Ruby slammed on the brakes. Hook opened his mouth in a soundless yelp, holding his chest to steady his heart, but Ruby barely paid him any mind. She didn't know what kind of stunt he was trying to pull with the sudden onset of mutism, but she didn't care that much right now. He lied to her, and even though it was only a little thing—not even something she really cared all that much about, however happy she was for Neal and Emma—she wanted to make sure Hook knew that she didn't tolerate lying in shape or form. She didn't like jealousy, and she didn't like dishonesty: and if this was going to work, he had to know that.

"Come on," Ruby said roughly, yanking him out of the car. "Let's go."

Hook obediently followed her to the inn's entrance, nearly tripping over his own feet as she pulled him after her. Ruby shoved the doors open and stalked right past the welcome desk, ignoring Granny's wide-eyed look as she came in. No…no, she wasn't dealing with Granny right now. Not today. She was done. Granny brought out a panic in her, a mad frenzy that was made even worse with wolfs time dawning, and she wasn't going to let her do it anymore.

Was it going to make going to work awkward and extremely uncomfortable? Of course. Was it probably going to result in her being fired and having a feud with Granny? Yeah, duh. But it was fine: Ruby could find another job, easy: that little Italian place probably needed another waitress as its customer base grew; or maybe, the White Rabbit. And if all else failed, she'd ask Gold if he had a job for her in his shop: he'd always held a vague, grandfatherly affection for her, since she'd helped him and David track down Belle after the curse broke the first time. Maybe he'd be willing to help her out, if she got that desperate.

Ruby flung open the door to her room and strode over to the closet, yanking out the suitcases. "Just start packing shit," she said, tossing one to Hook. "We might have to make a couple trips, but get as much as you can in there."

Hook huffed, throwing the suitcase down on the bed and flinging it open. Ruby rolled her eyes as he stalked across the room with an injured look on his face, grabbing an armful of clothes from her closet and shoving them in the suitcase.

"Don't be an ass about it," she said irritably. "Pack efficiently."

Hook flurried his arms, as if to say, I don't know what that means!

"Don't shove it in there!" she said exasperatedly. "Pack, so there's space to put more than a random pile in there. I don't want to keep going back and forth."

Hook exhaled tensely, making sure she knew exactly how difficult she was being, but Ruby didn't even look up. She was too busy sweeping her arm across the dresser, knocking all her perfume and makeup and hair products and whatever random shit was scattered on top into the suitcase.

This is going to be good for me, she told herself. She needed space from Granny: as much as she loved her, the two of them couldn't keep living together. They drove each other crazy, they fought all the time, and both of them were too stubborn and petty to be the bigger person. Was Christmas really the right time to make the separation? Okay, maybe it wasn't the best timing, but it was still early enough in the season that they could have time to get past the argument and salvage a merry Christmas. And if not, it would be like their traditional Christmas: full of screaming, arguing, and general discomfort.

But for God's sake, it was about time she got her own place! She needed a change, a chance to spread her wings and soar…or whatever. Her own life. She couldn't live under Granny's tyranny anymore. And Belle had—shockingly—given her an out that morning.

She didn't know what had gotten into her—for the past two, three years, Belle had hated her behind a poisonously sweet smile; now, out of nowhere, she was acting…nice? Maybe because it was Christmas, maybe because Hook had secretly asked her to help out, maybe Belle had hit her head and was now experiencing a frightening personality shift; either way, it worked for Ruby, and she was going to take full advantage of it.

"All right, let's go," she said, snapping the lid shut. "Hold out your arms, I'm going to string some bags on them."

Hook raised his eyes to the ceiling, exhaling irritably, as he held out his arms. Ruby started draping him with the various shoulder bags she had stuffed clothes in.

"I'm going to have to buy stuff for that apartment," she realized, sliding a teddy bear backpack on his shoulders. "Like, pots and pans and stuff…Oh, my God, I hope it comes already furnished. Have you ever been there?" she asked suddenly. "To Belle's apartment?"

Hook shook his head. Ruby groaned.

"Goddamn it, I hope this isn't going to be too expensive," she said. "I mean, I'm a waitress, for God's sake. It's not like I've got so much cash to burn."

She looked up at him anxiously. "You think I can do this?" she asked. "Please, I need some words of encouragement right now, I'm really freaking out."

Hook opened his mouth helplessly—and started mouthing again. Ruby gritted her teeth, feeling her temper rise: he'd been doing that all day. Why did he have to be so immature?

"Okay, what is your problem?" she said heatedly. "What kind of statement is this supposed to be, hmm? Is this because I got upset this morning? Because I already told you, I can't control my temper around wolfs time, so you have to cut me a little slack—what?"

Hook had started shaking his frantically, looking at her with pleading eyes. Ruby raised her eyebrows.

"What?" she repeated. "Why are you shaking your head? Are you saying I'm wrong?"

Hook looked ready to cry from frustration: he threw down the bags and started gesturing wildly.

"Oh, my God," Ruby scoffed, bending down to pick up the bags. Really? He was going to throw a tantrum now? Really? "You are such a child," she said witheringly, stalking past him. A minute later, she heard Hook's footsteps follow her as she strode down the hall.

"I'm mad at you!" she yelled over her shoulder as she turned the corner. "You better have a good apology up your sleeve this time! And don't think I'm going to—oomph!"

Ruby dropped half her bags as she crashed into someone, and fell roughly to the floor. "Motherfucker," she groaned, feeling the ache in her hands and knees as she pushed herself up. "Shit, I am so sorry…Here, let me help you."

The other woman—who she recognized as Ursula, Hook's ex-girlfriend—eyed her proffered hand warily. "Thank you," she said finally, allowing Ruby to pull her up. She brushed herself off, giving Ruby a stiff nod. "Do you need some help with your bags?"

"Oh. Um—" Ruby cleared her throat awkwardly, tucking her hair behind her ear. "That's—that's okay."

"I've got eight tentacles," Ursula said enticingly. "They can carry a lot."

Ruby snapped her head up, looking at Ursula with wide eyes. "What?"

"No, I'm kidding," Ursula snorted, batting her hand. "But the look on your face was epic."

"Oh." Ruby put a hand to her rapidly beating heart. "Okay, I was going to say—"

"I mean, I did," Ursula said, straightening her sleeves. "Back when I was still Queen of the Sea and all, but then they just got to be a hassle. Too much upkeep, you know?"

Ruby nodded slowly. "So, was this…during, uh…? Was Hook in the picture at that point, or…?"

Ursula raised her eyebrows. "Are you asking about tentacle sex?"

"What? No!" Ruby sputtered. "No, I was just …wait, tentacle sex, really?"

Ursula shrugged.

"Shit. That's weird."

"Yeah. Yeah, it's weird." Ursula titled her head, frowning at the ceiling. "Weird, but interesting."

Ruby opened her mouth to ask how that even worked, but she caught sight of a certain someone over Ursula's shoulder. "Speak of the devil," she said grimly, glowering at Hook as he came jogging down the hall. Ursula turned around.

Hook froze, the blood draining from his face at the sight of his girlfriend and ex-girlfriend standing together in the hall. Very wise on his part, Ruby decided, given that one was on the verge of wolfism and the other had a dangerous set of tentacles hidden away somewhere.

Hook looked between them for a second—then spun on his heel, sprinting down the hall.

"Oh, no, you don't!" Ruby said fiercely, shooting after him. A burst of wolf speed caught her up to him almost immediately; she reached out and grabbed his arm, spinning him around to face her. "What are you running for, huh?" she demanded, pushing him against the wall one-handed. "What did you do?"

Hook shook his head pleadingly.

"Cut the bullshit," Ruby said impatiently. "Talk to me like a normal human."

Hook pointed to his throat and shook his head, mouthing something.

"I can't understand you! Just talk!"

"What's going on over there?" Ursula called, her heels clunking decisively as she walked toward them. "Trouble in paradise?"

Hook looked absolutely terrified; he scrabbled against the wall, frantically trying to tug his shirt out of Ruby's grip, but wolfs time always made her impossibly strong: she lifted him a little higher against the wall, so his feet were dangling in the air.

"You're really making me mad now," she growled (somewhat aware that lycanthropy was feeding her temper, but she wasn't paying attention to that right now).

"Hello, Hook," Ursula said smoothly, coming to a stop in front of them. Hook squeezed his eyes shut, silently sobbing. "I don't think we had a chance to finish our discussion the other day."

Hook lifted his head, looking at Ruby in anguish. Don't forget me, he mouthed, closing his hand over hers.

"May I?" Ursula asked Ruby politely, holding her hand out. Ruby flicked her gaze between the two of them, her eyes resting warily on Hook.

"Sure," she said, slowly lowering him to the ground. Hook clung to her hand even as she stepped away; he grasped the empty air desperately as she wrenched her hand from his.

"Thank you," Ursula said, smiling at her. In one swift motion, she had him pinned against the wall again, growling furiously in his face.

"Do you have any idea what I'm going to do you? You motherfucker, abandoning me like that! I am going to squeeze the life out of your pathetic little lungs with my bare hands, do you understand that? I am going to reach down your throat, physically take hold your lungs, and squeeze all the oxygen out of them!"

Ruby looked on in alarm as Hook reached for her pleadingly, his eyes wide with fear. Help me! he mouthed. Ruby!

"Okay, don't hurt him too much," she said hesitantly. Ursula scoffed, looking at Ruby derisively.

"What, you're telling me he's never screwed you over? You don't want to see him cry like the little bitch he is?"

Ruby opened her mouth to object, but Ursula kept talking.

"Never acted like you were his sun-and-stars one day, and a crazy bitch the next? Never talked you up with some big romantic speech, and then gave the cold shoulder five minutes later? Never did something so offensive and distasteful that you couldn't believe you were ever together, and then got tricked into taking him back?"

Ruby slowly closed her mouth, hearing some all-too-familiar accusations from Ursula's mouth. "Actually…" she said, her voice trembling with rage; she turned her head, glowering at Hook. "Now that I think of it…"

The old sun-and-stars-to-crazy-bitch routine was a favorite of his; it was how he got out of trouble, making her think that perhaps she was the one overreacting and maybe she should go easy on him, because look how much he cared about her. He didn't mean to say something like that; he didn't mean to make that offensive joke; he didn't mean to fall asleep while she was trying to talk to him…

And then romantic speeches popped up way too frequently for them to be spontaneous and from the heart. He had to have a notebook full of them that he'd committed to memory.

And as far as offensive and distasteful… those early days, when he still thought he and Emma had an epic love story (even as he was throwing Cheetos in said soulmate's hair)—how many times had he talked about her in front of Ruby? How many times had he completely ignored Ruby, in favor of complaining about how Emma friend-zoned him?

Hook surreptitiously pulled his phone out of his pocket, his thumb working the keyboard quickly. Ruby narrowed her eyes.

"Who are you calling?" she asked, darting forward to snatch the phone from him, but the screen was already blinking: Message Sent! "Who are you calling, Hook?" she demanded. "Another one of your girlfriends?"

Hook looked at her sadly, and started mouthing silently again.

"Okay, I have had it with this game!" she flared. "Just talk!"

Hook pointed his throat again and shook his head.

"You can't talk? Is that what is?"

A nod.

"Are you sick?"

He shook his head.

"Is this some kind of therapy thing? Did you go to therapy?"

He shook his head.

"Is it magic?" Ursula frowned. "Rumpletiltskin?"

Hook pointed at her excitedly.

"Rumplestiltskin?"

He shook his head, waving his hand back.

"Magic."

He nodded emphatically.

"Regina?"

He nodded again, jabbing his finger at her.

"Regina cursed you? For what? Oh—" Ursula snapped her fingers. "Right, sorry. Okay, did she curse you for committing some kind of crime?"

He shook his head.

"Did you break a deal with her? Betray her? Rat her out to her enemies?"

"Stop," Ruby frowned, holding up her hand. "That's not the kind of thing they argue about." She slowly lowered her hand, looking at him suspiciously. "Were you hitting on her again?"

Hook blinked rapidly, knitting his brow. Then nodded once…twice…nodded ashamedly, looking down. Ruby drew in a tense breath, clenching her fists.

"Of course you were. I know, I know," she said as he looked up apologetically, mouthing something and waving his hand. "Force of habit."

"Even so," Ursula growled, pushing him up a little higher. "Doesn't mean he's going to get away with it—"

"Stop!"

Ruby and Ursula whirled around at the sound of Robin's voice: he was standing at the other end of the hallway, panting as if he'd just run a mile.

"Stop," he repeated, walking toward them, and motioned at Hook. "Put him down, put him down."

"Why?" Ursula glowered. "He's had this coming to him for two hundred years. And now, I'm finally going to do it—I'm going to kill him for what he did to me."

"No, you're not," Robin said tiredly. "Granny has a 'no felons' policy."

"Like I care."

"Fair point, but aren't you glad to be rid of him?" Robin said desperately. "I mean, you've got Cruella now, and you two are splendiferously in love. Why do you still want revenge on him? He's nothing. He's useless."

Ursula gave Hook a considering look, narrowing her eyes. "That's true….He is useless."

"And nothing to you anymore," Robin said, his eyes flickering nervously to Hook despite his calm voice. "Just put him down, he's Ruby's problem now."

"I've been waiting for two hundred years, though," Ursula said through clenched teeth.

"Well, Hook waited just as long to get revenge on Rumple," Robin pointed out. "And then, he just gave it up one day. Just like that. And look at them now, they're great…whatever they are." He took a few cautious steps toward her, and hesitantly put his hand on the arm that was holding Hook against the wall. "Come on…loosen up…There you go."

Ursula gradually released her grip, lowering Hook to the ground. "You're right," she told Robin. "He's nothing to me, because I've got Cruella: my incredibly hot, sexy wife. Much more satisfying," she added with a significant glance at Hook. "On every level. Especially the important ones."

Hook brushed invisible dust off his jacket, not looking at her.

"I'm talking, sexual," Ursula clarified.

Hook smiled through clenched teeth, giving her a thumbs-up.

"And she's a million times hotter than you."

He rolled his eyes, straightening his jacket.

"And Ruby, if you ever go lesbian, I'm sure you and Lily would hit it off." Ursula gave Hook a disdainful look. "You should just leave this pathetic excuse for a man, and men in general. They're all sniveling, worthless little cowards." She glanced at Robin. "No offense."

Robin waved his hand wearily.

"All right, Hook," Ursula decided, giving him a considering glance. "You can live. Not that you should feel any safer around me, but I'm not going to kill you." She gave Ruby a smile. "I wouldn't want to deprive your girlfriend of the pleasure of doing that herself."

"Or her grandmother," Robin said, pointing behind them.

Everyone's heads swung around at the sound of Granny's angry footsteps storming down the hall. Hook staggered, grabbing Ruby's arm to hold himself upright, at sound of Granny's ringing voice.

"You've got a lot of nerve, manwhore!"" she shouted. "Trying to take my Ruby from me! Let me tell you something, pretty boy—I may not turn into a wolf anymore, but I don't need claw and teeth to be vicious! I've got a crossbow that could shoot an arrow right through that empty skull of yours! And I'll tell you something else—I'm a damn good shot."

"Granny, calm down," Ruby said, swinging a protective arm in front of a cowering Hook. "Nobody's taking me from you, all right?"

"Then what are all these suitcases cluttering the hall?" she demanded. "Why were you gone last night? It was him!"

"No, it was you!" Ruby snapped. "I decided to leave! You know why? Because I can't stand this Granny! This breathing down my neck, all these rules and curfews and shit—I'm not going to do it anymore! I'm moving out, I'm getting another job—I'm getting my own life, and there's nothing you can say or do that's going to make me change my mind!"

Granny's eyebrows disappeared into her hair. "Is that so?" she said thinly.

"It's so."

"Really."

"Really, really."

"Fine." Granny smiled at Hook, showing her pointy teeth. "Well, you can pack up your shit, too, manwhore. You've just been evicted."

Hook's eyes widened incredulously. Me?

"Granny, that's not fair," Ruby frowned. "You can't just throw him out because I'm leaving."

"Like hell I can't," Granny scoffed. "I hope you two have a very Merry Christmas."

"We're not moving out together!" Ruby cried exasperatedly. "I'm moving into the library apartment, it's only got space for one person! You can't throw him out now! It's Christmas!"

"Yes, it is," Granny agreed. "And there's no room at the inn. Just like the original."

"But there is room at the inn," Ruby glared. "You're just trying to get me back for getting away from you."

"No, Ruby, I'm not. You were the only reason I tolerated the manwhore living here. And now that you're out, he's out, too." Granny smirked at Hook. "Leave your key at the front. I'll be waiting."

They watched her saunter back down the hall silently. When she turned the corner, Ursula let out a low whistle.

"Your grandma's a badass," she told Ruby.

"Thanks," she said wearily, giving Hook a worried look. "I don't know what we're going to do."

"You could stay with Belle," Robin suggested.

"Maybe Neal?" Ruby shrugged. "I mean, since he and Emma said they weren't going to be moving in together for a while…"

Hook slowly lifted his head, his eyes lighting up. Neal, he mouthed. Yes.

"And I'll talk to Regina about giving you your voice back," Robin said, shifting his eyes. "It really freaks me out, watching you mouth stuff like that. It reminds me of mimes…you know, the nutters who pretend to be trapped in invisible boxes?" He shuddered. "The stuff of nightmares."

"On the condition that he doesn't hit on Regina," Ruby said, elbowing Hook hard in the ribs; he inhaled sharply, holding his side.

"Right. Because if he does, I'm going to punch him. And you can ask Graham what it feels like to get a Loxley-punch." Robin smirked. "I'm fairly certain, he's still got the bruise."