"Okay, so just go up there to the desk," Neal said, pointing at Granny's registration desk. "Ring the bell, and Granny will set you guys up with rooms."

Cruella frowned, squinting through her opera spectacles. "Set us up with rooms?" she repeated disdainfully. "What does that even mean, darling?"

Neal raised an eyebrow. "It means, she'll show you where you can sleep and put your stuff." How many other meanings could it possibly have?

"Hmm," Cruella said, evidently unimpressed. "It'll do in a pinch, I suppose. Ursula, darling, is that all the bags?"

"The prince is fetching the rest," Ursula said dismissively, gliding over. Neal stifled a laugh at hearing her refer to David as "the prince". "And Lily's parking the car."

"That horrible rental car," Cruella sniffed. "She might as well park in a lake, I'm never riding in it again."

Neal raised his eyebrows. Cruella was a very particular woman: he still had no idea who she was, other than an "old friend" of his dad's, but he was quite confident that she knew she was a diva, and gloried in it. Which was okay, because Hook was his best friend, and the biggest diva he knew (now second to Cruella), so…meh, maybe she wouldn't be so bad.

"Okay, so—you guys good?" he asked, looking between the two of them. "Need anything? The diner's literally right next door if you get hungry or—"

"Yes, thank you, darling," Cruella said, holding up a dismissive hand. "You can leave now."

"Oh…kay, then." Neal swiveled slowly on his heel, and walked back to the entrance, where everyone was still crowded so they didn't have to wait outside in the cold.

Christmas music softly played over the speakers, and Granny had brought out boxes of tinsel and wreaths to start decorating the diner and inn with (which Ruby eyed with utter loathing—probably since she usually had to hang it up). Despite the cheerful surroundings, Emma and Hook still looked as miserable and uncomfortable as they had since Cruella, Ursula, and Lily had shown up.

"Hey." Neal stopped in front of them, frowning concernedly. "You guys okay?"

"Mmm…"

"…don't wanna talk about it."

"Why not?" Neal looked between the two of them, watching them shuffle their feet and avoid his gaze. "Guys, what's going on?"

"It's nothing," Emma said, plastering a smile on her face. "We're fine. We're both fine. Are you fine? Of course, you're fine. I'm fine, you're fine, Hook's fine—see? Everyone's fine."

Neal slowly raised his eyebrows, looking at her skeptically. "You don't seem fine, Em. You seem a little psychotic right now."

"Oh, you—" Emma forced a laugh, ruffling his hair. "Look at you being all concerned, that's adorable."

"So cute," Hook agreed, joining in the hair-ruffling. "This guy…"

"Guys—" Neal complained, leaning his head away—"get off."

"You know, your hair is deceptively soft," Hook frowned, allowing Neal to push his hand away. "Do you condition?"

"Do I condition?" Neal repeated, blinking at him incredulously. "Did you just ask me that?"

Hook shrugged defensively.

"You know what?" Emma said suddenly. "I'm up for a coffee. You want a coffee? Let's get a coffee. Come on—" she took his hand, trying to tug him away, but Neal resisted.

"What's wrong with you two? Why are you acting so weird?"

"I'm a weird guy, Neal," Hook said exasperatedly. "Emma's probably off her medication, but I'm just being my quirky self."

"I'm not on medication!" Emma said indignantly.

"I just said that, love."

"You know something—"

"Don't fight," Neal said quickly, pulling her back as she took a threatening step toward Hook. "Both of you, calm down. Stop doing that with your faces," he added, seeing them glare darkly at each other. "Ruby, come over here, would you? They're going to start throwing punches in a minute."

Ruby, who'd been hovering over the decoration boxes, sighed heavily and slumped over. "Hook," she said half-heartedly, tugging his sleeve. "Come on. Let's get a cup of coffee or something—"

"I can't!" Hook said wildly, turning to her with wide eyes. "What if Ursula decides she wants a cup of coffee? And then we see her in the diner? And she sees me in the diner?"

"So what?" Ruby said. "What do you care if Ursula sees you in the diner?"

"Because—" Hook squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his fist frustratedly. "Because I know her, okay? I know her."

"You know her?"

"Yes, I know her!"

Ruby narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "How do you know her?" she said, folding her arms. "Old girlfriend, I'm assuming?"

"You're assuming correctly," Hook muttered with a grimace.

"Bad break-up?"

"The worst break-up."

"Who dumped who?"

Hook looked at her carefully. "Well…there wasn't exactly any 'dumping' involved, as it were," he said, avoiding her gaze. "I…abandoned her a little bit."

Ruby's eyebrows shot up. "You did what?"

"It was a long time ago, during my sea-faring days," he explained. "I met her on a port, we had a little fun, and then I left and didn't tell her. That's it, that's the whole story."

Ruby's mouth fell open. "How could you do that?" she gasped. "Wh-what is wrong with you?"

"Pirate."

"Asshat! Jesus Christ, Hook!"

"What?" he said defensively.

"I can't believe you did that!" Ruby said, throwing her hands up. "You just left?"

"Relax, love, I'm not going to do that to you. I'll leave a note." Hook's smiled faded, seeing the ice in Ruby's eyes. "Okay, so that was a joke…that apparently came out wrong."

"Very wrong."

"Yeah, that was a dumb thing to say," Emma scoffed.

"Thank you, Emma."

"You're welcome, Hook."

"Okay, you two!" Neal said, putting a hand on each of their shoulders to keep them apart. "No bloodshed today, let's just keep everything civil. Ruby, you wanna…?" He gestured vaguely at Hook.

"No, I don't wanna," Ruby snapped, and rounded on Hook, smacking his arm. "Why would you say something like that?"

"Because I'm an asshat?" he suggested.

"You are an asshat." Ruby's glare softened as she took his hand, tugging him after her. "You can make up for it by helping me with these stupid decorations."

"All right…"

Neal relaxed his hand on Emma's shoulder as Ruby led Hook away, feeling reasonably confident she wasn't going to after him. They watched as Ruby knelt down and started tossing strands of fake holly berries and mini Christmas wreaths, Hook attempting to catch them with his hook as they flew over her shoulder.

"They are disgustingly cute sometimes," Emma grimaced as Ruby stood up to throw tinsel in his hair, laughing as he tried to scrub it out.

"I literally hate them so much right now," Neal muttered back as Hook retaliated by scooping up a handful of tinsel to sprinkle over her.

"God," Emma groaned. "Promise me you'll never let us get that adorable, or we'll have to punch ourselves in the face."

"Don't want to do that," Neal agreed. "I promise. D'you promise?"

"I promise," she shrugged.

"Come on, let's get out of here—they're making me hate Christmas."

Emma made a noise of agreement, following him as he excused himself past the others and out the door. "You want some coffee?" he asked, jutting his thumb at the diner entrance. Emma bit her lip anxiously, thinking.

"Okay—but first, make sure Lily's not in there," she said hastily. "I don't want to bump into her."

Neal raised an eyebrow. "You ever gonna tell me what that's about?"

"Neal, just—check, okay?" Emma said pleadingly, giving him a little push.

"All right, all right…" He jogged up the steps, careful not to slip on the slightly iced pavement. Crowding his hands around the window to block out the light, he squinted through, scanning for any sign of Lily: no hazel brown hair…no ugly coat draped off a chair…no guy with a black eye running away in fear…

"You're good," he said, turning away from the window. "Come on, Em."

Emma looked around furtively, as if still worried Lily might spring a surprise attack on her, and quickly darted up the steps. "Okay, inside!" she whispered, motioning him inside frantically. "Hurry!"

"Emma—!" Neal began, stumbling as she quickly pushed him inside. He whirled around, looking at her wildly. "What is it with you today? Why are you so jumpy?"

"What? Nothing. I'm fine." Emma shifted her eyes around nervously. "Okay, I think we're safe," she muttered. "I don't see her anywhere…"

Her eyes widened, catching something over his shoulder. "Oh…shit!"

"What—?"

"Don't turn around!" she hissed urgently. "Look the other way! Pretend we're not here!"

"Pretend we're not here? What does that even mean? What do you want me to do, close my eyes and hope no one sees me?"

"Shut up! She'd going to hear you!"

"Who's going to hear me?"

"Lily, you moron! She's here! She must have been in the bathroom or something!" Emma shook her head, her eyes panicked. "I should have thought of that! Damn it, Neal! You just had to have coffee, didn't you?"

Neal stared at her incredulously. "What?"

"'Let's get a cuppa coffee, Em,'" she mimicked. "You always want to get a cup of coffee! You look like coffee! Can you ever go one day without drinking a gallon of coffee? I mean, my God! You have an addiction, you know that? It's a disease!"

"You know, you keep telling me to shut up, but you're the one announcing to the whole diner how much you disapprove of my beverage choices."

"Shut up, Neal!" she begged, but the damage was done: the sound of footsteps came toward them as Lily approached them from behind.

"Hey, guys…"

They turned around, plastering fake smiles on their faces.

"Hey—"

"Hey, Lily…"

Lily raised her eyebrows, smiling as she looked between the two of them. "So, Emma," she said, her eyes lingering on Neal. "You going to introduce to your friend, here?"

Neal immediately looked at Emma, clearing his throat.

"Boyfriend," Emma amended, glancing at Neal. "This is Neal. Henry's dad."

"Oh, right, your kid…" Lily frowned up at the ceiling with the mock effort of remembering. "Brown hair, about yea high, bad attitude?"

"That's him," Neal said with a humorless smile, thinking it was a bit rich of Lily to accuse anyone of having a bad attitude when she all but wore a sign around her neck that said, Warning: Major Bitch Ahead.

"Ah…" Lily smiled back at him, her eyes traveling up and down disdainfully. "So, you're the one who managed to sweep Emma the Dilemma off her feet."

"Nobody ever called me that," Emma frowned.

"I wouldn't say, 'swept off her feet', but sure," Neal said casually, liking Lily less and less by the second. "And who are you?"

Lily slyly flicked her eyes to Emma. "Let's call me 'an old friend'."

"We were both foster kids," Emma explained quietly. "Back in Minnesota, when I ran away…met her in a convenience store we were both trying to rip off, really nothing special."

"No," Lily agreed, though her eyes gleamed at Neal. "Nothing special."

She smirked at Emma, ignoring Neal as she shouldered past him. "See you around, Emma."

Emma carefully averted her gaze, looking at the plastic snowflakes Granny was pressing on the window. Neal frowned, his eyes following Lily out the door; she glanced back, giving him a sardonic smile, before she swung open the door and stepped out.

"Okay, so—she's kind of a bitch," he decided, turning abruptly back to Emma.

"Mmm-hmm," Emma murmured, tearing her eyes away from the window. "You still want that coffee?"

"I get the feeling there's a lot more to this Lily story," he went on, walking with her to the counter. "She was, like…trying to snub me or something. I mean, what was tha—thanks, Ash," he interrupted himself, taking the cup from her. "What was that about?"

"Tell you about it later," Emma said into her cup.

"You can't tell me about it now?"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because what?"

"Jesus, Neal, you're as bad as Ruby!" Emma exclaimed. "What, you going to start throwing tinsel at me and calling me an 'asshat'?"

"I'm just ask—"

"Tamara!" she burst out randomly.

"What?"

"I don't know!" she wailed. "Can we just drink coffee and shut up for now? Please?"

Neal raised his eyebrows bemusedly. "You know, it's a good thing you're pretty, 'cause you're kind of insane."

"I know," she said tiredly. "I've made my peace with it."