Tink frowned, shaking her empty glass upside down. A few residual drops of iced tea dripped onto the table, but nothing more. She exhaled frustratedly, and slid the glass away from her: she'd gone through three glasses of iced tea (given a little extra kick, from the alcohol she'd asked Granny to slide in there), just to get through the morning with Cruella and Ursula incessantly fawning over her. Really. She understood the fascination—after all, she was rather adorable, provided she didn't open her mouth and let the obscenities fly—but that was a long time to be fawned over. Even for Tink.

At some point, she had seen Regina, Neal, and Emma march Hook out in front of them, Lily trailing behind. None of them looked particularly happy, other than Lily, and from what Tink caught of their muttered conversation, she assumed it had to do with a certain someone leaking the secret about Neal and Emma moving in together.

Honestly. She rolled her eyes. Like that meant anything. One of these days, Neal would get tired of Emma and he'd come running into Tink's open and extremely willing arms. And then…well, she'd had plenty of daydreams of what happened then. Her favorite one involved strawberries and chocolate syrup—

"Tink." Mulan dropped into the seat across her, looking exhausted. "Look, I gotta talk to someone."

"Hmm," Tink said, slurring slightly. "I might not be the best person for that…me and secrets aren't the best combination."

"It's not going to be a secret much longer," Mulan said grimly. "You've heard about the whole Aurora situation, right?"

Tink squinted up at the ceiling in an effort to remember. "That was…you and her reigniting your torrid love affair, even though she's married with one child and another on the way to Phillip, right? Or am I thinking of One Life to Live?"

"No, that's us."

"Oh, cool. I remembered that." Tink drummed her hands on the table. "All right, so what do you need to talk about?"

Mulan took a deep breathing, kneading her fists into the table. "I think…Aurora might be thinking about leaving Phillip for me."

Tink nodded slowly, struggling to give a damn. "Nice."

"No, it's not nice," Mulan said desperately. "I mean, she's seriously considering it. I don't want to break up a family! But Phillip's being so unreasonable about it all, and I…"

Mulan kept talking about her feelings, as Tink gradually lost interest, drifting away. Mulan could be so irritating, she reflected huffily. Like she wanted to hear about her boring problems! Meanwhile, Tink really needed to focus on her strawberries and chocolate syrup daydream.

"…she's so upset, but she doesn't want to break up her marriage in the middle of a pregnancy—"

"Hang on, I'm buzzing," Tink said, holding up a hand (mentally thanking whoever had interrupted Mulan's tirade). "Hello?"

"Tink," Regina's voice said tersely. "Get over here."

Tink raised her eyebrows, twisting in her seat to look around. "Where is here?" she asked. "Where are you?"

"The loft."

"What loft?"

"The loft. David and Snow's loft."

The loft? Tina's jaw unhinged. She was…being invited to the loft? Like she was—like she was part of the gang? Was this her initiation ceremony? Normally, she felt akin to a parasite, invading the group during their hangout sessions, clinging to her friendships with Hook, Regina, and Belle to be included. But now…she was being invited to The Loft.

"I'll be there," she breathed.

"Don't hang up," Regina warned. "I've got to catch you up before you get here. Head's up, everyone's pissed with you, and no matter what they say, you're going to nod your head and agree with it, do you understand?"

Tink frowned, getting up from her seat without so much as a "see you later" to Mulan. "And why is that?" she asked suspiciously. "What is this about?"

"Hang on—I'm going to go out in the hall." There was pause, during which Tink could hear her shoes scuffling against the floor, and a door creaking open and shut. "Okay, so here's the deal: David found out about Neal and Emma, and he nearly blew the roof off the whole building. Snow's beyond delighted, and she's asking Emma if she can help them pick out furniture, but David is absolutely livid."

"Good man," Tink said approvingly, glancing over as a man passed her on the sidewalk: not hot enough to wolf-whistle, but enough to earn a suggestive smile. He hurried away from her, clinging a little more tightly to his girlfriend's hand.

"Anyways, they managed to keep him from murdering Neal with his bare hands by explaining it away as something they were talking about in the distant future—"

"Is it?" Tink asked hopefully. The distant future was more than enough time for her to figure out a way to get Neal drunk, and somehow convince him—

"No," Regina said flatly. "Stop scheming, I can hear you thinking."

Tink huffed. "Then what am I even coming over there for?" Unless you just want to hang out, 'cause I totally do that with you guys.

"We told him that you and Hook got drunk, and started randomly spreading the rumor around because you're both idiots."

"Okay," Tink shrugged. "Hook's agreed to this, yeah?"

"Well, he's lost his voice recently, so he doesn't have much of a choice," Regina said smugly.

"All righty," Tink said, not interested enough to ask after it. "Let me ask you this, just so I have my story straight: when Hook and I were drunk, did we get into it at all?"

There was a pause. "Excuse me?"

"Regina, if I'm going to lie convincingly, I need to know the story you've gone with," Tink said impatiently. "Now, come on."

"I don't know! Jesus Christ, Tink, all I told him was that you two got drunk and started talking!"

"Dirty talking?"

"No, you whore! Talking, like spreading rumors talking! God!"

"Okay, take it easy," Tink said, looking up as she reached the apartment building. "I'm gonna be there in, like, five minutes, so I gotta decide my backstory now."

"Well, just so you know, Ruby's here, so if you're going to add in anything about your…intimate life, be careful. She's got that wolf thing tomorrow, and she's pretty vicious right now."

"Hmm." Tink frowned, twitching her mouth to the side. "Well, my backstory just got a lot less interesting. I had a whole scenario thought out."

"Oh, my God."

"Based on a true story. Embellished, some of the names changed, but the basic concept."

"Which I'm sure no one wants to hear about," Regina said firmly. "Look, Tink, just stick to the story I gave you: you two got drunk, and started spreading rumors like the assholes you are, okay?"

"I'm taking the blame for all this?"

"You and Hook, yes."

"Will I be getting any favors, in exchange for this?"

Regina let out a slow, frustrated breath. "Not. From. Neal."

"Is that up for discussion?"

"No."

"Put Neal on the phone, let me talk to him."

"I wouldn't betray him like that. He's my brother." Regina's voice turned harder. "My brother, Tink. Which means…?"

"No slutty comments," Tink sighed, remembering all too well what had happened last time: Regina's stupid witch baby had spilled coffee all over her. "Fine. I'll try to behave myself, I guess."

"Make an effort this time, huh? For real."

"I said, I'll try. Can't promise anything, though—Neal looks particularly sexy today."

"Goddamn it, Tink."

"So this is where you brought that guy back?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Nice." Violet leaned back from the well, and turned around to face him. "So…do you have, like, actual magic and stuff?"

Henry shrugged. "Not sure. My moms think I do, so I've got some books I'm supposed to be reading."

"Dude, you're so lucky. Your parents are cool; mine would legit kill me, if they caught me playing around with magic."

"It's pretty cool, I guess." Henry feigned nonchalance, examining a loose string on his coat. "My mom, Regina, wants me to bring back her mom like I brought back Graham."

"Dude." Violet stared at him, openmouthed. "Are you gonna do it?"

"I'm working on it," Henry replied with a lazy smile. "But resurrection's tricky. My grandpa's going to do some experimenting, try to figure out how I pulled it off."

"That's kind of awesome," Violet said, smiling.

"Yeah…" Henry scratched behind his, shifting his eyes around. "If you want, I could show you the books. Might be fun to try some of the spells in there."

"Really?" Violet said eagerly.

"Whatever," he shrugged, the picture of coolness. "Come on, they're back at the loft."

They made small talk as they trudged through the woods, discussing how lame their teachers were, how that one episode of Doctor Who was an epic fail, and how much they were dreading all the family time they were going to have to endure at Christmas.

"I mean, it must be even worse for you," Violet said as they walked the sidewalk to the apartment complex. "You've got such a big family."

"Dude, I know," Henry said. "And my mom's having that huge Christmas Eve party, and she's making me wear a suit and everything."

"That blows."

"Right?" He glanced sideways at her, seriously considering asking her if she wanted to come, so they could hang out during the lameness of it. "Hey, do you wanna—?"

"Isn't that your grandpa?" she asked suddenly, pointing behind him. Henry turned around, his eyes landing on a furious-looking Rumple, Belle tottering after him on ridiculously high heels.

"Rumple!" she called. "Calm down!"

"I'm always the last to know!" he shouted back, not even looking at Henry as he passed him. "Fucking David knew before me! I can't believe this! Why does he do this to me?"

"Rumple!" Belle clacked passed them, giving Henry a quick smile and pat on the shoulder as she walked by. "Rumple, don't!"

"I'm going to blast this town to kingdom fucking come!"

"No magic!"

"WHAT-THE FUCK-EVER!"

"Shit," Violet breathed, staring after him. "What was that all about?"

"I don't know," Henry frowned. "Come on."

They pounded up the steps, following the sound of Rumple's angry ranting and Belle's pleading. As they were turning the landing, they heard the door swing open, and the several other shouting voices. Henry could hear David's voice join Rumple's rants, and he even thought he heard Ruby in there. The voices grew louder as they went further down the hall.

"What the hell?" Violet asked, wide-eyed, when they reached the door. Henry frowned, opening the door wider to peer inside.

Tink and Hook were sitting at the kitchen table, heads bowed as the circle of people crowded around them, yelling and waving their arms around furiously. Neal and Emma nervously hovered in the background, exchanging glances. Belle had a grip on Rumple, holding him back; while Ruby was throwing her hands up and ranting about her confusion.

Henry pushed the door open a little wider to walk in, looking around the loft as everyone's head snapped toward him…then to Violet…then back at him. Henry raised his eyebrows.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"You could say that," a wry voice said. Henry looked over to the corner, seeing the brunette woman, who he'd been mentally referring to as "Attitude Problem." She smirked, giving him a little wave. "Nice family, you got here, kid.

"Never mind that! Who is this?" Regina demanded, coming forward with her hands on her hips. Violet instinctively took a step back.

"Um—"

"This isn't a day for 'um', honey."

"I'm V-Violet."

Emma's eyes widened, and she hit Neal in the shoulder, nodding toward Violet; Belle and Rumple exchanged a look; Snow looked ready to faint, while Regina looked ready to kill; Ruby paused just long enough in her tirade to give Violet an appraising look.

"Jesus, Henry, what would bring her here for?" she said, sounding annoyed. "We're kind of in the middle of something."

"I can see that." Henry ignored the accusatory looks his mothers were giving him, walking into the center of the room. "So, is anybody going to tell me what's going on, or am I going to have to sit here and try to piece it together?"

"Everyone's losing their shit over something that's barely their business," Attitude Problem drawled. "God…what is it with this family?"

"Something we agree on," Regina said, raising an eyebrow at her. "In fact, she brings up an excellent point—why am I even here? Hmm?" She looked around, as if daring someone to answer. "Are they moving into my house? No. Does them living together affect me in any way at all? No. So why am I here, arguing with a bunch of assholes when I have a million other things to worry about?"

"Still lost here, Mom," Henry said holding up his hands. "What's the actual argument about? This time," he added, reassuring Violet this this was hardly an abnormal situation for his family.

"Basically, me and Hook were drunk bitches last night, 'cause we told everyone your parents were shacking up, when really, they're only thinking about shacking up in the future," Tink said flatly, giving Regina a sour look. "So it's our fault, and Rumple and David can stop yelling; Snow can stop squeeing; and Ruby, you just keep yelling at Hook because he's an asshole who's so desperate for attention, he'd actually lie to you about some other couple's drama and try to find a way to make the whole goddamn thing about him."

Hook frowned, looking rather affronted by Tink's evaluation, but curiously, he didn't say anything. Henry raised his eyebrows, scoffing.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked, and explained to Violet in a loud whisper, "Normally we can't get him to shut up."

"Never mind that," Regina said impatiently. "Who is this Violet?" She looked her up and down, curling her lip back. "Why is she here?"

"One of my friends from school," Henry explained, casually waving his hand. "I just was going to grab some of my books to show her. So, what's this about you two moving in?" he asked, turning to his parents interestedly. "What's up with that?"

"We'll talk about it later, Henry," Emma said wearily, unfolding her arms. "Right now, we gotta start getting Neal unpacked. Hook, you can get up off your gossipy ass and help us, okay?"

"Actually, he's helping me move today," Ruby said dangerously, putting a firm hand on Hook's shoulder. "Aren't you?"

Hook nodded obediently, getting up to follow Ruby out the door. Neal and Emma exchanged a shrug, and made their way after them, pausing to give Henry a smile (and Emma slipping Violet a dark look) before walking out the door.

The remaining members of the group closed around Tink, glaring threateningly at her. She gave a nervous chuckle, smiling around at them all.

"Hey, who wants to hear a weird sex story? Roughly based on my life, though I tend to embellish a little…"

"Let's go," Henry muttered to Violet, motioning frantically. "Trust me, you do not want to be here for this."

Violet glanced over her shoulder at the rest of the group, who now looked faintly green—including Attitude Problem. "Okay, yeah, I believe you."

"You should," Henry said grimly, holding the door open. "Or it'll haunt you for the rest of your days. People develop mental disorders, after listening to the kind of shit she says. You don't even know."