The doorbell rang. Regina closed her eyes, laying her pen down on the stack of papers in front of her. Better not be any more of those goddamn Christmas carolers, she thought, getting up from her desk.

That was the disadvantage of working from her home office: people could make annoying social calls any time they wanted. How many times had David dropped by to borrow her deep-dish pan? How many times had Tink knocked on the door, asking if she had any slutty heels she could use? How many times had—?

The doorbell rang again, more insistently. "I'm coming!" Regina called irritably, walking a little quicker down the hall. "Jesus…"

She swung the door open, wincing against the icy blast of wind. Robin, Hook, and Ruby stood on her porch, shivering violently and huddling together; there were icicles in Hook's and Robin's mustaches, and Ruby's bangs.

"What? What do you want? I'm working."

"You're not going to let me in?" Robin asked through chattered teeth.

"If I let you in, I'm going to have to let them in—"

"Regina, come on!" Robin said incredulously.

"All right." Regina exhaled loudly, and stood back, holding the door open wider. "Come in, come in. Shake the snow off your shoes—Hook, shoes."

He rolled his eyes, but kicked his shoes against the doorframe to get rid of the snow. Happy? he mouthed, sweeping his arms dramatically.

"Not very. You're in my house, aren't you?" Regina gave him a sour smile, and shut the door behind them. "What do you guys want?"

"Cup of tea would be lovely," Robin shuddered, rubbing his arms. "But actually, we came here to talk to you about something."

Regina glanced at Hook, who was carefully avoiding her gaze. "Cup of tea, coming up," she said, beckoning for them to follow her into the kitchen. "Ruby and Hook, I'd offer you tea, but frankly, I'm worried about contracting something if you use my china, so you'll have to content yourselves with looking on jealously."

Robin made himself at home and pulled out a stool, while Ruby and Hook walked in more cautiously. "Sit down, sit down," Robin invited them, waving them in. "It's all right."

Regina pursed her lips as she set the water to boil. She didn't much appreciate Robin inviting them in on her behalf. "So," she said, turning away from the stove. "What's up?"

"Well…" Ruby glanced sideways at Robin. "We were kind of wondering…"

"…if it's not too much trouble…" he said carefully.

"…if you could possibly—"

"—maybe, perhaps—"

"—just a little bit-ish—"

"—give Hook's voice back?"

"Give it back?" Regina snorted. "Why would I do that?"

"Because I asked you to?" Robin said hopefully. "Come on, it's Christmas."

"Why do people keep telling me that?" she asked the ceiling. "I know it's Christmas, I'm well aware. I've got a Christmas party two weeks from now, and I've still got a shit ton of planning to catch up on."

"Peace on earth, Regina," Robin reminded her. "Goodwill to all men."

"Please, Regina?" Ruby folded her hands together, tucking them under her chin. "If I need to yell at him, I at least want him to be able to fight back."

Regina raised a skeptical eyebrow.

"And I've already told him, that if he says one word to you, I'm going to punch him," Robin said, elbowing Hook a little too hard to be entirely friendly.

"It's true," Ruby chirped. "And I'll make sure he doesn't say anything, either. I've got ways of punishing him—not like that," she said exasperatedly as Hook raised a roguish eyebrow. "I mean it, you're not going to like it."

Hook shrugged.

"Ignore him," Robin said quickly, seeing Regina's eyes narrow. "Just give him his voice back, please?"

"Why?"

"Because he's my best friend."

"Okay, why does everyone say that about Hook?" Regina said, dumbfounded. "You're literally the fourth person who's said that to me."

Hook smiled smugly, putting his arm around Robin's shoulders and leaning his head against him. Ruby rolled her eyes, tutting under her breath about what an idiot he was.

"It's Christmas," Robin pleaded, now putting his own arm around Hook's shoulders. "And also, if I can't talk to Hook, then I have to talk to Neal, and Neal judges me. A lot. He's a very judge-y person."

Regina tapped her nails deliberately on the counter, eyeing them thoughtfully. She really didn't want to: it had only been a few hours, but already they were the best hours she'd had since Hook landed in Storybrooke a couple years ago.

"I'll think about it," she said finally, getting up to fix the tea. Robin got up from his seat, following her to the stove.

"Regina, come on," he wheedled as she poured boiling tea into two cups. He pitched his voice down, shifting his eyes around furtively. "Look, Granny threw him out, and he's got nowhere to stay. How's he going to talk someone into letting him crash on their couch if he can't talk?"

"Granny threw him out?" Regina laughed. "That's hilarious."

"It is. And you know what's even more hilarious? Me, telling Hook he can stay here if he can't find anywhere else, because you won't give him his voice back."

Regina slammed the spoon down, whirling around to look at Robin furiously. "You wouldn't dare!"

"Wouldn't I?" he challenged in a rare moment of defiance.

"You can't do that. It's my house."

Robin gave her a scoffing look. "He's learned his lesson, all right? He know he's done wrong, and believe me, he'll be quite reluctant to displease you again. You know how much Hook loves to talk: this is killing him."

"He still looks very much alive to me," Regina sniffed.

"Please, Regina?"

She exhaled, looking up at the ceiling. "Fine," she said crossly. Robin whirled around, giving the other two a thumbs-up, beaming.

"She'll do it!"

"Really?" Ruby said, sounding surprised.

"Yes, really." Regina turned around, giving Hook an irritable look. "If you hadn't somehow brainwashed Robin into thinking the two of you were friends, I wouldn't be doing this," she warned him. "And next time—you're not getting your voice back. Do you understand me?"

Hook nodded obediently, like a small child being scolded.

"All right." Regina reluctantly waved her hand, letting out a small pulse of magic. Hook felt his throat, opening and closing his mouth experimentally.

"Salamanders….salamanders…salamanders—it worked!" he said delightedly. "I can talk again!"

"Salamanders?" Robin repeated quizzically.

"It's one of my favorite words," Hook shrugged. "I just like saying it. But Ruby, listen! My voice, my beautiful voice, is back! Oh, didn't you miss it?"

"So much," Ruby said, lifting the corners of her mouth in a smile. "So. Much."

Hook's smile faded. "You're still cross with me, aren't you?"

"Not very," she sighed, getting up from her seat. "Come on, I'll drop you off at Neal's, so you can talk to him."

"Isn't she the best?" Hook beamed at Regina and Robin over his shoulder as he followed Ruby out the door. "Putting up with the likes of me—"

"Get out of my house, Hook," Regina said loudly.

"Happy Christmas, Reg—!"

The door slammed, cutting off the rest of his farewell. Robin sighed wearily, taking the teacup Regina offered him.

"What a morning we've had, eh?" he asked, retaking his seat at the counter. "Me with Hook, you with the Charming's—"

"Oh, God, don't get me started."

"Too late," he grinned, already hearing the threat of a rant in her voice.

"I just can't believe I spent my morning arguing with those lunatics about whether or not Emma should move into an apartment three doors down," Regina scoffed. "I mean, it's three doors down. And she's in her thirties, for God's sake. She has to leave the nest sometime."

Robin nodded, rolling his eyes. "Ridiculous," he said. "If anything, I thought they'd be pleased about Henry's parents living together: it's better for the boy to have a mother and father looking out for him, than single parents pulling him back and forth."

Regina raised her eyebrows. "And what about me?" she asked thinly. "Single parents…?"

"But you're not a single parent anymore," Robin smiled, reaching across the counter to pat her hand. "You've got me. I just meant, it's better for Henry to have less homes to bounce back and forth between."

"But you do know I was a single parent for eleven years, right?" Regina frowned.

"Yes, I know," Robin sighed. "I was a single parent for a while, too, though, Regina. I know how stressful it is on everyone, so yes—I think it's better that you've got an extra set of eyes watching your boy with you."

Regina eyed him carefully. "So…you think it's good that Henry's parents are living together? Or will be?"

"Yes." Robin took a sip of his tea, shrugging. "I mean, they're completely mental and living down the hall from another set of nutters, but yes, I think it's good."

"Because parents raising a child together should be living together. Or it's confusing for the child."

"Right."

"Provides stability. Provides a sense of reliance, dependence…"

"Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Good, because I think you should move in."

Robin choked on his tea, spitting it back into the cup. Regina looked on blandly as he coughed into his elbow and pounded himself on the chest.

"Sorry," he rasped. "Caught me off guard."

"Do you disagree?" Regina asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I didn't say that," he wheezed, trying to catch his breath. "It's just… very sudden."

"Robin, I've got a kid coming in seventh months. Our kid. If anyone should be talking about moving in together, it's us."

"That's a good point," Robin nodded, still breathless.

"And if you can invite homeless pirates to stay here, that means you already consider it to be 'home', so…" Regina trailed off, dropping her eyes to her cup; she swirled the contents, frowning slightly as though she found it extremely fascinating to see tea dregs mingling with sugar crystals, while she waited for Robin to say something.

"Of course, I consider it 'home'."

She looked up, seeing a small smile on Robin's face, a soft look in his eyes. "Do you?" she said shortly, clearing her throat against the little rush of emotion rising in her chest (hormones, mood swings, chemical imbalances, that's all it was).

"Of course, I do." Robin took her hand, smiling. "You're here, Henry's here…it's got that armchair I like."

Regina laughed a little, smiling into her cup.

"And Little What's-Her-Name is going to be here, soon enough," he said, nodding at her stomach. "We've got a nice little family going here, don't we?"

"Is that a yes, then?" Regina asked, lifting her eyebrows.

"That's a 'yes'." Robin leaned across the counter to kiss her. "That's a definite 'yes'."

"So, when are you going to start unpacking these?" Emma asked, surveying the box-scattered room with hands on her hips. "It still feels so empty in here, I hate it."

"Won't be so empty once you start bringing your stuff in," Neal said cheerfully, carrying the last box over to the kitchen. "Still interested, right?"

"Yes, I'm still interested," Emma smiled, and cast a considering gaze around the apartment. "I think we're going to have to do some shopping, though. You don't even have paper plates."

"Yeah, I got a lot to do," Neal said, straightening and brushing his hands off. "And then, I have to go to New York and pack up all that stuff I have left in the apartment, find some moving guys to do that…Shit."

"What?"

"No, I just realized—" Neal swore under his breath. "How are they going to get all my stuff here? They can't cross the town line, it's under that cloaking spell thing."

"It is? That's still going on?"

"Yeah, that's still going on." Neal rubbed his eyes tiredly, sighing. "Okay, new plan."

"What if we just buy new furniture?" Emma suggested. "Because, honestly, I don't know how comfortable I'd feel using furniture that a bunch of college kids have been laying around in."

"Good point," he mused. "But I still have all that stuff there…you know, like personal stuff."

"Take my dad's truck, pack it up," she shrugged. "Sell the furniture, drop off the keys, and bring everything you want to keep home in the pick-up."

"That's an idea…" Neal perched on a box, folding his arms thoughtfully. "I told Hook I was going to have him come with me to help me out, though. Don't know if I can survive a seven-hour road trip to New York with him."

"He's pretty good with cars now."

"Yeah, but the talking…Seven hours, Em. And you know how bored he gets."

"He can listen to Beyonce for hours. Ask Ruby for her CD, you'll be fine."

Neal smiled. "You have a solution for everything, don't you?"

"Meh," Emma said, looking pleased nonetheless. "I try."

They looked up as someone knocked on the door. Neal got up to answer, grinning at Emma as he passed her.

"Our first visitor," he said, raising his eyebrows enticingly. "Who could it—? Oh, goddamn it."

"Neal!" Hook threw his arms around Neal delightedly, as if he hadn't seen him in years. "My dear friend! My beloved, beautiful friend! And Emma!" He kept one arm around Neal's neck, holding the other out to Emma. "Lady Emma, whose kindness is matched only by her beauty! A true woman of good heart—"

"What, Hook?" Emma said flatly, not charmed in the least. "What do you want?"

"Granny evicted me, and I need a place to stay," Hook said abruptly, dropping his arms. "So, I needs you to move all your girly shit out of the apartment, Swan. Like, now."

"Why, so you can move all your girly shit in here? I don't think so," she scoffed.

"I need a place to stay," Hook insisted. "Neal—"

"What? No. No, Hook, you're not staying—"

"Yes, I think I am."

"No. You're not. Come on, get out of here—"

"I need a place to stay, Neal!" Hook said in ringing tones. "Granny threw me out!"

Oh, my God, this isn't happening, Neal thought, covering his eyes with both hands. This is not happening. No way was Hook moving in here, no fucking way. It had been bad enough, living next door to him, but sharing an apartment with him? Absolutely not.

"Stay with Ruby!" Emma was saying when he finally emerged from behind his hands. "She's the one who got you thrown out, you're her problem now!"

"First of all, how dare you call me a problem!" Hook said indignantly. "I am a gift from Heaven, thank you very much!"

"Keep telling yourself that."

"And secondly," Hook said as if she hadn't spoken, "Ruby and I aren't even close to the moving-in-together phase, are you insane?"

"What about your ship?" Neal said before Emma could retort. "Can't you just live there?"

Hook stared at him. "Live on my ship?" he said incredulously. "You want me to try to survive, in the dead of winter, with temperatures below freezing in fucking Maine, docked on the water in an old ship with no heating? Do you want me to freeze to death?"

"You lived there for two hundred years, didn't you?" Emma said, throwing up her hands.

"I was in tropical waters, Emma!" Hook snapped. "I wasn't in fucking Maine! Neal, help me."

"But…" Neal looked between the two of them helplessly, from Hook's fuming face to Emma's glowering one. "But me and Emma…"

"It's only temporary," Hook said, as though he didn't think much of Neal's taste in Emma. "I just need a place until I can get back on my feet."

"Back on your feet, or Ruby on her back?" Emma shot back.

"I told you, the only reason I'm not asking Ruby is because we're not there yet!" Hook glared. "Come on, Neal! Help a friend in need!"

"I—"

"You're not seriously going to do this?" Emma demanded, rounding on him. "You said, you didn't think you could stand a seven-hour road trip with him, how do you think you're going to handle living with him?"

"Road trip? Where are we going?"

"New York. Listen, Em—"

"New York?" Hook gasped. "Oh, my God, I love New York! I've been there before, remember?"

"Yeah, when you poisoned my dad with dreamshade? Yeah, I remember."

"Oh, those were the days…" Hook grinned, and elbowed Emma. "Remember those days?"

"Yeah, I remember those days."

"Isn't it funny?" he said, slinging his arms around them again. "We used to hate each other so much! And now look at us—inseparable!"

"No—no, very separable," Emma said, ducking out from Hook's arm. "I'm separating you right now—right out of the apartment, because you're not living here."

"Do you remember climbing the beanstalk with me?" he grinned, keeping his arm firmly around Neal. "Remember how we bonded?"

"Do you remember how I kicked your ass at Lake Nostos?" Emma said coolly.

Hook's smile faded. "Like hell you did. I let you win."

"Please," she snorted.

"I did. I thought you were cute, so I let you win."

"Oh, you did not."

"Sure I did! Neal, didn't I let her win?"

"I really don't know," Neal said wearily.

"Well, I did," Hook scoffed. "Three hundred years of pirating under my belt, and you honestly think I can't beat a girl who's only been holding a sword for three hours? Pull the other one!"

"You think this is going to get Neal to let you move in?" Emma said witheringly. "Ooh, you're better at sword-fighting—like anyone cares!"

"You care," Hook said smugly. "Or you wouldn't be arguing with me."

"Guy," Neal began, but Emma cut in.

"Excuse me, Homeless, but do you really think you should be antagonizing me right now? When you need me to give you a place to stay?"

"I don't need you. It's Neal's apartment."

"It's our apartment!"

"Oh, really? Who's paying the rent right now?"

"Well…Neal, but—"

"HA!" Hook jabbed a finger at her triumphantly. "So, it's Neal's apartment right now! And you know what that means? Neal is the one who decides whether or not I stay! And I'll do you one better," he added, rounding on Neal. "You let me stay, I'll pay half the rent. Emma can't move in right now anyway, and wouldn't it be nice to save a little extra cash for your guys's…next pizza night, or whatever it is that you consider a date?"

Neal raised his eyebrows at Emma, shrugging. "He's got a point."

"But if you let him stay, he's never going to leave," Emma said desperately. "We'll never get rid of him."

"Don't be ridiculous," Hook snorted. "You'll hardly see me at all. I intend to spend as little time in this apartment as possible. All I need is a place to sleep for the night…" He grinned, giving a little shrug. "Occasionally."

"So…you'll pay half the rent, and you're barely going to be here at all?" Neal said.

"That's right."

"Half the rent, barely here."

"Yes, and hell yes."

"I feel like you're lying."

"I feel like hugging you, but I'm resisting."

Emma rolled her eyes, exhaling irritably. "Just let him stay, Neal," she said. "He's not going to leave us alone, one way or the other. Might as well get half the rent out of it."