"Okay, Ruby, I really have to go now."

"No, you don't…"

Hook sighed, leaning his head back against the door. "Yes, I do."

"Why?" Ruby pouted.

He frowned at the ceiling. "Because I'm employed by this police force, and I have a responsibility," he mimicked Graham. "Apparently, I'm not a very good…whatever I am."

"So why don't you quit?" Ruby asked, picking up his necklace and turning the pendant over to examine it. "If you hate it here so much."

"Because as much as it pains me to admit, being a pirate isn't a real job in this world. And I don't have an endless supply of doubloons."

Ruby sighed reluctantly, dropping his necklace. "Fine. I should probably be getting back, anyway. My lunch break's almost over."

She was leaning in to kiss him, but the door suddenly swung open behind him. Hook let out a yelp, falling back and hitting his head hard on the floor.

"Whoa, shit—!"

"Damn it, Neal!"

"Sorry."

Hook winced, rubbing the back of his head as Neal pulled him up to a stand. "Bloody hell, mate…"

"Yeah, pip pip, guv'nor, whatever. Hey, listen—" Neal ignored Hook rolling his eyes at his imitation. "I need a favor."

Hook looked helplessly toward Ruby, mouthing, Save me.

She smiled apologetically and pointed to her wrist to indicate her lateness. I have to go.

No, you don't—

"Guys, not now," Neal said exasperatedly, yanking Hook inside the office despite his protests. Hook whirled around furiously as the door slammed behind him.

"Neal! You didn't even let me say goodbye!"

"I'm not even going comment on that. Listen—" Neal smiled, rubbing his hands together excitedly. "I found a place yesterday."

"A place."

"Like, for me to live."

Hook frowned, giving his head a confused shake. "But you have a place to live. At Granny's."

"Yeah, but now I have a better place to live," he said happily. "My dad's giving me a discount on this apartment in Emma's building—"

"You're moving in with Emma?" Hook sputtered. "When did this happen?"

"I'm not moving in with Emma, I'm getting my own place! Why is this so hard for everyone to understand?" Neal asked the ceiling. Hook put a hand to his heart, breathing hard in relief as he looked at Neal, shaking his head slightly.

"Thank God. You really frightened me there," he said. "For a second, I thought you were going off the deep end."

"Again, not going to comment on you of all people worrying about that. Anyway, so—I got this place, and I need some help moving in." Neal smiled winningly at him. "And since you're my best friend…"

"That means, I have to," Hook grimaced.

"So, you'll do it?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"You swear on your pirate gods or whatever, you'll help me move?"

"Pirate gods…?"

"I don't know what's sacred to pirates."

"I swear on…" Hook looked around himself for inspiration. "I swear on this leather jacket, I will help you move."

"Okay." Neal relaxed, falling back on his heels. "Because all my furniture is in my New York apartment, and so is a bunch of my other stuff."

Hook raised his eyebrows, suddenly realizing what Neal was getting at. "No."

"You already swore on your jacket," Neal said, pointing at him. "If you back out now, the gods will smite you."

"I don't bloody care, I'm not going on a plane to help you move! I'm afraid of planes, Neal, you know that!"

"Look, my dad will pay for your ticket, if you can't swing it—"

"He won't pay for me, he hates me."

"If I ask him to, so you can help me out and move my stuff out here in his town permanently, he'll pay for your ticket," Neal insisted.

Hook narrowed his eyes, thinking for a minute. "Can I bring Ruby?"

"What?"

"Can. I. Bring. Ruby?"

"Why would you bring Ruby?"

He shrugged. "I'll miss her."

Neal rolled his eyes with his whole head. "You can go a few days without her, you'll live."

"Doubt that. If you're strapping me in one of those flying monstrosities—"

"Flying monstrosities," Neal exhaled, looking at the ceiling. "We'll talk about it later, okay?"

"Not okay! If I'm going to plummet to my death, I want to spend my last moments with—"

"Shut up, " Neal groaned, covering his eyes. "If I have to hear—one more time—how much you love Ruby—"

"Neal!" Hook exclaimed scandalously, looking around. "We haven't said the 'L' word yet, don't go throwing it around!"

"Excuse me!" Graham snapped from the other side of the room. "Do you think you two could stop gossiping and get to work?"

They frowned, slowly turning their heads to look at him: Graham seemed not to care, irritably pulling another stack of paperwork toward him. He was still going through all their incomplete paperwork, doing follow-ups to finish them. For the past few weeks, he had slowly transformed from the annoyingly-nice, easy-going guy they hated to the unpleasant, irritable grouch they now loathed. Even Emma seemed a little wary of him (although, if you asked her, it was because he still had feelings for her, and she was with Neal now).

Graham looked up, not hearing them scurry to their desks. "I'm sorry, was there some confusion?" he asked jerkily.

"You know what I think?" Hook said to Neal in a perfectly audible voice. "Sexual frustration."

"Hmm."

"He needs a girlfriend."

"Maybe."

"Or a boyfriend. Whatever."

"I could see that."

"Kindly take your seats," Graham said through clenched teeth. "And get to work."

Neal and Hook exchanged a look, raising their eyebrows, but obliged. Emma waved miserably at them from inside her office; they waved back, and reluctantly turned to the papers on their desks.

Hook sighed heavily, pulling one stack toward him with his hook. He honestly had no idea what he was doing or what he was supposed to do. Any work he did at the police station involved picking up lunch, or picking up files from the library or city hall; other than that, his job was basically to sit there and look pretty—which, everyone agreed, he did well enough.

He looked over at Neal, whose eyes were already glazing over as he stared at the paper in front of him. He wasn't reading; he was probably trying to sleep with his eyes open.

"Oi," he whispered. "Neal."

Neal looked over, raising a lazy eyebrow. "Hmm?"

"I'm bored."

Neal shrugged dubiously. "Okay."

"Let's go home."

"Mmm."

"I'm serious."

"Okay."

"We can go on strike."

"I can't go on strike. Me and Emma are getting coffee later."

"You always get coffee," Hook huffed irritably. "Don't you do anything else?"

"We're going out Friday," Neal said absently, turning a page. "To that little Italian place."

Hook raised his eyebrows, impressed. "That's a nice place."

"Yeah, it is—"

"Okay, guys," Graham said loudly, standing up from his seat. "Is it really so much to ask that you stop messing around and just get to work?"

Neal frowned, turning his hand over questioningly. "What's your problem, man?"

"My problem, is that the three of you aren't taking this seriously. When I was running this office, I spent every moment working and serving this town. You three are content to sit here and play Zombiepocalypse."

"Hey, that game is brilliant, all right? " Hook said defensively.

"And when you were running this office, this town was still cursed," Neal pointed out."You guys still had pretend-real-world problems. No one cares about those, anymore."

"Yeah, so long as we rescue the kittens from trees and shine flashlights in poorly lit areas, everyone's satisfied," Hook agreed. "Take my advice, Graham—find a nice guy to love, and your whole world will be so much better." He looked at Neal, shrugging. "That's what happened with me and Ruby."

"Me and Emma," Neal shrugged.

"That's brilliant—"

They smacked their hands in a high-five, and turned back to Graham. His eyes flickered between the two of them, staring in disbelief.

"Okay, one, I'm not gay. Two—" Graham raised his voice over their scoffs—" two, this is still a police station. We are still responsible for enforcing the law."

"And when someone starts breaking it, we'll put them in handcuffs," Neal assured him. "And Hook gets to taunt them while they sit in the jail cell."

"Sometimes I sing commercial jingles," Hook grinned. "As loud as I can. That's probably why we have so few criminals."

"'Cause he irritates the shit out of them, and no one wants to go through that again," Neal said.

"You're welcome," Hook added with a wink.

Graham closed his eyes, struggling to keep his temper. "I'm going to lunch," he said through clenched teeth.

Neal and Hook stepped aside, allowing him to stalk past them and yank his coat off the stand. Hook waited until he heard the outside door close after him, then clapped Neal on the shoulder.

"Right. I'm going on another lunch break."

"You just got back," Neal said, already going over to knock on the door of Emma's office. They always took an extra break while Graham was away. "I thought Ruby had to go back to work."

"Doesn't mean I can't—hey, Emma—doesn't mean I can't keep her company."

"Keep who company?" Emma asked, shrugging on her coat.

"Ruby."

Emma rolled her eyes. "You guys still in that stage where you want to spend every waking moment with each other?"

"Like you have any room to talk," Hook scoffed. "You and Neal are still in that stage."

"That's not true," Emma frowned. "There aren't any waking moments with Neal, he's always half-asleep."

"She's got a point," Neal shrugged.

"Well, that's all very sweet, but I have to get to the diner," Hook said. "Actually, Neal, could I borrow your scarf?"

Neal frowned, putting his hands protectively around his scarf. "Why?"

"Oh, you know—" Hook waved his hand vaguely. "Just in case I need it."

"Why would you need a scarf?" Emma asked, raising an eyebrow. "Emergency Christmas caroling?"

"You don't need a scarf to Christmas carol," Neal objected.

"But it enhances the image."

"But you don't need it."

"For aesthetic purposes, yes, you do."

"Emma…."

"It's true!"

"That is so stupid, I can't even look at you right now." Neal held up his hand, turning his face away from her.

"It's not stupid—"

"Neal, can I borrow the scarf or not?" Hook asked loudly, cutting in before one of their ridiculous arguments started up.

"Why do you need it?" Emma repeated, rounding on him. Her eyes widened with dawning comprehension. "Not…? Oh, Hook."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Can't be too careful."

"Wait, I'm lost," Neal frowned, dropping his hand. "What happened?"

"He wants your scarf, in case he has to cover up a hickey—which is disgusting, Hook because A, you're a slut, and B, Ruby's working, and she's not going to throw herself at you just because you stroll into the diner—"

"Well, I don't know about that."

"He's right, Em," Neal grimaced. "Remember, I live next door…Part of the reason why I'm moving."

"Just let me borrow the scarf, mate," Hook said testily. "I don't want Graham to see any 'evidence' that I went back out. He'll pop that vein in his forehead."

"Aren't you afraid of bumping into Ursula?" Neal asked, looking highly reluctant to relinquish the scarf. "Maybe you should stay in."

"Neal," Hook sighed exasperatedly. "If I see Ursula, I will deal with her like a mature, responsible adult."

Emma and Neal turned to each other, frowning in confusion.

"Mature…?"

"Responsible…?"

"Adult," Hook nodded. "Because believe it or not, I am capable of that."

"Of course you are," Neal said seriously as Emma snorted in derision. "That's why you're asking me for my scarf to cover up your future hickey. Because a mature, responsible adult does stuff like that."

Hook narrowed his eyes. "You know, I really hate it when the two of you gang up on me. It makes me feel left out."

"Good," Emma said, taking Neal's hand. "'Cause you're kinda being a third wheel right now."

Neal grinned at Hook, allowing Emma to tug him after her. "Bye, Killy."

"Shut it, Neal."

"Bye, Killy!"

"Shut it, Emma!"

Hook glared after them until they left; they were still laughing as they passed the outside window, which did not endear them to him. If he hadn't been so anxious to get out of this bloody building and see Ruby, he'd have taken the time to unhinge their chairs.

As it was, he only took the time to unhinge Graham's before he left.