"Sit down, darlings, please!" Cruel urged, ushering them inside her lavish apartment. Belle gave her an awkward smile as she followed Rumple in, clinging to his elbow. "Sit, sit, sit!" Cruel insisted, waving them toward the expensive-looking couch. "Ursula, get them some drinks, would you? She makes a mean martini," she added to Belle with a wink.

Belle nodded, smiling uncomfortably. "Great." She leaned toward Rumple and whispered in his ear, "I don't want to be here."

"You think I do?" he muttered back. "Oh, thank you—" as Ursula held out a glass to him.

"Thanks," Belle said, taking hers.

"Sit, darling," Cruella said, lazily leaning back as Ursula handed her a third glass. "You work too hard."

Ursula took her seat beside Cruella, draping her arm around the other woman's shoulders; her eyes gleamed at Rumple, as if to say, Ha, ha—she's mine. Cruella smiled smugly, flicking her eyes almost derisively at them.

Belle exchanged a glance with Rumple: were these women actually trying to intimidate them?

"So, tell us about Storybrooke, darling," Cruella said. "I feel as though we barely skimmed the surface the other night."

"What did we talk about?" Ursula asked. "Oh, yes, how Rumplestiltskin has actually seen fit to let that leather-obsessed pirate whore to live. Gone soft, Rumple?"

"Gone tolerant, actually," Rumple replied, lifting his chin. "Between Belle and my boy, Neal, I've got enough people trying to keep me on the straight and narrow for me to actually make the effort. So, yeah, if you want to call it 'going soft', go ahead."

Belle smiled at him appreciatively, taking his hand. "And Regina," she reminded him.

"Regina?" Cruella sat up, her eyes moving rapidly between them. "What about Regina?"

"She's his daughter," Belle said, not noticing Rumple's frantic motions to shut up. "Which—" she snorted—"makes her my stepdaughter."

"Regina's in Storybrooke?" Ursula said, as if Belle's words had gone in one ear and out the other. "Seriously?"

"Yeah…" Rumple said, shifting uncomfortable. Cruella and Ursula exchanged a scoffing look, shaking their heads. "What?"

"No, it's just… I'm surprised she's still alive after everyone found out she cursed them," Cruella said, shrugging. "I know I wouldn't have allowed that. She's the reason we're stuck in this godforsaken world in this first place."

"She's the reason dear Maleficent had to force—I mean, send us through the portal here," Ursula added.

"To watch over her child—"

"—who she sent through—"

"—to protect her from Regina's curse—"

"—which failed abysmally, because we lost her after that—"

"—wasn't our fault, it's so easy to misplace a baby—"

"—ended up in the foster system, poor dear—"

"—but we found her when she was fourteen—"

"—on a bus from Minnesota—"

"—of all places, Minnesota—"

"—so we took her home—"

"—and she's been our little angel ever since," Cruella finished, smiling fondly at Ursula. "She's got a place in the city, comes over every Thursday for dinner."

"How…nice," Belle said, a little thrown by the barrage of information. "It sounds like you and your daughter are really close, that's nice."

"Yes, it is," Cruella agreed, sighing contentedly. "Although, it would be nicer still if Lily had been able to know her real mother…Such a shame, she's always been haunted by that."

"The poor thing," Ursula said sadly. "She's such a sweet girl—"

"—a little feisty, sometimes—"

"—occasionally, bad-tempered—-"

"—holds a grudge like Germany—"

"—but only because she wishes she knew her mother—"

"—terrible that she couldn't—"

"—that's why she acts out—"

"—had a few run-ins with the law—"

"—more than a few—"

"—but what's the law for, if not to break it?" Cruella asked delightedly, throwing her hands up.

"And we've told her all about you, of course," Ursula said. "She's very excited to meet you."

"Meet us?" Rumple repeated, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, she's coming by later, but don't worry about that now," Cruella said, waving her hands dismissively. "We want to hear more about you, darling."

"Yes, tell us about your son, Rumple," Ursula said, smiling at him over her glass. "Has he really forgiven you?"

"Yes," Rumple said simply. "We've made our amends. Now that he's got a boy of his own, he understands."

"There's a grandson?" Cruella tutted. "Oh, don't tell me that, darling, you make me feel old."

"His name is Henry," Belle said, trying to push herself into the conversation (it seemed like all three of them had forgotten she was there at all). "He's nearly fifteen, I think. Good kid."

"Clever boy," Rumple nodded. "A little cantankerous at times, but yeah, he's a good kid. Adores Neal," he added.

"He's a good father," Belle agreed with a smile.

"And son," Rumple added. "Even if he has secret girlfriends that he won't tell his father about."

"Let it go, Rumple," Bell said through clenched teeth.

"But I forgive him," Rumple went on with a little sigh. "The things you do for your children…You know, if it wasn't for Neal, I'd have stabbed the little pirate whore to death ages ago, and buried him under my roses."

"And Neal's stopping you?" Cruella snorted. "What on earth is wrong with him?"

"He's his best friend," Rumple grimaced. "What indeed."

"And mine," Belle said, a little stung. Exactly how invisible was she?

"He's friends with you?" Ursula said disbelievingly. "What kind of friends?"

"Not with benefits, if that's what you're asking," Belle said, narrowing her eyes at Ursula's skeptical look. "He's got a werewolf girlfriend he trades STD's with; I just eat lunch with him."

"Oho," Ursula said, leaning back in her seat and exchanging a significant look with Cruella. "He's got another girlfriend. Big shocker. Big shocker."

"Yes, I do hope this girl's got a lot of gumption," Cruella added grimly. "You need it, to be able to stomach all his bullshit."

"Well, she's got claws every month, so I'm sure she keeps him in line," Rumple said briskly. "Can we stop talking about him now? My dinner's threatening to make an encore all over your nice Persian rug."

"Never the rug, darling," Cruella said, casting a protective glance at it. "It cost me a fortune."

"Why would you spend so much on a rug?" Belle frowned.

"They're very in, darling. I simply had to have it." Cruella smiled wickedly. "My third husband learned that the hard way."

Belle's eyebrows shot up. "What does that mean?"

"It means, good life insurance and marriage to Cruella is a lethal combination," Ursula said, smiling at Cruella. "Good thing my life insurance is crap."

"Oh, you wound me, darling. You know I would never kill you," Cruella said, chucking her under the chin. "Who would make me my martinis?"

A knock at the door interrupted their laughter, and Cruella's and Ursula's heads snapped up.

"That'll be Lily!" Cruella said excitedly, leaping up. "On my way, darling!"she called, clattering on the toes of her ridiculous heels. They heard the door swing open, and a loud, "Darling!"

"Hi, Mom," a woman's voice said.

"Come in, come in! Here, I've got some people for you to meet!"

Cruella clattered back, tugging after her a dark-haired young woman with an air about her that said, You, and what army? Belle instinctively shrank back: maybe because she was tiny, and this girl looked like she could pack a solid punch; maybe because Belle knew she was raised by psychopaths who were supremely unconcerned with committing murder; maybe because Lily eyed her suspiciously, like she was planning to take her down anyway.

"You must be Lily," Rumple said, smiling awkwardly. "I'm—"

"Rumplestiltskin," Lily nodded. "I know. And your wife, Belle. My moms told me."

"Great," Belle said, attempting a smile. Lily glanced at her, raising her eyebrows and smiling tightly. Oh, the awkwardness…Just kill me now. Dear God in Heaven, bring me home.

"So…you're from Storybrooke, I hear," Lily said, taking a seat between her moms. "Regina's cursed town."

"And Regina's still there," Ursula added with a significant look. "So, we could use her blood—"

"What?" Rumple sat up, his eyes wide with panic. "What are you talking about? Use Regina's blood, what is this?"

"Relax, darling, not all of it," Cruella soothed. "We've been working for years and years on how to resurrect dear Maleficent—after all, one doesn't expect she'd survive Regina's wrath, the little—"

"My daughter," Rumple reminded her dangerously.

"The little sweetheart," Cruella continued smoothly. "And it turns out, there is a spell: the blood of the person who's wronged you most, and an object that carries deep personal significance for the person you're resurrecting. And now, we've got both."

"Provided, you know where Maleficent's, er…remains are," Ursula said delicately. "We'd like Lily to know her mother—"

"—and of course, Lily would like to know her mother," Cruella added. "She so reminds us of her—"

"—and we do miss Mal—"

"—very much, she was so lively—"

"—pretty easy on the eyes, too—"

"—and besides, I'm sure she would love to catch up with Regina—"

"—once we resurrect her, that is—"

"—which we are going to do, darlings, because you see—"

"—we're coming back with you, to Storybrooke—"

"—that's why we're so interested in talking to you—"

"—because on your own—"

"—you're really quite dull," Cruella finished, seemingly not seeing Belle and Rumple's deeply offended expressions.

"And what makes you think you're coming back with us to Storybrooke?" Belle demanded. "We're going to let you tag along, so you can kill Hook and Regina? I don't think so."

"We're not going to kill anyone," Cruella said, rolling her eyes. "Quite the opposite, darling, pay attention."

"No," Rumple said instantly. "No more resurrections. That town already has one zombie, and a second on the way if Regina ever gets around to it. No more."

"So it can be done!" Ursula said excitedly, clapping her hands. "I knew that spell would work!"

"That spell is bullshit," Rumple scoffed. "It wasn't a spell, it was my grandson. So you can forget about it, because Henry's never going to help you resurrect someone who's going to hurt Regina; nor am I going to give you that chance to hurt Regina. You're not coming back with us, and that's final."

"You don't scare me, Rumple," Ursula snorted. "You've gone tolerant. You can't do a goddamn thing to stop us or Nelson—"

"Neal."

"—whatever—is going to hate you again."

The three of them leaned back and smiled in satisfaction at Belle and Rumple's helpless faces.

"I'll pack my bag tomorrow," Lily said folding her arms. "Moms, book a flight."

SO? Come on, people, talk to me!