a car," he added thoughtfully.

"So does a bookshelf," Belle mused. "And from what I understand, Ariel can slap him into a concussion." She shook her head. What was she saying? Hook was her best friend, and it didn't matter how secretly funny it was when he fell down or got whacked upside the head—she was not going to encourage this. "Can we help you find something? Why are you still here?"

"Are you joking, darling?" Cruella laughed. "Do you know how long it's been since I've seen Rumple? We've got so much catching up to do. In fact—" she pulled over a chair from an empty table, and sat down, smiling eagerly. "I think we'll join you for dinner. You don't mind, do you, darling?"

"Actually—"

"Brilliant!" She clapped her hands together, beaming. "Oh, this is going to be such fun!"

Sorry it took me a couple days, but I had to figure out how I wanted to write Cruella and Ursula. Some clarification: forget the canon from the show for them, I'm making up my own thing for them. No Snow and David sacrificing a baby, no psychopath Cruella (at least, not criminally)-remember, everyone's chill.