Although everyone called him Arney habitually, Arney no longer existed as one person. His mind was split: there were two completely different personalities. The first person Anna was internal, spiritual, agile, receptive, sensitive and vulnerable. The second person Varney was external, bodily, sad, indifferent, inert pale ghost frozen in a somnambulistic trance.
The healthier and stronger personality of these two was Anna, because she contained the creative principle. Varney was always depressed. He was half dead, because he bore the impact of the dead Arney, and therefore had the coldness and heaviness of the dead. Varney had the nature of a vampire, because he had no energy of his own and fed on Anna's energy. And Anna couldn't do anything about this, because despite her power Anna was too incorporeal to have any significant effect on Varney.
These two personalities were in constant conflict with each other, there was a continuous struggle between them, and therefore they both suffered severely. Anna hated Varney, because Varney was too dense and did not allow Anna to manifest herself, he built a blind wall between Anna and the world, immured her in the shell. Varney hated Anna because she was too incorporeal, agile, restless and tormented him, filling his heart with hopeless longing, forcing him to wander aimlessly and rush about.
But outwardly everything remained as before, people perceived him as Arney, who was only a dead shell of these two conflicting personalities, a receptacle of hell inside, outwardly - an empty faceless mask of indifference and powerlessness. Arney's quiet days were monotonous. They consisted mainly of daily routines: sleeping, eating, bathing, dressing, walking, taking medicine, reading morning and evening prayers. The rules of the game were simple: if you do something wrong, you were beaten, if you do everything right, they leave you alone. Nothing new. One day is like another. All actions are worked out many times and brought to automatism. You don't have to be alive for that, do you?
Arney barely spoke this year, ate little, slept little, lost his weight, even so grown up remarkably, his skin turned earthy pale, his eyes sunken in dark circles. There wasn't left a trace of the delicate cherub. He was supposed to go to school the next year. A Catholic school was chosen for his education because Elenor's family adhered to Catholic traditions. It was an old establishment with a solid reputation, which was located in the former building of the Carmelite monastery built in the Gothic style. Its vaults went far upwards, the long corridors immersed in twilight seemed endless, walls covered with grayish plaster were decorated with paintings of old masters depicting the scenes of the Last Judgment and the life of the martyrs. Eternal cold reigned in auditoriums, that smelling damp and musty. The furniture also was dark, old, massive. The school management did not change the interior deliberately, so as not to destroy the unique atmosphere of the ancient monastery. And Arney sensed it deeply.
The school's routine also resembled that of a monastery, and had been not changed for decades. Only boys attended the school. The day began at 7.30 with the obligatory prayer service, then classes began. The compulsory program included Latin, catechism, the basics of religion, Holy Scripture, chanting. Attending Sunday and festive services, reciting prayers, confession and communion were also required. Among the teachers the clergy predominated. A strict disciplinary system was developed, severe penalties for violation were provided, physical punishment was not prohibited, although the system of moral influence was so sophisticated that physical punishment seemed unnecessary.
From the first days the atmosphere of the school produced a strong impression on Arney's delicate nervous system. He was stunned by the extraordinary beauty and grandeur of the building and depressed at the same time. These ancient vaults awakened in him vague desires and strange fantasies. They caused both the desire to rise up, and the fear of falling into the abyss.
The first day of school was a shock for Arney. He had never seen so many strangers before. They were all fussing, talking excitedly, arguing, laughing. All were dressed in uniform black clothes and looked alike. Arney didn't know what was going on. It was like madness to him. They were led to a huge hall where a solemn prayer service was held. The black-robed man read a speech that contained many unfamiliar words. Then the children were assigned to classes and went to the classrooms. There another man in black, who introduced himself as their class teacher Herr Kohler, also said something long and hard: about obedience, humility, the will of God and the love of the God our Lord Jesus Christ to his flock. All this was very mysterious and incomprehensible to the little boy.
Then they all went to the refectory and were given some insipid bread and a glass of warm milk. But Arney didn't want to eat at all. He just wanted to get out of here and never come back. All these people were alien to him. Besides it was very cold here, and Arney was shivering. He gave his milk and bread to a boy who took it without any thanks and began to chew slowly and melancholy. Finally the whole ceremony came to the end, and they were allowed to go home. Mom picked him up and brought him home. But from now on he had to get up at 6 a.m. every day and go to school, because it was the other side of the city.
So school days dragged on. Daily prayers, chants, reading, writing, counting. All this was not very interesting to Arney. He often flew away in his dreams, looking thoughtfully out of the window, and received immediately a rod on his fingers for this. His classmates laughed at him and called him a "lunatic." He didn't make friends with any of them. They all looked the same to him. All he wanted to be left alone, and after school he would slip away as soon as possible.
Arney was interested in the occult sciences much more. When he became a little older, he would sneak into the old library and read old books on alchemy and astrology. He did not understand most of the words, but the mysterious signs fascinated him. He could sit for hours peering at them and trying to make sense of them. He had a small notebook, where he copied these symbols and in the evening looked at them secretly for a long time.
Their class teacher Herr Kohler was a middle-aged man, heavy, rude, and untidy, handing out slaps right and left easily. But at the same time he did not enjoy any authority among the students, they laughed at him behind his back and did all sorts of mischief.
Father Michael was a more interesting and charismatic person . He was a middle-aged man, slim and agile beyond his years. His face would have been handsome if there wasn't something carnivorous in its expression. He had black coarse hair, dark brown deep-set eyes with piercing gaze and sharp features of a predatory bird. When he smiled, which was rare, his yellow pointed teeth were exposed, and this gave him some resemblance to a vampire.
Father Michael taught chanting and religious disciplines. Arney was afraid of him, because he felt a threat coming from him. Nevertheless Father Michael enjoyed great authority among teachers and students. He never allowed himself public display of emotions and physical abuse. He usually called guilty students to his office and students were afraid of him. It seemed that those who were called to the office more often were losing their strength: fading, drooping, losing weight, some of them had disappeared at all. This aroused a mystical fear in Arney.
Especially great fear was caused by the lessons of chanting. For every wrong note penance was imposed: kneeling and reciting prayers. But most of all Arney was afraid of Father Michael's room. The thought of this took his breath away and he could not sing, though Arney had a beautiful clear voice. Because of this Father Michael disliked Arney, and gave him low marks. Nevertheless somehow Arney always managed to avoid Father Michael's room. But one day the boys' choir was singing Gloria in Excelsis Dei during a Festive Mass, and Arney forgot the words.
This angered father Michael, and he ordered Arney to report to his room the next day after school. Arney spent the whole day in a semi-fainting state, he didn't slept the whole night, imagining punishments that the most perverted imagination could invent, recalling the pictures of the Last Judgment and the tortures of the martyrs that he had seen at school. The next day he got out of bed completely exhausted and did not want to go to school. This day was truly hellish for Arney.
Since the morning he had felt unwell: he was dizzy, his stomach was sucking, a feeling of weakness spread all over his body, at times he broke into a cold sweat. He told his mother about that, but she decided the boy was lying, and did not allow him to stay at home. At school Arney got only low marks that day, as all the information didn't get him, he barely understood what was going on. Then came the fateful hour when Arney had to go to Father Michael's room. His legs didn't obey him, he thought not to go. But then a boy from the senior class came up to him and said that Father Michael was waiting for him, and that he would be very angry if Arney did not come. Arney went to Father Michael's room with a heavy heart. He went to the massive oak door, knocked, enter the half-light room and saw the stern face of Father Michael. All this was as in a dream.
"I've been waiting for you, my boy," said Father Michael. "You have sinned and must be punished". "Do you know what your fault is?" Father Michael asked. "Yes, Father," Arney replied. "I forgot the words during the Festive Mass." "No, my son, these weren't just words, you did not praise the God our Lord Jesus Christ, you negligented the Divine Service and thus defiled the Holy Mass. Now you must fully feel the weight of your sin and the purifying power of punishment. First of all this is necessary for you, my son. Take off your clothes!". "What? Arney asked in confusion. "Don't ask the questions". Arney undressed unwillingly. "Now get down on your knees and repeat after me." Arney knelt on the cold stone floor in front of a reproduction of Hans Memling's Last Judgment and began to repeat the words of the penitential prayer in Latin:
"Confiteor Deo omnipotenti, beat Mari semper Virgini, beato Michaeli Archangelo, beato Joanni Baptist, sanctis Apostolis Petro et Paulo, omnibus Sanctis, et vobis, fratres, et tibi, pater, quia peccavi nimis cogitatione, verbo et opere: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Ideo precor beatam Mariam semper Virginem, beatum Michaelem Archangelum, beatum Joannem Baptistam, sanctos Apostolos Petrum et Paulum, omnes Sanctos, et vos, fratres, et te, pater, orare pro me ad Dominum Deum nostrum".
That means: "I confess to Almighty God, to blessed Mary ever Virgin, to blessed Michael the Archangel to blessed John the Baptist, to the holy Apostles Peter and Paul, to all the Saints, and to you, brethren, that I have sinned exceedingly in thought, word and deed: through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault. Therefore I beseech blessed Mary ever Virgin, blessed Michael the Archangel, blessed John the Baptist, the holy Apostles Peter and Paul, all the Saints, and you, brethren, to pray for me to the Lord our God".
Arney was afraid to mispronounce a single word. He was shivering. Father Michael took out the rod and struck. The small, thin, pale body shuddered. This did not bother father Michael at all, as he continued to strike blow after blow, leaving bright pink marks on the snow-white skin. Arney didn't even cry, he was so stunned and depressed, that he only shuddered under the measured blows. Finally the flogging was over, and he felt Father Michael's long, spidery fingers slide over his skin. Arney was afraid. It was worse than the flogging, because it was incomprehensible. The cold, long fingers sank lower and lower until they reached the most vulnerable point. Then they paused for a moment. Arney panicked. He wanted to scream, but his voice was gone. Suddenly he began to feel sick, he vomited with his body convulsing, and he hit the floor, then he did not remember anything. Arney spent in a fever at home two weeks.