I finished my first playthrough, which mean I can finally start writing on my favorite pair of this game (although I'm already having new ships all over the place and have no idea what to do with myself). Spoilers for the entire game can be expected.

I wanted to mess around with the scene where Claude borrows Jeralt's diary from Byleth, because, for a grand schemer, Claude can be incredibly insensitive sometimes and I really wanted him to realize it. We get both character's pov and this will be part of a serie of one-shot spanning on the same timeline.

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I wanna know everything

-I trust you-

The tears had been something new. Making the world blurry when she needed every detail. The creases on his face. The light in his eyes. The way he would smirk. Her hearing seemed to tune out all noise, even his voice, as though her brain refused to process the stimuli she was receiving. She'd seen it happen before. The knife and the blood. Had gone back and yet it still…

…

Rhea's apologies didn't change the strange knot building up in Byleth's stomach as she stood in the audience room. The talk was taking too long and she wanted to run. Wanted to hide. Seteth seemed to realize it, but Rhea could never keep her around long enough and while Byleth usually felt more at ease around her for a reason she couldn't fathom…

Today was not one of these days. Sleep barely took root when she was excused and allowed to her room. Byleth kept on turning around the words Jeralt had said at the beginning of the last month.

"There's something I want to tell you."

It had felt ominous, because while Byleth was fine with letting her father keep secrets from her, she also wanted to know more. There had always been some sort of wall between them. He would smile at her and lose his smile almost as quickly. She remembered him taking afternoons off to take her on a picnic or to a nearby village. She remembered staying by his side instead of playing with other kids. She remembered the dull impression that something was always missing. The picnics would usually turn into training. Training along Jeralt had been the one time where things made sense. They would hunt together until he was certain she could hunt on her own. They would cook together, but soon he was convinced she did fine on her own. And now this was how she was once more. On her own.

"You remember me, right?"

Not alone. Not in the true sense, Byleth corrected herself.

Sothis was perturbed. She suggested visiting Jeralt's quarters. Finding the journal he'd mentioned as Byleth had held him.

The thought of never holding him again had her wondering how many times they'd hugged. Deep down, she knew, it hadn't been as much as she'd wanted. But their hugs had always been awkward. She had been such a stiff child. Leonie's words still rang in her ears.

"Did you even care for him at all?!"

I did. I do. I've always… I think I do?

Walking along the corridors, Byleth kept her head down, while spotting each of her students. They were particularly gentle with her. Asking if she was doing okay. She nodded, to each of them, wondering why the knot in her stomach was growing larger. It felt like a stone had settled in there. A spot in the middle of her chest was heavier and it ached whenever she swallowed. For some reason, the very sensation made her swallow a lot more than usual. And Sothis commented on it.

Hearing Alois talking of fond memories of her father was not what she needed, every word making the invisible weight on her chest harder to bear and she hurried to Jeralt's quarters. The room held a very faint scent that was like him. Pine and leather. A faint desire to leap onto the bed to breathe in the scent flashed through her mind and was gone just as fast. Byleth stood frozen in the room for a minute, trying to catch that need to remember him.

My father, she thought. My family.

The words felt foreign, and everything ached and then she was numb again.

"The journal." Sothis reminded her.

Byleth took three steps forward, mentally measuring the length of her strides. They were small, shaky and she steadied herself. No weakness, not in Jeralt's room. Her hands searched and a few quills and papers were knocked off the desk, much to her own shock. She wasn't clumsy.

As a child, she had only broken one thing in their tiny house, and it had been while sick with such a high fever, Jeralt hadn't slept, changing the cold wipes on her forehead and throat the entire night with fresh snow. At one point, she'd wanted to join him outside to collect snow, maybe thinking to could try making a snow culture and she'd walked right into the table…

Inconsequential, she warned herself. Focus.

The journal. Its leather felt warm under her palm. Turning it open, she felt the blur come back to her vision at the very sight of his writing. When he was away for an extended time, he would try and write to her and she'd learned the sharp edges of his handwriting. She didn't dare to trace the lines in fear she could smear the ink. Every tiny word could be precious. Except Jeralt was a man of a few words and as she turned the pages looking for the passages she'd expected he would be willing to share, she felt the tiny connection to her father growing fainter and fainter.

He listed battles and missions. Mentioned names she didn't know, places she hadn't seen. She'd always followed him, but had it been from a distance?

Then her mother appeared in the journal and the sheer joy Jeralt spoke of touched her heart. The stone in her stomach vanished until she turned the pages again.

The child has no heartbeat.

That sounded awfully like her, but for some reason, Jeralt couldn't write her name. She was "the child". He'd faked her death and took her away from the church of Seiros, away from lady Rhea.

What was done to me? Why am I so different?

A knock at the doorway had her look up, realizing she hadn't even thought of closing the door. Claude entered as their eyes met, appraising her state but his eyes were focused on the book in her hands.

"Hey Teach. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," she answered him mechanically.

The weight on her chest was back, so painfully heavy, Byleth wondered if her bones could hold.

"You do look better than yesterday. Is that Jeralt's journal?"

Byleth nodded, pushing herself to her feet. She didn't remember sitting down. She didn't remember crushing a quill under the sole of her shoe either, but there it was and she closed the journal, sensing the tiny urge of hugging the book.

Weakness, weakness, she thought.

"Would you mind me borrowing it? There must be crucial information in there that could help us with everything that is going on."

Now Byleth was tempted to tell him she was well aware, but having an external view on what Jeralt had written could bring them more perspective. Her eyes kept blurring out, she might have missed a few words. Maybe even sentences.

"Sure, you can have it. Just be…"

"Great!" Claude exclaimed, a little too enthusiastic. "I mean, I would have find a way to get my hands on it if you'd said no…"

Byleth's arms closed around the book, her vision perfectly clear as one of her brows twitched ever so slightly.

"I beg your pardon?"

Claude blinked, taken aback by the change of tone.

"I… With how little Rhea…"

Byleth cut him off, her voice sharp but cold, sounding like it would when she'd ask a question regarding a battle strategy during class.

"Claude, what is the point of asking me for my permission if you don't need it?"

This time, the teenager had the decency to look away, slowly realizing the impact of his words. He wasn't sure what he thought saying that out loud would achieve, was he looking for praise for his persistence or his scheming abilities?

"I'm sorry, teach, that was…"

"This journal was my father's. I wouldn't want just anyone reading it. I am not even done reading it myself. I trust you, Claude. But if you go around my back for something like this. If you go around my back at all, I…!"

She swallowed the anger back down, wondering if she'd ever seen the boy look this pale. He'd closed his mouth shut halfway through her speech, but he had been gapping at her for the first half.

"That trust would be lost," she stated, keeping her voice neutral.

He nodded, his shoulders lowering another notch.

"I apologize, professor. I was out of line and insensitive."

"Apology accepted. Here."

She offered him the journal, forcing her hands to unclench. Claude hesitantly took the book from her. As soon as he was holding it, her feet moved, to take herself away from this room that suddenly felt too small to hold her. She needed water to dissolve the weight on her chest. She needed space to feel like she was breathing right. She needed to keep it in control to evade upsetting any of the students, Claude included.

"Teach, wait!" he called after her.

She stopped in the doorway, looking back at him. Blinked away the blur. One breath in, the pressure on her ribcage so hard, she couldn't take another breath.

"If you… need anything, like… I don't know, anything, really. I'm here, you know?"

Her lips didn't move. Her eyes didn't blink. But something shifted and she was afraid staying any longer would allow the blur to take over and her eyes would spill.

"I'll be fine. Thank you."

She walked away as quickly as possible without taking off into a run. Claude took the hint, remaining where he was, his eyes falling on the book he was holding.

"Of course she's not fine. She watched her father die…"

How stupid he felt for even saying he'd considered… Hitting his head against the book just once before realizing he could damage the damned thing by doing so, Claude promised himself he would look after his teacher closer for the next few weeks. She was always so strong and taking things in stride, he'd forgotten she had to be human under it all.

…

"Say, Hilda?"

"Hmm?"

Class had just ended and Byleth had left the classroom first, going off to find Alois to train on something. The others were getting ready to leave, Lorenz managing to convince Marianne into a cup of tea while Ignatz, Leonie and Raphael chatted about the next few tournaments.

"If you'd messed up with someone, how would you make it up to them?"

"Who are you and where is Claude von Riegan?" Hilda shot back, looking at him as though he'd grown a second head.

"Very funny. I'm just worried about teach. It's been three weeks since Jeralt and…"

"Do you listen to yourself Claude? Three weeks is not enough to grieve. When my mother passed away, it took me months to get over myself. What did you do to the professor?"

Did this to yourself, buddy, time to get out.

"Did I say anything like that? I'm feeling dizzy, I'd better go get some rest!"

"Claude!"

"So dizzy!" he insisted.

His classmates watched him run off, some with smiles, some others shaking their head.

"He can be so carefree sometimes…"

…

Claude was a resourceful young man and figured that he could try a very simple thing for his teacher. Whenever a student felt down, Byleth would invite them for a cup of tea or two. Not everyone got to be invited, but it was rumored that Byleth was particularly specific about picking the student's favorite tea, offering sweets and having a great time. Getting to be invited by their professor for tea had turned into a much wanted experience and Claude still remembered fondly the time he'd been invited himself. It felt a lot more special than the little chats in the hallways or the cafeteria. Inviting her seemed simple enough and he usually had no difficulty walking up to Byleth and just speaking his mind.

But the very reason why he was planning on inviting her was not only because of her reprimanding him in Jeralt's room. Ever since that day, their teacher had become more distant with her students. She didn't initiate conversations quite as often. She didn't give gift to anyone this month and she was usually overly generous, to the point where Claude had wondered if she was bribing students into their class. He liked her vision that anyone and everyone could be an ally. She saw beyond colors, beyond allegiance to lords and didn't care if she was recruiting a noble or a common-born student. Remembering the ball and how nervous he'd been deep down as they'd danced, he scratched at the back of his neck, fighting against a light flush.

He'd made her twirl and had met her later that night, admitting to dreams and ambitions he wanted to see fulfilled with her by his side. And then her father had been killed and he'd dismissed it like it was already forgotten.

He felt pretty terrible, especially after reading the man's journal. It sounded like Byleth had a very lonely childhood and barely ever smiled. He hadn't expected to learn so much about his teacher through this diary. Oh, he'd hoped he would, he was realizing it now. But he still didn't know her. He'd picked up on everything he could, surviving as a mixed-blood noble required a good grasp on understanding people. But when it came to his teacher, he was always a little lost. Very lost to be fair.

He was standing in the courtyard across the classrooms, taking in the sun and mulling things over when he saw Byleth passing by. She wasn't walking as quickly as she did these past few weeks. Her head was low though and he noticed the way her shoulders were drawn in. She'd kept them alive through two fights this week, against bandits and beasts and while they'd pulled through as well as usual, he had barely been able to keep an eye on her on the field. No one could it seemed, Byleth was always a step further ahead. Now he could see the faint, dark lines under her eyes. He swallowed, hurrying after her.

"Hey teach!" he called out,

She jumped and he was taken aback by the very notion she was this tense.

"Hi Claude. Everything alright?"

Her lips were thinly drawn in a flat line, and he wondered if he'd ever seen her smile. She'd smiled during the ball, hadn't she? It had been tiny and fleeting, but she'd smiled, and it had reached her eyes.

"Yeah, I…"

Embarrassment crept up as he remembered how that smile had made him feel. His heart seemed to be too big for his chest and he cleared his throat, feeling awkward and too young.

"I wanted to check on you actually. You've been working even harder lately. How about a tea break?"

That sounded awfully casual, didn't it?

Byleth paused, her eyes blinking once. A sparkle rose in them, Claude couldn't help but stare, wanting to make sure it was not just his imagination seeing it.

"That sounds lovely," she finally answered. "Would now be a good time?"

No blubbering, you're no buffoon, Claude, he mentally chided himself.

"Now's a perfect time."

He couldn't fight his smile and hoped it wasn't giving away too much. He was doing this for her sake, wasn't he? Byleth raised one hand and dropped it back almost as quickly, Claude biting back his tongue as he wondered if she'd mean to take his arm.

There was a certain distance a teacher had to maintain with her students, it made perfect sense. Without a word, she turned on her heels and he fell in step with her, the pair making their way to the small gazebo by the chapel. Only the teachers were authorized to use it and only a few did. It was smaller than the gazebo reserved to the students, but Byleth never made a big case out of it. He quickened his pace to hold the door for her and insisted to hold her chair, Byleth gracing him with a tiny grin and a thank you.

"I'll make the tea though," she decided.

"Afraid I'll break something?"

"I've heard you're not so good around dishes," she teased him.

Claude scratched at his hair, feeling sheepish but taking the comment with a chuckle. There was no use arguing, he had been awful at cleaning the dishes whenever he tried and couldn't believe how many plates he'd broken. Byleth was too used to be in charge, her hands picking a brew, Almyran, much to his surprise, and serving them both a warm cup, while he picked a tray of scones and set it on the table for them to enjoy.

"Thank you," the teacher said, dipping a scone in the tea and biting into the pastry.

"Don't mention it."

The tea was brewed to perfection and the familiar taste was a very welcome encouragement to the young man.

"I wonder, teach, do you like sweets in food?"

She glanced at him, the spark in her eyes shining.

"What are you preparing?"

"Can't I be curious?" Claude shot back.

"You can. I like all food."

He rolled his eyes at the answer.

"What about preferences though? Spices are among my favorites," he offered.

She smiled at him, his heart doing a little jump in his chest.

"I guess I've never thought about it," she admitted, resting her chin in her palm and leaning her head to the left as she reflected upon it. "I'm definitely partial to sweets. Pies… I would bake one whenever I'd have a chance."

"Where did you find the time to learn that?"

Byleth shrugged, her smile lingering, inquiring herself: "Would you like to sample my cooking?"

"As long as you don't use those shrooms I'd mentioned the other day," he laughed.

"Of course not. Do you have a favorite flavor? Apple pie should be easy at this time of the year."

Was she seriously thinking of baking a pie and letting him have a few slices of it?

"I'm not difficult about desserts. But enough about food. I might need to devour all of these scones otherwise."

She relaxed in her seat, sipping more tea. The question she asked next took him by surprise.

"How has been your reading lately? Any big find?"

"It… it's been interesting. But do you want to talk about this? I was actually aiming to divert your mind from worrying over…"

"I thought you could find something in the journal that I might have missed. I didn't peruse all of it, but I… It's been on my mind a lot, no matter what I've done."

To the point you can barely find sleep, teach?

"Well… There have been multiple things bothering me with this diary, but… How old was Jeralt?"

"Older than he looked. Not that he ever told me how or why."

Byleth crossed her arms, but if she was angry, it didn't show in her face or her eyes. She had such complete self-control, Claude couldn't help feeling amazed again.

"He sounded like a man of a few words."

"Indeed. What else did you find?"

"Rhea is hiding a lot of things…"

Starting with what she did to you, but how can I even…?

His professor dropped her elbows on the table, her arms remaining crossed, the teacups jumping at the sudden motion.

"She's elusive," Byleth started. "Everyone is eating out of her palm, even Seteth. I don't see how…" She sighed, deeply, her shoulders lowered as she threw back her head.

This was the biggest show of exasperation he'd ever seen from her and his eyes were still wide when she looked at him once more.

"How do I get to know… How do we get her to talk?"

"Maybe invite her to tea?"

"And spice it up with some truth serum you will have whisked up for me?" Byleth suggested.

He laughed at that, but briefly so, since his professor was giving him that serious look and her smile was gone.

"Ahem. I could… This is very blasphemous, but there might be… options."

They were talking about the apostle after all.

"You're nervous," Byleth observed. "I was mostly joking."

"Were you now?"

"Guess it's hard to tell. But if roofying up you know who can be an option, I'm all ears."

"Damn, teach."

"Is that such a scary thing to say? I'm not saying I'm angry at her. Somehow, I feel like I can trust her at this moment in time. But my father was afraid of her and I can see why. If you look at the knights of Seiros as mercenaries, what is happening right now…"

Byleth paused, wondering how badly such a discourse would be received by anyone other than Claude. Among her students, everyone was so devoted, and she couldn't blame them. Jeralt had kept her away from the teachings of Seiros for a reason. It gave her a clear view of what was really happening. At least, she dared believe so. Rhea was not very different from the people she'd worked for as a mercenary. Outside of looking after her students and teaching them daily, her job could be described as mercenary work. The mission Rhea sent her out on meant killing people that were dubbed wrong by one side and could have been judged right according to others. Byleth had never felt much guilt about killing people. Jeralt considered it a necessary evil and all Byleth could do was survive. After losing his wife, no matter how weird and strange his daughter was, the man didn't want to risk losing her.

"It feels wrong, no matter how you look at it," Claude said, supporting her views. "But life's taught me you need to use unsavory circumstances in your favor sometimes."

"Very sound advice. Was there anything else in that diary?"

"Well. Your father was definitely trying to understand what was happening with a shady group of people in the last few weeks. He was cryptic in everything he wrote. I think he might have suspected Tomas and a couple of the knights. I've tried to identify a few people, but he didn't leave a lot of clues."

"That lone wolf really didn't know how to ask people for help," Byleth whispered, her gaze lost as memories and nostalgia took over.

Claude had no words for her, finding it hard to stand in silence as her sadness fully showed. He'd lost people, but outside of his parents and a few trustable retainers, he'd never held anyone quite close enough to feel the loss as damaging. He was looking for allies first and then friends and his classmates were becoming a second family to him.

"I'm sorry, I'm quite boring today," Byleth apologized.

"What? You're grieving and you're not boring."

"Grieving," she repeated. "I wish I knew… No, enough of that. Claude!"

"Yes, teach?"

"Have you ever browsed the library for fiction books?"

"You mean to tell me you haven't?! There's an extensive collection."

Seeing his smile seemed to comfort her. She got to her feet, gathering the tea set.

"I could use a few recommendations then. Wouldn't know where to begin. Unless all the stories are about poisoning people," she added teasingly.

"I have other fields of interest," he chuckled.

To be continued…

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Here it is. I might go back to the ball to tell from Byleth's pov, I realized that was something I also wanted to do. But I have a lot of ideas for this one. I'll try to keep them coming in chronological order, but we'll see how it turns out. You can expect very slow updates, but I hope you'll leave a comment to let me know what you think and encourage me in writing more. The rating is definitely subject to go up, cause eventual smut will appear -after the time skip-.