Regina stared out the window with half-lidded eyes, tapping her fingers deliberately against the car door. Emma glanced at her sideways, but didn't say anything; she just took another sip of her coffee, and moved her eyes back to the front.

It was called a stakeout, Emma had said proudly. When she'd originally pitched the idea to Regina in her warm, heated kitchen—to spy on Henry and Violet using her finest bailbondsperson techniques—Regina had readily agreed. How useful, to have a professional snooper as her son's other mother! Then, they could find out exactly who this Violet bitch was, and why she was trying to take their son away. Fifteen-year-old girls were, they agreed, Satan's chosen form.

Sitting in the freezing car at ten o'clock at night, it seemed like the stupidest idea Emma had ever had. Idiot.

But it was necessary. She'd talked to Whale again that morning, concerned about the dull ache in her head (turned out, she had low blood sugar and needed a coffee); and he had told her something that had stirred in her a rage that she did not know she was capable of feeling. And she had gone on a frenzied, heart-ripping rampage throughout her entire kingdom before—multiple times.

"Yeah, sorry I didn't pick up earlier," he'd said. "I was at lunch, at Granny's. Actually, funny story—I ran into Henry there…and his girlfriend."

Regina had nearly dropped the phone, feeling her eyes nearly pop out of her skull. "H-h-h-his WHAT?"

"Girlfriend," Whale repeated cheerfully. "His words. Oh, you should see them, it's adorable. Violet, I think her name was. I remember, she came in once for a broken arm—"

"I'M GOING TO GIVE HER A LOT MORE THAN A BROKEN ARM!"

"What?" he scoffed. "Come on, Regina, they're only fifteen. What kind of shenanigans could two teenagers with raging hormones get into? Pshaw, you're overreacting…"

She could practically hear the smug little smile on his face as he hung up the phone, but she was too furious to ask after it. She had fumed all the way over to Neal's, muttering venomously under her breath, her eyes burning hot enough to turn the entire town to ash.

Neal hadn't been there, but Emma was—hard at work, poking through boxes critically and scowling at the influx of black leather that hung off the railing. Regina had stopped at the doorway; so caught off guard that for a moment, she forgot she was angry.

"What the hell is this?" she asked, gesturing at the railings.

"Hook moved in with Neal," Emma had answered bitterly. "His closet exploded—guess what? It's all leather. All of it."

Regina shook her head bemusedly. "Why does he have so much leather?"

"Who the fuck knows?" Emma snapped, throwing up her hands. "I came over to see if I left my badge here, and I saw this!" She flung out her hand at what Regina now realized was a pile of black leather vests slung over the railing.

Regina blinked, and gave her head a little shake. "Never mind that, we've got bigger problems."

And after she told Emma about her conversation with Whale, Emma agreed with her: bigger problems indeed. That was why they were cooped up in the cramped little car right now: to solve said problems.

Although, it didn't seem like they were doing much at this point. Regina blew out a breath, her eyes still fixed on the empty scene.

"This is boring."

"It takes time, Regina," Emma said tensely. "Criminals don't just pop up when it's convenient."

"So…what, we just here and wait?"

"Pretty much," Emma shrugged. "Unless you want to talk. We can talk."

Regina grimaced. Talk. Ugh. "All right, fine, let's talk," she said. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I don't know…What'd you do today?"

Oh, God help me. "Christmas shopping," she said. "Found some nice sweaters for Henry."

Emma frowned, turning her head to look at her. "You're giving him some nice sweaters?" she repeated incredulously.

Regina slit her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Emma slowly lifted her eyebrows, looking at her with wide eyes. "Nothing…" she said, turning back to the window.

They lapsed back into silence. Regina gritted her teeth: the sheer boredom threatened break her mind past the point of sanity, so against her better judgment, she decided to try to strike up another conversation.

"So, have you gotten all your shopping done?"

"Mmm—" Emma made a face, shrugging her shoulders. "Still can't find anything for Neal. He's so hard to shop for."

"How about a scarf?"

"He does loves scarves…" Emma mused. "Maybe."

"Uh-uh, no," a voice said behind them. "No scarves."

"JESUS CHRIST!"

Neal had popped in the backseat out of nowhere, looking at Regina blandly while she stared at him, gasping for breath. "You all right?" he asked after a minute.

"Am I all—? Where did you even come from?"

"Tiny hovel in the forest originally, but I tell people 'New York'."

Regina put a hand to her rapidly beating heart, and stared at Emma with wide eyes. "Did you know he was back there?"

"Mmm-hmm," Emma said contently, taking another sip of her coffee. "Hey, Neal—what do you want for Christmas?"

"I don't know. Better roommate?" Neal sat forward, rubbing his eyes. "It's been one night, and I'm already dreaming about killing him."

"Haven't we all?" Emma muttered.

"What were you doing back there?" Regina asked, still looking at Neal with wide eyes. "You scared the shit out of me!"

"Emma said you guys were going on stakeout, and I wanted to come," he shrugged. "I thought it was a station job, so when I found out it was just you guys meddling in the Henry-Violet-thing, I lost interest."

"And fell asleep, in a freezing car—do you know how dangerous that is?"

"Aww," Neal smiled, nudging his fist against her shoulder. "Little sis is worried about me."

"Oh, shut up," Regina said witheringly as Emma snorted into her coffee. "You know what, Neal? If you're going to be here, you're going to be useful. You're good at picking locks, right?"

"All in the tumblers," he said, poking Emma.

"Tumblers," she chimed, smiling back. "All in the tumblers."

Regina looked between them, then gave her head a little shake. "Whatever. Anyway, I want you to go up to the house and pick the lock—"

"No, no, no, no," Neal said, shaking his head. "I'm not helping you guys in your mom-stalking."

"Neal," Regina frowned. "This is what it means to be a responsible parent. You have to spy on your children, to make sure they're not being sneaky, and to save them from the dumbfuck disasters they get themselves into."

"I think you're overreacting," he said. "Nothing's going to happen, they're just hanging out."

Regina's eyebrow shot up. "Are you serious? They're teenagers, Neal. Teenagers."

"Yeah, which doesn't necessarily mean something bad will happen," he said patiently.

"You don't think something bad could happen?"

"Henry's a good kid, and Violet seems like a smart girl. So, no, I really don't."

"Look at his genes!" Regina said wildly. "They're going to run off and live in a car together and knock over dime stores until they steal twenty grand's worth of watches and she gets knocked up, and then we have a Henry Junior to deal with! Is that what you want?"

Emma cleared her throat. "Actually, I'm kinda hungry, so I want something to eat. Anyone want to pop by the pharmacy, grab a a bag of chips or something?"

"Chips," Neal nodded approvingly. "Let's get chips."

"Chips? What? No!" Regina shook her head in disbelief. "You guys, what happened to the stakeout?"

"We'll come back," Emma promised, turning the key in the ignition. "I just want some chips right now."

"Clark's is only, like, thirty seconds away," Neal said, seeing Regina's incredulous face. "Unless you're craving something else?"

"I'm not craving anything, except Violet's blood," Regina growled. "And you two want chips."

"It's significantly less creepy than wanting a little girl's blood," Neal frowned.

"She's not a little girl! She's fifteen! And I was a fifteen-year-old girl once—I know how they think!"

"Relax, Regina," Emma said, pulling into the parking lot. "Before the baby sets the car on fire."

Regina glowered, putting a hand on her stomach. Emma was right, she knew: when she got overemotional, Baby Witch seemed to get a little trigger-happy with the explosions.

"Okay, so chips, and—" Neal pointed to her—"Regina, you want anything?"

"No."

"'Kay. Be right back."

Neal hopped out of the car, wrapping his coat tightly around him against the wintry wind. Emma and Regina watched him tug open the door of the almost empty store and walk inside.

"Boy, that's gotta suck," Emma said, shaking her head. "Running a crappy little store like that, day in, day out."

"Clark must hate his life," Regina agreed.

"Not as much as Leroy."

"Meaning…Leroy hates his life more, or Clark hates Leroy more?"

"I meant the first, but I s'pose it could be the second, too."

"Can't think of anyone who likes Leroy."

"I bet even his mother didn't like him."

"Dwarves don't have mothers; they hatch from eggs, full-grown."

"….Seriously?"

"Yup."

"Shit. That's fucked up."

"Right?"

Neal walked out of the store, carrying a plastic bag. When he got in the car, he slid into the seat behind Emma and held it out to her. "Here's your chips."

"Thanks," she smiled, taking the bag. "Regina, you want some?"

Regina eyed the bag disdainfully. "No."

"Suit yourself."

"And—" Neal grinned, opening his hand to dangle a silvery chain—"I got you a keychain."

Regina rolled her eyes as Emma squealed, "Neal!" and turned around in her seat to kiss him. Why Emma was so delighted by a fifty-cent keychain from Clark' store, she hadn't the slightest idea; but Neal was laughing quietly as Emma marveled over it, the two of them acting infuriatingly adorable. Spare me.

"Can you two stop being cute for two minutes?" she asked dryly. "If it's not too much trouble?"

"No can do, 'Gina," Neal said seriously while Emma affectionately ruffled his hair. "It's kind of our thing."

"Don't call me 'Gina'," Regina said through clenched teeth. "How many times, Neal? How many times do I have to tell you not to call me 'Gina'?"

"Aw, come on, I call everyone I like by their nickname," Neal grinned. "Emma's 'Em'; you're 'Gina'; Hook's 'Killy'—"

"I so don't care right now, " Regina said loudly, plugging her ears over him. "I just want to find that Violet bitch, and bury her, so can we please get going now?" She waited for an answer, then glanced over at Emma. "Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, hang on," Emma said, busy attaching her keychain to the mirror.

"Hey, you know what else?" Neal leaned his elbows on the back of her seat, raising his eyebrows enticingly. "I stole it."

Regina widened her eyes as Emma threw back her head and laughed, and twisted in her seat to stare at Neal incredulously. "You ripped off Clark? Seriously? You couldn't spring for fifty cents, you had to steal from Clark?"

"Oh—" Neal waved his hand dismissively, shaking his head. "It's a thing, you had to be there."

Regina raised her eyebrows. "That's your defense? 'It's a thing, you had to be there'?"

"I'll tell you," Emma said, sitting back in her seat and looking at Neal fondly. "See, when me and Neal were still—I don't know, how would you describe us?"

"Gypsies. Hipsters." Neal snapped his fingers, pointing at her. "Gypsters."

"Gypsters," she agreed. "Anyways, when we were gypsters, we were working this convenience store, and…well, yeah, it was a whole thing. Long story short, we nearly got caught, and I saved our asses so we could hightail it out of there, but not before—" Emma pulled out her swan pendant to show Regina—"he stole this for me. See? It's a little swan."

Regina looked at the swan pendant for a long time, then slowly trailed her eyes up, looking between them. "This is what you two find romantic?" she said dubiously. "Stealing keychains from convenience stores?"

"Well, yeah, I mean—" Neal exchanged a look with Emma, shrugging—"that's pretty goddamn romantic, right, Em?"

"Oh, definitely," Emma assured him, nodding her head. "Honestly, we're so romantic and adorable sometimes, I can't even."

Regina opened her mouth, prepared to give Emma a speech that explained why she and Robin beat them by a long shot, when something outside caught her eye: a tall figure, walking along the sidewalk, the lamplight hitting the curve of a silver hook.

"What is he doing?" she frowned. He had to have been absolutely freezing: the man still insisted on walking around with a very thin leather jacket and a shirt that apparently had no working buttons.

"God, he is so weird…" Neal muttered as Hook stopped at the corner and shouted at a tree. "What's wrong with him?"

"How much time you got?" Regina said dryly, and they both snorted with laughter.

"Oh—here he comes," Emma said, nodding as Hook started hurrying toward the yellow bug. "Yeah, he looks cold."

Hook stopped by the driver's door and tapped his hook against the window. Emma pushed the button to lower the window, raising her eyebrows.

"Hey, buddy," she said. "What's up?"

"B-b-be a love and l-let me i-i-in, E-Emma," he chattered. "I d-d-don't have a r-r-ride h-home, R-Ruby's g-g-got her w-wolfs time n-n-now. Sh-she's in her v-vault, b-b-but I f-forgot to m-make arrangements to g-get a ride back."

"But what are you doing over here? Ruby's vault is the other way."

"I h-h-had th-things to t-take c-care of."

"What things?"

"C-come on, E-Emma!" he shivered furiously. "L-let me in!"

"All right." Emma jutted her toward the back seat. "Get in."

Hook bobbed his head in thanks, and quickly ran over to the side and yanked the door open. Regina winced, feeling the icy air breathe on her skin before Hook slammed the door shut.

"So, what were you doing?" Emma frowned, watching him wrap his jacket tightly around himself, shuddering with cold. "And Jesus Christ, man, buy a winter coat."

"N-n-not s-s-sexy," Hook said through chattering teeth.

"Bullshit," Emma declared. "I think Neal looks damn sexy in his winter coat."

Neal raised his eyes to the ceiling, exhaling. "Thanks, Em."

"C-c-can we t-t-turn up the h-heat?" Hook asked, shivering violently. "P-please? I'm fr-freezing."

Emma turned the dial over, and twisted back in her seat to talk to him. "So, what were you doing?"

As a response, Hook pulled a small bag out of his jacket pocket and held it out. "Christmas shopping," he said, leaning forward to catch the warm air coming out of the vents. "I stopped in the jewelry store, got Ruby a little something."

"Jewelry—?" Regina stared at him with wide eyes, slightly shaking her head. "You didn't seriously…?"

"Oh, honey, tell me you didn't," Emma pleaded while Neal dropped his head in his hands. "It's—it's way too early to even be thinking about—"

"It's not a ring!" Hook said exasperatedly. "It's a necklace, you morons! What am I, completely mental?"

"Well—" Neal began.

"I mean, for God's sake! We haven't even said… it yet. You know—" Hook glanced around furtively, as if worried there were people listening in on him, and lowered his voice—"the L-word."

"Ah, the elusive L-word," Regina said in mock reverence. "Because that's very important in a relationship that's eighty percent sex and twenty percent alcohol."

"As opposed to one that's a hundred percent bitching?" Hook returned sweetly.

"Robin and I have a very healthy relationship, thank you very much," Regina said, narrowing her eyes at him. "Just because you can't understand the concept of a mature, adult relationship—"

"Boom," Emma said, smacking her hand against Neal's. Regina raised an eyebrow at her, before turning her eyes back to Hook.

"Just because you can't understand the concept of a mature, adult relationship, that doesn't mean it's a hundred percent bitching. It means, we understand that there's more to a relationship than —"

"Oh, my God," Hook exhaled loudly, throwing his head back. "If I wanted a lecture on this, I'd've asked Archie."

"Maybe you should talk to Archie," Regina shot back. "Or maybe we should let Whale give you an MRI, see whatever it is in your brain that makes you such an idiot. Because it's got to be some kind of illness or something, this doesn't just happen—nature's not that cruel."

Hook chose to ignore her; he glanced around the car, looking for something to change the subject, and nodded his head at the keychain dangling from the mirror. "What's that, then?"

"Keychain that Neal stole for me," Emma beamed. "How cute is that?"

"Oh, very," Hook said, sliding his eyes to the side to exchange a skeptical look with Regina. "Neal, you adorable bastard, you…committing a crime for your lady love."

"Nothing says romance like robbery," Regina muttered under her breath.

Neal raised his eyebrows. "Am I seriously getting shade for stealing a keychain from the woman who still threatens to rip out people's hearts and the guy who still insists he's a dirty pirate? Your words," he added, pointing at Hook. "I heard you."

Hook tutted, giving him an exasperated look. "That was a private conversation between me and Ruby—and you're taking it way out of context. See, what I meant was—"

"No, no, no!" they all three said loudly, covering their ears. Hook flicked his eyes to the side, muttering derisively under his breath.

"You're all just jealous of my relationship," he decided, folding his arms. "Because Ruby and I are the most beautiful, romantic, adorable couple this town has ever—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Emma scoffed, holding up a hand. "Look, if anyone's the most adorable couple in town, it's me and Neal."

Hook snorted. "Like hell, it is. It's me and Ruby, Emma—deal with it."

"You're delusional! Do you see this?" Emma tugged Neal forward by his scarf, and pointed between them. "This is adorable."

"Okay, that's it!" Regina flared. "We'll argue about this later, even though me and Robin are clearly the most adorable and romantic couple in town! Stakeout, Emma—we're on a mission here."

"Ooh, stakeout!" Hook said excitedly as Emma turned the wheel. "Who are we staking out?"

"Violet and Henry," Neal answered. "They're hanging out tonight, at Violet's house—where her parents are. So clearly, we all need to freak out because they're going to run off and join the circus together, because that's the kind of shit kids get into if you leave them alone for too long."

"Henry?" Hook made a face. "But he's boring. Probably they worst thing he's ever done is let someone copy his homework."

"Or bring a man back from the dead," Regina said icily. "He's a wild card, you idiots, that's why we need to watch him."

"Whatever," Hook muttered, sitting back. Regina winced as she felt his knees pressing into the back her seat, and impatiently dug her elbow back.

"Get your knees out of my seat."

Hook responded by pressing his knees in more.

"I said, get your knees out of my seat!" She elbowed them again, more fiercely. "Hook!"

"Make me."

"Okay, stop, stop, stop!" Neal intervened as Regina whipped around with her hand raised threateningly. "Bro, come on—you're an adult, sit up."

"Tell her to chill out."

"Yeah, no, I'm not going to do that. You're being an asshole on purpose. Just sit up."

Hook grudgingly obeyed, muttering under his breath. "This is the least fun stakeout ever."

"Have we ever been on a fun stakeout?" Emma frowned.

"Yeah, that time when we staked out Taco Bell," Hook said. "Remember? It was me and you, 'cause Neal got sick, and we were bored, so we went—"

"That wasn't a stakeout. That was hanging out."

"Oh."

"I hate Taco Bell," Neal said, making a face. "What's wrong with you two?"

"Can we get back to the actual stakeout?" Regina demanded. "I can't concentrate—shit."

Somewhere amidst all the arguing, Henry had emerged from the house, and was now standing on the sidewalk, frowning at the bug.

"Oh, goddamn it," Emma muttered as he slowly walked across the street, headed right for them. "Oh, goddamn it."

She sank in her seat as Henry came to a stop at the driver's window, and bent down to peer inside. He frowned, seeing the four of them together, and tapped his fingernail against the glass. Emma sighed, and pressed the button to lower the window.

"Hey, Henry," she said, attempting a smile. "How are you?"

"Are you guys…?" Henry's eyes trailed around them. "Are you guys spying on me?"

"No—!"

"Yes," Regina said staunchly. "Get in the car, we're going home."

Henry raised his eyebrows. "Wait, am I in trouble?"

"Get in the car, Henry," Regina repeated. "Hook, scoot over."

"I have to sit next to Hook? Jesus, Mom, what'd I do?" Henry narrowed his eyes suddenly. "Did Whale talk to you?"

"Get. In. The. Car."

Henry got in the car.