Disclaimer: This world and all its characters belong to JK Rowling. I wrote this purely for entertainment purposes, and have no wish to sell, copyright or otherwise claim any of this content.

Even though he had followed almost immediately, it still took Remus almost fifteen minutes to find James. When he did finally managed to catch up, it was to find James sitting at a small table outside a muggle cafe, twirling his wand between his fingers. It was mid-afternoon on a Friday, so the cafe was relatively crowded. Most of the seats outside were occupied, and the noise of idle talk filled the air. James had chosen a smaller table that was out of the way, unlikely to be noticed by the wait staff. Remus paused for a moment, then walked slowly over and slid into the chair across from James. "You shouldn't be waving that about, you know," he said quietly, gesturing to James' wand. "Someone will see you."

"You were supposed to stay." James' voice was flat, emotionless. Remus shifted, trying to get a clearer view of James' face, but that didn't give anything away either. An emotionless James was a dangerous James – to those who tried to get through to him, as well as to himself. "I thought you might need the company," Remus said carefully.

"I don't need your company."

Remus had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from snapping at James. He needs you. "Too bad." Even as he said it, though, Remus leaned back in his chair to give James more space. While he didn't want to smother James, he also wasn't about to go anywhere without a fight.

They sat in silence for a long time before James finally spoke.

"You shouldn't have left them. Sirius doesn't have a wand."

"Sirius knows how to handle himself," Remus replied. "It's you I'm worried about."

"I don't need you to worry about me," James snapped. Remus stayed silent, watching James warily. He still couldn't tell if James was angry, sad, a mixture of both, or something else altogether, and it was starting to unnerve him.

After another few moments of silence, Remus spoke. "It's okay, you know. To share." James fists tightened, and Remus held his breath. One, two, three –

"You're one to talk."

The remark was sarcastic, but Remus could tell there wasn't any real sting behind it, and he let out the breath he had been holding. "Not at first, no, but then I did. You should give it a try, James. I'm all ears."

"No, you're not. You're all Remus," James snorted, but he didn't sound as angry so Remus tentatively considered it a point in his favor. Gently, he thought to himself. Gently is the way to go. Where's Lily when we need her?

James didn't know what to do. He knew he shouldn't have run off, but it had seemed like the best thing to do. When Harry had started crying, and James had realized why, he had been so angry. Angry with the war for leaving so many survivors, angry with Voldemort for killing Lily and trying to kill Harry, even angry with Lily, for dying. Mostly, though, he was angry with himself. For being so careless with his actions and not considering how Harry might see them. For running off, now and on Halloween, and for not being there when he could have made a difference, when he could have saved them. All three of the them.

Now, as the anger faded, it was slowly being replaced by despair, which scared James. Anger, he knew what to do with. Despair, he was afraid would swallow him, lash out in the wrong places and at the wrong times, and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

"It's okay, you know. To share."

James scowled. He didn't want to bloody share, he just wanted to be left alone –

He's your friend, James. Let him help. Lily's voice whispered in his ears, and he could almost feel her warm hand on his shoulder.

"You're one to talk," James replied, but he was distracted enough that it didn't come out as harshly as it might have.

"Not at first, no, but then I did. You should give it a try, James. I'm all ears."

"No, you're not. You're all Remus," James replied automatically, snorting slightly. It was habit, a reply that had stuck when, back in third year, Sirius had been teasing Remus for being "all smiles" right before the full moon and he had replied, sarcastically, No, I'm all Remus.

James stared at his wand, considering. Should he tell Remus about how he couldn't cast a patronus anymore? Should he tell him that he was afraid he would fail Harry, that he wouldn't be able to raise him alone? Should he –

Start at the beginning, Lily suggested.

James glanced up at Remus, who was watching him with a sad, weary look in his eyes. He looked ill, James realized with a start. Remus had always been sickly, because of his condition, but now that James really looked at him, he could see the deep bruises under his eyes, the way his shoulders slumped as if in defeat, his short sandy hair which lay dull and flat on his scalp. His complexion, too, seemed paler than usual, and he seemed thinner, as though he hadn't been eating properly. Not that any of them had, really, but this was the first time James had really noticed it.

"You're not well," James said aloud, his concern for Remus pushing all other thoughts to the side for the moment.

Remus shot him an incredulous look. "Speak for yourself."

James sighed setting his wand in his lap and running a hand through his hair. "We're all a mess, aren't we?"

"A bit, yeah," Remus smiled tentatively, but it didn't reach his eyes. "So … do you want to explain what happened?"

Voldemort, that's what happened, James thought bitterly as he was pulled back to his own troubles. Start at the beginning.

"I left Lily alone when we knew he was after us. I shouldn't have left." James noticed that his hands were trembling, and clenched them in his lap.

"It was Voldemort, James. You wouldn't have stood a chance."

"But I have! I would have!" James lifted his head to glare at Remus. Up until recently, he had managed to convince himself that it was better he was here, unhurt, to look after Harry. Now, though, some of his initial doubts and fears had resurfaced. "I've faced him before, Remus. Three times before, just like that stupid –" James cut off abruptly, taking a deep breath. He let it out shakily. Calm down. You almost let the prophecy slip, and we don't know who might be listening. "I can't accept that I couldn't have made a difference."

Remus was silent for a moment, then he said quietly, "The past can't be changed, James. Do you know how much would be different, if we could relive every moment twice?" Remus laughed quietly, but it was a weary laugh. "I learned a long time ago that dwelling always in the past is no way to live. And don't get me wrong," he added hastily as James narrowed his eyes. "It's never easy, and despite what people tell you it doesn't get easier the more you do it. But, James, if you spend every moment of your life thinking about what you could have done differently, about how you could have acted, what you could have done, you'll never see how you can act, and what you can do. I'm a werewolf, James. A monster. But if I live my life thinking of nothing else but that fact, then eventually the part of me that I like to think is still human will become a monster as well."

"You're not a monster," James said quietly.

Remus just shrugged. "You get my point."

Even though he sort of understood what Remus was trying to say, James didn't think it really applied to him. After all, it wasn't Remus' fault he was a werewolf. "You're wrong. It's my fault."

Remus sighed. "It's not, James. Maybe you shouldn't have left. Maybe you could have made a difference. But it's over, James. You do what you can and deal with what you can't. If Lily were here, she would want you to live your life, not throw it away dwelling on things that can't be changed."

"But that's the problem!" James cried, his voice rising again. "Lily's not here, Harry's going to be scarred forever because of what he saw, Sirius is a criminal and it's all my fault and I can't deal with it, Moony, I can't!" James buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath. My fault, all my fault, it's my fault.

"James." James looked up at the hard edge that had crept into Remus' voice. "It's not your fault. And you will deal with it, because Harry needs his father and Padfoot needs his friend. Come on, get up." Remus stood and pulled James to his feet. "We're going back."

James tried to pull away, but Remus' grip was firm, so he tried to argue instead. "Harry just started crying because of me!"

"Not because of you, because of Voldemort." Remus corrected. "He needs you to be with him right now because he's scared and traumatized and you are his father, James, and without Lily you're all that he has."

Harry stopped crying a few minutes after Remus left, and was soon wriggling to get out of Sirius' arms again. As soon as Sirius put him down, however, his little face puckered into a frown and, swaying unsteadily on his feet, he looked in concern at Sirius.

"Dadda?"

"Daddy's taking a moment to himself, I'm sure he'll be back soon." Sirius glanced in the direction Remus and James had gone. Even though he wasn't too worried, it was true that he didn't have a wand on him and that, if anyone from the wizarding world saw him with Harry, it would be considered suspicious. As in, highly suspicious.

Harry looked the way Sirius was looking, then looked back at Sirius. Then, he looked around again. Suddenly, he let out a squeal and clambered to his feet, pointing excitedly. "Behd!"

Sirius turned to see a pigeon hopping a few feet away, pecking an old bread crust on the ground. He grinned. "That bird is called a pigeon, Harry. You should go check it out."

Harry took a tottering step forward, and the pigeon froze, cocking its head to one side. Another step, and it hopped nervously away, eyeing him suspiciously. Sirius would have bet his wand (before he remembered he didn't have a wand, and decided he would bet James' wand) that it was weighing the decision to stay and risk being caught, or to leave and risk losing the crust of bread it was eating. Harry took another step, and this time the pigeon fluttered its wings indecisively, hopping two more steps. Harry squealed again, and the pigeon took off, flapping until it was on the other side of the square of grass they had chosen to sit on.

"Harry," Sirius called as Harry took off, laughing. Sighing, he climbed to feet and followed his godson. He knew from experience how quickly Harry could disappear, and didn't want to have to explain to James how he had managed to lose his son in such a small park. Then, noticing a young muggle woman running with a stroller down the sidewalk, he quickened his pace. "Harry," he called, more sharply. "Get out of the path!" Harry turned back to Sirius, looking confused and disappointed, but he'd apparently forgotten to stop his feet because, even as he looked back, his feet continued forwards and he tripped, landing flat on his face in front of the runner.

The woman stopped and swerved slightly as Sirius reached the crash site and knelt beside his godson, who had started to wail again. "I'm sorry," he apologized to the woman. "He just took off after that pigeon –"

The woman smiled, wiping a sweaty strand of hair out of her eyes. "Don't worry about it," she said. "I know exactly what you're talking about." She gestured to the small child who was asleep in the stroller. "Running's the only way I can get this little one to sit still, and even so it's a miracle she's fallen asleep." She looked at Harry, concerned. "Oh, no. Is he all right? It looks like he cut his face."

Sirius knelt and set Harry on the ground again so he could get a better look at him. When he brushed the hair from his face he saw that the cut he'd acquired a week ago had, strangely, split open again when Harry fell. He'd thought the cut had healed, but now it looked just as raw as it had a week ago. Carefully, he reached to brush the trickle of blood away before it could reach Harry's eyes.

"Here, I've got some band-aids in here," the woman said, rummaging around in the top pouch of the stroller. "You should take him in, though, just in case. I'm sure he's fine, but you can never be too careful with little ones. I'm sure you know that, though, being the Dad."

Harry's wailing had quietened, and Sirius took the band-aid from the woman's hand before realizing that he had no idea what to do with it. It couldn't be too hard, though…. Peeling off one of the paper bits, he realized that it was sticky underneath and carefully pressed that bit to Harry's forehead. Then the padded part would go on the cut, and it looked as though there was another sticky part on the other side…. Sitting back and examining his handiwork, Sirius had to admit that muggles could be quite ingenious in their ways of getting around without magic. Plus, he now knew how to apply a band-aid.

"There, Harry, all better now." He inspected Harry's elbows and knees, just to make sure he wasn't scraped anywhere else, then stood to thank the woman. Before he could utter a word, though, she interrupted him, frowning. "I'm sorry, but you look awfully familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"

Damn. Sirius knelt and scooped Harry into his arms, even though he protested. Remus was right, I must be on the muggle news. "I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met before." Trying to cover his wariness, he conjured his most reassuring grin. "I'm Evan Greene, I live a few blocks down." A clock tower chimed in the distance, and Sirius took his cue, glancing at the tower where he could just make out the clock. 1:30. "Thank you for the band-aid, and I really am sorry about interrupting your run. I need to go now, though. My wife should be home soon, and I was supposed to have cleaned the living room." He grimaced, and the woman smiled sympathetically, although she still looked rather uncertain. Sirius waved with his free hand as she took off again, and went back to where they had been sitting earlier.

"And that, Harry, is why we don't walk and talk at the same time." Sirius ran his hand over the band-aid again, marveling that it was still on. He glanced over his shoulder to where the woman had run, then froze when he saw that she had stopped at the end of the block and was speaking into a muggle pay phone, glancing nervously in his direction every few seconds.

"Okay, Harry, time to go." Sirius scooped Harry into his arms again and set off towards where James and then Remus had disappeared. Damn it. What am I going to do now? He slowed his steps, thinking rapidly. Maybe finding Remus and James wasn't such a good idea. Emerging onto a busy muggle street, Sirius stopped, trying to get his bearings. Although his old house was just behind him, he and his family had never ventured far into muggle London –

"S-stop where you are."

Sirius froze at the sound of that voice. That trembling, high-pitched voice that he had once trusted with his life, as well as the Potters'. Now it sent a jolt of hatred through him, pulling at the stands of darkness threatening him from inside. Slowly he turned, and as Harry moved against his arms he felt another emotion weaving through the tendrils of hate and revenge. Fear.

"Peter," he growled. There, standing beneath the roof of a dingy bus stop, Peter Pettigrew held his wand pointed not at Sirius, but at Harry. Sirius took a step backwards, and Peter's arm stiffened. A few muggles gave them strange looks as they passed.

"I said stay where you are!"

Now the feelings of revenge and hatred and fear were swirling together, making Sirius actually think. No wand. No one to stop him. He's here for Harry. Sirius had already failed Harry once – he wasn't going to fail him again. James and Remus should be back soon. How long had they been, though? What if something had happened? Focus. Keep him talking.

"We trusted you, Peter!" Sirius said loudly. A few muggles had stopped and were watching warily. Hopefully one of them would realize that Peter was a threat, and call the muggle law enforcement who would inform the Aurors. "How could you just hand them over –"

"Quiet!" Peter said shrilly. "Give me Harry, Sirius. I d-don't want to hurt you."

Sirius snarled quietly, and Harry wriggled in his arms, staring at Peter. "Peda?"

Peter winced, and Sirius took the opportunity to take another, small step backwards. As much space as he could but between himself and the traitor – Peter's wand flicked up and Sirius winced, then cursed. Although Peter had not actually used magic, the message was clear: If you run, I will curse you. Peter took a step forward, out from under the bus stop. "I told you not to move. Just give me Harry, Sirius." It was almost as though he was pleading.

"Tell me why in Merlin's name I would do that?" Sirius demanded, as loudly as he dared with Peter's wand pointed directly at Harry. "Give me one good reason, Wormtail. Just one good reason!"

"I won't hurt you!" Peter cried, although he too kept his voice low. "I never meant for them to die, I swear – he just wanted Harry, that's all! N-now give him to me!" He stepped closer, so that there was only a few feet between them, and reached out with his free hand.

Sirius' arms tightened around Harry. "Not good enough, Peter." Keep him talking. "Why did you betray us? We were your friends!"

"No," Peter shook his head, his outstretched arm lowering a fraction of an inch. "No, you were never my friends. You were each other's friends, but never mine. You don't understand, Sirius. I had no choice. You joined the Order, but you wouldn't have protected me. I would have died! I can't d-die, Sirius. I'm too young, I've got my whole life ahead of me. And so did you! You were going to throw that all away, and mine too! I-I'm too young to die, Sirius."

"If you think you're life is worth more than Harry's, Peter, you've got another think coming."

"S-see?!" Peter cried. "You were never my friend, Sirius. Only ever theirs. But now you don't have a wand, and I do, so j-just give me Harry, Sirius. You'll live. You'll survive."

"You're a coward," Sirius spat, his arms tightening around Harry, who whimpered. Where are Moony and Prongs?! "I would have given my life to protect James and Lily, but you gave theirs to protect your own. You're stupider than you look if you think for one second I'm letting you take Harry. I'll die before I'll let anything happen to him." While he talked, Sirius scanned the area for possible escape routes. There was the street he had just come off of, but he wouldn't make it far if Peter decided to stop playing nice. A few muggles had stopped and were watching, but none of them could be counted on to help – they just wanted to see a fight. And James and Remus had yet to appear…. Both Sirius and Peter turned as a muggle vehicle came careening down the street, blue lights flashing and horn blaring. There were more muggles who had stopped now and were watching, whispering nervously to each other.

Peter turned to Sirius. "Please, just give me Harry!"

"Go to hell, Pettigrew," Sirius spat, backing away now. Surely Peter wouldn't curse him with muggles around –

The flashing car pulled up beside them and two men leapt out, standing behind the car and pointing what Sirius recognized to be muggle guns in their direction. "Black! Stay where you are!" one of the men shouted, while the other called to Peter: "Sir! Step away from that man!"

"I'm sorry," Peter whispered, steadying his wand. Then, raising his voice, he shouted, "Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?" Sirius took another step back, truly frightened now, as the muggle shouted again, "Sir!" and Peter's lips twisted into a small smile as he whispered, "Expulso Totalus."

Sirius turned and wrapped his body around Harry's small figure as the world exploded around them.